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They were inside the 127 living room, both occupying the different ends of the sofa, backs pressed against the soft throw pillows. They both look tired, their eyes red and puffy, the TV is playing in front of them but neither of them is watching. The atmosphere is melancholic and tensed. It's almost 8:30 Johnny glances at the large digital clock, the members will come any minute now. He glanced at the person beside him, he look ethereal under the faint glow of the living room lights. Johnny felt a painful pang in his chest, he failed to protect the younger. And now he's slipping out of his fingers and there's nothing Johnny can do. It feels like hours had passed before Johnny was able to find his voice.
"Is this really it? Is this really our end?"
" I don't know, John. I don't know."
The man's response felt like a punch in the face to Johnny. It felt as if he was stabbed in the chest by a knife repeatedly and then plunged deep enough to penetrate his chest cavity. It was as if he's heart is being ripped apart and there's nothing Johnny could do but suffer silently.
" I wish ours was longer.", He whispered softly. Tears once again threatening to fall, "I wish I can hold you longer but I have to let go, right? I have to let you go. Because you deserve to be free, don't you? "
Silence. A long stretch of silence. Who would have thought silence could be this deafening.
" You deserve to be free.", Johnny whispered to no one in particular. Like a rustle of the wind in the emptiness of the night. One would completely miss it if they weren't listening carefully. But he heard it , Johnny knew he did.
He let out a shuddering breath, trying to calm himself down before answering him softly, " Y-yes. I'm s-sorry. It had to be this way."
Johnny glanced briefly at the person he's shared the last 3 years with and he can't help but let a small smile slip out.
" You wore that same shirt on the very first day we met. I remember how the colorful floral pattern complemented your skin, and it still does till now. You looked ethereal back then, love. Like a beautiful sunflower glowing underneath the sun's rays, gorgeous and graceful. And nothing's changed, love. Nothing at all. You look as beautiful as ever. So, so beautiful. I wish I could touch you. "
Johnny would extend his arms to touch his cheeks for the last time but he would turn away. Backing up even more at the other side of the couch, slim body curled into a ball and crying softly, muttering sorry over and over again. Johnny withdraws his hand like a curious child burned by the flames of a lit candle. It's too late now, it's too late to salvage whatever's left.
" Do you remember, love? That same morning when I first laid eyes on you, you got into trouble. Your wallet was snatched from you, right? You had just been in Korea for a few days and we haven't even met officially at the company", he chuckled lowly, " And of course, I want to impress you so I ran after the thief. I wasn't agile nor am I sporty back then but still I ran after him although I know I'm just signing up for a battle I'm definitely gonna lose. And I did get hurt in the end, right? Dammit, there were of course three of them. But it was worth it though, because I managed to get your wallet and I made you smile. And that's what I've always wanted, love."
Johnny looks at him, the said man avoided his gaze and hugged himself tighter.
"To make you smile. That's all I wanted to do. And obviously I failed in keeping that smile. There's so many things I wish I could've done. So many words I wish I have said. But it's late now, is it? It's too late now. "
" I want to touch you, love. I want to wipe your tears. I want to hug you tight and never let go. But I can't, because I am trying to make it easier for the both of us. I don't wanna hurt you further. I don't wanna see you falling apart even more. You deserve so much more, so much better than what I can give you, Ten."
"No, no, no...", Ten lifts his head up, gaze softening as he stare at the man who once had his whole heart, " No, babe. You were the best. You were perfect. You we're everything I've ever dreamed of. You we're the greatest and that's when everything went wrong. That's when I went wrong. I put you up on a pedestal, made you the center of my life for the past three years that I've forgotten what you are to me and I...to you. "
Johnny stares back at his eyes- his Ten's cat-like eyes. It still has that same glint of mischief and innocence in them albeit worn out now. Johnny can't help but feel guilty, Ten never said anything nor does he blame him but he knew. He knew he was one of the reasons Ten's eyes isn't as bright as it was before. Their love was fiery and hot from the beginning. And you know what they say about fire, it burns. And it did, it scorched everyone around them including themselves.
" I made you my sun, Johnny. The brightest star in the solar system and amidst all of that I've forgotten I am the moon, remember?"
And Johnny does remember. It was the 1st season of NCT life, the last day of the shoot where the members were given a few hours to do as they please before they pack up. Ten asked Johnny to go see a fortune teller with him and he had agreed. He remembers the knowing look the ahjumma gave the both of them. And Johnny is no believer to anything supernatural. Sure, horror movies creeps the shit out of him but that's all that it was to him, a sort of entertainment. So he paid it no mind but clearly he should've. But Ten on the other hand took the words in his heart, how he is a moon and Johnny is the sun. And how these two celestial bodies only meet for a short period of time. She reminded them that the eclipse could be catastrophic if one do not use artificial lights. He remembers laughing mentally at the advice but now maybe the old woman was right. Maybe she was right when she said that their love was fragile. And Johnny fucked that one up pretty terribly.
"It's inevitable, love. We somehow knew from the very start and yet we still tried. And that's what's important right? We've fought and fought for our love until there was nothing left to fight for. ", He whispered to the man beside him. And there's so much more Johnny wants to say, " We gave our all till every fibre of our body, mind and soul is screaming for us to stop and to finally let go. We burned ourselves out, to the very core and now we've reached the end. But I wish this was longer, what we had. I love you, Ten. I do.", So many words but Johnny knew the members are about to arrive. His phone lit up due to a text from Taeil, their time is ending all he can do is stare for the last time. Hoping his eyes can say everything his mouth couldn't.
I love you. I did and I do till now and for the rest of our lifetimes, I'll love you.
And I'm so close from begging you to stay, of asking to give it another try but I can't. I can't, love.
I can't because you are the serene moon and I was the burning sun, never will our paths ever collide. Not in this universe and definitely not in this life.
I love you and I will always do but I need to let you go too.
I can't keep on testing the laws of gravity and science. I can't keep you in my arms any longer.
" I love you, John. "
" I love you too."
You will always be my biggest what if and my most painful almost.
" We've reached the end of our forever, Ten. There's nowhere left for us to go."
" Maybe for us there's nowhere left. But for me and you in our own separate journeys there's tons of places to go to. "
The both of them would look at each other.
" I loved you, John. And I am sorry that I couldn't give you the stability that you want."
" I'm sorry, too that I gave you the need to break free from my oppressing clutches.
Silence. Nothing but painful silence. Johnny's phone lights up from another notification, a text message from Taeil informing him that their now in the apartment's parking lot. Johnny swallowed the lump in his throat up. Their story has ended, its now time to separate ways.
" Let's break up."
Ten stands up and grabbed his purse, leaving the ring on the brown coffee table. Ten smiled sadly, who would have thought that such a small cartier ring can feel so heavy.
" Thank you for setting me free, Johnny. See you during promotions. "
Ten would place a soft kiss in Johnny's forehead before making his way out of the room.
" Maybe in our next life, Johnny. Good bye."
Ten whispered before closing the door behind him. And just like that Ten is gone. No traces of him left in the now cold empty apartment. And Johnny let himself go, loud sobs rocked his body but he can't have it in him to care. Johnny cries out loud in their shared bright orange couch, alone in the dimly lit living room. And that's how the members saw him minutes later. Bawling his eyes out, hugging himself for dear life. The members rushed to his aid but Johnny can't careless, his eyes fixated on the engagement ring now abandoned on the center of their coffee table. Ten's gone and he's never coming back to him.