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'well, what do you think of when reminded of him? you could start there.' his member’s words haunted his thoughts as he laid backwards on their dorm’s old worn out couch.
it was an easy question that should've helped him and evoked the answer he's been looking for, every member he's asked were saying the same thing just in different forms. like 'oh, just get him something that you think describes him' or 'buy a gift that makes you think of him'. obviously, it was the best way to go about it. but for some reason, jisung couldn't think of one particular item that would encapsulate the things that remind him of the soon-to-be birthday boy, renjun.
now, thinking of things that reminded him of the older one wasn't the hard part, because if he was to be honest to himself then he would definitely find a spoon's correlation to him as that time the pure-eyed boy washed the one he was using because chenle dropped it during a small childish argument two years ago. but giving him a spoon would be stupid. that's why there's difficulty.
in fact, he's already tried to narrow it down to three major things that remind him of renjun the past week: yellow, stars and nape.
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"yellow?", jeno asked him in confusion. the youngest nodded through the phone, wide-eyed even as the other continued. "no, jisung. doesn't everyone think of renjun when they see yellow? what yellow thing would you give him that he doesn't already have?”
and with that, he was lost again. he thought yellow was perfect, yellow has always been renjun. everything about him screamed the color yellow. joy. bright. warm. that was who renjun was and still is to him.
in fact, there was a point in jisung's life wherein he was so fascinated by renjun's last name and its uncanny symbolism of who he is that it made him discover one of his favorite bands in the world. and he would be lying if he said he doesn't listen to it thinking about him at times. or frankly, often.
but jeno was right, renjun was yellow for everyone. not just to him, it won’t work.
and so, he once again wondered for awhile. his thoughts moved to ‘stars’, another thing renjun reminded him of.
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”stars? why? what’s with ‘stars’? your name?”, chenle asked as he stared straight at his television. jisung wanted to nod, too embarrassed to explain that it was more than that. yet, he kept quiet and just frowned. his best friend’s tone urged him to believe that it probably wasn’t a good idea. and in the first place, what star-related gift would he even get renjun?
”stars is a good way to start, jisungie. just list around it, like constellations or simply anything about astrology. aren’t you two into that?”, mark asked beside him. his cheeks reddened before nodding, only earning a smile from the oldest.
it was something him and renjun had in common, the view of the stars at night and the knowledge that they are still there in the day but just not in their line of sight. it was particularly special to him, because every night they sit in the car together going home from schedules and fall in love with the night sky. talking about how pretty it is, both the scenery and renjun’s eyes as the moon shined on them. he liked the stars before he even met him, but it sure felt nice having someone to talk to about the wonders of the universe, one who resembled how mysterious and beautiful it was.
but again, he still doesn’t think it’d be the right route. stars were too vague. even with mark’s suggestions about astrology, there just wasn’t anything he could think of that would be special to renjun. and the last ‘thing’ he could think of was stupid in his ears, the back of his fucking neck.
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”did you just say ‘nape’?!”, haechan’s voice echoed— much to jisung’s embarrassment. he was thankful the members were so used to the older one’s loudness that they ignored what he said as they were sprawled out far away from him and the other two, not finding it anything to be nosy about. much quieter, he asked once again and the youngest could only nod in defeat.
”jisungie, that’s not gonna work.” jaemin butted in, already listening in for a few minutes in silence. jisung groaned, because he already knew that. it was something he enjoyed from renjun, not the other way around.
the first time renjun caught his nape in his delicate hand, jisung felt his jaw hurt as his cheeks burned. it was an odd feeling, but it wasn’t something he never wanted to feel again. he didn’t react at the manner, but the older one took his hand back.
”sorry,” renjun mumbled that time. blinking a few times, he shook his head as a response. he couldn’t find the right words to say that it was fine, there was no need to apologize. he could definitely do it ten times more if he wanted to.
but renjun understood, because he somehow always did. until it became something only he would do to jisung, when he thinks he’s cute, when he does a good job or even when renjun just wants to calm him down in the midst of their pressuring career. the way the older one’s fingertips touched the back of his neck brought him a sense of comfort and warmth that no other form of affection could ever top.
yet, like jaemin said, there was no gift that could be related to it. there was no gift that could ever explain to renjun how often he thinks of him and how amazing he is in jisung’s head. not one.
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exhausted, he groaned and closed his eyes in defeat. ignoring how the front door opened and shut, even as a part of the sofa dipped. only bothering to look when a petite hand slid under his neck and squeezed on the skin, the owner offering him a questioning smile.
”what are you doing lying down here? this couch isn’t good for our backs anymore,” renjun mumbled. jisung could only sit up, hitting the cushions before nodding and realizing that too. he didn’t really mind due to the huge concern he’s been carrying for days, more than panicked at how he still hasn’t found the right gift for the person sitting beside him.
”do you wanna buy a new one?” he asked again.
the question took jisung by surprise, immediately alarming the other as well.
”no, i didn’t mean just you buying. we could split the expenses-”
”no, i can buy it. but, you should pick one. i don’t really know much about… couches.”
“jisung, that’s expensive.” his statement came with a laugh, but jisung could only look at his toes.
“you were serious?”, renjun was answered with a nod. he smiled at the other, endeared.
“okay, buy me one. that’ll be your birthday gift for me, and i don’t want you buying me anything else. alright?”
jisung wanted to argue, because it wouldn’t be fair. the couch was the dorm’s, everyone could enjoy it. why should it be the only gift renjun gets from him? it was way too off from what he wanted to do for the other.
“but it’s your birthday, hyung. not all of ours,” he complained. yes, he saw it as an opportunity to give renjun something he wanted, but he was going to still add something else he could personally enjoy just himself. hearing that he couldn’t, it made jisung feel bad despite the older one’s light tone saying so.
“why? who uses the couch the most anyways? isn’t it the two of us? who’s sitting on it right now? they probably don’t even know it’s worn out because they’re always cooped up in their rooms,” renjun reasoned out.
“jisungie, this couch is ours if you really think about it.”
the sentence made his ears redden, not realizing it that way. but now that he looked back, he couldn’t count how many days they’ve spent on the couch alone the past few years, just the two of them with their thoughts while eating random snacks and drinks they grabbed from the fridge.
they were on this couch when he searched up ‘yellow’ and a coldplay song appeared, and he poked renjun repeatedly before telling him about it. they were on this couch when they secretly planned a stargazing trip just the two of them. and, they were definitely on this couch when renjun’s fingertips sat on the back of his neck while his lips pressed a quick kiss on his nose, which was originally aimed at his forehead.
he blushed at the rush of memories, making his ears almost bleed in fluster. in return, renjun laughed in adoration as he found his palm glued back to jisung’s nape once again.
“cute,” he mumbled. and like every night that jisung keeps in his heart, renjun presses a kiss on his forehead. yellow light from the lamp illuminating his figure, stars twinkling through the living room area and his warm thumb rubbing the skin covered with locks of hair above his nape.
all on the couch they shared, and have been sharing for a while now. although to be replaced, with a softer and comfortable one that resonated with the feelings they currently shared.
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