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Brandon will never call what happened with Callie a mistake, no matter the aftermath. He has always tried his best to do what is right and what is expected of him, leaving little room for regret. However, when everyone around him is trying to convince him that something so beautiful and pure could be bad, he finds himself questioning everything.
He used to be happy, or at least he thought he was. His philosophy had always been that there was enough to go around, but he never quite realized that everything shared was taken from him; every path chosen for him stripped him of an opportunity; every act of submission had stripped him of himself.
Before Callie came, he had never realized how his own joy had been traded for the happiness of those around him. Now, it keeps him up at night. In fact, he hasn’t quite slept since Callie arrived, but he has done a lot of dreaming.
For the first time in his life, he has been able to recall his hopes and fears in the morning light. For the first time in his life, they seem attainable. The dreams come so easily, make the logic so simple. He wants something, and he can have it, if only he tries.
Or at least, that is the way it works in dreams and movies, but life only inspires art. It provides the desires and the emotions that fuel the characters into overcoming the world. However, the real world is much stronger than it seems--when it does not want you to have something, you are left helpless.
Helpless. Like Callie, who reaches for the box of cereal on her tip toes, falling just short each time. Like her shirt, which can do nothing but rise up with each movement, revealing a stretch of smooth tan skin. Helpless, like Brandon’s hand helplessly reaching toward the paradise he cannot afford, falling short every time. He doesn’t make it past the doorway, turning in place before she is able to ask for help.
You see, even though Brandon knows which dreams in particular keep his mind racing, and exactly where his happiness resides, habits are hard to break. He wishes he could be brazen like her, taking life by the horns and demanding nothing less than everything she deserves, but he still finds himself practicing piano for two hours a day, and checking off every chore on his list. He knows what he wants, but does not know a world in which he can have it.
There are a few critical moments, however, in which even he has forgotten his own curse. The universe slipped up--stuttered, slurred, produced an unnaturally pleasant outcome. They say these are mistakes, but the one moral he can never break is being honest with himself. They were never mistakes. These were moments where he was given an unnatural strength, to reach out and grab whatever he desired, and if he desired her hand and her lips, then so be it.
Mistakes are sharp edges, something beautiful shattered across the floor. Callie is nothing but smooth skin, soft hair, gentle movements… so unlike any mistake he has ever known.
Yes, maybe kissing her has never been without repercussions, but even more constant than the heartbreak is the happiness. Sure, when it is over, his powers are gone and he’s left weak in the knees and the heart right back where he began, but in those few moments he is infinite. There is no beginning, no end, no concepts of time or place… it is just a boy and a girl and a whole lot of something that feels like love.
When they are finally alone in the cabin, sharing the couch and conversation, his heart is sinking so fast he almost feels weightless, like he’s flying. The powers are back for only a moment. For once in his life, he has the strength to chase his own happiness, if only happiness wants him too.
In the morning, he knows the world will begin screaming “mistake.” He is pretty sure he hears it whispered sometime around midnight, in the creak of a door handle. In a few moments, it is drowned out by Callie calling out his name in ways that not even the dirtiest dreams could have ever captured. They echo, seemingly for hours, around the room and in the hot air between them. The moment is infinite yet fragile. There is a strength in it Brandon has never known, entwined with the knowledge that the creak of a floorboard could be all it takes to shatter it.
However, that night proves to be the strongest he has ever been. He awakens, with his dream still in his hands, Callie’s head on his chest, and his fingers in her hair. His fingers find hers somewhere in the mess of limbs and make a silent promise never to let go.
He lets go at the doorway. His strength has waned with the rising of the sun, which begged him to sneak back to his room before Mariana woke up. He listened.
Mistake. Callie doesn’t quite use the word, but it is understood. She regrets it all, that is clear. Her home, her adoption, her brother--she risked it all in one reckless moment.
The reality is, however, that moment was never reckless. That moment was careful and calculated. That moment was not a mistake. That moment was put there on purpose. The universe finally came together to show him just how close he is to happiness.
In the courtroom, Callie says nothing of the incident. That lack of disclosure says everything. Her silence, it screams mistake.
Brandon closes his eyes, struck with the realization that it was a mistake all along. The first kiss at the party, the passionate embraces at Girls United, the cabin… all of them were mistakes. Every time, he let go.
He knew from the beginning that Callie was a runner, and that he was a pleaser. When she fled from her actions, he hid them deep below the surface. When she gave up on her feelings, he buried his own. When she chose to move on, he followed her lead. Now, she wants to forget that they have been one together, that they have shared something beautiful and pure.
The only mistake he could make now is to let her go.
After the ruling, everyone is in tears, embracing and cheering. He watches her make her way through the crowd, greeting her new family members one by one. She saves Brandon until last. He outwardly congratulates her on the adoption before leaning in to hold her. He is sure that in the chaos, no one notices his lips grazing her ear, whispering carefully, perfectly:
“I don’t regret it.”