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Spencer has been living with Mr. Rossi and Mr. Hotchner for a week now.
He feels so out of place. It’s unfamiliar and his routine has already been broken one too many times while staying with them.
It’s not unusual to be adopted by a family with other kids, especially other foster or adopted kids, but Spencer hasn’t had an experience in a home remotely close to this one. He hasn’t been yelled at once, they’re caring, and he hasn’t even been used as a punching bag by the other kids. If anything, they all seem to enjoy being in his company.
Their house rules were fairly laid back and easy going, but strongly and seriously enforced. No violence of any kind, no raised voices - things that are easy to grasp. There are things that should be simple, but for Spencer he just can’t abide by them.
Trust is a big part of their family dynamic, but Spencer doesn’t feel as though he’s a part of their family. He’s more like an outsider; an observer. He doesn’t fit in their perfectly moulded group, there’s no room for him.
He just can’t let himself give in. What if it’s a trap? He’s been through families time and time again, some of them seem fine for the first few days and progressively get worse as his stay goes on. Mr. Hotchner, Mr. Rossi, and their kids have been nothing but gentle and patient with him, but he can’t help but feel that it’s too good to be true.
Emily is the oldest, she already treats him like he’s one of her younger brothers, which everyone has insisted he already is. She is very cautious around him, though, like she’s treading on eggshells. While Spencer doesn’t necessarily appreciate being viewed as fragile, he appreciates her attempts to avoid upsetting him.
Derek’s next, eagerly taking on the older brother role. He treats Spencer as he would anyone else. He doesn’t watch what he says or hold himself back; he was the first of the family to jokingly tease Spencer. Derek also expressed his joy towards having a brother, saying it’s something he’d always wanted. He says the girls are great, but he’s a little sick of playing makeovers and salon with his sisters.
JJ is very sweet. She started off nervous, clearly afraid of saying the wrong thing and setting him off. Spencer told Mr. Hotchner that they all really shouldn’t worry so much, he can handle it.
Penelope challenged that previous statement. While she’s kind and overly welcoming, she can be hyper and a bit overwhelming. She’s big on physical touch, something Spencer goes out of his way to avoid. He feels as though it’s suffocating and ultimately brings up memories he actively tries to repress. She’s very respectful towards Spencer and his dislike towards it, immediately apologising after he told her it was uncomfortable.
As for Mr. Hotchner and Mr. Rossi themselves, Spencer has yet to figure them out. He has the basics; they’re wealthy, they’re accommodating, the house is big but so empty with just the two of them - hence why they took in Emily, Derek, JJ, and penelope.
The question he’s missing an answer to is: why him? If they already have four children, why bother taking Spencer in? He has to have some purpose, otherwise they wouldn’t adopt him.
“Spencer,” Derek grumbles, voice rough and coated with sleep.
They’re sharing a room, Derek on the top bunk and Spencer on the bottom bunk. Spencer had been tossing and turning while deep in thought, unable to put himself to sleep. The bed must have been creaking, or shaking to a small extent, which is what woke Derek up.
“Sorry,” Spencer whispers, making an effort to stay super still. He didn’t want to bother Derek - or anyone - so late at night.
With some shuffling from the top bunk and a small, concerned sigh, Derek speaks again. “Do you need me to get someone? Daddy and Papa really don’t mind—”
“No thanks.”
“I could even get Emily? She’s been here the longest, she’ll know what to do. She’d help me go to sleep all the time when I first came here,” Derek supplies, a small smile on his face upon recalling the memories.
“No, it’s okay. You can go back to sleep, I’m sorry for waking you up,” Spencer rushes out. With the quietness of his voice and the speed at which he spoke, he’d be surprised if Derek even picked up what he was saying.
Derek, one to purposely discard the rules, doesn’t listen. He pushes himself to the ladder at the end of his bed, quickly climbing down it. He makes a good effort of not jumping down the last few steps, as he usually would, so he wouldn’t wake anyone up.
Spencer closed his eyes tightly, hoping Derek would think he magically drifted off to sleep. Judging by the small chuckle Derek let out, his plan didn’t work. There was a dip at the end of Spencer’s bed, signally Derek had sat down.
“I used to have nightmares too, you know. It’s normal, I swear. Just- just because you’re a boy doesn’t mean you can’t be scared, or cry, or something,” Derek admits quietly, like there’s still some hidden guilt and shame towards his own nightmares.
Spencer never mentioned nightmares, though it was a valid conclusion for a ten year old to come to, nor had he brought up doubts in his own masculinity. Either Derek had been raised on those beliefs in his birth home or in another foster home, Spencer didn’t know which.
“I know,” is all Spencer replies with. He hopes it reassures Derek into believing what he’s saying, but he can’t really guarantee it.
Derek clears his throat, shifting uncomfortably. “Did you have a nightmare?”
“No,” Spencer says truthfully. He hadn’t been asleep.
“Why are you awake then?” Derek asks suspiciously, turning so his body is facing Spencer.
“Uhm,” Spencer bites his lip, looking away from Derek. “It’s dark,” he whispers sheepishly. “I can’t get to sleep.”
“You’re afraid of the dark?” Derek questions, no hints of malice or teasing in his voice.
Spencer almost nods but stops himself. He draws his knees up to his chest under the duvet, slowly wrapping his arms around them in an attempt to calm down and ground himself. “Please go back to bed, Derek.”
“Penelope has billions of night lights. Daddy might know where my old ones are too, if you want something that’s not pink and glittery,” Derek giggles, hoping to brighten Spencer’s mood.
Spencer immediately shakes his head in a frantic manner. “Don’t tell Mr. Hotchner, please. Please, I don’t want to be in trouble, Derek.”
“Trouble? Why would you be in trouble?” Derek wonders slowly, voice growing worried.
“I’m gonna go to sleep now. Night, Derek,” Spencer dismisses after realising he’s giving too much of himself up, turning on his side to avoid Derek.
It’s so dark, he can still feel Derek’s eyes on him, there are tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, and he’s going to be sent back into the system before tomorrow comes.
“Spencer?” With no reply, Derek pushes himself off of the bed. “I’m goin’ to get Daddy and Papa,” he tells Spencer hesitantly, voice ridden with obvious guilt at having to betray Spencer’s wishes.
“No!” Spencer shoots up, hand scrambling over his cheeks to stop the stray tears from falling any further. He hates how watery and scared his voice sounds, how loud he’s being.
If his goal while staying with Mr. Hotchner and Mr. Rossi was to not be a burden - to not cause a disturbance - he’s finally failed. Failure isn’t something Spencer is used to, so he doesn’t take kindly to the thought. He appears more distraught and afraid in the small space he’s taking up in his bed.
Derek freezes in his spot in the middle of the room, conflicted on how to proceed. Much to his luck, not so much Spencer’s, someone’s knocking on their bedroom door. Spencer lets out a distressed sob out at the sound while Derek looks somewhat relieved.
The door slowly inches open, a sliver of light coming in. Penelope stands at the door, a frown on her face. Spencer flops back onto his side, feigning sleep again.
Penelope looks to Derek for guidance, for reassurance, for something. Derek gestures for her to go and get their parents, and when she doesn’t understand the nonverbal signals he has to repeat it out loud.
Penelope gives her brother a determined nod before vanishing back out into the hallway. Spencer lets out a quiet gasp, bringing his bed covers over his face.
“It’s okay, Spencer,” Derek tries to assure the younger boy. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”
Penelope returns only a few moments later with their daddy and papa right on her heels. Spencer shuts his eyes tightly, trying to even out his heavy breathing so everyone would leave him alone.
“Spencer, it’s Aaron. Are you okay?” Mr. Hotchner asks above the covers.
In his attempt to ignore Mr. Hotchner, he hears Mr. Rossi and Derek talking about him and what happened. When Mr. Rossi is content with Derek’s answer, he sends him off to get Penelope back to bed. He tells him to sleep in her room.
That increases his panic. Derek won’t be coming back to protect him from whatever punishment they deem fit for him.
“I’m sorry, please believe me- I’m so, so sorry. I told Derek to go back to bed, I really did. I didn’t even mean to wake him—”
“Spencer, calm down. Breathe,” Mr. Rossi soothes calmly.
“Can you sit up?” Mr. Hotchner asks, not forcefully but simply as a suggestion.
Spencer slowly lifts himself up, resuming his position from before. His hands fidget where they’re wrapped around his knees, his head resting on top.
“I’m sorry,” he repeats, avoiding eye contact.
Mr. Hotchner is crouching down beside the bottom bunk, eyeing Spencer carefully. Mr. Rossi is standing further away from the bed, looking lost in thought.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Mr. Hotchner tells him honestly.
This confuses Spencer. It’s normal and expected to hear that from Derek, from the other kids from his previous homes, but he’s never been told it by an adult before, let alone the one responsible for him.
“I’m not in trouble?” Spencer asks warily.
“Of course not. We’re just worried about you,” Mr. Hotchner tells him.
Spencer, for some reason, finds himself starting to believe him.
“Okay,” Spencer affirms quietly, bringing his nails up to his mouth. Mr. Hotchner looks at him disapprovingly for the habit but doesn’t make an effort to stop it. “I should be sleeping.”
“Why aren’t you?” Mr. Rossi asks, purely curious.
“Dunno,” Spencer answers somewhat truthfully. “It’s dark and I’m not used to it here yet. It- it all seems too good to be true; how nice everyone here is. But, I still don’t feel like I belong, you know? Why am I here if I’m not serving some form of purpose?”
“Spencer, it’s wrong that people in your past have hurt you. No one deserves to be treated like that, and we’re certainly not going to be adding onto that hurt. We want to help you, we want to raise you. That’s why you’re here,” Mr. Rossi answers.
“But you have four other children to raise, why get me? I’ve been with families that get sick of their children as they get older. I’m young, I get it.”
“We want to help you. You’ve been through so much for only being so young,” Mr. Hotchner put out, shaking his head at Spencer’s suggestion. “The kids want you here too, you know. This wasn’t just our decision.”
Mr. Rossi smiles softly at that. “Derek told you about wanting a brother, didn’t he?”
Spencer nods, seemingly lost for words. He swallows down another cry, biting harder on his finger.
“Why don’t we get you a night light for in here? You said it’s dark,” Mr. Hotchner suggests, wearing a small smile.
“Okay. Thank you, Mr. Hotchner. Thank you, Mr. Rossi. I’ll- I’ll go to sleep now.”
Mr. Hotchner shakes his head. “Don’t be ridiculous, we aren’t going to make you stay in here all by yourself.”
“I sent Derek to stay with Penelope, you can go and sleep with them if you’d like. We understand if you aren’t sure about sleeping in our bed just yet.”
“Uhm,” Spencer has never had the responsibility to make such a choice before. He bites back a smile. He asks around his finger, “with you guys?”
Mr. Hotchner’s smile widens and he nods. “With us it is then. Come on, buddy.”
Neither men make a move to lift Spencer out of bed, aware of his dislike for physical touch, so it’s a surprise to them both when Spencer holds his arms out. It’s to be expected, he hasn’t slept in God knows how long and he’s just finished crying, but it still feels like a big step.
“You’re okay with me lifting you?” Mr. Hotchner asks to confirm.
Spencer nods lazily. “Mhm, please.”
“Okay,” Mr. Hotchner says in a whisper. “Whatever you want, Spence.”