Work Text:
Jeremy isn’t the greatest with his emotions, in fact he was quiet… bad.
Take for example when he was in the 2nd grade. A bully wrote the word ‘gay’ in bright pink highlighter on his adjective worksheet.
Here’s the thing, Jeremy had no idea what it meant. The only thing that could come to mind was that it was something bad. Something he shouldn’t be.
That hurt.
He didn’t want to be called that, he didn’t want to be seen as this bad thing. He didn’t want to be gay. No he wasn’t gay, what even was gay? It didn't matter, something in his brain was him to not be.
He felt his eyes begin to water up, his sorrow pushing against the dam of his resistance. He recalled the times his mother told him that boys didn’t cry. Jeremy was a boy, he shouldn’t cry.
He was just a kid though. No matter how hard he’d try, the dam broke apart, flooded. He felt his face become wet.
Then the laughter erupted.
“Why are you crying Jeremy? It is cause you’re a fag ?” The bully chided, a snicker booming afterwards. No other child at the table was laughing. They did nothing.
“I… I-i’m…” Jeremy was crying, he was unable to form words. He needed to say something though. “I-I’M NOT A FAG!” He yelled back.
“MR.HEERE!” An older voice boomed. “I do not allow that kind of speech in my classroom!” She chided. She snapped her hand to the door, a finger pointed outwards. “Go to the principal's office.”
“B-“
“Now.”
Jeremy left, the bully had a grin on his face, that quickly turned to fear once the teacher started scolding him the moment Jeremy shut the door. Maybe she just wanted him out of the room before she scolded the instigator in front of him.
That’s wishful thinking though.
The fan droned as Jeremy laid in bed, motionless. There was a feeling of emptiness within him. Micheal canceled on their video game plans today. He could see why. He was just an empty husk of a human being at this point, he wasn’t cool, he wasn’t smart, he wasn’t attractive-
Jeremy caught himself. Loudest one is mine. A mantra he silently coined to himself the day he asked out Cristine. After that single date they realized they weren’t that into each other. It was laughable, honestly.
Jeremy did so much just for her to notice him. He took the SQUIP, irreparably traumatized himself, ruined his longest lasting friendship, fought against his supercomputer controlled cast mates, all to find out he didn’t want the girl in the end. He didn’t get the girl in the end.
Jeremy felt his eyes water up at how pathetic he was. He held back the tears, the seizing of his heart, the immeasurable pity everyone took on him. He blinked it away, his eyes eventually drying up, the seizing gone.
If anything, he was much stronger than he was back then.