Chapter Text
It is unfair.
Why is she still the only one who is longing? Is it not reciprocal? He turned her into a moronic fool who would continually screw herself over for him. It's not even his fault in the vast majority of the cases. She could have sworn she was the happiest girl in the world when, after years of waiting in the dark, he finally returned her confession.
Forbidden. She would address him by that name. an unacceptable name. a name she won't mention. She wishes she could bury a prohibited memory seven feet under the ground. Loved Forbidden dearly. His smile was her favourite feature. A smile that is so bright it is blinding. She was unsure of just what it was about Forbidden that she loved. She occasionally worries that it isn't true love because it isn't deep enough. She had never experienced love, after all. She was sure it was love. Her first love is forbidden. Out of sight, yet never from your thoughts or your eyes. She only discovered what love is via the books she read. She can, however, express how it feels. When He spoke to her, her chest felt as fresh as spring. She claims to feel the blossoming of flowers inside of her. Her stomach went into level four cyclone mode when his glance caught hers. The massive wave and the tsunami shocks. She started to believe him every time he said a white lie. She was a follower of a faithless love since his hoax is the only thing she believed in.
She hates herself the most for having enabled him to do it. She gave him permission to put roots in her dreamland. What was once weeds turned into a willow from their original state. This emotion reminds her of a willow tree. Her friend's warnings are insufficient to uproot her willow. That same willow tree stands courageous and resolute each time he wrongs her. Willow represents her love for him. She would wait patiently for him to approach her, and for a split second, she might have thought he was hers. He was never hers, though. Yet she will always be his. She finds it aggravating how he has so many things that can remind him of her and yet all she has is a very few set of things.
When Forbidden told her she will only be a highschool memory that he will look back upon with a smile on his face, she didn’t yet grasp the full gravity of his words. Until it hits her. Forbidden is cutting her off. Yet it was not until she was a few steps after the confrontation when reality finally hits. She didn’t know how a gunshot feels, but it will probably hurt as much as how she’s feeling at that time. He’s a selfish moron. A moron she loved, nonetheless.