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Right next to The Last Supper painting above the tv stand, his favorite aunt has this corny framed quote. It says something about how you should always end the day with your hands dirty and a smile on your face. It was a silly Secret Santa gift that she unironically enjoyed receiving and had asked Mark to hang on that spot four years ago.
Or was it five? Maybe six. Probably six.
Anyway.
That's not the point he is trying to make in this conversation with himself. The point is – Mark redirects his thoughts, squeezing his eyes shut to protect them from the shampoo – how he clearly got the first part covered. Washing off the sweat from the last ten, eleven, twelve hours of practice plus one, two, three hours inside the soundproof booth of the studio for that day is a testament of it. It's also a preview of the next day, a rerun of the last.
Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat.
All the nonstop yawning made it difficult to know about the second bit for sure. It also made it hard for him to step inside the legs of the pajamas so he sits at the edge of the bed to free his feet from the tangled pants.
Mark falls back on the mattress when he’s finally free.
He catches his reflection on the screen of the phone as he puts it away. It’s a younger version of himself looking back at him for a split second. He blinks again and it’s gone.
That younger version of him had once talked about walking the path slowly.
Had he?
Because it feels like he's been running for the past… Decade? God, time seems to blur like the view from inside a tea cup ride.
Despite the bed being nothing but an acquaintance, that ceiling had been his confidant for a while now. They have spent many other nights like this – Mark voicing his worries, white surface bouncing them back to him. It was not always productive or soothing at all. It was, however, less embarrassing than knocking at his hyungs' doors at 2 AM like a kid running to their parents after a nightmare.
Mark was still so inexperienced. He still needed so much discipline and guidance. But he was not a child anymore. He couldn’t be.
“Was I ever?”
That's what his nightmares looked like. Desalignment. His body tired, his mind running until he blacks out. His actual sleep is mostly peaceful, void, and too far from enough.
He had so many questions. All of them were always answered with a loud silence.
You never tell me what I want to hear, do you?, he nags at the ceiling.
Do you?, the ceiling counter-arguments.
Begrudgingly, Mark gives his back to it.
His outstretched hand on the mattress feels around the vacant side but all it meets is the pillow. Mark pulls it down to his chest and embraces it to get comfortable. With no one else to rest the head on it that night, it might as well fill in the empty space. As he twists the corner of the pillowcase like a kid with their safety blanket, his thoughts start to grow quieter until they're gone.
Mark thinks the vibration below his ribs comes from his stomach at first. Bringing a hand to it, however, makes him realize it was his phone that had ended up underneath him at some point.
He squints at the screen. A new message.
from: zeus *^^*
meet me in the back in five~
and wear all black!!
There it was. The invitation for what Jungwoo called "late-night snacks" that always ended up turning into full meals.
The memory of his puffy cheeks filled with pork belly as he eats deliciously and of good talks over steaming bowls of ramyeons is enough to make Mark smile. Both of these things never failed to make his chest and his head feel lighter.
Something about it was a bit stranger though. The invitations were never done via text.
Usually, Jungwoo would coax him out of his sleep with soft whispers and ghostly fingers. Can we eat something? I’m hungry , he would say and Mark would hold his hand only half conscious to keep it from leaving his skin too soon. Give me just a minute , he would answer and pull Jungwoo against him so the two of them get tangled in a bed made for one. Sometimes Jungwoo nuzzled his nape and whimpered on the crook of his neck like a puppy to wake him up again. Sometimes Mark’s heartbeats against his palm lulled him back to sleep until the morning.
But Jungwoo wasn’t there. He wasn’t even in the house. Mark could tell as soon as he arrived. The lack of their member’s laughter echoing through the halls was an easy giveaway.
He hated when that happened. The days where, for some reason, he arrived before Jungwoo was there. It always triggered all the gloomy feelings of that six month hiatus period. It made all flash through him in a quick sent and weighs down his insides. The memory of none of his belongings left behind, his vacant room.
Mark turns in the bed, brings a hand to his chest, and closes it on a fist.
It has been years but it still surprised Mark... How tuned to his absence he had become and how at some point it had grown to be louder than anyone else’s presence. Now there’s a pillow constantly on his bed. There's an extra toothbrush on his bathroom cabinet. Some of his clothes disappear for a few days before showing up again – neatly folded – in his wardrobe. Not that he minds.
“Jungwoo-ya…” Mark mumbles and yawns. “Tteokbokki.”
It takes a while for him to remember why he’s holding the phone but then it hits him. Right, the message! Was that a dream?
Everything is quiet. The clock shows 2:58 AM.
A small tap breaks the silence.
His brain, still foggy with sleep, takes some time to realize something is hitting the window. Could one of those damn stalkers have broken in and found out which one was his room?
Mark pulls the curtain just enough to take a peek outside.
A tall figure in dark clothes is standing there with pebbles at hand, looking around the patio.
Mark’s reaching for his phone when the culprit looks up and the hood slides off to reveal his masked face – a familiar face.
“Wha-” He pulls the curtains all the way and opens the window to put his head outside. Jungwoo’s cheeks squint his eyes, it let him know he’s smiling as soon as their eyes meet. “What are you doing?”
He shushes Mark, uses gestures to call him down, points to his cell phone to remind him. Right, the text! Sorry ㅠㅠ I’ll be right over ㅠㅠ , he sends and watches Jungwoo receiving before nodding his way.
The sequence of pebbles he’s lining up at the edge of the pathway gets all crooked when Mark jumps on his back and almost knocks them over. Jungwoo looks over his shoulder at him, a hand resting on top of his. Mark hugs him tighter as he can with a backpack between their bodies.
He looks down to frown at it.
“Are we cleaning the convenience store out of snacks?”
“We are not going to the convenience store. Not right now.”
“No?”
Pulling away so he can turn around to face him, Mark slides his hands inside the pockets. He brings his shoulders upwards towards the ears trying to keep the cold wind from sneaking into his clothes.
“I was listening to the demo of your song today and it got me thinking…” Jungwoo's fingers find the zipper of Mark’s jacket. They pull it up past the middle of his chest, brush over his collar bones poking out of the t-shirt beneath it. “Do you have a bucket list?”
“Like… Things I hope I can do before I die?”
“Like things you wish you had done by now. Normal things.”
Mark bites the insides of his cheek while Jungwoo’s hands find their way to his shoulders. He pinches the muscles’ knots to undo them.
What kind of things normal people usually had crossed off their bucket lists by 22? He didn’t even know for sure. Maybe he didn’t know himself enough to know what he’d like.
When he doesn’t answer, Jungwoo grabs his face to get his attention, eyes sparking with the determination Mark was lacking.
“Let’s sneak out for the night.”
“The whole night?”
“Yes. Right now.”
“We have content to film tomorrow.”
“I know. We’ll be back to our best behavior before everybody wakes up.”
Beyond the gates, the street lights paint the road yellow as if showing him a path toward a different kind of city from the one he’s used to. One that is still buzzing and full of possibilities. One he had convinced himself it was best to ignore a long time ago.
He had always tricked himself into thinking he wasn’t missing out on things. Adolescence couldn't interfere with the practices. Rebellion couldn't get in the way of his responsibilities. He had no time for those things. There was so much yet to prove back then, someone had to be level-headed... Except his mind was never leved. Mark had always demanded too much of himself.
A troubled kid that never was a troublemaker.
“I’m your hyung.” Jungwoo reminds him, reading his mind again as he rubs his ears. “Let me take care of you. I’ll be the responsible one and deal with the consequences if something happens. You focus on having fun, okay?”
That had all the requirements to be considered a bad idea. It checked every box, really. Sneaking out with Jungwoo for a whole night of unpredictable adventures sounded risky, dangerous, and exciting in more ways than one. Mark can feel his heart thumping like a wild animal in its cage, the fluttering feeling at the pit of his stomach with the thought of it alone.
Jungwoo waits patiently for his decision, thumbs tracing his jaw, sharing warmth.
Fuck it.
“Mark and Jungwoo one night of mischief?”
“Mark and Jungwoo one night of mischief!” He repeats and giggles, pulling him into a hug. “Let’s do this.”
If jumping the wall instead of going out through the front gate makes Mark feel a bit like a criminal, the way Jungwoo tugs an electric scooter from behind the high bushes gets him looking around for blue and red flashing lights.
“This is not your scooter.”
“No.” It’s not a question but Jungwoo answers anyway. “It’s a rental. Sort of.”
“We’re stealing this scooter.”
“We’re borrowing.” He shrugs despite Mark’s widened eyes almost jumping out of their sockets. “It’s not like someone’s going to need it at this time of the night.”
National disgrace: K-pop idols arrested for scooter theft! – he can see the news already. His mom was going to kill him. Twice.
“We’re going to jail!”
“Don’t you know I’m good at driving these things? Really. A pro.” He adds in English. The mask covers most of Jungwoo’s face but Mark knows by heart all the different ways his lips curl so it’s easy to picture. “Getaway driver. ”
“Getaway driver? On a scooter? Are you crazy?”
Someone turns the lights on inside a house across the street. Mark’s laugh halts but he still covers his mouth to muffle any sound. Jungwoo climbs onto the scooter and backs it up to stop by his side.
“Even if the police get us,” He whispers, head close to his. “It would still count for the bucket list…”
The playful slap supposed to hit his shoulder ends up hitting him on the chest. Jungwoo flinches, hissing. Feeling guilty for his old habit, Mark closes the fist on the arm of his hoodie and climbs on the scooter behind him.
“Let’s try not to cross this one off.”
They take off, breaking some more laws by riding on the sidewalk for a while before moving to the bike path. Already miles away from the dorms, a tiny voice – that sounds a lot like his younger self – keeps nagging. It brings up all the worst-case scenarios for deciding to have a silly adventure at this point in his life. He had too much to lose now. He was too old for that.
Am I? Mark asks himself before shutting the voice up. He would not let it ruin the mood. They would just hang out for some hours and come back. How bad could that be? For someone who prided himself on being a man of faith, he needed to have more of it.
Jungwoo drives the scooter fast enough for his face to start feeling cold from the chilly wind. The new gym training must have been fun for him. It was certainly paying off. It was easy to tell by how toned his abs were looking lately.
He always had amazing body lines. Still, Mark had noticed during outfit changings on music shows' promotions, how the lines were starting to seem even more defined. He’d say it was hard to miss but after mentioning it to Johnny, who did nothing but raise his eyebrows at him and shrug to say he wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, maybe that was another one of the many thoughts that should not be on his mind.
“Here,” Stopped at the red light, Jungwoo gently takes Mark’s hand off his hoodie. He pulls him closer by the wrists so he’s embracing his waist instead. “Hold on tight if you’re scared of falling.”
Sometimes he could swear Jungwoo really had some sort of mind-reading ability. Or maybe he didn’t. He wouldn’t want him that close if he knew Mark was just thinking about him shirtless… Would he?
“I’m not scared. It’s just that if we crash this thing, I don’t want the two of us to get hurt because of it.”
“It’s worth the risk.” Jungwoo looks down at the arms around his waist and chuckles to himself. “My very own seatbelt… You’re good at this, I feel safer.”
The light changes to green so he has to kick off again and Mark hugs him closer. Whatever Jungwoo is carrying in his backpack pokes his ribs. It keeps his chest from pressing against his back properly but it’s alright. He had said it made him feel safe and all Mark wants to do is provide more of that feeling for him while being taken…
Where were they going exactly?
He can’t remember the destination being mentioned. Jungwoo seems to ride the scooter with a purpose and a destination in mind so he knows he has a plan. Asking was an option but Mark decides to just enjoy it, focus on being present and have fun.
They are crossing the park where the trees had already begun to announce the upcoming winter. The air current shakes their foliage making the leaves spiral down around them as they pass.
Mark stretches out one of his hands, palm upwards on a hopeful request until one lands on it.
Precious, he thinks before realizing he could say the same thing about that moment. About the company. Precious. Out of all places in the world he had already been, none seemed to be a better option than being right there in that very moment.
Finally, alignment.
Mark rests his head in between Jungwoo's shoulder blades, snuggling closer for the rest of the ride.
They stop in front of a modern detached house. It seems to be under renovation in a neighborhood he couldn’t pinpoint if he was asked to. It looked empty and quiet. Mark peeks around to notice the other houses were dead silent too.
Then, it hits him.
“I was going to ask but I’m pretty sure I know what you’d say we’re doing here…” He searches for security cameras. Jungwoo looks for something in his backpack. “Just tell me this, how many more crimes are we committing tonight?”
“A couple more.”
“Dude… What could we even want to do here anyway?”
“You’ll see in a second.”
With nerves kicking in, Mark covers his eyes with his hands to make a quick prayer. He begs for forgiveness for the day's transgressions and when he looks up again the gate is already open. More surprising is the fact three Maltese dogs are eating from Jungwoo’s hands.
He gasps.
“Get in, quick, don’t let them escape.” Gently pushing Jungwoo's body forward, he reaches for the gate to close it behind them. “Yo, they’re so cute!”
“Woah, that really is all it takes to convince you? Puppies?”
“Yes.”
Jungwoo nods agreeing it’s fair enough while Mark takes some of the dog’s snacks from his hand and sits down on the grass. Bori, Kongi, and Choco – as the collars show – gather around them to eat and play as if there weren’t strangers breaking in.
To be honest, by the looks of it, one of them wasn't a stranger at all. Maybe that was the reason why instead of growling they were welcomed with love and wiggling tails.
There’s nothing Mark can see that gives him away any clue of who that house may belong to. Could it be from a staff member? One of the managers? Maybe another idol? Would the interior have more of a masculine vibe or a feminine one? Had Jungwoo met someone in between schedules? During promotional photoshoots? Behind the scenes as an MC? Did he have the key to the gate or did he force it open? How many times had he been there? Does he know the whole layout of the place?
Choco’s muzzle on the palm of his hand gets his attention out of the window of what could be the bedroom. With Kongi on his lap, he catches Jungwoo staring at him with a big smile. His mask is most likely already tucked in one of his pockets now they’re alone and it prompts him to do the same.
“What?”
“Ready to go inside and cross another thing off your bucket list?”
“It wasn’t the puppies?” His voice is tiny but Jungwoo hears and laughs, shaking his head. Mark mindlessly twists Bori’s fur in a makeshift curl. “What is it?”
“Skinny dipping.”
The snorted laugh he lets out startles the dogs. When Jungwoo doesn't laugh along with him, he notices it was not a joke.
“Are you crazy?” Pulling his beanie off and shaking his head, Mark laughs some more in disbelief. “There’s a pool here?”
“Indoors.”
“Oh, that’s… I don’t know. Isn’t it a bit… I mean, it’s cold.”
“It’s a heated pool.”
“You’re joking… Really?”
“Come see it!”
The space inside turns out to be less fancy than he expected it to be. It looks very neutral too. The cream tiles match the coffee-colored cushions in the sitting area by the corner. The pool was not that big either. Mark’s sure he can beat Jungwoo on laps.
“We should see who can set the fastest lap.” He pulls the sleeve up to his elbows to check the water temperature and glides a hand through it. “The loser buys fried chicken.”
“You better hurry up then…”
When he turns his head to look at Jungwoo it is already too late. The splash of his body jumping into the pool sprinkles Mark’s profile and jeans with droplets of water. Where he was previously standing, all there’s to be seen is a pile of the clothes he had on earlier.
All of his clothes.
Oh.
So he was serious about the skinny dipping part too, huh?
It’s fine. Mark could do that. So what? He had been in a hot spring. Once. Kinda. Never with someone like Jungwoo but that’s probably because there is no one quite like him in the world.
Anyway.
Blinking the water from his eyes, Jungwoo laughs at whatever expression Mark had on at the moment.
“We both know you’re going to lose this fight,” Swimming closer to the border, he rests his arms on the edge. “But I'll give you a chance. Or are you too scared?”
“I’m not scared.” Mark has a feeling he already said those words that night. He means it so he repeats it once again mentally while unzipping his jacket. “I’ll show you.”
Grasping the collar of his t-shirt by the nape, he pulls it off next. Jungwoo's attentive gaze doesn’t falter but it’s not uncomfortable. In fact, it makes him feel electrified. If they were cartoon characters, there would be sparks drawn on top of his head, sparks flying around his body – the body that continues to be more exposed by the second.
Mark drags the end tip of the belt strap off the loop and yanks the prong from the punch hole to undo it. The buckle clicks against the tiles and echoes through the room. Jungwoo seems to blink for the first time in a while.
Whatever happens on stage counts as a performance, someone had told him once, even the mistakes and the wrongs. Mark understands it was not a lesson only about his career.
It might be ridiculous to figure out that while undoing the button of his jeans, and he hopes the person who gave him the advice never finds out about it, but it made sense at the same time. It was about being vulnerable, wasn't it? It’s about being open to possibilities. It’s about letting go of control. Mark had always been scared of losing it but he trusted Jungwoo more than most people in his life. With him he could be silly, and open, and real without being judged. With him, he felt safe.
That poolside was just another stage and whatever stage he would find himself standing on during his life, until the curtains closed for him, he wanted to enjoy it to the fullest. Improper situation, imperfect artist, whatever it might be… Mark would make sure to put on a show.
That’s why when he removes it all and his pants get stuck on his left ankle, he pretends it didn't happen.
Jungwoo is too distracted to notice anyway.
“You are…”
“What?”
“... Taking too long.”
Jungwoo pushes his body away from the border and dips in the water. The sudden lack of attention is annoying, but Mark takes advantage of it to finally free his leg and tug the feet off. He kicks the pants away. He curses under his breath.
“What did you say?”
“Nothing. I’m going in now.”
Damn, why couldn’t he be smoother? Did he always have to look like an anxious twelve-year-old stumbling through every social interaction? Mark could picture a different version of himself on certain occasions. He was used to having pretend-conversations with people in his own mind but the real him could never get the script right.
Jungwoo was good at playing both parts. He was graceful with his pretty, slender body and soft voice. At the same time, he was confident enough to tower over you. To firmly grasp the nape of your neck and steal your breath away in a second.
Watching him running his fingers through his hair, Mark can’t help but think how harder it would be to escape it from now on. Those arms were no joke already. He would totally be able to feel the sturdy muscles if he reached out to touch them. Jungwoo would probably laugh and let him squeeze it. Then he would probably pull his hand away, bring it to his chest where Mark would be able to feel those muscles too. Then maybe he would bring it lower down to his abs-
Alright. Nasty thoughts, begone. That’s not the kind of thing that should be on his mind while he’s naked in a pool with nowhere to hide. It really isn’t.
Mark closes his eyes and dives to cool his head. Jungwoo’s smiling at him when he comes back to the surface.
“Ready to lose?”
“Wait a minute, hold this for me.”
Naive, Jungwoo extends his open palm to grab whatever was being handed to him. When he notices that the only thing falling from Mark's hand is water, Mark’s already swimming ahead. He manages to catch up eventually and they advance side by side fired up from the silly competition.
“Did I win?” Mark blinks the water from his eyes and finds that Jungwoo isn’t next to him yet. He laughs. “I did!”
“You cheated!”
“It wouldn’t be a night of mischief if we behave, would it?”
Jungwoo pokes his ribs underwater while complaining and he laughs even more. It all sounds muffled this time. Unfortunately, it seems like he gained not only a free dinner but also a clogged ear. With his head tilted, Mark jiggles his ear as he swims around him.
“Keep talking to me…”
“Hm, ok, let me think of something to say... What’s your favorite choreo to practice in the shower?”
“Uhm, I don't know. Maybe Highway to Heaven?” The sound of his laugh is still not clear. Mark tries resting the ear onto one of his cupped palms, creating a tight seal to drain the water. “Why? What’s yours?”
“Touch.”
Biting the tip of his tongue, Jungwoo wiggles his eyebrows and it gets more laughs out of him too. Mark has to close his eyes tight for a moment while shaking his head to get rid of the mental images. At least his ear starts working fine again.
He sits at the flat shallow part of the splash deck and swings his feet in the water. Jungwoo moves to grab something at the edge of the pool.
“What is this?”
“A remote… Do you think one of these buttons turns the pool into a giant blender?”
“Why would the owner want something like that?”
He shrugs and chooses one of the buttons to press. It dims the ambient light and turns the pool ones up painting the room in magenta. It would have made Mark surprised if there wasn’t something bothering him so much, eating his brain by the borders.
There was a reason to why was so hard to know why the owner would want a blender in their pool. The reason being that he still had no idea who they were.
“Jungwoo?” He hums back to let him know he’s paying attention but keeps switching the colors. “Who lives here?”
The room is blue when he abandons the remote in its place and turns his attention back to him.
“Is it a friend or yours? Do I know them?”
Jungwoo grins – not like a puppy, but like a wolf. A really hungry wolf.
He sinks into the blue water until the surface cuts his face right above the tip of the nose and swims closer. Mark heart picks up the pace and he can't stop staring into his eyes. He doesn’t even see Jungwoo's hands until they are resting on his knees when he stops in between them.
Before he has the chance to ask anything, Jungwoo's face fully emerges again, and he spits a water jet right on his face.
“You- I- Ugh! Come here!”
Mark wipes his face with a hand while splashing him with the other between giggles. When he stops, Jungwoo rests his chin on top of one of his knees to look up at him.
“Are you jealous, Markie?”
“No.” The ghost sensation of Jungwoo's fingers in the back of his calf tingles. He crosses his hands on his lap. Gulps it down. “Just wondering. You can have other friends. I’m not jealous about it.”
“Good. You don’t have to be.”
He presses a quick peck where his chin was and smiles. Mark’s smiling too before he even notices. That’s until he’s pulled back into the pool by the ankles for a new round of their splashing battle.
“How do you do that thing with your hands again? Yo, yo, yo, teach me.”
“What thing? This?”
Cupping water inside his palms, Jungwoo easily squeezes it out and sends another jet flying into his face again. Mark reaches out trying to catch him without seeing between curses and giggles, chasing his voice and starting another lap around the pool.
They don’t pay much attention when all the barking begins. Not until the noise of a car door being pushed closed gets things quiet again.
A muffled voice greets the three dogs somewhere by the side of the house.
Mark realizes then, that although he was curious about who was the owner, he was not that curious. Not enough to be worthy of being caught completely naked in their pool.
He catches the towel Jungwoo throws at him seconds before it falls into the water behind him. They quickly dry themselves as much as possible, get inside their clothes and behind their masks in record time. Mark fixes the straps of Jungwoo's backpack while he looks out the door for any signs of movement.
Jungwoo finds his hand in the dark and holds it tightly while they move across the small patio. Before they can reach the gate, however, the lights are turned on. It feels like they’re under the spotlight of an award ceremony.
Mark doesn’t wait for the host to come out. Yanking Jungwoo along, he runs to the opposite side and climbs the wall first. He finds the scooter and gets it ready for escape.
His legs are slightly wobbly when he gives the kickoff and sets the scooter in motion to get the two of them out of there. His heart is drumming in his chest with the thrill of it all.
Mark learns that he likes the rhythm.
Following Jungwoo's instructions, he takes a few turns and back lanes until the distance between them and the house is enough to be safe.
They stop in front of an abandoned apartment block. The entries are covered by tarps waiting for demolition. It's grimy and cluttered but they're just catching their breaths. Or so he thinks.
“Wait, hold this,” Jungwoo hands him the backpack and checks his own shirt to find it inside out. “This is bothering me.”
His old organization habits didn't surprise Mark anymore but it didn’t stop amusing him. The way he bends the corners of his bedsheets before tucking them under the mattress. How he aligns the cuffs of each pair of socks perfectly before folding them into each other. How he makes sure his clothes are folded in a neat shape with clear creases…
Jungwoo throws the hoodie at him and pulls the shirt off to turn it the right way. Mark brings the hoodie to his nose and breathes in the scent on the collar – faint lavender fabric softener, the lingering smell of pear from one of his perfumes and something that soothes him instantly.
The air escapes his lungs at once with a sigh.
“Are you having fun?”
“What?” He pretends to be looking for something in the hoodie's pocket, turning it around mindlessly before tossing back to him. “Having fun with what? W-With the day? Yes. I’m also curious about where we’re going now.”
“Not so fast. We still have one thing to do here…”
“Here?” Looking around, he tries to find anything it might be fun around. Anything that wasn’t covered with mold and dust. “Where?”
“Anywhere!” Jungwoo comes closer to open the backpack and takes a spray can from inside of it. Moving further away, he makes a rectangle shape with his index fingers and thumbs to frame the area. “Think about all this like a blank canvas… There's no rules.”
Jungwoo was right in theory. Still, there’s no harm in taking some time to check the surroundings. That's why Mark rearranges the scooter so it’s ready to go if the situation calls for a rushed exit, goes around the corner to look for any sort of movement, steps back to look up the windows.
Jungwoo shakes the spray can and the noise makes him jump like a scared cat.
He’s tilting his head to the side like a puppy, apparently wondering where he should start. Then, he aims the spray at the floor and spins in place to make a circle around him. The little mountain-shaped things that come later all connect to it to create a daisy.
“Cute.” Mark says under his breath, his heart thumpping.
He’s pretty sure that fits in some qualification of vandalism and destruction of public property. Is it any better than home invasion and theft? Did he really care that much?
Whatever. It was too late for a reflection on morality and ethics anyway.
Sliding a hand inside the backpack looking for his spray paint, his fingers hit something like a box. He takes his eyes off Jungwoo for a moment to find out it’s a medkit. Feeling around the other contents of the bag, he finds – tissues, wipes, hand sanitizer, eyedrops, coins, a picnic cloth, a flashlight, extra batteries, and a note.
One side of the piece of paper has an emergency number above a phone number he would guess belongs to his mom. On the other side, he drew a mini-map, stars marking the two stop points they had visited already and two others he doesn't recognize.
He knew Jungwoo has always been the one to plan even the shortest trips. How long has he been planning this?
All those spots had been chosen carefully after thoughtful consideration to make sure it went as well as possible. Jungwoo had taken care of everything. For him. He had been extra responsible so Mark could be irresponsible for some hours. So his inner child could experience some sort of late rebellion at least for one night. So he could taste the illusion of freedom. So he could mimic the adventures most normal people have at least once, no matter how silly they might be, like doing illegal doodles on doomed walls.
In the spray can in his hand, the bold yellow letters make him smile even bigger. Washable, they read.
He has to squeeze his eyes shut for a moment to fight the cute aggression crushing him from the inside out. It takes all of him to keep himself from running to Jungwoo and just... Just smothering him. To fight the urge of holding him and pinching him, cover him in bites and kisses and-
Focused, Jungwoo climbs on top of a crate to keep drawing a Snoopy’s head as if he actually did that for a living. Mark giggles at the scene. At the cutest criminal he has ever seen.
Jungwoo catches him practicing the pool trick from earlier when he leaves the convenience store with their food in plastic bags. He stops by his side and snorts a laugh.
“What are you doing?”
“Practicing.” If they were underwater, Mark’s sure he would be able to do it within a few tries. “How do you keep the water from splitting through your fingers before sending it flying?”
“First try closing them?” Jungwoo covers his hands with his own to rearrange their position despite having shown it a thousand times already. “Then, I don’t know, just be good at it.”
Mark shoves him away. Then he pulls him back close by their interlocked fingers before he can stumble over the curb. They bump against each other and remain close.
Their steps are in sync as they walk away from that area towards a more private one where they could take off the masks. Where they could eat and enjoy the moment in the company of nobody else but each other.
The watch on Jungwoo's wrist shows 4:52 AM.
If he was not mistaken, the first schedule of the day was supposed to begin at 8:15 AM. The guys at the dorm would start waking up no later than 6:30 AM. Their night of mischief was already coming to an end.
Had it been too short or was his bucket list not as incomplete as he thought? Like many things in life, it really was a matter of perspective.
Mark feels overwhelmed with gratitude. Sometimes being who he is, doing what he does, makes him worried, mad, sad, stressed but it also fills him with immense joy. He had been blessed with the opportunity to live many amazing things as an idol despite missing out on some other things.
He had also been blessed when he met the guy beside him. A person who had worked hard to make sure he had normal experiences too, so he could feel fulfilled in every aspect.
On a silent question about why the sudden half-embrace, Jungwoo raises his eyebrows at him when he passes an arm around his neck. The words get stuck somewhere between Mark's heart and tongue.
“It’ll be faster if we hop on the scooter. If you want....”
Mark shakes his head and hugs him tighter.
“No. Let’s walk.”
The view of the city from the hill is amazing even if they're not at the very top. They decided to have the makeshift picnic on a hidden spot far from the trail instead, protected by trees and rocks to avoid morning hikers.
It seems like it's going to rain in a couple of hours. If they were lucky, however, not before the alarm Jungwoo had set to announce the end of their adventure start ringing.
The warmth from the tteokbokki on Mark's hands and belly feels extra nice thanks to the chilly weather. His hair was probably a mess from the pool earlier and thanks to the wind now his beanie is off again. Still, he enjoys closing his eyes while chewing, feeling the autumn breeze at peace.
A hand on his knee gets his attention. One look at Jungwoo’s furrowed brows and he knows what he needs.
The mild kimbap turned out to not be that mild but from the looks of it, the spiciness hasn't stopped him from finishing it. Reaching for the plastic bag, Mark grabs the soda can from it and opens it up.
He drinks half of the liquid in one go, palm hiking up on Mark’s leg to dig the fingers into his thigh as if it could also help to ease his discomfort. Mark watches his Adam's apple bobbing, hypnotized, and suddenly feels thirsty too.
Jungwoo puts the can down and burps. It makes him laugh.
"Here," Mark brings some of his tteokbokki to Jungwoo's mouth. Cupping the free hand underneath, he makes sure it doesn't fall before making it into his parted lips. "Good? Do you want to finish it?"
He nods excitedly after chewing for a moment, eyebrows raised, fluffy hair bouncing. Mark can’t stop himself from patting his head or calling him cute. When he tries to push the package into his hand, he whines. Instead of taking it, Jungwoo opens his mouth again.
"Really? You're going to make me do this? Ah…" Persistent, Jungwoo waits. Mark sighs as if he was left with no choice but to give in and comply to his wishes. "What should I do with you, huh?"
Jungwoo giggles while accepting another bite of the food being given to him. His hand reaches the inside of Mark's thigh to squeeze it as if it’s nothing.
Like it’s nothing, Mark tries to ignore how hyper-aware he becomes of the pleasing heat coming from his touch even through the fabric.
When the plastic bags are closed with all the dirty and empty food packages stacked inside, Mark lays back to rest for a moment. He basks in the familiar laziness after meals that could easily lull him to sleep at any moment.
Something flicks a couple of times and lights up an orange fire. The smell of tobacco reaches him with a gulf of wind.
"Do you want to share one or..."
Jungwoo looks at him over his shoulder, a cigarette hanging on his lips and a lighter in the other hand.
Mark sits back up. Their shoulders bump against each other as he bends his knees so they’re mirroring each other. He’s not sure when they moved closer.
The fact there are still items left to be crossed on the list that night excites him.
“How is this on the list, though? You’ve done this before.”
“Not with you.” The pad of his fingers touches his lips when he brings it up to inhale. Mark notices because he can’t stop staring. “I guess I’m working on a different list.”
Mark’s not entirely sure what he meant by that but he likes the sound of it.
Answering the previous question, he steals the cigarette from his mouth and brings it to his own. He has no intention to give it back. Mostly so he could see Jungwoo lighting another one.
He had tried smoking before but never got into it enough to pass the first drag. Still, Mark learned to enjoy it from watching the process. There was something relaxing about the whole ritual. The way Jungwoo flips the pack open and turns it to tap the little box until one stick pops out. How he captures it with his teeth to pull it off from its package. His hand cupped at the end to protect the flame he materializes by striking the wheel of the lighter. His lips taking quick and firm draws on it.
The way his first cloud of smoke always comes out with a sigh.
Mark inhales, feels it staining his lungs. Just like he remembered.
Just like in the days he used to sit down with Jungwoo and hear his worries about fitting in with the already well-adjusted unit. About not being allowed to make mistakes in any of the choreos and slowing everybody down. About being blamed for things it that were out of his hands.
How he had told him that lighting up a cigarette felt like taking control over his life for a few minutes.
Mark remembers the day those damn photos were leaked. The day he came back to the dorm and Jungwoo wasn't there waiting for him. How his absence leaving a void that nothing could quite fill, not even work.
His stomach churns and his chest aches. Jungwoo thinks it's the smoke in his lungs that's causing it. It isn’t.
“Hey,” He puts a hand in the center of Mark's chest, over his heart. “Are you good?”
The smoke cloud disappears in the air between them. Mark brings the soda to his lips.
“I still hate the taste of it.” He drinks the remaining liquid as Jungwoo takes another drag. “It doesn't bring me good memories.”
Judging by the way he smiles, he gets it.
“We’re making better ones now.”
Jungwoo flicks the ashes into the now empty can that he settles next to their feet.
As if he had just remembered something, he hums and blows out smoke through the corner of his lips. He rummages through his backpack, cigarette still in between slender middle and index finger while holding it open. His laugh makes Mark wheeze before even finding out what he got from it.
“I found this by accident and a bucket list I’ve seen online came to mind,” The package he’s holding out has a set of the silliest stick-on mustaches he had ever seen. Mark’s laugh disturbs some birds in the trees. “One of the items was about growing a mustache at least once and since we can’t…”
“Talk about yourself.” He snatches the package from him and picks one for himself. Jungwoo presses one against his own upper lip too so it stays in place. “I can.”
“Can you though?”
“Technically.”
Jungwoo takes the mustache back from him after watching him struggle for a minute. With the cigarette hanging from his lips, he peels off the sticker easily for him and hands it back. Mark glues it in place and drops his hands to his lap.
They look at each other and explore in laughter.
They laugh enough to get tears streaming down their faces and lean against each other for balance. Jungwoo’s curls on his arms, hugging his own stomach. Mark holds him tightly against his chest and rests his head on top of his.
Calming down, he wipes his face clean and presses the mustache back in place. Unfortunately, the grip was compromised by the happy tears. Jungwoo lays his head on his shoulder while catching his breath.
“I wish we could stay longer.”
The clouds were still holding the sky back to give them a some more time before waking up. Mark hopes they keep right there so the sun doesn't kill their night for a little longer.
“Yeah…” Mark notices the wind had put his cigarette down at some point. Reaching out for the empty can without moving too much, he pushes the cigarette butt inside. “Yeah, me too.”
Jungwoo still has his somehow. He pulls away slightly and takes one last long drag from it before stubbing the fire, dropping it on the improvised ashtray too.
The way he smirks when their eyes meet lets Mark know he’s about to do something that will test his self-control. He tries to brace for it.
“What?”
“Come here…”
Jungwoo whines as Mark struggles against it. He gets what he wants to do but he needs a minute to calm down his heartbeats first.
“Wait, wait. Let me-”
“Come. Please.”
The urge in his voice wins Mark over and he stops resisting despite how fast his heart is still beating. Jungwoo pulls him by the neck to bring their lips close enough to touch.
Before he can blow the smoke into his mouth, however, neither of them can contain their laughs.
“This mustache is awful.”
“It really tickles, doesn't? it”
Both peel it off and wipe the faces with the back of their hands between chuckles. Putting it back inside the backpack, Jungwoo opens one of the smaller pockets this time around.
“Next thing is…”
There are candies in the center of his palm once he opens the hand he's extending towards him.
“Bubblegum?” Mark chooses one and so does he, popping the content into his mouth. He holds up the wrapper for him to see the drawing of a scorpion on a small transfer paper. “Tattoos!”
“What did you get?”
Jungwoo brings their heads together to check as he unwraps the bubblegum. Mark gets a crooked pirate ship and hates it. They spend five minutes tearing candies open until he finds something that looks cooler.
He’s looking down at himself, searching for a well-hidden placement when Jungwoo asks if he needs help.
“Yeah, I was thinking about putting it here but,” Mark cranes his neck trying to look at the spot he’s holding the temporary tattoo against above the shirt. “I don’t know if-”
“Here, let me do it.”
Without further warning, Jungwoo straddles his legs to sit on his thighs and steals the words out of his mouth. Mark watches him slightly towering over him with the transfer paper in hand, can feel the smell of strawberries when he sighs while reading the brief instructions.
With no idea what else to do with his hands, Mark hooks the fingers on the collar of the shirt. He pulls it down to expose the area the sticker should go.
Jungwoo places the tattoo against his skin. He brings two of his fingertips into his own mouth to wet them and presses them down firmly onto the paper.
Such a small and ordinary act should not have so much effect on him. But it does.
Gripping the collar tighter, Mark rolls his neck back trying to ignore the heat wave running through his body. He knows Jungwoo’s looking at his face now. The gulp must have given him away.
“And…” Peeling the paper off, he reveals the drawing. “Done.”
Jungwoo's thumb rubs the skin gently as he checks if it was going to stick. Then, tentatively, it moves up to trace his collarbone.
Mark grabs his wrist before it can continue making its way up.
“Where do you want yours?”
The way he smirks... Mark's in trouble. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked.
Jungwoo spits his bubblegum into the soda/trash can. He answers by bringing the hem of his shirt up, holding it in place with his teeth to point at the space below his navel.
It’s not fair.
It's not fair how pretty he is, how hot he can be, how much it messes him up. With patience and devotion, Jungwoo had taken his time throughout the years to learn exactly what makes Mark laugh. What to do to calm him down. How to read his expressions. It shouldn’t be a surprise he would eventually figure out all the things that turned him on too.
It’s hard to stop looking at his toned muscles but Mark has to do it in order to peel the clear sheet from the sticker tattoo. He blinks a few times to stay focused, presses the tip of his index finger on a spot above his hip.
“Here?”
Mark looks up to meet his gaze. Jungwoo shakes his head.
“Lower.”
He obeys, dragging his finger just a bit downwards.
“Here?”
Mark repeats, unable and unwilling to break their eye contact. Jungwoo, still biting into his shirt, hooks a thumb on the waist of his sweatpants and briefs to pull them slightly down.
“Lower.”
Resisting was a habit made of fear but lying to himself became more and more useless with every passing day. There has been some primitive hunger asleep inside of Mark for a long time. The way Jungwoo’s abs contract under his touch as he follow his demands makes him feel powerful. He's equally curious and scared of how greedy he'll become if he gets a chance to taste more of it.
He doesn’t ask this time. He wastes no time before positioning the paper on the fair and sensitive skin. With heavy eyelids, Jungwoo gives him a subtle nod. The go-ahead.
Mark presses the pad of his thumb against his tongue, licking it. The three bubblegums he had to go through to find a better design, all merged into one in his mouth, proving to be useful by making sure there's saliva to get his digit wet enough.
Jungwoo knees shift when he presses the tattoo on his skin, his body gets heavier on top of him.
Taking a look at it for the first time while pulling the paper off, Mark’s surprised to find it didn’t end up upside down or lopsided.
He doesn't get much time to admire his work before the shirt Jungwoo was holding falls back down to cover it. His hands rest on Mark’s shoulders and their eyes meet again.
“There was one final thing on the list.”
“What was it?”
“Kiss a friend… During a late night picnic with a view of the city.”
“Yeah?” Mark chuckles and almost chokes on his bubblegum. He throws it away with the cigarette butts from earlier. Jungwoo watches his every move. “That seems oddly specific.”
He shrugs.
“It’s not like we have never done it before.”
Pumped from long dance practices. Hazy from little sleep. Buzzing thanks to beer and soju. Kisses cut too short to soothe the itch but intense enough to leave a scar.
To say he remembers doesn’t even sound right when the truth is he never forgets about it.
“That’s exactly why we shouldn’t do it.”
“Wow, was it that bad?”
The silent agreement was to not talk about it because naming something turns it into a real thing. The truth is, however, that Mark had told and retold his bedroom ceiling about them at least a hundred times. Every time it echoed his words back to him, they sounded a lot like love. It scares him how right that word feels. It also gives him hope.
“No... I just don’t know if I can trust you not to wake the whole forest up if we start making out.”
“Oh, me?” Mark's able to intercept Jungwoo’s hand that’s going for his pants to catch him by surprise. His reflex doesn’t fail him despite how much he's already giggling at the outraged look on the other man’s face. “You’re absolutely overestimating one of us.”
Mark sneaks an arm around his small waist, brings him closer until Jungwoo’s hips are slotted into his. Guiding his hands to his shoulders, he get Jungwoo to wrap his arms around his neck and press their chests flat against each other.
“Let’s see about that…”
Mark cringes at himself. The delivery could have been way better. It always sounded a lot better in his head. He’s a hundred percent sure he didn't look his best... Without a single makeup or beauty product to soften the mess he was – fried hair, dark circles under the eyes, ugly pimple bumps, had he shaved last morning??? – he had to at least redeem himself by sounding sexy or something.
Mark knows he's not the best so he needed to be the best he could be.
“Do you really want to?" He hears himself asking, weak and stupid. Jungwoo could do so much better. It seemed crazy to think he would say yes. "To kiss me?”
“More than anything.”
There's no hesitation in his voice. Not a trace of doubt. He never looked so serious. Outlined by the halo of the first morning light glowing from behind him, he looks like a dream.
Fuck, he's a lucky guy, isn’t he? He's about to kiss Jungwoo's pretty lips one more time. Unbelievable.
When he's done spacing out while looking at them, Mark notices that Jungwoo, once again, stares at him with nothing but fondness. As if even his most lame words were enough. As if his imperfections were charms and his flaws were mere quirks.
He wants to ask why but he doesn’t have the courage.
“More than anything,” Jungwoo repeats and smiles. "Really."
How could he not fall in love with him?
Mark smiles back.
They lean in at the same time.
One soft peck turns into two and then three. Their noses brush against each other and they breathe the same air while switching their head tilts between giggles. Mark gets to watch him close his eyes, to feel in his own chest as the air escapes his lungs with a sigh.
Effortlessly, Jungwoo parts his lips open to welcome Mark’s tongue in the warmth of his mouth. Delighted, he kisses him back properly, hard and slow.
That's it, he thinks.
Just like Mark was made to dance and sing. Just like he was made to write, make art and pet every dog he possibly can. Mark was made for kissing him. Few other things in his life had felt that right or made him feel so alive.
Jungwoo tastes like artificial strawberry and some of the bitter aftertaste from the cigarettes they had. He kisses him like it’s the last thing he’s ever going to do.
One of his hands takes a firm hold of Mark’s nape to pull him impossibly closer and deepen the kiss. His fingers rank upwards past his hairline through locks. It faintly scratches his scalp with his short nails on their way back down making it tingle, giving him shivers.
The sun might as well have risen somewhere at the pit of his belly instead of the sky judging by the way his skin is set ablaze. By the fire spreading up his spine and through his body.
Burning, Mark bites his bottom lip. It escapes his teeth when Jungwoo grabs a handful of his hair to tug his head behind. Still, mind hazy with desire, Mark lounges forward again to place wet and open-mouthed kisses on his jaw. To lick the long column on his throat. To suck the skin on his neck.
How can someone taste so sweet? How can someone’s skin feel so good to touch? Maybe if they keep going like that he’ll figure it out.
Mark’s hands move up inside his shirt, fingers feeling around for the most sensitive parts of his chest. Jungwoo shudders when he finds it, breath hitching noisily against the quiet morning.
In another scenario, that would get him laughing, breaking the kiss to tease him for proving his point. The idea, however, doesn’t even cross his mind. The way Jungwoo starts slightly rocking on his lap pulls a loud grunt out of him too.
He feels lightheaded.
Fingertips digging into his shoulders brings some of him back down from whatever cloud he had ascended to for a moment. Jungwoo dips his head, nosing his temple and cheek until he lifts the face enough to kiss him again.
Mark coaxes more and more pleased sounds out of him only to swallow them eagerly.
Holding him against his chest, he leans back until they are laying down. He rolls their bodies over and rests on one elbow to dive in for Jungwoo’s neck again.
He’s so sweet, he feels so good… How? God, he likes him so much.
Mark slots one of his thighs between his and pulls away to watch his eyes fluttering, his mouth opening to let out a sigh. He’s so easy to maneuver, to twist and turn and open, just like clay being kneaded by his hands.
He looks so good. Made out of Mark's dreams, hopes and fantasies. Made to be loved by him.
Jungwoo’s doing his best to stay quiet and he, who always wants to see him succeed, finds himself wishing he fails for the first time.
Dragging his knuckles down the planes of his abs and down his navel, he watches Jungwoo's muscles taunt in anticipation. He hooks the index finger on the sweatpants elastic to drag it down, to expose the small scorpion tattoo again and-
The persistent beep of the alarm startles him so much he accidentally kneeing Jungwoo's groin.
“Oh my God! I’m sorry, are you alright? Can you turn this off?”
Judging by the way he groans annoyed in response, Mark guesses he can’t. Reaching over his squirming body, he manages to cut the sound off himself.
“I’m sorry, baby.” Nuzzling his neck, he places soft kisses on the shell of his ear and repeats over and over. “I’m so sorry.”
Jungwoo turns to look at him and giggles despite being in pain fifteen seconds prior. It takes a minute for him to understand why.
Had he really called him baby? Oh.
He cringes with the realization that yeah, he did.
All of Mark’s shame had been eclipsed by lust while they were making out. Now, however, their eyes were open and the sun was looming behind the mountain. He feels more naked there, staring at Jungwoo with that word hanging between them after just escaping his mouth, than when they were swimming.
Mark has no doubts his face would be blushing if most of his blood wasn’t still pooling south on his body.
“It’s okay,” Lifting his head from the ground, Jungwoo nibbles and kisses his lips again. He smiles brightly. “Baby. ”
Both of them chuckle at the light teasing for a minute. Jungwoo’s kind enough to not keep him from pulling away, feel the wave of embarrassment washing over him a bit with some privacy. They watch the wind shaking the branches of the trees in silence. They wonder what the birds are saying to each other as they chirp above them and if it's about what they had witnessed.
“Do we really have to go back now?”
Jungwoo checks the time and sighs.
“Yeah, we do.”
Going back to the dorm on the scooter would most likely be uncomfortable in their current situation so they decide to walk instead. Luckily, it’s a short trip from where they were. Mark also thinks that the light exercise will do some good to cool off. He needs to chill.
Somewhere between the hill and the street they just crossed, he had realized something big with both fear and disappointment – if it wasn’t for the alarm, Jungwoo and he wouldn't have stopped.
He swallows hard at the thought of it. Mark doesn't know exactly why he had swapped his jacket for Jungwoo's hoodie but he's thankful for it. He stretches the hem of it easily until it reaches the middle of his thighs hoping it’s enough to hide himself.
God, that’s it, he was a pervert. Walking around like that. Making out in a forest, of all places... Oh no, could he be an exhibitionist??? Fuck, he really doesn't know shit about himself, does he?
And what were they thinking anyway? The tiny voice of his younger self squeezes itself out from the back of his mind where he was shoved into at the end of the night before. Out of all the irresponsible things they had done, that was the worst of them. Imagine that... To have actual full-on sex with a friend. That’s insane.
They were just friends. With some casual extra perks, but friends, nevertheless. Mark knows it. He values it more than words can say and wouldn’t want to risk making it messy like that, would he? Sometimes they might get carried away, kiss a little to take the edge off. And fine, maybe he does have a secret crush but whatever. It’s fine. It’s manageable. It’s under control. Besides, stuff like that happens to everyone every once in a while.
Right???
Honestly, he doesn’t know. Apparently, he doesn’t know anything for sure about a damn thing. Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.
It's too early for overthinking. Guilt always makes him feel dirty. He needs to relax. The city was already starting to get noisy, the fog was almost completely gone. It’s time to sober up. To take back control.
Calm mind, calm body. Calm mind, calm body. Calm mind, calm body.
Jungwoo, who had been looking like he was fighting his own battle and focused on taking them back home safely, delivers the scooter exactly from where it had been borrowed earlier. He gets it clean with one of the wipes, gets rid of the dirt from the trail – and fingertips, he tells Mark. In English. With a wink.
“Fingerprints.”
“Fingerprints.” Laughing along with him, Jungwoo raises his eyebrows to accentuate his pronunciation even more. “Right? Fingerprints? Did I say it right?”
“Ah, you’re so cute…”
Mark puts his hands on his own head and pulls the beanie down to cover his eyes. He hoped that losing the privilege to see Jungwoo for a few seconds would give his heart a break.
It doesn’t. He spends the whole way up to the dorms feeling its beats had been permanently changed by him.
The stupid locker is louder than he remembers. For a moment, Mark’s sure that as soon as they crack the door open, Johnny will be waiting for them on the armchair with a smug know-it-all look. Hyuck would be even worse to deal with. They’d be lucky if it was Jaehyun.
He’s surprised to find the place still silent and empty. The only light painting the shapes of the open plan area was creeping through the curtains or coming from the open wide bathroom door.
Taking off his mask off and shrugging the backpack off his shoulders, Jungwoo complains under his breath. He marches towards it to flip the light switch off like he did all the time when someone would forget to do it. Mark chuckles quietly at the familiar scene, runs a hand through his hair in a shy attempt to tame it, pockets his mask as well.
I'm home, he thinks as he watches him.
Mark's still feeling fuzzy when they regroup by the counter.
How silly it is to be sad about having to say goodbye when your bedrooms literally share a wall? Seems like Jungwoo had messed up with his sense of spatial awareness too. Suddenly, any distance feels like too much distance.
When Mark reaches for his hips, he realizes that close doesn’t seem to be close enough either. Embracing his middle, he nuzzles his neck and breathes him in.
Home.
“Jungwoo-ya…” Mark’s lips brush against his skin when he whispers. Jungwoo shivers in his arms, hums low and softly into his ear making his stomach flutter. “Baby…”
Neither of them can tell for how long they had been kissing. Neither of them remember when he had hauled Jungwoo up on the counter and settle in between his legs. The sudden sound of someone stubbing their toe and the plethora of curses that follows it startles them, snapping both out of some sort of trance.
Someone's awake and six steps from their door. Less than ten from the kitchen. Only three from catching the two of them trying to devour each other over the surface everybody cooks their breakfasts on.
Mark’s hugging the backpack when Doyoung emerges from the hallway with a limp. Jungwoo's holding a clean bowl underneath the running water.
“‘Morning…” His voice scratches his throat with sleep, his eyes widen as he points to Mark on the way to find a clean mug. “Did you just get home from the studio? That’s crazy.”
“Uhm, yeah, I just got here.”
“Go on and rest! We still have a couple of hours before the shooting.”
“I think I’ll do that. Thank you, hyung… See you guys later.”
Mark doesn’t wait for them to reply before hurrying up out of the room but hears him asking Jungwoo what's his excuse for being up so early.
“I was… Having a morning snack.”
Doyoung laughs amused. The bowl clicks with another silverware on the dish rack.
“Morning snack? Do you mean breakfast?”
“It’s not the same-”
The bedroom door closing behind his back cuts the discussion short for him. He was back to the safety of those four walls.
Outside, the drizzle has started. Mark thinks back to the abandoned apartments, to daisies and tulips being washed away by the rain.
Leaving the backpack at the foot of his bed, he stands in place contemplating the past events and what to do with himself now it’s just him and his ceiling again.
Well, that was a lie.
It was him, the ceiling, and the stubborn bulge in his pants.
Mark falls backward into the bed with an annoyed groan. The guilt comes back twice as strong for having to lie straight to Doyoung’s face. It convinces him to keep trying to take back control over himself instead of giving up and surrendering to temptation.
What about breathing exercises? That might help. Deep inhale. Calm mind, calm body. Exhale. Calm mind, calm body. Inhale. Calm mi-
The phone vibrating on the nightstand steals his attention. Reading the text makes him frown.
from: zeus *^^*
i lied earlier
there is one more thing on the bucket list
To a certain extent, Mark was expecting to regret asking what it was missing as soon as he hit send. He just didn’t know it would be as much as he does when the next message says a simple “ nudes~ ”.
His fingers curl into a fist on the sheet. He gulps.
It would be a funny joke if the idea wasn’t about to make him cry. Another text pops up.
from: zeus *^^*
i can send you one
should i do it?
You shouldn't!, he says to the pixels on the screen as he types. You most absolutely shouldn't do that!, he urges.
Mark’s panting just from the thought of it. Embarrassing. His breathing was all ruined now. "Calm mind, calm body"? Not today apparently. His mind is not calm and his body certainly isn't either, all tense and hot and sensitive.
At least Jungwoo doesn’t text him again. He probably had enough of messing with him and fell asleep. Not that it matters now the damage has been done.
Should he do jumping jacks? No. It would wake everybody else up. Hopping in a cold shower so damn early sounded like death but maybe he deserved it. You know, for all the light petting on the kitchen counter, for not being able to stop imagining all the ways they could have done more if they hadn’t been stopped. Again.
Fuck, forget looking for alternatives. It was too late. Too late for Mark altogether.
Maybe it was better to just give in and handle it the classic way. He would deal with the shame and remorse for the nasty stuff going through his mind after catching some sleep. It wouldn’t be the first time it happens anyway.
At first, his fingers do nothing but drum his torso right above the stomach as if he needed to act casually about what he was about to do. As if he was just taking care of a inconvinience, nothing more than that. He's just about to start sliding his hand lower when the phone vibrates again. He opens the message to check it without giving it too much thought.
OH.
Mark almost drops the phone straight into his face when he sees the photo. He holds it against his chest, his two hands above it to hide it from the room. His heart is rabbiting so fast it hurts.
He stares at the ceiling, squeezes his eyes shut, looks at the ceiling again. He checks the photo on the screen once more to make sure he saw what he saw. Yes, still there. He covers his face with a pillow and allows himself to half growl and half cry into it. He feels himself burning hot all over for many different reasons.
Bzzz Bzzz.
Dragging the pillow off his face to uncover his eyes, Mark opens the newest message. Curiosity did kill the cat after all.
from: zeus *^^*
i was going to demand compensation after being hit earlier
but i guess it recovered well, huh?
Dude… What am I supposed to do with this???, he asks baffled. WAIT, DON’T ANSWER!, he adds quickly. Mark can hear the faint sound of his laugh in the next room despite the rain pitter-pattering against the window.
from: zeus *^^*
do you want a video tutorial?
i can do it
IM Bloxcking your nmber i swear, he lies and grips the phone tighter.
from: zeus *^^*
are you using both hands to type?
im not
i know you are joking about this, Mark turns sideways on the mattress to face the wall they share as if he could see through it. right?, he pleads and hopes he’s wrong despite knowing he's not.
He had scrolled back to the photo a few times, he saw the scorpion tattoo on the lower part of the navel. The tattoo he put there.
He feels like he's going to lose his mind.
from: zeus *^^*
my door is unlocked
why dont you come over
and find out for yourself?
Just like the night ended, the day starts with Jungwoo making a proposal that both scares and excites Mark in equal measures, with a silent promise to take care of him.
The rain gets heavier, hitting the window like pebbles, washing the trail of all the things they shouldn't have done. Things they shouldn't do again, not unless they want to cross that line. Not unless they want to stop being just friends to become something else. Something more.
But I want to be more, he finally admits to the ceiling, I- I really do.
I really do, it parrots back to him.
Sitting on the bed, Mark stares at the closed door and comtemplates what to do.
Fuck it, both him and the ceiling agree in harmony for the first time ever.
He pushes the pillow away, his mind having just come up with a new bucket list for Jungwoo and him to go through.