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At ten years old, Ranboo meets a new person. He was shy, shorter than him too, with eyes full of mischief. His brown hair would often cover his eyes with how long they were and Ranboo would often ask himself if this person's parents ever thought of giving him a haircut. This new person was a boy, his name was Tubbo, and he loved to swim.
"Ranboo!" He heard him shout, calling out to him that day "Come join me, the water's great!" He said. Ranboo didn't take him up on the offer, his fear of water getting the best of him, instead he said "Tubbo, get back here! It's high tide, please!" He had pleaded.
At ten years old, Ranboo met his best friend for life. "No!" Tubbo laughed, splashing water around as he drifted off with his life jacket on, one Ranboo gave him to wear.
There was a moment, where all Ranboo could see was his best friend happily swimming out on the sea, watching as if he's living life by it but never truly part of it, unlike him. There was a sudden thought, a creeping feeling, and urge to get him out of there again but when he looks back, all he sees is the joy of Tubbo whenever he gets to break through the surface of the vast waters only to dive back in the deep.
He hesitated, stopped, and watched.
At ten years old, Ranboo learned regret.
One moment, all was fine. In the next, everything felt too fast even in slow motion. The waves crashing, the sickening dread, the anticipation of when Tubbo will reach the surface and breathe. He never did. That moment was when he lunged for the waters, clawing his way through until he'd dug himself under it, scanning the empty abyss to find his best friend.
He turned, around and around and still no sight of brown hair, mischievous eyes, or even the ugly color of that stupid life jacket he made him wear. It didn't even work. He realized bitterly.
Skimming the waters once more, he found his attention being caught by air bubbles from below him. Quickly looking down, he found him! His best friend right there! Only...
He was running out of air. He needed to get back up, desperately and soon. He could feel the way his lungs would start to burn, the sudden panic that'll settle in, and the horror he would feel either way.
He had to make a choice. Tubbo was just below him, tangled up in kelp and deeper into the waters, but Ranboo can make it. Yes, he can make it.
So Ranboo swam, he did the best his body could. Weaving through the force and weight this sea brings upon him to retrieve his best friend. He gulped some water untangling the kelp, more as he made his way up with Tubbo in his arms, and finally breathed air as he broke through the surface, with Tubbo in tow.
He rushed to the nearest shore, heaving as he dragged along his best friend's body. He set him down gently on the sand, the sun well past its peak, and checked his pulse.
When there was nothing, panicking, he did what he could with knowledge he had. He gave him rescue breaths. He gave him chest compressions. Over and over, repeating the cycle.
Ranboo thought he had done it wrong and tried a different spot, and another, and another, until he resulted in putting his ear against Tubbo's chest, waiting.
At ten years old, Ranboo saw an angel. His face bright with a smile, hands small yet warm as they grabbed his, tugging them along for him to follow. Kindness overflowing with chaotic energy to match, a force to be reckoned with. The angel said he wanted to be his friend and he was so close to tears the day it happened. Ranboo and the angel spent their time together more often than not. For six days, three weeks, and eight months Ranboo had been with an angel.
Now Ranboo stood, chest tight not just because of the way his tie nearly chokes him, but because he can't handle the way the angel looks so at peace, descending to the ground as though his wings were never meant to be used. Ranboo clutched many flowers in his hands that day, crushed purple hyacinths, alliums, dandelions, mixed plants for the things he wants to say but also things he knew Tubbo loved.
There was a boy sitting next to him, blonde hair falling over his eyes familiar in a way. Eyes rubbed raw but still streaming with fresh tears by the second, back hunched, hands clasped together as if praying.
And when everyone started leaving, one by one, he dared to step closer to the patch of dirt where stone sits, engravings blurred from his own crying. He knelt down, placing the flowers in front of it, muttering apologies and silent cries for him to return when he knows he cannot.
At ten years old, Ranboo questions the heavens. Why had they let an angel come down here on earth? Why must this happen to the angel? His brows furrowed, eyes dry as he asks himself "Why did you have to go?".
He knew the heavens won't hear his cries, his questions, and his pleads. He concluded heaven didn't care, he knew heaven's sin.
"What's the most hurtful thing you could do?" Ranboo asked him once, climbing up the hill, carrying a picnic basket he and Tubbo had packed. "The most hurtful thing?" Tubbo whispers, eyes drawn to the ground, no longer ahead. "I think, the most hurtful thing I can do..." Tubbo said, turning around to face him "Is to leave and never look back" wind picking up the strands of his hair to play with it "Like, never say goodbye." He finished saying, turning around once more to climb.
Ranboo only hoped he would never have to see the day his friend fulfilled the answer to his question, though, if asked, he would say he'd accept if Tubbo had left him without saying goodbye. But that was then, before the present.
Tubbo caught onto his silence, daring to break it with a question "What about you, Boo? What do you think is the mostly hurtful thing anyone or anything can do to you?" He asked, curious and patient.
Ranboo spoke, "I think the most hurtful thing anyone or anything can do to me is letting me live" firm yet sarcastic and tone meant to be taken lightly if his struggle to fight off a laugh was anything to give it away. His best friend thought otherwise, brows furrowing and lips turning downwards "Living isn't so bad though, right? There are still good things in life worth living for, even if they've yet to happen." Tubbo had said.
He always did see the good things, Tubbo, the boy who looks with no malice. "Yeah, of course" Ranboo answered, hands preoccupied with the basket to try and adjust his mask again.
Looking back, Ranboo realized he never really clarified what he had meant like Tubbo did. So he dared to do so now, as he continued to stay kneeled in front of the grave "The most hurtful thing anyone and anything can do to me ..." He tries to say, memories of times spent together flashing, relishing in the way they let him reminisce
He shook off the tears and took a deep breath, mask long forgotten on that beach, somewhere. He tries again.
"We could have gone to the zoo like you always wanted, build lego cities, eat all the ice cream in the world!" Ranboo silently rasped, "You gave me the greatest birthday gift ever and became my best friend-" he coughs.
Tubbo was the most caring person Ranboo knew, he would never do anything to hurt others. So why, he asks again, "Why did you leave?" He knew the promises they'd made and kept.
Ranboo glances up, facing the stone engraved with Tubbo's name in nice lettering, he inhales, sharply. He sighs, letting the weight of the world off his shoulders if only for a moment before picking pieces of himself back up again, mind dizzy.
"Heaven's sin," He tries to say, voice unsteady, "Was letting me live..." hands shaking from the way he crushes his own hands within themselves before releasing his grip and loosening his fists to set them free, open. Ranboo's hands were cold.
"...Without you" he finally croaks out, breath hitching when his own voice found its way to his ears and the silence afterwards deafening.
He sobs, unable to feel the warm hand gently placed on his shoulder that later rubbed circles on his back as he continued to grieve, the person whom the hand belonged to grieving alongside him.
He never knew this person's name until they've helped him calm down and dry his tears, puffy eyed and tear-streaked faces the both of them.
This person said he was Tubbo's best friend, his name was Tommy
Ranboo cried again
(Tommy
Tubbo always said he couldn't get them to meet each other, now they did
Only,
He wasn't able to see it)