Chapter Text
Zach knows he is fucked the moment the girl behind the desk says with an apologetic smile:
“Sorry but we only have a double room.”
It’s late, they had driven the last few hours looking for a motel and this is the only that existed in miles according to the girl. He is so tired he thinks he would fall asleep in the entrance hall, but the thought of sleeping in the same room, in the same bed as Mr. Grady makes him feel dizzy. This has been the utterly problem of his life for almost all this year.
Zach had always loved History, he loves how concrete it is, love to know how people used to live in other ages and how things changed since then; his love just increased when Mr. Grady started to teach his class, the man talked about History with such passion, he so clearly knew and loved what he was saying that the boy found himself more and more fascinated by his classes. A few months after he had started to teach them Zach caught himself working in a project with the teacher. It was not love at first sight. Attraction? Sure. The entire school was drooling at the sight of the new teacher, well, you have to has brain damage to not had to. However, the problem is: the attraction turned into other thing; the more time he spent with Mr. Grady, the more he knew him, more he looked forward to know him more.
Zach is not stupid, he knows his case is hopeless. Mr. Grady is kind and funny, and make the boy’s heart flutters every time he smiles at him. However, the point is: he is a teacher and he would never look at Zach that way. The boy thought about dropping the project when he realized that he was hopeless in love with his professor, but he couldn’t, just the thought of not seeing Mr. Grady as often as he do, and the thought of disappointing him had the boy swallowing his feelings and acting like nothing had changed.
So now he is trapped on a motel with his crush and said crush is saying that they’re going to share room.
“We will take it.”
Zach is sure he looks as betrayed as he feel, but Mr. Grady just take the keys from the girl and walks down the hall. Zach follows him with a resigned sigh.
The room is light blue with beige sheets and a small plan TV, the boy looks around eagerly for a couch or an armchair even where he could sleep and feels his stomach sinks when he finds none.
“You can stay with the bed, I will take the floor.”
Zach’s eyes snap up and he shakes his head.
“No Mr. Grady, I stay in the floor.”
The man turns to him with a fond smile playing on his lips.
“I already told you a thousand times to call me Owen.”
Zach doesn’t need to tell him that he doesn’t want to crumble that wall too. He averts the teacher’s eyes and moves to put his backpack beside the bed.
“Zach.” His voice is soft and the boy ignores the shiver that run down his spine. “There’s room enough for both of us, we can share.”
He glares at the bed that is the source of all of his problems in the moment. He can’t keep fighting with the man or he is going to be suspicious, he sighs and pushes his hair out of his eyes.
“Okay.”
Mr. Grady seems surprised for a moment that he agreed but he nods and let his backpack on the other side of the bed.
“Do you want to take the shower first?”
The boy is nodding even before he had finished. He would probably drive himself mad waiting for the man to finish, and he really doesn’t need the sight of his teacher with wet hair and fresh from the shower invading his dreams, especially tonight. He gathers his things and locks himself into the bathroom. Zach leans heavily against the door and close his eyes taking deep breaths. What am I doing? He know he is acting strange since they had entered Mr. Grady’s car that morning and that the man knows something is wrong, he had to calm down and put his shit together. Stripping he enters the shower and let the hot water relax his tense muscles. He survived all this months and he sure can survive a few more.
Mr. Grady is sitting on the bed and watching some show on the TV when Zach comes out the bathroom, he is completely aware of his thin gray pajamas and skinny pale body, the man gives him a small smile and he tries hard not to blush but fails miserably, he sits cross legged against the headboard and puts a pillow on his lap looking blankly at the TV.
He is sitting in one of the desks, the classroom is empty unless for them, they had already finished their work for the day and now Mr. Grady is drawing in the blackboard the dinosaurs he liked more when he was a kid, he is constantly changing the color of the chalks and telling him the stories about them, Zach can’t contain the corner of his lmouth from turning up.
“This is Echo, Charlie, Delta and Blue.” He points at the respective velociraptors in the board, surprisingly well drawn. “She is the beta.”
Zach lifts an eyebrow, an amused smile playing on his lips while he leans back on his chair.
“And who is the alpha?”
Mr. Grady looks at him with a lopsided smile that makes the boy’s heart skip a beat.
“You’re looking at him kid.”
“Careful or you will stumble in your ego.”
The teacher chuckles, a warm and bright song that leaves Zach’s stomach turning into knots.
“Come on, your turn.”
“What?”
“Draw your favorite dinosaur.”
He takes a moment to remember the mosasaurus. Most of the kids liked the T-Rex, triceraptor or the brontosaurus, but he liked the sea, so he found a dinosaur with eighteen meters that ruled the ocean. He still has his favorite toy on his desk and often holds him when needs to think or is concerned with something. He stands and catches a blue chalk between all of the others Mr. Grady had spread on his desk, from the corner of his eye he can see the man watching him with a small smile and arms crossed, he scratches his nose biting the inside of his cheek while trying to draw. He have no idea of what he is doing, he hasn’t draw in ages, but sometime later he finishes writing Bob above the draw and takes a step back to look at his work.
“What kind of name is Bob?”
Mr. Grady is chuckling and Zach glares at him.
“I was four, not looking much for originality.”
“I had a complete pack.”
“Well, you clearly are more imaginative than me.”
Zach mutters rolling his eyes, the man stops beside him and looks at the board.
“What the hell you tried to draw here?”
Looking at the board too Zach has to admit that he just know what the dinosaur is because he had drawn it, but he would be damned if he admitted that, especially to the man smirking at him.
“Come on, you’re the History teacher.”
“History, not abstract art.”
Zach rolls his eyes and leans a little back, lifting an eyebrow and waiting for an answer. Mr. Grady sighs and turns his attention back to the board. The boy takes the moment to look at him, just a few stolen moments like he do every day. His green eyes are shining with amusement, lips quirked, shoulders relaxed, he is wearing a black button up and jeans today, his arms are crossed but not in a defensive form, and Zach wonders not for the first time how it would be like to be hold between them.
“A procompsognathus? Edmontosaurus? Mastodon?”
“That’s not even a dinosaur.”
Zach chuckles. The man looks at him for a moment like he is trying to understand all the secrets of the universe and Zach is the most hard of them. He squirms a little under the other’s gaze and the teacher blinks looking back at the board.
“I dunno kid.”
Zach smiles even if his cheeks are still a bit flushed.
“It’s a mosasaurus.”
“The sea dinosaur?”
The boy nods and Mr. Grady frowns.
“Why?”
“I always liked the sea, always liked the way it is free and wild, the smell of salty and the sound of the waves hitting the sand, the way the wind seems to try to take your feet out of the ground and drags you to the water, how it is blue and green, and gray and black. You can’t know everything about it.”
Zach shuts himself when he realizes that he is talking too much, he had just bared another part of his life for a man whom he already had given too much of himself. Looking at him from the corner of his eyes he sees that Mr. Grady has a fond smile on his lips while looking soft at the boy, he opens his mouth to say something, anything that will make the man stop looking at him that way, but he is beaten on that.
“There’s powder on your cheek.”
Zach rubs his hands against his cheeks and that just earns him a chuckle from the teacher.
“What?”
He looks up and the way Mr. Grady is looking at him makes his throat close.
“Here.”
Zach stays completely still, like a deer caught in the headlights while the man lifts his hand and brushes his cheek with his thumb, his big hand molds perfectly along the boy’s jaw, and it’s warm and calloused making him gasp. He is looking at him so warm and adoringly, like Zach means something to him, and he wants to save this moment on his memory for the rest of his life. For a split second Mr. Grady’s eyes fall to his lips but it’s so fast he thinks he must had imagined that, the man takes a step back, letting his hand fall by his side and Zach misses the warmth instantly, he hasn’t realized he was holding his breath till it come out of his lungs on a ragged breath.
“There, clean as new.”
“Zach?”
He jumps almost falling out of the bed if it was not for the hand that holds his arm and pulls him back, he turns his head to stare at the man, the place where his fingers touch the boy’s skin sending fire to all his body.
“Hey, ease there.”
He let’s go of his arm and Zach doesn’t know if he is grateful or want the touch back.
“What?”
His voice manages to sound normal even if his heart is racing, he looks into Mr. Grady’s green eyes, they remember him of the sea and that just makes him love them even more.
“Are you ok?”
He furrows his brows and the man continues.
“You’re distracted all the day.”
“I… Uh…”
What is he going to say?
“You’re worried about the convention?”
He just nods. Even if he barely thought about the convention all the day. Mr. Grady gives him a reassuringly smile.
“Everything is going to be fine. The project is very good and you know what you’re talking about.”
He gives his arm a squeeze before standing.
“I’m going to take my shower and you should sleep.”
Zach nods and watches the man walk to the bathroom, he is almost through the door when he takes his shirt off making the boy’s mouth goes dry. The man’s back are miles of muscled tanned skin that looks soft and tempting, and he wants to run his fingers along it or rubs his face there. The door closes and Zach shakes his head tucking himself under the sheets, turning into a tight ball and trying to make himself as small as he can to leave the man more room and not risk to touch him. He hears him turn the shower on and the water starting to flow, burying his face deep into the pillow he tries to gather his mind, the excuse of the convention will not save him on the journey back and in all this months Mr. Grady had come to know him pretty well, surely he will note if the boy keep acting so stiff around him. You can do this, it’s just more two days and everything will be back to normal. As normal as it can be when you love your teacher.
He sighs squeezing his eyes shut and his heart skips a beat when the bathroom door swings open, he keeps his eyes closed and breath stead while hearing the man moving around, he turns the TV off and turn off the lights, Zach’s entire body tremble with anticipation when the mattress change with the weight of Mr. Grady’s body, he moves a little to get comfortable and settles after a moment. They both stay very still, Zach trying not to hyperventilate and gives away that he is still wake, but the man fall asleep easily, his breath slowing and going very quiet; Zach can’t make his body relax and his mind don’t stop swirling with the thought of what it would be like to be pressed against the muscled body, and how much he wanted that. His heart beats painfully against his ribs. He wants, he just wants so much, unfortunately he just wants what he can’t have.
***
He blinks slowly to the sunlight coming from the window and dancing through his closed eyelids, his mind is thick with sleep and he is so warm that he closes his eyes again and buries his back more into the warmth coming from behind him, a strong arm tightens around his waist and he takes a minute to notice that something is wrong. The events from the last day come rushing to him, and he would have fallen out of the bed if it was not for the arm holding him firmly on place. He takes a moment to try to calm his racing heart. A small puff of breath on his nape sends a shiver down his spine, his entire body is flat pressed against Mr. Grady’s bigger one, he is so big that Zach thinks he would hide behind him and no one would find him, his skin is warm and electricity runs where his skin touches the man’s, the feeling of his chest raising and falling is soothing, even if the boy’s heart can’t stop jumping. He closes his eyes and takes a steady breath. He can steal this moment for himself, right? Mr. Grady is sleeping and no one would know. Zach let his mind wanders and he imagines what it would be like to wake every day to this feeling, how he would turn and buries his face into the man’s chest and breathes him in, that smell of forest and sea – like a tropical jungle – that is just so utterly his, thinks about a kiss placed in the crown of his head, hands caressing slowly his body, lazy kisses placed along his shoulder, the feeling to belong somewhere, and his chest clenches painfully because he can’t have this.
He can’t have anything that is good for too long. His parents have let him aside when he was three in favor of his baby brother, his best friend Max moved away when he was ten and since his parents had started the divorce they can’t think about something else. Countless nights he would carry a wide eyed Gray to his room, and they both would put his headphones on and let the music subside the yelling. He knew something was wrong but it was Gray who confirmed his thoughts.
They’re sitting side by side on Zach’s bed and Gray is looking through his new History book while he makes a playlist for them, the little boy is incredibly quiet, usually he would be talking without stop and pointing the dinosaurs on the pages, Zach keep scrolling his phone screen and selecting calm songs, something that would relax his and Gray’s tense shoulders.
“If mom and dad divorce we will have to live in separated homes?”
Zach’s head swings up to meet his little brother blue eyes.
“What? No. They’re not going to divorce. I was born first, they always had been this way.”
He knows they’re fighting a lot but that doesn’t mean they’re going to divorce, right? Things are not so bad.
“Yes they are, they received letters from different lawyers.”
He shakes his head.
“This doesn’t mean anything.”
Gray rubs his watery eyes.
“I googled it, they’re divorce lawyers.”
Zach stay quiet, the knowledge slowly sinking into his mind, Gray starts to sob and he doesn’t think twice before pulling the small boy into his arms and pressing him against his chest.
“Look, this doesn’t matter ok? We’re going to be together no matter what, we will always have one another.”
Gray nods but keeps crying and Zach lets him, he just press the boy even more against him and let his own tears fall.
His parents still try to act like nothing is happening and he doesn’t call them on that, Gray is better now, he is resigned with the fact that soon their father will be moving out of their house.
The body behind him shifts and he tauts. Yeah, everything that is good ends. He takes a few more moments, just a few more to save this moment on his mind, to keep this forever, and then he tries to stand, the arm around his middle tightens and he is pulled more into his teacher’s body, the feeling of lips on his neck have him biting his lip to stop a moan, he takes Mr. Grady’s hand and stops himself from intertwining their fingers, he wonders what it would be like to hold his hand, wonders if his hand would envelop his completely and if his fingers would caress his palm. With another sigh he lifts the hand and slips out of the bed, almost falling when his legs tangle in the sheets, steading himself he looks back at the man. Mr. Grady is burying his face into Zach’s pillow and holding it close to his body, like he misses the body that was pressed to his a few seconds ago, his lips are slightly parted and his hair is disheveled. He takes his backpack and runs into the bathroom when the man shifts on his sleep.
At the same time, he wants to keep the memories from his moments with the man forever in his mind and he wants to burn them into oblivion. It’s hard when your heart sings with happiness at the sight of someone and your chest hurt with the consciousness that this person will never be yours. He braces his hands on the sink and looks at himself in the mirror. There are bags under his eyes since he couldn’t sooth his mind enough to sleep last night, and his hair is falling into his eyes, he brushes the strands away and keeps himself busy changing and thinking about the convention.
When he comes out of the bathroom Mr. Grady is sitting on the bed with a sleepy face and a small smile. Zach thinks he looks adorable and wants to climb into the bed with him. He stops a good distance from the bed and looks at the man, a small smile playing on his lips.
“I’m ashamed.”
Zach’s heart skips a beat. He knows he was spooning him less than half an hour ago? Please God no. He can feel his cheeks starting to burn.
“Why?”
“You’re the teenager, you should sleep more than me.”
Zach rolls his eyes letting out a breath.
“You’re not much different from a teenager.”
Mr. Grady gives him a lopsided smile and runs a hand through his messed hair.
“Well, I will take that as a compliment.”
The boy shrugs and sits in the edge of the bed opposite to where the teacher is.
“As you wish.”
The man stands and Zach busies himself with finding the remote control to avoid look at him.
“I will change and we can go grab some breakfast ok?”
He just nods and turns the TV on. Mr. Grady stops for a second, almost like he is going to say something but he finally sighs and closes the bathroom door behind him.