Chapter Text
The cold air rifles Zane’s jet-black hair. Although the winter is coming to an end, the weather reflects how Zane feels about his life, cold and gloom. He was never the one to show much emotion, but this constant melancholy feeling he always carries with him like a ton of bricks. Loneliness has consumed him whole, a beast he can’t defeat, nor did he try. It was an impossible feat he always wished to do, but had enough brain cells to not go after it.
Walking into his house he brushed off the ever-lingering feeling, to put his groceries away. His weak arms were tired and he had no work that day, so he decided to do what he always does on these days; eat snacks in bed and hollow away from the world. Why try when you can instead cry? This wasn’t healthy. It's not like he cares what's good for him anyway, his arms were proof of that. He took his poptarts, hot fudge sundae, and crawled to his bedroom.
But before he made it to his bed, Zane spotted the letter. It was one of many, a love letter, a sign of weakness. In this specific letter, he never said the name of who it was addressed to. He was depressed that day and any time he thought of the name of the man, the one that he has pinned over for years, brought him to tears.
It was pathetic, like the sorry excuse of a man he is. In rage and sorrow, he crumpled up the paper and weakly threw it towards the trash can, just barely missing the can and landing on the floor instead. It didn’t matter, he was going to pick it up and put it with the others anyways; in a hidden drawer of sadness.
Climbing into bed, after getting properly dressed, falling face first; not wasting any time with going to sleep. The only thing stopping him at this point was his thoughts. He needs to stop thinking in this sad philosophical bullshit way, he doesn’t need to give the others any more reason to call him emo. He already still wears the same type of clothes he wore in high school: a black sweatshirt, black jeans, hair covering one half of his face, and a mask covering his mouth and nose.
Either way, Zane went to sleep, dreaming of someone who smells of sea salt, straight from the ocean. Someone whose smile was so bright it could replace the sun, and whose skin was so warm touching it felt like a nice cup of hot chocolate. A loud voice, almost laughter, that sounds just so sincerely filled with happiness it's contagious.
With big strong arms begging to hold someone, to make them feel safe, arms calling out to him. Zane could feel himself being pulled towards this kind, gentle, and warm figure. As he got closer he could almost touch the soft snow-white hair, grab that warm firm hand, feel his warm breath on his ski- * D I N G * * D O NG *!
That is the sound of a doorbell. His doorbell. Someone is at his door.
Fuck.
Tired and not wanting to deal with this, Zane tries to ignore the bell to no avail. Whoever is at the door won't stop ringing the bell for even a second, and sadly Zane knows exactly who loves to constantly abuse his doorbell. Getting up and slugging his way downstairs he opened his front door.
“What do you want?”
Despite his feminine stature, it is easy to see that he is male with his astonishing deep voice. It is deeper than everyone else, making them all jealous of his voice; especially his older brother. It didn’t help that he has sunken eyes, people believe it is from the amount of coffee he drinks, but it is also the fault of so much crying over the years. Though he would never admit to that. But despite all of that the person in front of him couldn't be more of the opposite.
Aphmau, his dear best friend, she’s everything he isn’t. She’s outgoing, likable, has a lot of friends, goes out a lot, has an upbeat personality, is absolutely gorgeous, and is loved by all. If he wasn’t friends with her since childhood he would hate her, but they are friends so here they are.
“Hey, grumpy pants! Were you sleeping?”
“Of course I was, but you woke me up. Why?”
“That's because it's like, 2 pm?”
“And?”
Aphmau, being used to Zane’s weird habits, decided to drop it; in favor of the real reason why she was here. “Well it doesn't matter, but what does matter is I'm throwing a party! And you're invited, and I will NOT be taking a no for an answer!”
“What? But didn’t you throw a party like last week?”
“Yes, but no one showed up! Not even Kawaii-Chan showed up! And She always shows up!”
“Well there's your problem, no offense but without Kawaii-Chan’s baked goods the party is not worth going to.”
“I KNOW! But I can assure you that she is coming this time. I made sure of that.”
“Ok, but why do I need to go?”. Zane was tired, and he knew that these types of gatherings always knock him out.
“Because you need to get out of your house once in a while! Plus Kawaii-Chan is making your favorite cupcakes for this party!”
His one weakness, those filthy pink chocolate cupcakes that give you heart failure the moment you see it; from both how cute it is and from diabetes. “Fine, but I don’t have anything good to wear.”
“Oh come on, I KNOW you got good clothes! What about the cute black turtleneck sweater I just got you not too long ago?”
“I don’t want to-”
But before Zane could say any bs excuse, Aphmau pushed her way in heading straight to his bedroom. “Oh no, you are wearing that turtleneck and you're going to like it! I don’t care if I have to be a mom about it!”
Zane, already accepting defeat, trails behind her. By the time he makes it into his room, he can see Aphmau already going through his clothing drawer. It doesn't take her long to find what she’s looking for, mainly because he only wears the same thing basically every day, and she put the sweater away in a spot she hoped would encourage him to wear it. That didn’t work.
“Here, the sweater and some pants. Put it on and then we are going to that party!”
“Like, right now?”
“Yes right now! Come on, I live less than a minute's walk from here, it's not that big of a deal.”
“But you haven't even told me what the party is for!”
“It is the redemption of last week's ‘Welcoming Summer’ party! But you don’t need to worry, it's not like a big party; just some snacks and non-alcoholic drinks with friends. It's not like one of those college parties Garroth used to throw.”
Ugh, Zane still has nightmares of Garroth’s old college parties. He knows he's an introvert, but even an extrovert would cower in fear of the goliath of a monster those parties were. “Fine! But I have to go clean up, this will take me a bit.”
“That’s ok! I will just clean up this mess you call a room while you take a shower or something.”
“Ok, but don’t go snooping around in my room! You know you're not allowed to touch my ‘My Little Horsies’ stuff!”
“Hey, I'm not that much of a bad friend!”
“All right.” And with a huff, Zane took all the things he needed and went to his bathroom, which was not too far away from his bedroom.
While Zane was showering Aphmau got to work, mainly just throwing things that were on the ground into the trash can. That was until she saw a crumpled piece of paper next to the bin while throwing something out. Not thinking too much of it, she picked it up, unraveled it, and read the paper, thinking that it was just some spam mail or something; but no, this oh THIS was something good.
The title was My dearly beloved and it was as clear as day to what this is, need she say more? She looked over to where Zane’s bathroom is, he was still blissfully taking his shower, unaware of the fact that all of his secrets were going to be read at that moment. But sadly for Aphmau, they weren't; as you see he never put the name of his beloved in this letter. Either way, this was still BIG news! A quick scan of the letter showed it to be useless, everything said in it was just some vague descriptions she could find in any love-related thing. All she got is the person is strong, has a great smile, and an amazing sense of humor; even if others might disagree.
Now, this racked Aphmau's head, who does she know that could fulfill all of those ‘requirements’? Who has a sense of humor that others disagree with but Zane would like? WHO in the world would ZANE like? Although Aphmau has always tried to get Zane to go out with someone, it never worked. There was always something wrong with the other person that would make Zane dislike them to the point Aphmau just thought Zane didn’t want to date, period. But this revelation was short-lived, as Zane was getting ready to leave the bathroom as the shower had just stopped.
Aphmau quickly pocketed the letter and started throwing things away, trying to make herself look busy. It didn’t take long for Zane to come out, and he was in fact wearing the turtleneck sweater.
“Happy?” Zane said in his most grungy voice.
“Yes! You look cute! And although I would like you to not wear that mask over your face, I won't bother you with that today.”
“Thank Irene.”
“Well come on, we got to get a move on!”
With another huff they made their way to the front door, Zane stopping to go and grab the things he needed like his phone. While he was doing this Aphmau decided to start some small talk in hopes of seeing who his mysterious beloved is.
“Just so you know, some of the people who I invited are: Garroth, Lucinda, Dante, Vlad, Kim, and Katelyn.”
Zane just replied with yet another huff. Aphmau, getting tired of this, thinks ‘Ok, I see how this is going to be today’. Yet in her hast to figure out this mystery crush she almost forgot someone.
“OH! I almost forgot that Katelyn is bringing Travis with her.”
Zane groaned at that, he made sure his back was facing Aphmau even though his face was covered, he didn’t want to show his distaste for that comment. It made his blood boil, the way how people just treat Travis like that; like he wasn't their friend but instead, just some nobody tagging along, or worse some misbehaving pet.
It especially wounds him up the way Katelyn treats him. She is just so abusive with him, hitting him all the time, yelling at him, telling him to do better, never letting him do the things he wants in, what's also, HIS relationship. I mean seriously, who would date someone they hate so much? He knows he is biased, Katelyn is a lovely person, but why is she such a bad partner? None of it made sense to Zane, how is everyone else fine with this? How is TRAVIS fine with this!?
Zane constantly gets a heart attack every time he sees Katelyn punches Travis, and when anyone asks what's wrong with him he just blames it on the sugar of the cupcakes, (and to be honest that's kinda true).
Zane, still heated but not wanting to show it, just leaves; heading for Aphmau's house. To his surprisement, and relief, Aphmau doesn't say anything on the matter. He must have been good enough at hiding his rage, or she just didn’t care; either way, the less he talks about that with people the better. The walk to Aphmau’s house was silent for a whole 2 seconds. Then Aphmau started talking about how the party is going to go, how fun it is going to be, how it's going to be so nice to talk with friends, how this is going to be a great party.
It was nothing Zane had not heard of before, she does this all the time as they walk to her house, and the party is the same all the time. He wonders why she has so many parties, it's not like everyone lives so far away, the parties are always just some talking and games with food and drinks, plus it got to be a pain to clean after all the time.
When they actually get to her house it is exactly what he expects. People, food, drinks, and music playing from somewhere you aren't. Zane did what he usually did, say hi, eat the food, and hide in the corner. There were some people he recognized, some he didn’t; it didn’t matter anyway, he wasn’t interested in talking to either. Throughout the whole party, he felt Aphmau watching him, which wasn’t out of the ordinary, she was watching him to see if he would finally decide to join in on the ‘fun’. Or that's what he thought at least. But in this awkward time, he saw it, him.
Travis, the big dumb flirt he is, doing what he does best, flirting with Katelyn. Despite his stupidity, you got to give it to him; he is persistent and loyal, to a fault sadly. And guess what happened? She hit him into the wall, and everyone just rolled their eyes… at Travis. This always puts a lump in his throat, his rage for Katelyn just grows each time he sees her put her hands on Travis. Despite the fact that Zane was obviously losing his cool, he did his best to hide it. It pained him to see Travis like this, hurt for doing his best; especially knowing that he would melt out of love if Travis did those things to him. But instead, Katelyn is the one getting all of his attention and is wasting it.
The rest of the night was uneventful, though Zane was glad about that because that meant he was able to leave peacefully. When he finally got home he tried to go back to bed; curling himself under all of his blankets in his favorite pajamas. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get what happened with Travis out of his head. All Zane wanted to do is go up to Travis and take him away; take him home and shower him in love. Make Travis feel safe and cared for, let him know that he is enough and deserves love. It's these thoughts that keep him up all night, these wants that have him crying himself to sleep since the 10th grade.
At the time he just thought it was young love, that it would go away, I mean he was just a 15 year old in the middle of puberty. He thought that since Travis obviously didn’t like people ‘like’ Zane, this would just be an embarrassing little crush; but little young Zane was so dense to how far in love he was that light could have bent around him. Now, 17 years later, he is laying in bed, crying like the 32 year old baby he is.
It took awhile for the pathetic specimen to fall asleep, but when he did he dreamt of loneliness; unfulfilled desires; and salty water. But this was not the water of the seas that calmed him so, this was the salt of his own tears. And this is how it was living the life of Zane Ro'meave, and how the next 8 days went by. He avoided everyone, went to work, ate junk food, and cried at the sight of his own face in the bathroom.