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After hours of meandering through the city, Cullen finally made it to the Champion's house, his bottle of wine under his arm.
Cullen had been wary ever since receiving the invite, given the erratic behavior Hawke had displayed in the past, in regards to both the Order and himself personally. Still, he had not wished to upset the Champion of Kirkwall with a refusal.
Tired from all the walking and already filled with dread, he knocked on the Champion's door.
Marian ran to open immediately, wearing her best apron, that she had never used in her life.
"Well, Champion, I made it. Despite your directions…", Cullen muttered from beyond the threshold.
"Aah, Knight-Captain Cullen, welcome!", Marian said chipperly, wearing a smile she hoped looked charming rather than anxious. "I hope you are prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!"
Cullen entered with a grunt, putting his bottle on the already set table as Marian walked into the kitchen.
A pile of smoke was rising from the cauldron over the hearth. Marian gasped. "Oh, by the Maker!".
She ran over to it. The meat inside was practically ashes.
"My roast is ruined!", she bemoaned.
She looked around the room for inspiration. Her consistent knife collection hung over the counter, just above her grimoire. "But what if…", Marian concentrated hard, feeling an idea forming in her head. "...I were to summon food from the Fade and disguise it as my own cooking?"
Marian chuckled, proud of her genius. "Delightfully devilish, Hawke"
She took off the apron to avoid splattering it with blood and took the sharpest knife she could find, setting it against her wrist.
The Knight-Captain decided to enter the kitchen in that very moment.
"A-", Cullen stuttered, taking in the scene. Cullen narrowed his eyes.
Marian Hawke, with her crazy explanations
Knight-Captain Cullen's going to need his lyrium ration
When he hears Marian's lame exaggerations
There'll be trouble in town tonight!
" Cham-pion!" , Cullen shouted, not for the first time.
"Knight-Captain Cullen, I was just…", Marian said, looking around the room frantically for inspiration. "J-juggling knives, in my kitchen", Marian said, flipping the one in her hand in the air and making it fall with a clatter. "Coordination exercise! Care to join me?", she asked with a nudge.
Cullen wasn't distracted.
"Why is there smoke coming out of your cauldron, Champion?"
Marian slowly turned, pretending not to know what he was referring to.
"Oh!", she gasped, trying not to look worried at the rising pile of smoke. It hadn't been so high the last time she had looked.
"That isn't smoke, it's- steam! Steam from the steamed clams we are having!", Marian smiled, hoping she sounded cheerful instead of panicked. She rubbed a hand over her belly. "Hmmm, steamed clams!"
Cullen stared at her for a few moments then left the kitchen, apparently satisfied with her answer.
Marian sighed in relief, wiping her sweaty brow, and picked up the knife to finally begin the ritual.
Marian left her kitchen balancing a full tray of Druffalo steaks- it had been the only thing she had been able to convince that cursed demon to part with, in exchange for her favorite pair of socks and her first-born child. She hoped they would do. Men liked steak, didn't they?
"Knight-Captain Cullen, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering Druffalo steaks!", she said as she set the tray down on the table.
"I thought we were having steamed clams…", Cullen muttered, even as he looked eagerly at the contents of the tray, tucking a napkin in his breastplate.
"No, no", Marian chuckled. "I said steamed hams!", she explained as she sat down, smiling in pride at her improvisation skills."That's what I call steaks!"
"You call Druffalo steaks steamed hams ", Cullen repeated, uncertain.
"Yes, it's uuh- regional dialect", Marian said, anxiously picking up a filled wine glass to hold between the Knight-Captain and herself.
"Huh-huh", Cullen said, half suspicious and half curious. "And what region?"
Had Cullen always been so nosy and inquisitive? "Uuh- southwest Ferelden?", Marian replied, blurting out the farthest place she could think of.
"Really", Cullen said, leaning forward in his chair, "Well, I'm from Honnleath and I've never heard anyone use the phrase steamed hams ", he commented.
Crap. Of course she would pick the one place Cullen knew about.
"Not in Honnleath, no, it's a Lothering expression", Marian said, sweating.
The house was indeed getting rather warm, now that she paid attention to it.
"Huh, I see", Cullen said, hopefully done with the questioning.
Marian took a fortifying gulp of wine as Cullen brought a slice of steak in his plate and cut himself a few pieces. As soon as he took the first bite, he started talking again.
"You know, these steaks are quite similar to the ones demons offer in the Fade…"
"Oh oh oh oh, no", Marian chuckled breathlessly, feeling faint. She had no idea templars could detect such things.
"Patented Hawke steaks, old family recipe", she said with a nudge, unable to come up with anything better.
"...for steamed hams", Cullen repeated coolly, looking displeased.
Keeping a straight face and sounding sure of herself would be the only way to lie her way out of this.
"Yes-"
"Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they're obviously grilled", Cullen said angrily, exposing the crisscrossed marks on the underside of his steak.
"You-", Marian said, not knowing how to respond to this latest accusation.
Marian picked up her napkin, and dabbed it over her mouth, hoping the gesture would give her time to think of something. Nothing came to mind. "You know the-", she stopped. Was it just her, or there was a strong smell of smoke?
She tried with something more solemn. "One thing I should-", she started, then stopped again. She could not bullshit her way of this one. She had probably used up all her bullshitting skills for the month in this afternoon alone.
"Excuse me for one second", she said, fully giving up. She would use the break to check on her kitchen, and hopefully reset the conversation.
"Of course", Cullen said with a grunt, going back to his steak, as Marian went back to her kitchen.
Cullen went back to eating his steak. Despite the strange undertaste, it was not half bad.
He just wished he was a better conversationalist. He could tell his questions had put the Champion on edge. From this moment on, he would stop worrying about all these inconsistencies and focus on enjoying the meal and the company.
A suspiciously short amount of time later, the Champion reemerged from her kitchen.
She stretched her back, yawning widely. "Well, that was wonderful! A good time was had by all, I'm pooped!", she said.
Cullen glanced out the window to the high afternoon sun, putting down his napkin. "Yes, I should be- Sweet Maker what is happening in there ?", he ended with a gasp, pointing at the still swinging kitchen door at the Champion's back. The entire room appeared engulfed in a sun-bright orange hue.
"Aurora Borealis"
"A-", Cullen stuttered, turning his eyes on the Champion. He was not sure he had heard correctly.
" Aurora Borealis ", he repeated. Who did the Champion think he was? Did she think he was stupid? "At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of Thedas, localized entirely within your kitchen", he asked, finishing with an incredulous note.
"Yes", the Champion replied with the utmost conviction.
Well. This was Kirkwall after all. Far more disturbing things had happened. And hadn't he promised he would stop asking questions and enjoy himself?
Cullen had always wanted to experience the Northern Lights.
"May I see it?", he pleaded quietly.
There was a strange crackling sound as the Champion looked down in deep thought.
"No", the Champion said then.
Marian accompanied the Knight-Captain at the door.
He looked upset at her previous refusal, but otherwise serene. Did he truly suspect nothing? She certainly hoped so.
Cullen turned to her on the threshold to bid his farewell.
"Marian! The house is on fire!", interrupted Anders from the mansion's upper floor.
"No, love, it's just the Northern Lights", Marian replied.
"Well Champion, you're an odd fellow, but I must say… you steam a good ham", the Knight-Captain joked, finishing with an uncharacteristic smile.
The Knight-Captain slowly descended the few steps down from the mansion.
Marian's back felt very hot.
"Help! Help! ", cried Anders from above. Cullen stopped to look behind his shoulder.
Marian smiled and gave a thumbs up, praying that Cullen would not decide to come back to investigate.
Thankfully, the Knight-Captain seemed to decide this was not his problem, and turned his back on the mansion to make his way to the Gallows, and Marian could finally run back inside her house and to her burning kitchen.