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Castiel was a good soldier. He followed orders without question and did as he was told. Only sometimes… he did a little extra. Not wrong per se, simply unnecessary actions that didn’t need doing.
When his garrison was sent to earth to perform minor miracles, (these humans really were not all that good at surviving), he would sometimes heal a bit more than necessary, make the crops grow a bit taller than they usually did, and other small things like that. Usually it was overlooked, but not always.
”Seraph Castiel,” came Anna’s disappointed call.
Their voices were largely monotonous, but over time they all purposefully put inflections into their true voices. Maybe it was subconscious, maybe they all secretly hoped that by resembling the humans more their father lord God would take more interest in them, but regardless the reason, Castiel recognized he’d done something wrong. Anna’s form rippled with irritation.
Castiel flew to her from the plains of what would some day be upstate New York and landed beside her on top of the Himalayan mountains. His inky black feathers caught the sun, shining with green and blue and purple iridescence. While he did not notice, Anna felt a flash of displeasure and ruffled her own rusty feathers to emulate the effect. It did not work.
“Your miracles have been exceeding orders. Explain this.”
Castiel thought back to the human child he’d spotted just recently, previously starving and with atrophied muscles from inactivity. He had been watching it and its siblings since their birth, when his garrison was first deployed. Their younger sister had succumbed to illness, its mother claimed by dire wolves. It ceased all behaviors other than producing waste and slumbering, as well as crying, a strange thing considering it had sustained no bodily injury. Castiel had simply willed a berry plant to bare fruit a bit quicker than it should— before the child’s eyes. It had caused their soul, once tightly wound and dark with suffering, to unfurl and grow brighter in wonder. The sight made Castiel feel hap- Useful.
”I am following our father’s orders to love them— the humans,” he stated plainly.
Anna did her best to not allow her true form to let slip the shock she felt at his words. The insubordination! The gull! The… logic, though, could not be ignored. He was, however, acting upon his own authority. This would not stand.
”Your efforts are commendable but misguided. Refrain from further unauthorized miracles and I will not report you to Namoi.”
Castiel’s three heads, one zebra, one mountain lion, and one— Anna would not call it human, but a pale featureless mimicry of the thing— nodded in unison. It was unsettling, the action. Too human. But then again, Anna chided herself, so was her jealousy of his wings.
”Return to heaven with the others until I receive our next assignment.”
Castiel did just that. He stationed himself along the walls of Eden, shoulder to shoulder with two of his siblings, to remain in silence for how ever many eons lay between then and the next time they were called upon.
Castiel stood in contemplative silence, his thoughts drifting to many things. He… wasn’t entirely sure that they were supposed to do that, but as he was apprehensive to mention it to his fellow angels, he had no way of knowing. He thought of the child and the berry bush he’d grown, wondering about their current quality of life, if his actions had changed anything. He considered the report he’d heard another sibling, he thinks their name was Muriel, give on how some humans now traveled with a smaller species of wolf, and what it meant for the future of humanity. He even wondered, bizarre though it was, if Anna had decided to report him after all. It was not a good thought.
It was a few weeks, although the time measurement had not been invented yet, before there was any sort of change.
Voices filtered into Castiel’s subconscious. Hushed, and tense. The frequency was unstable, not one Castiel thought he could pick up. When he recognized the voices of his brothers and superiors Micheal and Raphael, Castiel realized he was not supposed to be hearing the conversation. None of those around him gave any indication that they were hearing the archangels as well, so it was safe to say that he was alone in this. The correct thing to do would probably be to tune it out, but for a reason he couldn’t name, he simply continued to listen.
I have not been ordered to listen, he thought darkly, the thought practically biting at his grace. I am disobeying. I require Naomi’s aid. I am disobeyin- I have not been ordered not to listen. I cannot disobey orders I have not been given. With that, the painful thoughts ceased. Were thoughts even supposed to be painful? No matter, Castiel told himself. He had better things to focus on.
“He will not listen to reason, brother. He won’t even listen! Ignoring his duties, irresponsibly fiddling about with father’s creations— I even saw him take a vessel! By his own accord!”
Castiel was scandalized by Raphael’s words. Who would dare do such a thing?! Had Naomi’s help not fixed them?!
Wait. Fix?
“There’s nothing to do about it. Let him be. If he thinks that father’s orders require him to walk amongst the humans, then let him do as he sees fit as long as he does not meddle with our other duties.”
Who would be powerful enough to act so rashly and yet warrant such… disinterest from Micheal? Even when being so rebellious?
Another archangel, Castiel’s mind supplied. That left only Gabriel, the messenger, since their other brother Lu— We do not talk of the fallen.
“I don’t believe that that is why he is acting like this. I think he may be… in mourning.”
Micheal’s signal turned burning with anger. “There is nothing we have to mourn.”
This gave Castiel pause. Mourn meant to grieve, to feel loss. This was not a thing angels were capable of. But then again, I experienced happiness when viewing the human child also feel happUSEFUL. I felt useful when I saw the child feel happy.
Castiel shook himself, rousing his siblings beside him.
”Why do you move,” inquired his brother Uriel from his left. His elk head huffed.
“Have you seen superior archangel Gabriel recently?” he asked instead of answering.
Some of the other angels around them began to stare. While talking was not prohibited, there was a unanimous and unspoken belief that it was wrong to do when one was not asked to do it.
“What the archangels do is not my business to inquire about… And no, I have not seen him.”
Castiel’s gaze fell away. Uriel was right. But then, a peculiar and alarming thought occurred to him; what if he has been injured? No, no the archangels are the most powerful beings in all of creation under our father. I need not worry. Worry? I am an angel, I should not be able to wo—I am a soldier of Heaven.
“You are quite the curious one.”
All of the angels as one bowed their heads as the titanic presence of an archangel appeared above them. The size of Jupiter with their grace giving off enough heat to rival a hundred stars. Gabriel, this was Gabriel. His golden wings radiated warmth onto their meeker forms. Then he made a sound, a sigh as Castiel would much later learn it to be, but in the moment it registered as a growl of ire to the seraphs gathered around Eden. A few of them could not stop their wings from shaking in fear.
”No, I’m not—ok. I address the dark-winged one only. The rest of you take a breather.”
Castiel’s grace shuddered. That was him. It had to be, no one else’s wings were as black, as wrong as his. He looked with a plea in his grace to his right, at Balthazar—with his coyote, dolphin, and swan head and grey wings.
“I have no advice for you, Cassie. Whatever you did to attract his interest, don’t do it again”, Balthazar said through a private channel.
“Don’t go wetting yourself, I only wish to talk.”
Castiel shook out his wings and took flight, and followed his brother’s retreating form to a familiar location on Earth, with a brand new berry bush sprouting from among a hill of bare rock.
”I hear you are responsible for this?”
Castiel did not look up to even one of his brother’s many heads as he said “Yes.”
Gabriel’s grace shifted. It went from sending signals of curiosity and suspicion to amusement, and something else Castiel could not name.
”You were wondering about me. Worrying, even.”
”I am sorry. I did not mean to doubt your power, brother. I simply— wait, you could hear me?”
Castiel wished he were unable to speak at all. He asked a question. He was not permitted to ask a question. Shivering, Castiel prepared to be smote for his misstep, but the only response the archangel had was a brush of one of his six wings against Castiel’s own.
“Thoughts are prayers in of themselves. Angels are perfectly capable of praying, not just humans.”
Castiel was slow to absorb the new information along with the fact that he remained alive.
”I see.”
Gabriel made that sound again, and Castiel flinched. He had displeased his brother somehow.
“Why, exactly, did you perform this miracle?”
”I…”
Castiel didn’t know what to say other than the truth. Lying was a sin, after all.
“Because I wanted to. I am sorry, I know such things are wrong.”
Gabriel’s presence beamed, and Castiel was taken aback.
”You wanted— oh, dear father, you actually— this is wonderful! I thought I was the only one other than…”
Gabriel looked down, suddenly taking notice of his brother’s cowering form. He folded his extended wings and, looking around, realized that in his excitement he’d caused a new forest to spring up around them.
”Ah, forgive me, sometimes I forget what I am capable of like this,” he said with a nod to himself from his leopard head.
Castiel didn’t know how to respond to an apology from an archangel, so he simply looked away. In doing so, he spotted something small moving around him. Barely the size of a human eye, it was black and yellow and made a sharp humming sound. A buzz, really. Angels knew nearly all there was to know about God’s creatures, other than humans that is, so he recognized it immediately.
”What is a bee doing so high in the atmosphere?”
“Perhaps… it holds unusual levels of curiosity,” Gabriel stated, his voice strange and laden with a second meaning Castiel could not understand.
Castiel’s heads tilted to the side, squinting.
“It is an insect. It should not be able to feel curious.”
”Something tells me that there are lots of surprises to be found in small places,” Gabriel responded with the same strange tone.
Castiel looked back up to Gabriel from the bee.
”Do you wish me to get rid of the berry bush brother? Is that your order?”
Before Gabriel could deny him, the young seraph ripped apart the bush with his mind. Its molecules turned to dust, settling on the ground amongst more dust. Gabriel’s grace dimmed. Castiel, on the other hand, felt… many things. Happy because he had completed an order. Sad that he needed to destroy the plant he helped bring into being. Confused that he was feeling anything at all other than useful. He kept these feelings locked up tight, though.
“Or perhaps… I was wrong.”
Gabriel’s voice caused something to stir in Castiel.
“Why do you mourn, brother?” Castiel asked before he could stop himself.
Gabriel flinched back. “Who said I was doing such a thing?”
”Micheal. Raphael. Your… voice.”
”Oh, so those two were talking about me behind my— wait. My voice? Explain.”
”I don’t… I don’t know how. Forgive me brother, I must have mis spoke.”
There was silence for a moment.
”That grey-winged one called you Cassie. Am I right to assume you are Castiel?”
Castiel nodded. “I am Castiel, angel of Thursday, sin-winged seraph under Anna.”
“Who calls you sin-winged, and why is it part of your title?” Gabriel asked, aghast.
Castiel felt… uncomfortable. He no longer saw the point of his presence, and this line of questioning confused him.
”The other angels, sir.”
”Don’t call me that,” Gabriel snapped.
Castiel pulled in his wings. “Apologies, brother.”
”Don’t say sorr—this isn’t working. I thought maybe there was finally… no, you angels are all the same.”
”But you are an Angel too, brother.”
Gabriel looked up, but didn’t use his grace to pierce the stars and see beyond. He just looked at them against the night sky, much like the humans did, if not with more clarity and knowledge.
”Yes. Today.”
Castiel almost asked another question, emboldened by his streak of being spared for doing so, but Gabriel put up a wing to silence him.
”Return to your post. That is all.”
It was a simple dismissal, no more and no less. But it still tugged at something in Castiel. He followed the order anyway, and since he didn’t look back, he didn’t see Gabriel’s eyes follow him all the way back to Eden.
“Tomorrow though…”
Gabriel turned to look at a little human child dragging their parent to the spot that Castiel’s bush once stood, ignorant to his presence. With hardly a thought, the archangel made a new type of fruit tree appear before them— round and sharp in flavor, a color between yellow and red. Gabriel felt his heart swell with admiration at the joy this sparked in the pair. He saw how they ate the sweet fruit and shared laughs under the stars.
“Tomorrow, something new.”