Chapter Text
Ningguang moves around, her left rib aches because of the dress, it’s tight and she feels like she can’t breathe. But it is not because of the dress. She cannot stop to think about it or she will never stop crying, so she breathes through the pain instead.
Every single one of the bridesmaids are wearing an emerald dress, Ningguang thinks she looks pathetic but everyone else looks good, very formal. Shenhe, Keqing and Xinyan look great though, they look angelic even, they all have a big big smile and are chatting. She never dared to tell them. Kaeya is the only one who knows and he has been looking at her like he is waiting for something, she doesn’t know what for, maybe a break down? So Ning doesn’t dare to look at him like if ignoring her best friend she could also avoid her feelings.
And she can, for a while, she can ignore it all while she gets ready. She gets her make up ready and asks for a waterproof mascara and the make-up artist laughs and says “In case you are too emotional?” Ningguang fakes a smile “I am the bride’s best friend” she says and of course the make-up artist doesn’t understand how the words feel like she just stabbed herself in the stomach, instead the other girl says “It’s such an exciting day, then” Ning nods. She doesn’t say anything more, letting everyone believe she is so overwhelmed by happiness, even the couple of tears she drops.
Ningguang sees Kazuha outside of the room, he is all dressed up, it’s the first time she has seen him wearing a suit, he looks calm just staring at his phone until he sees her. Kazuha smiles and it reaches his eyes which confuses Ningguang because he says “It’s your last chance”, Ningguang fake smile drops “My last chance for what?”. Kazuha holds her hand, he gives her a pity look and says “You already know” and he leaves. Ningguang wants to die a bit. Kazuha is Beidou’s male best friend. And he knows.
She doesn't have time to feel mortified because the wedding is moving too fast and she is late for the rehearsal, everyone is already lined up, she has the left side, the side of the bride number one. Kazuha is there too, just like Kaeya, they are wearing matching emerald suits.
Bride number two has her people dressed up in gray. Kazuha joked that this was a Harry Potter themed wedding and they were all slytherin. Beidou is a Gryffindor Ningguang wants to say but no one corrects that, they all say "it's not a Harry Potter themed wedding" and the other bride laughs.
The wedding is in a venue in the middle of a forest, it looks more like a fairytale than a Harry Potter book. They have the lights hanging between the trees and it looks absolutely pretty, like if they take it out of a pinterest picture, Ningguang is kind of mad of how absolutely beautiful it is, she is mad until she feels guilty about her feelings. She felt guilty about feeling mad because Beidou worked really hard to get this place and they hired a super expensive wedding planner. And this looked like a dream. Beidou deserved a wedding that looked like a dream.
Beidou deserved someone who is brave enough to say "I love you" out loud. Someone who wasn't a coward.
Ningguang held her stomach and took her place next to Shenhe. They can hear the wedding march, it was the usual one, the bride number two wanted something classic even if they couldn’t marry by the church but they do a spiritual one, they are suppose to marry legally in the honeymoon, something about this other country allowing gay marriage so they are traveling there and enjoying the beaches. Ningguang always thought the idea of marriage was something out of their league.
Beidou did too, she never ever wanted or even talked about marriage in the 5 years of friendship.
Ningguang always thought that Beidou wasn’t ready, she always thought this was too fast, too sudden, her suspicions were proven to be true in the bachelorette party, when Beidou started crying in the bathroom. They were in a hotel in this place that was mostly for parties, they all had a veil and Beidou had a “Bride to be” sign that Ningguang didn’t like but it made her happy.
It was past 5 am when it happened, everyone else was sleeping in their own rooms, Beidou and Ningguang shared a room, one bed, they were best friends that was absolutely normal. Until Beidou excuse herself to go to the bathroom, they were both drunk and Ningguang remembers pieces of it, how Beidou started sobbing saying “I’m not ready”, “She wasn’t supposed to be this serious, we talk about it”, “We had a cute relationship but can you see me getting married? ME?”. And a small “I love you” between sobs that Ningguang was sure it was her imagination, surely it was a dream because Beidou didn’t say anything about that, but she apologized about the words she said, how it was true that she felt that everything was going so fast, but the wedding was near and it was probably she was just nervous.
Ningguang sometimes stared at her best friend wondering why Beidou never said “I love her” or “I want this so bad”, how she only looked like she already made plans and it was too late to cancel them. She also thought how bride number two didn’t say anything like that too.
The ceremony starts, the music fills the forest and the girl with the petals passes. Then Beidou. The minute she heard the wedding march and saw Beidou her entire world turned upside down.
Beidou was beautiful, Ningguang knew that since the beginning but that day she was absolutely stunning. Ningguang cannot believe how someone can be so beautiful. She wants to cry but she doesn't, she just stands there while the love or her life walks down the aisle to marry another woman.
She was absolutely stunning and Ningguang wanted nothing more than to be on her knees begging her to take her hand instead. But Ningguang stays firm and Beidou pass by the guests she smiles and then is when another truth absolutely hits Ning in the face, she is not happy, she has the interview-happy smile, the my-boss-can-fire-me-if-i-don’t-look-welcoming smile, the fake smile tm they once practice in the mirror, the i’m-being-polite smile, the I-would-rather-be-anywhere-else smile but Ningguang thinks she is imagining things so she searches for Kazuha and he too looks confused. So she is not imagining things.
And Beidou deserves to be happy, she thinks, happier than ever, she deserves to cry out of happiness, she deserves to be thrilled at her wedding. And she is not. Ningguang and Kazuha panic a little.
Beidou looks defeated, but the bride number two, walks by the aisle, she looks beautiful, her white dress is big but she looks like a princess, she finally stands next to Beidou and the ceremony begins. The guests sit down. Ningguang centers her eyes in a tree, she tries to think about everything except what is going on, and she really succeeds for a while, singing Taylor Swift songs in her head until she hears “If someone knows a reason why the couple should not be joined in matrimony speak now or forever hold your peace”. Ningguang thinks it is strange that a spiritual ceremony resembles a religious one, specially one that on paper is not really meaningful, this is for the brides, the family and the friends, it is not in any way a legal matter.
Ningguang feels like time has stopped, especially when the silence settles for a couple of seconds is like an annoying part of a ceremony for them but for Ningguang the silence feels heavy. She had spent her entire life with fear hanging from her ribs, surrounding her throat, weighing her down. Fear is all she ever knows, even when it comes to love, her love for Beidou is big but her fear of ruining the friendship keeps her from saying something. It is then when Ningguang realizes that fear is all she will ever feel, the fear of the love of her life marrying someone else and the fear of doing something. She guesses she at least should get to choose the fear she is gonna feel from now on.
So she stands up.
Beidou cannot see her, but she hears muffled sounds of the guest and she turns around. Ningguang cannot do anything else but stare at her best friend.
“You know I am not the kind of person who interrupts weddings, I just think you are not the kind of person who should be marrying when you don’t want to” Ningguang says, people start whispering. Her face turns red. “Maybe i shouldn’t do this” she laughs “only crazy people stop the wedding of their best friend but i have to”
Beidou walks towards her, she looks like a mix of mad and confused “Ningguang, I think you should lea-”
“I love you” Ningguang interrupts, the room is quiet. “You deserve to know that. You also deserve to know that on your wedding day you should be thrilled, overjoyed, and your smile should be genuine.”
Beidou stands there and says calmly “You should go”
Ningguang nods, defeated. “I still think you shouldn't say yes” and she leaves.
When she is over there in the parking lot with her stupid bridesmaid dress in her small car her hands start shaking, the tears fall over her face ruining her makeup. She thinks is okay, no one else is in that side of the parking lot behind the cabin where they are suppose to have the meal and the wedding cake, they’re only a few cars from the bridesmaids and the bridesmen and the car that’s supposed to take Beidou and her soon to be wife from here to a hotel. It’s a rented white car. So no one sees her cry and she is there for a solid 15 minutes waiting for the tears to stop falling and the hole in her chest to go away before she can drive away.
When she starts the engine it's when she hears the door opening. It 's Beidou. She sits in the front seat, she looks like she ran to get there, Kazuha arrives after her, he sits in the back seat, sweating too but he is the voice of reason and screams "LET'S GO" so Ningguang drives away.
They take the hallway to get out of there but when they have to turn right to go to the city they all live in Beidou puts a hand on hers and says "keep driving, please" Ningguang has never been good at denying things to her.
It’s a little bit over 12 pm when they get to the place that rents them the rooms for the night. Kazuha made the reservation thinking they would arrive earlier, it was obvious that the route was going towards that town. Ningguang had to drive in circles because in the middle of a song on the radio Beidou started crying when her best friends tried to stop the car she said “Keep driving” so Ningguang did.
Until it was too late and they were all hungry so they had to stop in one of those shops that are open 24/7. Thankfully there was one next to the place they were going to sleep in. They got out of the car and it was a little bit past midnight so the street was empty.
They were glad there was only one person in the store, the men didn’t even look at them weird, even when they were all in their fancy clothes and Beidou was literally in a wedding dress with her make up all messed up, but the men didn’t even blink an eye after they pay for the food. They got into the apartment and changed their clothes. They had stopped by one of those big stores that had cheap clothes to at least have one chance to sleep. Ningguang had another outfit, the one from before the wedding with comfortable clothes to drive the 20 minutes to the forest. Each of them had a room and Beidou excused herself very early to go to sleep. Kazuha did too.
Ningguang stayed in the living room unable to sleep after all she did. It was past 4 am and she was still scrolling through her phone when Kazuha went out of his room, he sat next to her and hugged her.
"What you did was very brave," he says.
Ningguang laughs but it sounds more like a cry "I fucked up"
Kazuha denies with his head "no, you didn't stay for the whole ceremony. So you don't know"
"What happened?" She asks, confused.
"The other bride left. After you. She said "oh thank god' and left Beidou there." Kazuha says. "We were all in shock, I guess we thought it was a joke or anything but after a few minutes passed and she didn't come back I had to grab Beidou’s hand and run. It was humiliating, all of the parents were staring at her and she looked like she was about to cry. We left to the parking lot.The now ex was standing there, I guess she was texting one of her friends because it was the parking lot for the general public, she said 'I'm sorry but we both know we never wanted marriage' and she and Beidou stayed there crying.” Kazuha stopped for a moment letting her process everything “I was looking for you."
Ningguang let out a laughter “I was hiding”
“I thought so, I thought about how you probably wanted to go to your car so I grabbed Beidou and went looking for you. Right now it’s all crazy. And yes maybe the confession wasn’t the best thing ever but you’re still best friends and she needed you.”
“I literally fucked up her entire life” Ningguang says, hiding her face between her hands.
“You set them both free. They never wanted this, but you know how stubborn Beidou is and her ex was just the same… it would have never worked out.” Kazuha says as he holds Ningguang.
They stay there for a while, Ningguang feels sorry for Kazuha since he wanted to have a normal wedding and end up not only consoling the bride he also had to console the best friend of the bride who was in love with her since forever. He was right, it was a mess. Ningguang cries for a while and after there are no tears left, she makes a plan, a small plan for the week. The wedding was planned to be in the middle of the vacation so they all had a small period of time when they could take some time off. She wakes up early, earlier than she should, she goes out and brings breakfast, Beidou and Kazuha are asleep so she wakes them up and gives them the food, they all look tired but willing to move.
Not long after that she asks them to get in the car, they all travel back a bit, but Ningguang looks determined so they don’t ask anything. They are back at Kazuha's house, Ning says ‘bring clothes for the beach’ and he laughs and goes after them. They live near enough so she drives to her apartment, Beidou sits on her couch, she turns on the tv while Ning makes her own bag, she takes a few extra things just in case Beidou wants them. She also takes groceries and snacks for the trip. Kazuha gets there and stays with Beidou while Ningguang drives to Beidou’s place.
Thankfully the place is empty, some of the things of the ex are gone and Ningguang takes Beidou’s clothes and as fast as she can she makes the bag and comes back. Beidou stares when they are back in the car but she doesn’t ask anything. Ningguang does, she asks “Do you want me to invite anyone else?” Beidou says no so she drives. It’s a 3 hour long drive, Kazuha takes her place in the middle of the trip while she sleeps in the back seat. They wake her up because even if they are in the city it is actually a big one and they have no idea where the reservations are.
It’s a week long reservation in this boutique-like hotel that is lgbtia+ friendly, Ningguang chose that town because it had a bunch of activities including the ‘rage room’. The week passes fast, Beidou cries a lot but allows them to get near to her and hug her which is an archievement in itself. With the passing of the days sadness settles, Beidou speaks a bit to her friends and her parents. Ningguang stays around walking on eggshells but ready for when the rage surrounds her best friend. And it happened, a day before leaving Beidou saw her ex is one of her best friend’s stories just making out with a random girl. Ningguang saw it immediately in her face so she took the car and took her there: the rage room.
It was just like in the pictures on the internet, full of broken things. Kazuha was the first to change clothes to the jumpsuit and got to the room they assigned them, there was a couple of TVs and a stereo, even some paintings and a lot of glass they could easily break. Ningguang and Kazuha are hitting a glass with a bat laughing, Beidou is holding a big hammer when she comes to the room, she immediately starts hitting the tv. They are all wearing suits for protection and still Ning and Kazuha look at each other worried. The rest is a blur between them hitting a few things, getting a little brave by the minute. Beidou ends up on the floor crying and both of her friends hold her.
Before they know they're back in town with reality hitting them in the face. Beidou is going to stay in Kazuha's apartment.
They still have one day off so Ningguang and Kazuha go to pick up the girl's things at apartment but is half empty, the things that are left have a post-it that says "Beidou", they start putting things in boxes, a few other friends of Ningguang arrive later, they just ask if she is alright, as long as they know everyone is confused of what happened, if they're being honest they too are confused but they say she is safe and that seems to make her friends contend.
It takes them a few hours but they take all of the things that Ningguang needs, some big stuff like furniture stay there, it is okay they have one more month of rent covered so that gives Ningguang time to decide to move back or leave to a different apartment. When they are leaving Ningguang notices a letter in the book shelf, her ex was the one who read more but still she leaves it there because both of them bought it and Ning guesses it is too painful. The letter says "To my dear Beidou" so Ning folds it and slices it in one of the boxes. She has the right to know.
Two months pass and Ningguang and Beidou are never alone. It's been a rush between the heartbreak, finding a new roommate and moving to a new apartment with her. Ningguang tries to help but she likes to go in circles whenever there's a possibility of them being alone. Even if it's not her fault what happened she did confess and Beidou asked her to leave so she is heartbroken too. The thing is no one actually realices, her best friend was the one who did it and she is the only one she could tell those kinds of things.
Ningguang feels so tired, like if she aged a hundred years in the past three months, first the pain before the wedding and then the pain after the actual heartbreak and this place this special place that she has to put herself in to comfort the one that's her best friend even if she is the same person that broke hers. It's complicated. Sometimes when Ningguang is alone she plays her favorite playlist of Taylor Swift and cries. She drinks a bottle of wine and screams the lyrics of Maroon at the top of her lungs. Neighbors complained a couple of times but it's okay as long as no one tells Beidou. And no one knows.
No one knows.