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Dying and being resurrected by a demigod, as it turns out, is worth a couple days off. One day for all of them to celebrate together; Victor and Rosa tell the school they’re sick (the entire city was in a bubble and destroyed by harpies but god forbid the school actually closes), and let them sleep in and pig out on junk food and pizza and stay in their pyjamas. It’s actually an amazingly normal day, and everybody kind of forgets about all the crazy shit they’ve been through the last few days.
Or, at the very least, no one brings it up.
Frankly, Billy is kind of relieved.
Though, it is kind of hard to ignore the fact that they’re currently staying in a too-small rental house. Just for a little while; they’ll be able to live around a lot of the construction at home, but they at least need to get the roof fixed before they move back in. That’s kind of a big deal.
The next day, Victor and Rosa send Freddy, Eugene, Pedro, and Darla back to school, but they let Billy stay home again, telling the school that he’s still sick.
“Oh come on,” Freddy protests as Victor herds him towards the door. “I’m sick! What about me?” He coughs a few times, loudly, dramatically. “I was kidnapped!”
“We know,” Victor says. “And we’re absolutely willing to talk that through with you. You know we’re here for you.”
“Have some pity for the disabled kid!”
“I have sympathy for you,” Victor continues. “We can talk about sending you back to therapy, if that’s what you need.” Freddy groans, rolling his eyes. “No?” Victor waits for Freddy’s response, but gets only a glare in return. “Didn’t think so.”
“Don’t drink the rest of my Dr. Pepper!” Freddy exclaims, pointing his crutch back at Billy. “I know exactly how much I have left, I marked it—”
“Come on, Freddy,” Darla says, bouncing by him. “The sooner we leave, the sooner we get home!”
Freddy sighs and looks at Victor, who nods. “She’s right,” Victor says. “Move.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Freddy says. “Bye, Billy!”
“Bye, Billy!” Darla echoes, and then Eugene and Pedro join in as they file outside.
Billy watches as the door closes behind them, and then he slowly lifts his hand up. “Bye,” he says softly.
The house is immediately quiet. Too quiet. Normally, that would be great. With so many people, it can be hard to find the quiet. Billy should be jumping for joy. But today, for some reason, it immediately gets under his skin. He scratches his fingers over his forearms, staring blankly ahead.
He’s broken from his thoughts— he can’t tell if he wasn’t thinking anything or if he was thinking too much— when he hears Rosa moving around behind him. He twists to face her. “Can I help?”
“Oh, no, you don’t have to,” Rosa says, smiling sympathetically at him. “For today, you can rest. I know you need it.”
“No, Mom, I can help,” Billy says, eagerly pushing himself up off the sofa. “Let me do laundry.”
Rosa’s mouth falls open in surprise. “You want to do laundry?” she asks. “You hate laundry.” That’s true, it’s Billy’s least favourite chore, other than doing the dishes.
“It’s the least I can do,” he says. And at least it would provide a distraction from his thoughts or non-thoughts.
“Are you sure?” Rosa asks. She reaches up, pressing the back of her hand to Billy’s forehead. “You don’t need to push yourself.”
“I know it’s weird,” Billy says, and that’s an understatement. After everything weird that’s already happened to him, literally dying and coming back to life somehow beats it all. “But I feel fine.” He smiles and shrugs his shoulders, trying to come off as casual. “I can help.”
Rosa studies him, and maybe she doesn’t seem sure, she’s too smart to buy the act. But she hands the laundry basket over to him anyway. “Alright,” she says slowly. “I think the machine here is older than the one at home. If you need help—”
“I can google it,” Billy says.
“Right,” Rosa says. “Of course.”
“Be back!” Billy says, and he hurries off to do the first load. Even though they haven’t been there that long, the laundry piles up quickly, and Billy goes about collecting it. He walks through the house a few times to make sure he doesn’t miss even a single sock. Once the third load is in the washing machine, he goes off searching for Rosa.
“What’s for lunch?” he asks. “I can help.” It’s just the two of them, since Victor’s at work, so it’s not like it’s going to be much effort.
“We have leftover pizza,” Rosa says. “Is that okay?”
“Oh, definitely,” Billy says. “I’ll heat the oven.” He hurries by her towards the kitchen. “What about supper, can I help with supper?” It’s still hours away, but when you’ve got that many people to feed, it’s better to start as soon as you can.
“No, that’s alright,” Rosa says, following behind him.
“Are you sure?” Billy asks.
“It’s not much of a day off if you spend the whole thing helping me,” Rosa says.
“I don’t mind,” Billy says. “Really.”
“Billy,” Rosa says, reaching out to gently brush his hair back from his eyes.
Billy smiles at her, but he can feel it wavering. It’s fake, plastered on. Trying to reassure Rosa— his mom— that he’s fine. And he is fine, really. He won. He saved the day, he won, he beat Kalypso. Yeah, he died, and that part really fucking sucked, but—
“Oh, Billy,” Rosa says again, and Billy looks at her in confusion. But then he blinks and feels the tears spill over his cheeks, and oh, yeah, maybe that’s why she’s looking at him with such a sad look on her face.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly, reaching up to wipe his eyes.
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Rosa says. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”
Billy sniffles and tries to speak again, but his voice breaks and then he breaks a little, starting to cry harder. Now that it’s out, he can’t really contain it.
“You’ve done so much for all of us,” Rosa continues. She wipes his cheek for him. “For the city. What are you sorry for?”
“I don’t know,” Billy says, but he does, and he can’t keep the whine out of his voice, he sounds so pathetic, but he decides to just let it happen. He wraps his arms around Rosa, and buries his face in her neck, and lets himself sob against her, his shoulders shaking.
It’s a testament to how sweet she is that she doesn’t push him away, or get grossed out by the snot and tears he’s leaving on her. She just holds onto him for as long as he needs; Billy has no idea how long that actually is, but by the time he pulls back from her, his face is blotchy and his eyes are tired.
There’s a lot he wants to say, he wants to get it out, and he knows that Rosa will listen to it all. But instead, he opens his mouth and the first thing that comes out is, “the oven.”
“Mm?”
Billy sniffles. “It’s on.”
“Oh, right,” Rosa says. She gently rubs his arm and then steps back to go grab the leftover pizza. She sticks it in the oven to reheat, and then she turns back to him. “Do you want some Dr. Pepper?”
Billy snorts with laughter, his shoulders shaking as he tries to hold it back. “Freddy will know,” he says.
Rosa smiles and shrugs. “Well, he’s not here, is he?”
“No, guess not,” Billy says.
“Come on,” Rosa says, and she opens the fridge. “Live a little.” She pours them each a glass, and Billy finally moves again to grab a couple plates and some paper towels. “Go wash up,” she says, and Billy nods, heading towards the bathroom.
“Shit,” he murmurs when he catches himself in the mirror. Yup, that looks like a guy who just cried embarrassingly hard to his mom. He blows his nose, because— gross, and then washes his hands and rinses his face. He’s still a little red, he feels drained, but he also just wants to eat. Keep the normalcy going for a second longer. He dries off and tries to smile in the mirror, and then he heads back into the kitchen.
He notices right away that Rosa’s changed her shirt, and he feels bad. Then he thinks that at least he can do another load of laundry after lunch.
She’s already sitting at the table, the pizza in front of her, so Billy drops down and picks up a slice. “Thank you,” he says, before he takes a big bite.
“You’re welcome,” Rosa says. She takes a sip of her Dr. Pepper, and dramatically swallows hard. “Mm, delicious,” she says. “Freddy has good taste.”
Billy ducks his head and laughs. “He’s not gonna be happy with you.”
“Hmm, I’ve survived worse.” Rosa takes another drink and then a bite of her pizza, and shifts back in her chair. “Do you want to talk?” she asks.
“Uh, I don’t know,” Billy says. “Sometime.”
“Not right now?”
Billy shakes his head. “Is that okay?”
“It is,” Rosa says. “For now. You can take your time. But you know that I’m always here for you, yes?”
Billy nods. “Yeah, of course,” he says. “I just…” He groans softly, and reaches up, rubbing his hand over the back of his head. “Yeah,” he says. “I know.” That’s all he can say right now.
“Okay, good,” Rosa says.
They finish eating their lunch in silence, and then Billy hops up to do the dishes while Rosa disappears for a couple minutes.
“Here,” she says, walking back into the kitchen, her hand outstretched.
“What’s that for?” Billy asks, looking at the twenty dollar bill she’s offering him.
“Go buy Freddy some more Dr. Pepper,” Rosa says, and Billy smiles. “And something for yourself. And a bag of chips or two.”
“Okay,” Billy says. He dries his hands and carefully takes the money from her. “Now?”
“Go ahead,” she says. “I’ll finish the dishes.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Billy says. He grabs a hoodie and his sneakers and heads outside. He glances around, not used to this neighbourhood. He plays with the zipper on his sweater and decides— “left,” he breathes out, and heads that way. He doesn’t mind if it takes a little long, he likes being out of the house. His thoughts can just run wild without distraction, and he has so much on his mind. It’s gonna take awhile to work through this shit.
He nods politely at the cashier when he walks into the store, and immediately heads back to the cooler to grab Freddy a two-liter bottle of Dr. Pepper. It’s the only thing that’s going to make him happy. He grabs a couple bags of chips that he knows the others like, and a small bag of Skittles for Darla. He knows everything has gone to hell and costs too much, but he’s pretty sure he still has enough to buy some candy for himself, thinking that he’ll share it with Freddy later.
Freddy. Freddy fucking Freeman.
Billy sighs and shakes his head. Freddy’s part of the whole problem, the thoughts he can’t get out of his head. He’s mad at himself. He’s sad. He’s jealous.
He’s also been staring at the candy for way too long, the cashier probably thinks he’s lost his mind.
He kind of has, in a way.
Billy grabs the sugariest shit he can, and carries everything up to the cash. “Hi,” he says, “just this.”
“Bag?”
Billy nods. “Thanks.” Luckily, the twenty dollars covers it, and he takes his change back for Rosa.
He takes the long way home, because he doesn’t want to go home just yet. He’d love to go for a run or transform and just fly away to City Hall and sit on William Penn’s hat. But no, he can’t disappear on Rosa. And Freddy’s Dr. Pepper has to go in the fridge.
“I’m back!” Billy calls out when he steps inside. “I got your chips!”
“Thank you!” Rosa calls back from somewhere in the house.
Billy walks into the kitchen and puts the chips on the counter and Freddy’s soda in the fridge. He goes upstairs to leave Darla’s Skittles on her bed, and then tosses his candy on his mattress. He and Freddy are still sharing a room here. Eugene and Pedro are stuck sharing the basement, which isn’t finished, but it fits them and a couple mattresses. It’s fine for now, until their house is liveable again.
“Rosa?” Billy asks, heading back downstairs.
“I’m folding laundry,” Rosa says, and Billy goes to find her. “How is it outside?”
“It’s okay,” Billy says.
“How are you feeling?” Rosa asks.
“I can still help,” Billy says.
“Do you want to?”
Billy shrugs. Does he want to do chores? No, not really. But he doesn’t want to leave them all for Rosa either. “Well…no.”
Rosa laughs softly. “I know,” she says. “Go read a book or something. Play on your phone. Be a kid.”
“Are you sure?” Billy asks, and Rosa nods. “Okay, I’ll— I’ll be in my room, if you need me.”
“Try not to fall asleep,” Rosa says. “It won’t help you tonight.”
“I won’t,” Billy says. “Thanks.” He goes upstairs and flops on his bed, burying his face in his pillow. He takes a breath, but the pillow against his face, it freaks him out. Billy’s stomach twists and he immediately rolls onto his stomach, looking up at the ceiling and taking a deep breath. “Shit,” he mutters. He rubs his eyes, and contemplates ignoring Rosa’s advice, but he doesn’t. He looks around and grabs one of Freddy’s books to read, to at least try to take his mind off things.
Instead, he mostly tosses and turns for awhile, trying to get comfortable. He manages to get through a couple pages of the book before he tosses it aside and throws his arm over his eyes, trying to shut out the sunlight. He feels— he doesn’t know, like— he has too much energy, not enough. He definitely wants to cry. Or scream. Fight someone.
He wraps his arms around his pillow and buries his face in it again, but that still feels suffocating, and his eyes fill with hot tears that quickly spill over. He bites down on the pillow to muffle the sound of his cries, and his shoulders shake as he sobs.
For the second time that day, he cries until he loses all track of time, until he feels tired, like a total piece of shit. His head hurts. He wants to sleep, he’s tired, it’s heavy, he could sink into the mattress. Maybe he does fall asleep for a few minutes, but he jerks awake when he hears—
“You drank my Dr. Pepper!”
Billy groans, and rubs his eyes as he rolls onto his back. He can hear the others moving around downstairs, clearly it’s later in the day than he thought. “We bought more,” is all he says.
“And ate the pizza!” Freddy says, tossing his backpack onto the floor. “I wanted that.”
“Sorry.”
“You should’ve been there, man,” Freddy says, “what a piece of shit. More than usual, I mean. How can they send us there? Like, demons knocked out one of the walls in the hallway, but nooo, we still need to be there. I tell you what, no way I’m going back tomorrow. I’m protest—”
Billy opens his eyes to look at Freddy, wondering why he stopped. “What?”
“What’s wrong with you?” Freddy asks, looking down at him.
“I—” Billy snorts, and throws his hands up in the air. “I fucking died?”
“Oh.” Freddy stares at him, and he drops his crutch. “Yeah.”
“Yeah.” Billy presses the heel of his palms into his eyes, and starts to cry again. He feels Freddy sit down on the bed with him, and Billy rolls away from him onto his side.
“Hey! Where’d this Fun Dip come from?”
“Rosa gave me the money,” Billy says softly.
“Oh, that’s nice of her,” Freddy says. “Is it for me?”
“No, we’re going to share,” Billy says.
“Fuck yes,” Freddy says.
Billy sniffles loudly, and curls in on himself, bringing his knees up to his chest. The tears keep leaking, staining the pillowcase, and he can feels Freddy settling in, getting comfortable on the mattress behind him.
“This place sucks,” Freddy mutters. “Just trying to make conversation.”
“I died,” Billy says again.
“I know,” Freddy says. “Trust me, I know.”
Billy feels Freddy’s hand on his arm, and he rolls onto his back again, looking at him.
“I got kidnapped,” Freddy says. “If that makes you feel better.”
“No.”
“Well, I tried.” Freddy sighs, exasperated, then he looks back at Billy. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t know,” Billy says. “Yes. But…no.”
“You know you can tell me,” Freddy says. “I’m an asshole, but I can listen.” He reaches down to help shift his leg, and then he rolls onto his side to get a better look at him. “Tell me.”
Billy looks at him, and yes, he knows that Freddy is— a lot— but he also knows that Freddy can listen. He cares. They’re best friends. Billy looks deep into Freddy’s eyes, and then without thinking, his eyes slowly look down to look at Freddy’s lips before he can stop himself. “I…” He sniffles. “I don’t know,” he says.
“Because I can talk about it,” Freddy says. “I mean, you fucking died. You were like, oh, don’t worry about me, Freddy, I’m just going to save the city. And then you— were gone. And I saw your body, and it was like…” He shakes his head. “I’m used to losing people. But that— I— you were gone. And you didn’t wake up. I told you to stop fucking around and joking and wake up but you didn’t.” Freddy looks down, and swallows hard. “I was alone. I felt alone.”
“I’m sorry,” Billy says. “I wanted to tell you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left you, and Rosa and Victor, and everyone else. I did—” He rolls onto his side, so that he and Freddy are facing each other, only a couple inches between them. “I did it to save the city, and you…but I can’t believe— I left you. I kind of hate myself for it.”
“You were being a hero,” Freddy says.
“Yeah, but it hurt the people I love,” Billy says.
Freddy thinks on that, and sighs softly. “Can I ask you something?” he asks.
“Anything.”
“Did it hurt?” Freddy asks. “Were you scared?”
Billy looks at Freddy for a moment before slowly nodding.
“Both?”
“Yeah.”
“Shit.”
“It hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt,” Billy continues. “And then all of a sudden it stopped. Then the next thing I knew I was underground.”
“No bright white light?”
“I don’t know,” Billy says. “Not that I remember anyway. It was just pain and then…I remember taking my last breath.” He sniffles, and wipes his eyes. “And thinking that I was glad that I saved you but that I was sad I’d never see you again.”
“Yeah, because I’m awesome,” Freddy says. Then he winces, because maybe it’s not the time for jokes. “Sorry.”
“Then I was awake again,” Billy says. “And everyone was really happy. Don’t get me wrong, I was too. I am, I am.” He touches Freddy’s arm to reassure him. “But I—” His breath hitches. “I was dead. How the hell am I supposed to…” He shakes his head, and covers his eyes again. “I don’t know what I’m saying, ignore me.”
“Love to,” Freddy says. “I ignore all the stupid shit you say. But this isn’t stupid shit. It’s a big deal.”
“I spent all day helping Rosa with chores so I could make up for the fact that she had to watch a kid die,” Billy says.
Freddy snorts. “Oh yeah, how’d that go?”
“I don’t know,” Billy says. “Is laundry enough to make up for that?”
“God, you did laundry?” Freddy asks. “That’s insane, you’re insane. She gave you the day off and you did work?”
“I felt bad.”
“I didn’t get a special day off,” Freddy says. “What about me? Don’t they give a shit?”
“Freddy?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you okay?”
“What do you mean?” Freddy asks.
“Like you said,” Billy says, shifting to get more comfortable. “You got kidnapped.”
“I’m really mostly fine,” Freddy says. “Big deal, right? I mean, just because I saw our teacher walk off a roof. And had my powers stolen. Got locked in a dungeon. Kind of tortured? Obviously I’m great.”
“Freddy,” Billy says. “Come on. It’s okay if you’re not.”
“Okay, maybe I’m not,” Freddy says.
“Freddy—”
“I’ll be fine,” Freddy says. “Besides, I’m better now!”
“Really?” Billy asks, and Freddy nods eagerly. “Why, what happened?” Then Billy realizes, oh, right. Anne. Of course. No wonder. Freddy probably saw her at school today. Is she going back to school? What’s the point, she must’ve learned everything already.
Billy looks down, trying to hide his hurt.
“Uh, my best friend came back to life?” Freddy says, giving Billy a playful shove, making Billy look at him again. “What else? God, Billy, come on! You don’t realize how fucked up I was when I thought you were dead. Seriously, dude, I didn’t know…” He trails off, a sad look on his face.
“What you were going to do?” Billy says, and Freddy nods. “Yeah, neither did I.”
“When?” Freddy asks.
“When they took you,” Billy says. “I didn’t know what I was going to do either. All I could think about was how to get you back.”
“I get it,” Freddy says, rolling his eyes. “I’m worth all the drama.”
“You are,” Billy says.
“Come on, I was joking,” Freddy says.
“I wasn’t,” Billy says. “You really are. I fought Kalypso and died to save everyone, but…” He swallows hard, and quickly glances at Freddy’s lips again. “I would’ve done it for just you too,” he says. “I couldn’t lose you, Freddy. Ever.”
“You won’t,” Freddy says. “You can’t get rid of me.”
“Yeah, right,” Billy mutters before he can think to stop himself.
“What do you mean?” Freddy asks.
“Never mind,” Billy says, and he rolls onto his back, trying to get away from Freddy. “Nothing.”
“No, what do you mean?” Freddy asks, awkwardly pushing himself up so that he can look down at Billy.
“I don’t mean anything, I’m an idiot,” Billy says. “I’m literally braindead.”
“I’m not debating that,” Freddy says. “You’re stupid as shit, but what do you mean? Where am I going?” He puts his hand on Billy’s chest, and starts shaking him. “Tell me, tell me.”
Billy could shove Freddy off of him pretty easily, it takes zero effort and he’s done it plenty of times before. But instead he decides to just say it, even if he thinks Freddy’s gonna hate him for it after. “Anne!” he exclaims, slapping Freddy’s hand away from him. “You’re— ugh, you’re with Anne now. I know you won’t have…” Feelings for me. “Time for me anymore.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” Billy says. “So, I mean, I know you were— I know you guys are gonna wanna spend a lot of time together now, and I get it, but—”
“She’s cool,” Freddy says. “And I’m not gonna lie, super hot. She kissed me. I’ve been kissed! These lips have touched lips!” He touches his fingers to his lips, and makes a sound like a choir of angels.
Billy definitely can’t help but look at Freddy’s lips this time, and he bites down on his own bottom lip, trying to not say (or do) anything he might regret.
“But can I be honest?” Freddy says, and Billy nods. “It’s kind of weird that she’s like, six thousand years older than me, right? That’s a lot. I know I’m above the age of consent but— you know. That’s kind of…blech.”
“So, what?” Billy asks.
“We ended it,” Freddy says.
“Oh,” Billy says, and he swallows hard. “That’s— are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Freddy says. “She and I talked. I think we’ll be better as friends.”
“Good,” Billy says, trying to not sound too excited. “Always— friends are great. Can’t have enough of them.”
“So, don’t worry about her stealing me away from you or anything,” Freddy says, and Billy knows that Freddy is joking but Billy’s not, he was genuinely worried. Not that Freddy can’t have friends, Billy’s not crazy possessive, but when he saw him with Anne, it was like…
Billy thought he had time. A lot of time to tell Freddy the truth. He was working up to it. Okay, yeah, he’s been working up to it for the last three years. And sure, maybe he always (selfishly) counted on Freddy not being able to find anybody else. But clearly, he can. And Billy thought he lost his chance forever.
“Is that all?” Freddy asks.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know,” Freddy says. “You still seem weird. Weirder than usual.” He narrows his eyes. “So, tell me, before I develop the power of mind reading.” He puts his fingers on Billy’s temple and closes his eyes, like he’s reading his thoughts.
Billy’s mouth falls open, and he thinks what to say. He could say it. He could tell him the truth. Sure, it might be weird. Would Rosa and Victor think it’s weird? Obviously being gay is not the problem, they’ve known about Pedro being gay for years. But…if Freddy doesn’t like him back, it might ruin everything. Billy would rather have him as a friend than not have him at all.
But— and Billy cannot understate the importance of this— he fucking died. He died. And it’s only by the power of goddamn Wonder Woman that he’s back. That’s a miracle. It’s not like he can count on it to happen twice. He died without telling Freddy how he really feels. This is his second chance. He can’t waste that, can he?
“It’s like a white noise machine in there,” Freddy says suddenly, and his eyes pop open. “Not a single goddamn thought.” He taps Billy on the forehead. “It’s a good thing you’re pretty.”
“Thanks,” Billy says, heavily breathing out. “You— you’re pretty too.”
“Yeah, thanks,” Freddy says.
“You are,” Billy says.
“I know,” Freddy says, and Billy smiles. “I’m gorgeous, I’m a model. They’re gonna put me on magazine covers.”
“I like you,” Billy says.
Freddy looks at Billy, confused, and then he laughs. “Uh, yeah, I like you too. I love you!”
“I mean, I li— like like you,” Billy says.
Freddy looks confused again. “Huh?”
Billy doesn’t know what to say. He kind of thought— well, fuck, he doesn’t know what he thought. He thought saying it would be the hard part, he didn’t think he’d have to explain it. “Never mind.” He quickly sits up, and Freddy has to move out of the way, which throws him off balance and he falls off the bed, tumbling to the floor.
“Oh, shit!” Billy says.
“What, are you trying to kill me?” Freddy exclaims.
“Boys! No roughhousing in the house!” Rosa calls out.
“Sorry!”
There’s footsteps in the hallway, and then Darla suddenly appears in their room. “Thanks for the Skittles, Billy!”
“You’re welcome,” Billy says.
“Freddy, why are you on the floor?” Darla asks.
“Bum leg,” Freddy says.
“Do you need help?” Darla asks.
“No, Billy’s got me,” Freddy says.
“Come downstairs,” Darla says. “We want help cooking!”
“We’ll be down in a bit,” Billy says, and he stands up, offering his hand to Freddy.
“Yeah, gimme a minute,” Freddy says, and Darla turns and hurries away. He looks up at Billy in disbelief. “What are you talking about?”
“Nothing,” Billy says. “Forget it. I didn’t say anything.”
“You like me?” Freddy asks.
“Freddy, please,” Billy whines. “Just— forget it.”
“No way.” Freddy grabs onto Billy’s hand, and lets him pull him up, carefully steadying himself. His crutch is still on the floor where he left it. He could grab it, but he keeps his hand on Billy instead. “Why are you telling me this?”
“I know it’s not fair to you,” Billy says. “To tell you that. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Did I get really hot all of a sudden?” Freddy asks.
“Well, you—” Billy shrugs. “I don’t know. You grew up?”
“Oh my god, you think I’m hot?” Freddy says, way too loudly, especially considering their bedroom door is open.
“Shut up!”
“That’s insane! You’re insane!”
“You’re always talking about how hot you are,” Billy says. “Why can’t you believe it?”
“Those are self-deprecating jokes to make myself feel better,” Freddy says. “Okay, is Captain Everypower hot? Uh, yeah!”
“Freddy, stop.”
“But me? What are you talking about? How much brain damage did you get when you died?” Freddy asks.
“Please, stop,” Billy says softly. This is already embarrassing enough, he needs it to stop.
“Okay, that was mean,” Freddy says. “To you and me both. But— wait. Okay. Wait.”
“I’m gonna go help with supper,” Billy says, and he starts to pull away but Freddy digs his fingers into him. “Freddy. I’m gonna go.”
“Huh?” Freddy’s mind is clearly racing, he’s already distracted, but he lets go of Billy anyway.
“Thanks,” Billy says. “I’ll uh…I’m sorry, Freddy.” He looks down, and hurries out of the room, leaving Freddy behind. He washes up, and finally says hello to Pedro and Eugene, and then he starts helping Rosa in the kitchen while Darla excitedly tells him about everything that happened at school that day.
Victor gets home from work and he helps Eugene with his homework (or tries to anyway) while everyone else is running around. Freddy eventually comes downstairs too, and Billy’s not sure if Freddy’s ignoring him or if he’s ignoring Freddy, it might be both. But Billy keeps his eyes down and focused on chopping vegetables. Fuck, he really told Freddy—
“Fuck,” Billy breathes out, and Darla looks over at him. “Nothing,” he says. “Just thinking about…” He can’t think fast enough. “Gotta go back to school tomorrow,” he says finally. He glances over his shoulder and sees Freddy and Pedro setting the table, and he looks back down again.
They finally get everything together, and Billy helps carry the food over the table before dropping down heavily in his seat. Freddy sits down across from him as usual, and Billy slinks down in his chair.
“Sit up,” Victor says almost immediately, patting Billy on the back. “Can’t eat like that.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” Billy says quietly, but instead of straightening up, he hunches over the table instead.
“Not much better kiddo,” Victor says, and Billy sighs, finally sitting up. “You alright?”
“Yeah, just…” Billy shrugs. “A lot going on the past few days.”
“Agree with that,” Victor says. “I know this place is a little small, maybe we don’t all have our own space—”
“The basement is kind of scary,” Eugene says, and Pedro nods. “Can we have another light?”
“We’ll try to find one after dinner, okay?” Rosa says.
“But it’s still home, right?” Victor continues. “At least for right now.”
“Sorry about the roof,” Eugene says. “And the floor.”
“Again,” Pedro says.
“Don’t worry about it,” Rosa says.
“All hands on deck,” Victor says, and they all throw their hands into the middle. “Thank you for this family, thank you for this day, thank you for this food—”
“I have to write an essay,” Pedro says, and everyone smiles before they get settled in and start dishing out their food.
“Thank you for helping around the house today,” Victor says to Billy, and he nods. “Who wants to hear about my day?”
“I do!” Darla exclaims.
“Thank you,” Victor says, and he starts in on a long story about some customer at work.
Billy pokes at the salad on his plate, stabbing a carrot with his fork. He keeps his head down, but he tries looking up, peering across the table at Freddy. Freddy’s mostly focusing on his own food, but then he looks over at Billy too, and Billy immediately looks back down at his plate. He wants to eat quickly and run back upstairs to his room but it’s not like he can escape him. And it’s not like Victor and Rosa will excuse him after only five minutes anyway.
“Do you not want your salad?” Darla asks. “I can eat it.”
“He’s barely started, give him a chance,” Rosa says.
Billy takes a giant bite of salad to prove that he wants to eat, and then he smiles at her.
“Okay, I’ll eat my own,” Darla says.
Billy makes himself stay at the table until everyone is done eating so he can’t be accused of running away. Then he hops up to start clearing the table; Darla helps him, while Rosa and Pedro start looking for an extra light and Eugene and Freddy take out the garbage.
After that, Freddy disappears upstairs again, claiming he has to work on a paper, so Billy stays downstairs to wash the dishes with Victor’s help.
“We’ll be back,” Rosa says, leading Eugene and Pedro to the front door. “Do we need anything else while we’re out?”
“Can I come?” Darla asks.
“Yes, get out of here,” Victor says, playfully kicking his foot towards Darla. He chuckles and looks at Billy. “So, what’s going on?”
“I don’t know,” Billy says.
“Right on,” Victor says. “Neither do I, that’s why I asked. How are you doing with everything?”
Billy shakes his head. “I don’t know,” he says again, quieter this time.
“There’s no way I can tell you I know what you’re going through,” Victor says. “I can’t. I— I can’t even imagine. You hid a lot, for a long time.”
“I’m sorry,” Billy says.
“Then you fought a god,” Victor says. “And…well, kid, you died.”
“I’m sorry about that too,” Billy says.
“You don’t have to apologize,” Victor says. “I’m just saying, I can relate to a lot of what you kids go through but this is a new one for me. So, I don’t expect normal in the house for awhile. And I don’t expect you to jump up and down and be super excited to talk about it, but eventually, we’ll talk about it.”
“Yeah, I know,” Billy says. “I don’t not wanna talk about it. I just need more time.”
“We can work with that,” Victor says. “You’re a good kid, Billy. I always knew it. I just didn’t know how good.”
“You’re a good dad,” Billy says, and Victor’s mouth falls open dramatically.
“Me?” he asks, looking around. “I am?”
“Yeah, you are,” Billy says.
“Thanks, Billy.”
Billy smiles. “You’re welcome.”
When they finish the dishes, Billy tidies up some more, and then looks around. He’s still not ready to go upstairs and face Freddy. So he turns towards the front door.
“Where are you going?” Victor asks.
Billy looks over his shoulder. “The porch,” he says.
“No crimefighting,” Victor says.
“Just fresh air,” Billy says. “Promise.” He fiddles with the zipper on his hoodie and steps out, taking a deep breath. The neighbourhood is still relatively busy, people trying to clean up after everything. It’s a sort of comforting. Makes him feel like he’s not alone. But still, there’s no one close by to bother him. He drops down on the old rickety bench this house has sitting out front, and he shoves his hands into his pockets. Nothing to do except sit.
He’s been outside for a few minutes when the door opens, and he looks over, his stomach sinking.
“Fun Dip?” Freddy asks, holding it out to him.
Billy stares blankly up at him for a couple seconds, before he shakes his head. “No, you can have it.”
Freddy drops down next to Billy, and they both wince at the creaking sound the bench makes. “This feels safe,” Freddy says. “God. So.” He rips open the package and dips into the orange sugar. “What are you doing?”
Billy shrugs. “Nothing.”
“Fun.” Freddy grins. “Ha, Fun Dip. Sure you don’t want any?”
“I’m sure.”
Freddy takes a huge scoop of the sugar, so much that he spills some over his shirt before it actually gets into his mouth, but oh well, that’s half the fun.
They sit there in silence for a couple minutes— well, mostly silence, except for the noises that Freddy keeps making. Apparently he’s really into the Fun Dip. It’s not helping Billy and all the thoughts that keep running through his head but he knows it would be rude to leave.
He’s seriously considering it, though, before Freddy finally speaks up again.
“I’ve figured it out.”
Billy looks over at him. “What?”
“You died.”
“Yeah,” Billy says, voice raspy, like he’s already on the verge of tears. Again. He’s never cried so much in his life. “I died. I was dead.”
“Right, so I figured it out,” Freddy says. “You died and came back and had like, an epiphany.” He dumps some more sugar into his mouth, and makes a face when it’s just a little bit too much. “You died, and realized how short life is and how important it is, and you confessed your love to me.”
“I don’t remember saying love,” Billy says.
Freddy snorts. “Well, you obviously do. Is the rest of it right?”
“Yes,” Billy says, slouching down in his seat, trying to curl up and get away from it. “Okay? You’re right.”
“Knew it.”
Billy wants to get up and leave again, but he can’t, it’s like he’s glued there. God, this is a disaster, he should’ve just shut up.
“There is one thing I don’t get, though.”
“Oh yeah?”
“You’re a babe.”
Billy quickly turns to look back at Freddy. “What?”
“You’re like, hot hot,” Freddy says. “I was joking, but you’re an actual model.”
“That’s not true,” Billy says.
“You’re hotter than me.”
“No, I’m not.”
Freddy rolls his eyes. “Oh yeah, sure. Okay. Well, I’m not gonna call you braindead again but…” He sighs. “I just don’t get it. What do you see in me?”
“I—” Billy shakes his head. “Why do you wanna know?”
“What do you mean?” Freddy asks. “You tell me you like me and I can’t know why?”
“You’re not going to make fun of me for it?” Billy asks.
“Oh, definitely,” Freddy says. “For sure. Can you blame me?”
Billy can’t really say he’s surprised. Freddy makes fun of everyone for everything, this shouldn’t be any different. “You are cute,” Billy says. “I think you’re cute. I like your eyes, and your hair. But you’re funny too—”
“Won’t argue with that.”
“And smart. And I don’t know!” Billy says. “You— I just like you. A lot. I like spending time with you. More than how I like spending time with everybody else. Why are you acting like you don’t know what having a crush is like?”
“I don’t know! I guess I can’t believe it.”
“Okay, fine,” Billy says. “That’s fine. You don’t have to believe me. I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“No, you’re not,” Freddy says.
“What?”
“Like I said,” Freddy says. “You like— your death epiphany. You don’t regret it.”
“Ugh,” Billy groans. “I don’t know what you want from me.” He leans forward, and puts his head in his hands. “No, I don’t regret it,” he says, voice muffled by his hands. “I wish you reacted better but I’m glad I told you. If I die again, I—”
Freddy’s hand is on Billy’s shoulder, and he lifts his head up, looking at him. Before he can say anything, Freddy leans in and kisses him.
It’s sweet. Literally. All Billy can taste is the orange sugar. It’s a lot. He’s willing to ignore it though, for Freddy. He leans in closer, and reaches up to touch Freddy’s cheek.
Freddy braces his hand on Billy’s knee, and leans into the kiss, until Billy suddenly and quickly pulls back. “What’s wrong?” Freddy asks.
“Why did you do that?” Billy asks.
“What?” Freddy asks. “I— I thought you wanted to!”
“I do!” Billy says. “But you don’t! Don’t kiss me if you don’t want to!”
“I do want to!”
“Freddy! What are you talking about?” Billy asks. “You were with Anne a day ago!”
“Yeah, but I told you, we’re not together!” Freddy says. “She’s too old for me. And—” He cuts off and makes a face.
“What?” Billy asks.
“I…” Freddy shrugs. “Uh— okay, I would tell you, but I know you won’t believe me.”
“What?” Billy asks again.
“Billy, you died,” Freddy says.
“I know!” Billy exclaims. “I fucking know! Can people stop saying that to me? I don’t—”
“I had the death epiphany!” Freddy says.
Billy frowns. “What?”
“Like you,” Freddy says, gesturing towards him. “But like— me. The opposite.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Billy asks.
“Billy,” Freddy says, and he grabs onto Billy’s hand, holding it tightly. “I told you, I didn’t know what I was going to do. Because I— I didn’t—” His grip on Billy’s hand tightens. “I missed you. I— ugh, you know I don’t know what to say, my shitty mouth just says anything, ugh, gimme a second. Don’t go until I figure out— okay.”
Billy can only stare at Freddy in awe— kind of in awe at how bad at talking he is, but he’s not much better at it. “I’m not going anywhere,” he says.
“Okay.” Freddy thinks for a moment before he inhales deeply, and nods. “I— I think I liked you, and I knew that, but I was never going to do anything about it because I didn’t know you liked me back. And then you died and my heart broke, I know what to be heartbroken means now. Billy, I was so fucking sad.” He looks at Billy, his eyes shining brightly. “And then you came back, and I’d never been happier in my entire fucking life, and then you tell me you like me and I— you’re right. You could die, I could die. And I hope neither of us ever die again but if we die tomorrow— please god, do not let me die tomorrow— I didn’t want to die without kissing you.” He noticeably looks at Billy’s mouth again, but he doesn’t move. “That was romantic though, huh?”
“Shut up,” Billy says, trying not to laugh. It was definitely better than his speech to Freddy.
“Just don’t fucking die again,” Freddy says.
“I’ll try not to.”
“I’m serious,” Freddy says. “Billy, please.”
“So am I,” Billy says. “I’ll try. But I can’t promise. Trust me, I don’t want to. I don’t want that to happen again, ever.”
“Don’t leave me,” Freddy says quietly, and he tugs Billy’s hand closer, holding it on his lap.
“I won’t,” Billy says.
“Not in a— creepy, stay with me forever way, I’m not so stupid to think that we’re gonna be happy and in love our entire lives when we’re seventeen.” Freddy smiles. “You can leave me, I promise I won’t like— I’m not crazy.”
“You are.”
“Can I kiss you again?” Freddy asks again, seemingly unbothered about it.
“Shouldn’t we talk?” Billy asks. “I feel like Victor and Rosa would say we should talk. About our feelings.”
“I feel like I want to kiss you again,” Freddy says. “Does that count?”
“Not really,” Billy says. “I kind of want to kiss you again too though.”
“Yeah?” Freddy lets out a giddy giggle and shifts closer to Billy. “Okay.”
“We should talk,” Billy says. “Like— are we dating, are we boyfriends, or are we just kissing? Should we still be sharing a bedroom?”
“How many do I have to answer before I can kiss you?” Freddy asks.
Billy wants to just kiss him, really, really wants to. But he’s the older one here (okay, by a month, but still), and he needs to be mature about it. “Freddy, are you sure that you want to do this? You don’t have to like me just because I said I like you.”
“I don’t! I like you because you’re hot,” Freddy says. “You’re not taking advantage of me, I’m just shallow.”
Billy laughs. “Should I take that as a compliment?”
“Definitely,” Freddy says. “Dude, I know I just told you Anne was too old for me but you’re not six thousand years older than me. A month! One month! You can’t hold that against me.”
“Okay, fine,” Billy says, he’s sold, and he leans in to kiss Freddy again. There’s less of an orange sugar rush this time, which means that this is just Freddy, he’s kissing Freddy, he knows what Freddy tastes like. God, that’s a gross thought, what’s wrong with him? He finds that he likes it though, so obviously he’s a weirdo.
Freddy opens his mouth a little wider and Billy feels like he’s falling in deeper, leaning into Freddy, getting as close as they can. Then Freddy makes a soft sound and holy crap, Billy might actually be in love. He wraps his arm around Freddy, and he feels Freddy’s hand dig into him, and he could stay out here all night like this, just with him.
Then a car drives by and they pull back so quickly Billy almost smacks the back of his head on the house.
“It wasn’t Rosa,” Freddy says, obviously relieved, so clearly they were thinking the same thing. They’ll definitely probably have to tell Rosa and Victor, but not right away. Just let them have this for like, five minutes before they have to share with the rest of the family.
Billy holds tight to Freddy’s hand, and Freddy looks down, smiling. Then he gives Billy another quick kiss, still smiling. “That was pretty awesome, I gotta admit.”
“Yeah, it was,” Billy says softly. He’s tempted to rest his head on Freddy’s shoulder, curl up on him and just go to sleep. Stay as close to him as he can. Plus he’s tired, the whole crushing weight on the world on him and all that. Ugh, he has to go to school tomorrow. “How do you feel?”
“Amazing, duh.”
Billy laughs. Good, he’s happy to hear it.
“What about you?” Freddy asks. “How do you feel?”
Billy inhales deeply, and squeezes Freddy’s hand. “Amazing,” he says softly. “Alive.”