Chapter Text
It’s near midnight by the time everything is said and done.
The cleaning crew was quite thorough, walking around the house you wouldn’t be able to tell a massacre took place just a few hours ago. It unnerves Rei a little, how easily it is to erase someone's existence, how easy it is to wash the blood away. He sits at what used to be his boss’-- father’s-- study (now his, he supposes) and wonders how he should feel about the whole development.
He still feels no form of guilt or regret at having killed his father. He did what he was trained to do, what he had to. Protecting his real family takes precedence over everything else and it’s not like he ever truly felt much for his father: perhaps once he wanted his love or at the very least his recognition, but that was a long time ago. He realized early on that he was never going to be enough for Shigeki and he made his peace with the knowledge, figuring that being largely ignored by him was the best he could ever hope for.
And now here he is. Sitting at his father’s seat, having claimed his birthright and at complete loss of what he’s supposed to do next.
“We should probably get some sleep,” Kazuki suggests and Rei hums, not really listening, staring at the many documents spread over the desk. He was supposed to run the business one day, but he’s woefully underprepared for the task at hand. A part of him wants to turn tail and run, put all this mess behind him, forget this cursed inheritance he never wanted in the first place. But that’s not a long term solution, the past has a way of haunting one’s future and he realizes he’ll never be free, not truly.
“Rei,” Kazuki whispers, soft and gentle, having come to crunch next to his seat, one hand resting over Rei’s. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
He hums once more and Kazuki sighs, straightening up and pulling Rei onto his feet. His legs feel all wrong, unsteady like a newborn fawn. He stumbles and his partner hurries to catch him, the hands on his shoulders grounding. He takes a couple of deep breaths, realizing he forgot to breathe some time ago and waits for his head to stop spinning. Kazuki’s closeness is intoxicating and it helps to distract him from the overwhelming weight of his newly inherited responsibilities. He has an organization to run now and he’s woefully unprepared for it.
“Come on,” Kazuki repeats, sliding his hands down his arms, until he’s holding Rei’s hands. “Bed,” he repeats, gentle, comforting. His hands are warm, just as the rest of him and Rei finds himself thinking of the kisses they shared not so long ago. Bed, he thinks and he’s suddenly dizzy with the possibilities of it.
Is it too soon for that? he wonders, as he allows Kazuki to lead him out of the office. They haven’t quite discussed what’s this thing between them, although it’s evident enough how much they care for one another: Rei did take his father down for the chance to keep his little family.
“I have no idea where we are going,” Kazuki tells him, breaking him out of his thoughts. “So you should probably be the one leading,” he adds with a wink and Rei rolls his eyes dramatically, but proceeds to do just that. The mansion is big and he knows there are several guest rooms, some as luxurious as the master bedroom, but Rei thinks there’s only one place where he has any chances of actually falling asleep, the room familiar if not comfortable.
He’s aware of the guards’ eyes following their every movement. For the time being, he’s told them to continue with their regular routine, but he knows that’s a temporary solution. Now that he’s head of the Suwa family, he’s going to get a security detail (he can look after himself, of course, but it’s all part of image he needs to present to the world) and he did take down several guards on his way to kill his father, so he’s going to need to find replacements. Also, he’s just proven how ineffective the house’s security is, so he’ll need to fix that.
But those are all problems for tomorrow.
There are no guards outside his childhood’s bedroom, there have never been. There are two down the corridor and two at the door leading in this general direction, but that’s about it: that’s precisely why he used that route to sneak in. It’s not that he feels safer here (there’s not, in fact, any place in the house where he’d actually feel safe), but it’s familiar and it’ll have to do.
He pushes the door open and allows Kazuki in first. It occurs to him then that when his partner said bed, he had simply assumed they’d be sharing: that’s what they’ve been doing back home lately, after all. But now he’s presented with a complication he completely failed to see.
His childhood bed is a single.
“Was this your room?” Kazuki asks, ignoring the bed completely, choosing to look around the room instead. It’s much smaller than his own back home, even smaller than Rei’s (not that Rei ever uses it, hence why Kazuki has the master bedroom). It’s devoid of any signs of personality, not a single personal item to suggest to whom the room belongs to, but Rei imagines Kazuki knows him well enough to figure where he’d take him.
Rei hums, not daring to move, standing by the door. He feels wrong footed, unsure. Perhaps this was a bad idea, perhaps--
“I don’t know what I was expecting,” Kazuki murmurs, opening the desk’s drawers at random, peering into the closet, looking through Rei’s belongings.
Rei doesn’t know it either, but he knows what his partner must be thinking, because he thought the same thing upon entering through the window. It looks nothing like their daughter’s room and isn’t that a relief? Rei never really thought about having children of his own (although he had known it was yet another one of those expectations his father-- boss-- had. He had to carry on the Suwa’s line, after all), but the idea of being the kind of father Shigeki had been to him filled him with dread. But Miri will never know the kind of pain he endured, will never want for anything, will never have to wonder if she’s loved at all. She’ll always know herself cherished and her room will always be a reflection of that.
“You take the bed,” he says finally, going to the closet to pick out a couple of blankets so he can lie on the floor. Kazuki is standing behind him when he turns, blankets on his arms and he startles a little by the sudden closeness.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Kazuki says with a soft, fond smile. “It’s not like we don’t share back home.”
“It’s a single,” Rei feels obliged to point out, although he’s having a hard time forming coherent sentences. Their height difference is not particularly significant, but with Kazuki standing so close, he’s acutely aware of it. His eyes are right in line with his partner’s lips and he finds himself licking his own, heart thumping madly inside his chest and he hurries to look up, so he’s staring at Kazuki’s eyes instead.
Kazuki’s grin suggests he didn’t miss his slip and Rei feels himself blushing, although he thinks he might be being ridiculous. They spent almost a whole hour trading kisses on the couch, the kind of kisses that are going nowhere, languid and lazy, just exploring each other’s mouths. They had been interrupted by a sharp knock on the door, letting them know the cleaning crew was done and Rei had hurried to stand up and leave, feeling oddly guilty, like a child caught doing something he shouldn’t be doing.
Now Kazuki is undoing his ponytail, running his fingers through his hair, messing it up. Rei finds himself leaning into the touch, something he’s always done whenever Kazuki touches his hair. It had been quite embarrassing at the beginning, when they barely knew each other and yet Kazuki insisted on washing his hair, brushing and styling it. His partner's hands come to cradle his face with infinite softness and Rei finds himself breathless, desperate to close the distance, but frozen in place.
So he simply stares at Kazuki, waiting for him to take the lead as usual. He wants to kiss him again, of course, perhaps actually let the kisses get heated this time around, but he doesn’t know how to ask. In the past, he never had to, not like this. Paid partners knew to go straight down to business and the few he propositioned also knew what he wanted, but this… thing he’s doing with Kazuki is completely new and he has no idea how to go about it.
His partner watches him in silence for a beat, a small smile playing on his lips and then takes a step back, much to Rei’s disappointment. “We’ll just be a little snug,” he says, taking off his hoodie and Rei forgets how to breathe again. It’s not the first time he’s seen Kazuki topless, in fact he’s seen him like this quite often, they live together after all and neither of them is particularly shy with their bodies, but something about the situation makes it feel different and Rei has to look away, lest he does something ill advised. “Are you going to sleep in that?” Kazuki questions, now shimmering out of his jeans and Rei looks down at his dirty suit and scrunches his nose in displeasure, before discarding his own suit jacket and shirt with quick, practiced movements.
They’re both down to their underwear soon enough and Kazuki gets on the bed shortly after, beckoning Rei to come closer. The younger man obeys, a little uncertain: the bed is truly too small for two fully grown men, but somehow Kazuki manages to fit them both. Rei allows himself to be manhandled and soon enough he’s lying on his side, his back plastered to Kazuki’s chest and he can feel his cheeks burning for some reason. It’s ridiculous to get this flustered over sleeping arrangements, particularly because Kazuki has given no sign that he’s interested in anything other than sleeping right now, but--
He startles when Kazuki wraps an arm around his middle, his hand covering Rei’s messy stitches from earlier. Kazuki runs his thumb over the stitches, softly and Rei finds himself struggling to breath. There’s nothing remotely erotic about the touch, it’s mostly a quiet reassurance and perhaps that’s what makes it so nerve wracking. Rei is somewhat familiar with desire; sexual intimacy is not completely uncharted waters. But this-- whatever this is-- is completely different, new and scary on so many levels.
He feels Kazuki’s breath against the nape of his neck and he feels terrifyingly exposed, suddenly overly aware of the vulnerable position he’s put himself in. He can feel himself tensing up, his stomach twisted in knots and he knows he’s being ridiculous: this is Kazuki after all. Kazuki, who’s seen him at his lowest and who’s been looking after him since they met. His friend, his partner, his daughter’s other papa. The man who showed him what being loved is like and without whom he can no longer picture his life.
The man who could have literally stabbed him in the back a thousand times and who has protected him instead. The one he trusts and so he’d follow all his crazy, downright suicidal plans. Kazuki has had every chance to hurt him and he hasn’t.
But what if--?
“Do you want to switch?” Kazuki asks suddenly, squeezing his abdomen softly, stopping his thoughts from continuing spiraling. “Would you be more comfortable like that?”
Rei considers it. “You’re the only person in the world I trust to have my back,” he murmurs softly, placing his hand atop Kazuki’s, gentle, mindful of his injury. “But it’s… weird.”
Kazuki hums and Rei feels the press of his lips against the nape of his neck. It’s a gentle pressure, reassuring, loving. “Do you want me to sleep on the floor?”
Rei scoffs. “If anyone is sleeping on the floor, it’s going to be me,” he argues and Kazuki huffs, amused, pulling him closer somehow. “Goodnight,” he murmurs finally, reaching for the light switch on the side of the bed. It feels like there are a hundred things they need to talk about, but Rei is all too aware of his limitations and communication has never been one of his strenghts.
“Goodnight,” Kazuki agrees, his breath tickling the back of his head. “Sleep well,” he adds and Rei hums.
He actually thinks he will.
Rei wakes up in the wee hours of the morning.
He knows something isn’t quite right straight away, but somehow he can’t summon the energy to be wary of it. When he wakes up in the middle of the night, he’s normally on high alert, ready to spring to action. He knows he’s not on the cold floor of the bathtub, but his surroundings are familiar all the same. He knows these gray walls, is familiar with this not quite soft, but also not so hard bed. The warmth at his back however--
Slowly, memories tickle back in, little by little. He remembers now why he’s not in the bathtub back home, remembers why he’s lying on his childhood bed. Remembers what (or rather who) the warmth draped across his back is and he finds himself smiling, leaning back on his partner’s embrace. Kazuki’s breath is even, signaling he’s deeply asleep and Rei allows himself to simply enjoy lying there, in their little cocoon of warmth. He thinks of the many sleepless nights spent in this very bed, the loneliness gawking at his bones. He might have been around eight, when he came to the conclusion that it was never going to get better, that all he ever was going to know was pain and fear, that his father’s love was impossible to win. And if his own father couldn’t love him-- well, what could he expect from the rest of the world?
His heart aches at the thought. He had been so young and yet completely resigned to his fate. No wonder he cared so little for his life, no wonder it didn’t matter to him whether he lived or died, because that wasn’t living anyway. It was survival, his life empty of any warmth.
There’s no use in thinking of would bes and could bes, he knows, but he’s eternally grateful for the chance he was given when he left this house. It had been an act of rebellion, born out of desperation. But he hadn’t expected anything to change, not really and it wouldn’t have, not if he hadn’t met Kazuki.
Perhaps he owes Kyuutarou more than he thought.
And then there’s of course Miri. Because if his little girl hadn’t come into their lives, who knows what would have happened? He had cared for Kazuki long before that, had dreaded the idea of leaving him, but he still hadn’t believed he could be loved. But Miri showed him otherwise, she loved him so easily and so freely that she convinced him he wasn’t inherently unlovable.
He finds himself smiling, glad his younger self turned out to be so wrong. It’s a comforting thought, knowing there was nothing wrong with him, that all he needed was to find his real family and then he’d be fine.
So of course he has to protect them. He’ll keep them safe, no matter what. There’s a long road in front of him and he’s aware he’s woefully underprepared for what awaits him in the future, but it’s no matter. There’s not a single thing he wouldn’t do for his family.
He feels Kazuki’s arm twitching, his grip around his waist tightening as the older man attempts to pull him closer. It’s impossible for them to be any closer really, Rei’s back firmly pressed to Kazuki’s front, but his partner doesn’t seem to share that opinion. Rei feels a slightly hysterical laughter bubbling at the back of his throat and allows himself to enjoy just lying there, basking in his partner’s warmth, knowing himself safe and loved, even if he’s still terrified of how vulnerable that makes him feel; even if he’s still more than a little confused about what this thing between them is.
They’ll be fine.