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Kirishima is way more observant than people give him credit for.
He’s naturally an accommodating guy and likes to put in the extra effort to memorise his classmate’s habits and mannerisms so that he can be the manliest friend possible. He notices the little things, like how Tokoyami has a mini flashlight attached to his keychain just in case Dark Shadow gets out of control, how Yaoyorozu has a purse full of snacks with her at all times, or how Ojirou will let Kaminari fidget with his tail when he gets anxious or bored.
He notices all these and more, yet none irk him as much as the habits he’s noticed from one Izuku Midoriya. Don’t get him wrong, Kirishima likes Midoriya. He was kind and considerate, he worked hard and always looks for ways to help others. He was one of, if not *the* most manly classmate Kirishima has. But the subtle body language exhibited by the greenette made him worry.
For one, he would always flinch anytime someone made a gesture toward him, or just even in his vague direction or vicinity. Kirishima remembers one time when Kaminari went to give Midoriya a high five, the blonde failed to notice the full body flinch that Midoriya suffered as he approached with his arm raised. But Kirishima did see it, he saw how Midoriya squeezed his eyes shut and his arms slightly raised protectively, he saw how he quickly righted himself and nervously high-fived Kaminari back, trying to cover up his initial reaction and hoping nobody noticed. He thought it was odd at the time, but tried to mentally justify it as a completely understandable reaction, after all, Midoriya has been in quite a few villain fights and has probably learnt to protect himself on instinct. That was probably it.
Midoriya’s jumpiness didn’t end there though. Any time there was a loud noise, or someone shouted or yelled or got mad, or really if there was just any raise in volume, Midoriya would jolt in fear. It wasn’t like a ‘haha you startled me’ jolt, Kirishima saw the look on his face and knew that wasn’t the case. He looked scared, tears would silently gather in his eyes but they wouldn’t fall. Kirishima saw how he would blink them away and take a deep breath, plastering a smile back onto his face and going back to chatting with his friends, acting as if nothing had happened.
Now, all of this could be narrowed down to Midoriya just being a naturally anxious person, or maybe he just wasn’t completely comfortable with the class yet. But the way he stuttered was like he was worried someone would cut him off, insult him, or make fun of what he was talking about and lose interest. He stuttered nervously whenever adults were nearby, or if he was talking to someone with a bolder personality. He would quickly mumble to explain every opinion he had, worried that he might offend anyone in any way and wanting to clear up any possible misunderstandings. His stutters and mumbles would be cute if they weren’t so upsetting to think about.
Now, Kirishima didn’t want to impose or make the greenette uncomfortable, but he wanted to help him, or at least get to the bottom of it. It hurt to see such a sunshine of a person be so afraid all the time if that was even the right word to use. Midoriya has such a low level of confidence and self-esteem and that simply wouldn’t do, especially since he was deserving of the entire world, in Kirishima’s opinion.
Except Kirishima had no idea how to go about approaching something like this. He wanted to ask if he was all right and if there was anything he could do, but he knew Midoriya would just shake his head with a smile and thank him for his concern. After all, Midoriya never liked to complain or ask for help, Kirishima isn’t sure he’s ever actually heard him complain about something before. He’s quick to listen to others rant for hours and help them out in every way he can, but he never lets anyone do the same for him. He was a profound giver, not a taker, and that altruistic personality would be admirable if it was not so destructively selfless.
There was little opportunity for Kirishima to talk or hang out with Midoriya, he always seemed occupied with someone else or training. It didn’t help that they were part of different friend groups too. Kirishima hung out with Sero, Mina, Kaminari and Bakugou most often and it seemed like Midoriya was always too intimidated by the latter to come and hang out with them when they offered.
But Kirishima’s chance arrived after the fight with Overhaul. The whole ordeal was traumatising for everyone involved. Mirio lost his quirk, Sir Nighteye lost his life, and so many people fought and died that day. But in the end, they saved Eri and apprehended the Yakuza members, hopefully stopping the manufacture and distribution of Trigger. The day was saved, but not for Kirishima. Not mentally at least.
Each night he’d wake up in a cold sweat, panic washing over him like the beats of a wing and he’d find himself tensing and ready to fight a villain not even there. It was like he was reliving the event, reliving the adrenaline that coursed through him and the fear that threatened to suffocate him, except each time someone new died in his dream. Fatgum, Tamaki, Mirio, Aizawa sensei… Midoriya.
He’d shoot awake from each dream sobbing. He’d failed to save them, he’d failed to be useful in any way and they’d die, brutally. They’d die right in his arms or die right in front of him, him being unable to even move.
He didn’t know who he could talk to about it. He didn’t know who would understand. He could only think of the others assigned to the case but… Uraraka and Tsuyu were in the girl’s dormitories and the third years were on the other side of U.A.’s campus…
He didn’t want to bother Midoriya about this. Yes, they were on the same team and yes he knew Midoriya would be there for him but he couldn’t bring himself to dump it all on the greenette. He’s got his own things to deal with and Kirishima would *not* add another issue to the pile, especially when he knew that Midoriya would prioritise his over his own.
But all that resolve came to a screeching halt the next day at school. Kirishima was tired. He hadn’t slept properly in a week and, in order to give himself something to do, to distract himself with, he was training too hard. He tried his best to hide it when his friends asked him if he was all right.
“I just couldn’t sleep last night. No need to worry!”
It seemed to work, for the most part, his classmates would make sure he was really fine and would walk away, they wouldn’t ask him again. Though, each time someone would come up to him he would feel his resolve start to crumble away. How badly he wanted to tell someone, to reach out and say that he wasn’t fine and that he didn’t know how to get better. His heart stung every time he rejected the offer of help.
But then Midoriya approached him.
It was the end of class and most of them had filed out already. Kirishima, running slower than usual, lagged behind. He had only just finished packing his bag up when he realised there was someone else in the room with him.
Midoriya, as cautious as ever, was unimposingly standing by the door and fidgeting nervously with his sleeves, his gaze flitting about the room and briefly settling on random objects.
“Oh hey bro! Did you need something?” Kirishima called out to him, as cheerily as he could manage at the moment. Midoriya jumped slightly as he was addressed.
“O-oh well um, no. I was-" Through Izuku’s stammering Kirishima slowly made his way over to the greenette, making sure he saw him the whole time and wasn’t too intimidating in his approach. He felt a bit bad after startling him.
“I just wanted to ask if… if you were alright.” Midoriya finished. He gazed up at Kirishima with such sincerity that the redhead couldn’t even bring himself to lie. He absolutely knew something was wrong, he knew that Kirishima must be going through something that wasn’t just a quick bout of insomnia. How could Kirishima lie to him when he so clearly knew that he wasn’t fine.
“I-…” The words died in his throat. He could feel his eyes watering, the dam was about to break. He didn’t know why he felt so fragile, but he couldn’t hold it in any longer. He had spent the past week ignoring his feelings, invalidating himself and brushing aside how he was struggling. But with how genuinely he was asked, the pure concern on his face as he asked if he was alright, it broke him.
Here was someone who understood what was happening and why, and despite his own struggles, chose to reach out his hand to Kirishima, to try and help him.
Kirishima ducked his head into his arm as he began to sob and felt himself being pulled into a gentle embrace, one of which he returned desperately. He was a touchy person, he needed contact with other people and it’s especially what he needed now more than ever.
“I-I’m sorry…” He cried out.
“It’s alright.” Midoriya soothed and Kirishima utterly melted into him, slightly tightening his grip on the smaller male.
Midoriya let him cry, he didn’t interrupt him, he didn’t hush his barely intelligible blabbering about the horrors he saw when he shut his eyes, about how he *failed* and ended up being useless or a detriment. He held him for as long as he needed and Kirishima utterly drank in the comfort, holding on to Midoriya’s steady frame like a lifeline as his own body shook and convulsed.
It took a few minutes for him to calm down enough, to be able to breathe properly, and he pulled away from Midoriya’s embrace so he could wipe away the tears staining his face. There was a short silence, not uncomfortable or accusatory, just Midoriya giving Kirishima time to compose himself.
“I-I get it… the nightmares, I mean. It’s awful… and especially afterwards when you’re all alone with nothing to do but think about it… it really sucks. I-I know it may feel like they’re real, or what they make you think about yourself is real, but it’s not. It’s just our brains trying to deal with stress and trauma. It helps if you talk it through with someone even though it’s hard... I- what I’m saying is…” He paused, mulling over his next words, thinking over if they were all right to say.
“If you ever need someone to talk to, o-or even just to be with… My door is always open.”
He gently, but nervously smiled and Kirishima felt another wave of tears wash over him. He tugged Midoriya closely and into another hug.
“You’re so manly!” He said while grinning brightly. Midoriya just hugged him back and giggled lightly.
———
Who knew he’d be taking up his offer so soon.
The two walked back to the dorms in relative silence, not awkward or anything, the both of them just basking in the gentle afternoon breeze and having nothing to say to each other. It was nice, peaceful. When they got back to the dorms they went their separate ways, but not before Kirishima pulled Midoriya into a grateful goodbye hug. As much as Kirishima thought the greenette would reject the amount of physical contact he was giving, Midoriya accepted it just as gratefully as the redhead did.
Kirishima was feeling good, he felt a lot better now that he let everything out. He felt understood and valid in what he was feeling.
Such a vast contrast to his current state.
His alarm clock read 1am and Kirishima was gasping for air frantically, trying to regain his breath. He had another nightmare, this time explicitly of Midoriya dying, getting impaled by one of Overhaul’s creations and bleeding out while Kirishima could only watch. He felt awful, he felt like he was going to throw up.
Midoriya…
He knew logically that he was fine, safe and asleep in his dorm room. He defeated Overhaul. He was fine, he was alive.
But he still had the nagging feeling that he needed to check. It was just his tired, afraid self talking, but he needed to make sure. Now more than ever was he thankful for Midoriya”s offer earlier.
‘His door is always open’, is what he said.
Kirishima didn’t even bother wiping away his tears before he was hopping out of bed and racing to Midoriya’s dorm, which was quite a distance away from his own. By the time he arrived at the door, he was gulping in air hungrily and desperately, out of breath.
He raised his hand to knock but then hesitated, self doubt flooding over him. Was this really ok? Was he serious when he offered or was he just being nice-
His thoughts were quickly cut off but the door in front of him slowly opening and he froze in place. No choice to turn back now.
There Midoriya sleepily stood, one hand rubbing his eye and the other loosely on the door frame. His hair was tussled, messier than it usually was and the oversized shirt he was wearing was basically hanging off one shoulder. Though his sleepy cute demeanour immediately shifted to worried when he took in his friend’s dishevelled appearance.
“Kirishima! Are you alright!” He stepped aside and quietly ushered the redhead into the room, closing the door behind him and leading the obviously distraught teen to sit down on the bed.
“Ah sorry, did I wake you?” Kirishima asked, embarrassed. He felt like such a nuisance right now.
“I-I heard your steps, it’s alright though! I wasn’t really asleep, just kind of…dozing? Is that the right word?” He tried to reassure him. It didn’t really work.
“More importantly, what about you? Did you have another nightmare?” He gently prompted and Kirishima just felt stupid.
“I-it’s fine, I’m just being a burden and I shouldn’t have come here, you probably only said it to be nice and now I’m disturbing your night-“ Kirishima’s insecure ramble was cut off before he could delve too deep.
“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it. I was serious before, nightmares suck and they’re worse when you have no one to comfort you or calm you down afterwards or even someone just to talk to about it.” He repeated and started to fidget with the hem of his shirt as he spoke, a nervous habit Kirishima was picking up on.
“I don’t want you to feel alone in this…” He trailed off and cast his gaze to the floor. Kirishima looked at the greenette and he felt stupid again, this time for a different reason. He should have known that Midoriya wasn’t the type to offer something if he wouldn’t pull through. And now here he was, acting like he was wrong for taking his offer seriously after Midoriya worked up the courage to even talk to him about such a sensitive topic.
“Thank you, Midoriya.” He said sincerely after a second. He smiled softly at Kirishima’s thanks, more reassured in himself and sat down gently beside him on the bed.
“Do you want to talk about it…?” He wasn’t pushy, just offering the option for him to take. Kirishima thought on it for a bit but ultimately shook his head.
“Nah, I just mainly want to go to sleep now. Gotta be well rested for the weekend haha.” He joked which got a soft chuckle from the other. He was about to stand up to reluctantly leave but then the greenette spoke, noticing his hesitance and still tense frame.
“Um, i-if you want, and this is only a suggestion because I know that it’s hard to get back to sleep when a nightmare is still fresh in your memory and I don’t want to pressure you or anything but um… I-if you wanted, you could stay here, if you think it might help you feel better…?” He rambled but Kirishima just beamed at him. This guy was actually the sweetest being on earth, not only was he not upset that Kirishima totally dumped on him earlier, then woke him up at 1 am, but now he’s offering to let Kirishima sleep with him in his bed if it helped him feel better.
“I would love to if it’s all good with you!” He cheerily and appreciatively responded, the stress on his shoulders beginning to dissipate and the frightened fog on his mind lifting.
“W-well I wouldn’t have suggested it if I wasn’t…”
There was a short pause before Kirishima tackle-hugged the other onto the bed.
“Seriously! You’re way too nice man!” Midoriya was a bit stunned at first but then he giggled along with Kirishima.
———
Somehow they both managed to fit in Midoriya’s single-size bed. They were snuggled right up to each other, there not being much room for any other arrangement but neither seemed to mind the closeness. Izuku’s back was pressed pretty much flush against Kirishima’s stomach and their legs were entangled with the others. It was ridiculously comfortable and cozy and safe and Kirishima never wanted to leave.
They had been resting there for a while now and Kirishima is pretty sure that Midoriya is either asleep or something close to it, his breathing flattened out and he stopped squirming around for the most part. Though as tired as Kirishima was, he didn’t particularly want to sleep, he was happy just to bask in the comfort and relax. But of course, if Kirishima wasn’t sleeping, he was talking.
“Dude your hair is like super soft. It smells really good too, what hair stuff do you use?” Kirishima quietly commented. From his position he had his face pressed right up against the greenettes messy, curly hair. Midoriya just gave a quiet, unintelligible mumble back and Kirishima lightly chuckled. His hair was so soft and it smelled nice so the redhead didn’t mind being practically smothered in it. Actually, everything about Midoriya was surprisingly soft and nice smelling. He was so squishy and warm underneath the arm Kirishima had draped over him and the redhead just wanted to squeeze him.
Kirishima blames his next actions on his tired, delirious state. He gives Izuku a small, testing squeeze, earning a slight grumble as the greenette curls into a smaller ball.
Cute.
Kirishima almost couldn’t believe this was the same person who flinched when someone tried to give him a high five. So it wasn’t a fear of people or touch then… Was it the action? Was it an instinctual reaction to duck and cover anytime someone raised their arm at him? If so that was… incredibly upsetting. He felt his previously light and content mood begin to sour.
Now, Kirishima wasn’t known to be a thinker, but he was known to be a person who expected the best of people. So maybe that’s why it was hard for him to comprehend that it might have been a learned habit for Midoriya, that he had enough experience of someone going to hit him that flinching became a natural, engraved response, that it wasn’t normal for someone to raise their arms protectively like they were preparing to get hit when their friend approached them.
Kirishima didn’t like to think the worst of the world, he liked to think there was good in everything and that people who do good things have good things happen to them. But seeing such an amazing and kind person like Midoriya, be instinctually afraid that someone was going to hit him or yell at him or cut him off when he was speaking, it broke his heart.
“Hey… Midoriya, you still awake…?” He whispered timidly. Midoriya hummed shortly after and Kirishima could feel him shift a bit, showing that he was awake. Sleepy, but awake. Alright, well, here goes nothing.
“Are you… Alright with me touching you so much? Like hugging and stuff?” He asked and it seemed like the question caught the greenette off guard as he carefully turned around to fully face the other, eyes still half shut and bleary.
“Hm? What do you mean?” He questioned, like he was confused that someone would ask if he was ok with being touched, like he was confused that his opinion was being asked for. Kirishima’s heart squeezed.
“I just, I’ve noticed that sometimes you flinch or look uncomfortable when people touch you and I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t making you uncomfortable or anything.” He quickly explained.
Midoriya stilled and his eyes widened, seeing that reaction made Kirishima want to take back everything he said and just go back to cuddling peacefully like they were before. He really didn’t mean to bring the mood down like this or make him upset. But before he could even try to, the greenette spoke.
“It’s... It’s not that I’m afraid or dislike it when someone gives me a hug or high five. It’s nice. I’m just... I don’t know… I guess it’s just a habit...” He trailed off at the end, unsure of how to explain himself but Kirishima held on to those last words.
“A habit?” He nervously repeated. He hates the implications of what that could mean even though he’s pretty sure he already knows. Izuku’s eyes widened.
“Oh w-well I uhm, I mean w-. I-it-”
He obviously didn’t know what to say to defend himself, but that was all the confirmation Kirishima needed. He felt like he was going to cry.
“I-I’m not really used to…to…” He continued, looking down and starting to fidget with his fingers that were held close to his chest.
“Positive touch?” He hesitantly supplied to the boy who was lost for the right words.
“...Yeah…” Midoriya shifted his saddened gaze back up to meet Kirishima’s and his expression quickly morphed to panic when he saw the tears gathering in his eyes. He sat up jerkily and Kirishima followed.
“Ah! Why are you crying? I-I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said anything-!” Kirishima quickly shook his head and cut off the oncoming rambling by pulling Izuku into a strong hug.
“Why are you s-sorry? I’m the one who’s sorry.” Kirishima said quietly.
“W-w-why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything!” He stammered. His arms were hesitantly placed around the other, he didn’t really know what to do with himself right now. No one had ever really apologised to him like this before. Well, Izuku hadn’t really told anyone about this before but still, this was unfamiliar, he wasn’t used to someone being so upset over him. He couldn’t understand why Kirishima was so distraught.
“I just don’t understand… Who would- why is that a habit? Who-?” He whispered, trying to figure out what to even begin with. Izuku shook his head and mentally scolded himself. This was supposed to be about Kirishima, he was supposed to be helping Kirishima relax but now he’s crying because Izuku was careless with his words.
“C-can we just go back to sleep? It doesn’t matter anymore so please stop worrying.” He tried to explain, though rather than relaxing him it seemed to do the opposite.
“How could it not matter anymore?” Kirishima asked in what was almost disbelief. The things that must have happened to him obviously still affect him and make it so he was afraid of his friends, unused to being treated nicely. How could he say that something like that doesn’t matter?
“Th-things are better now, p-people have changed and it’s all… in the past, okay?” He said like that would soothe his worries. It didn’t. In fact, his firm denial of it even being an issue only made him worry more.
“Midoriya…”
“It’s fine, I promise!” Izuku tried to flash him a thumbs up and give him a reassuring smile, but Kirishima knew that it wasn’t real. Izuku just wanted to drop the subject, he just wanted Kirishima to ignore it, or maybe he wanted to ignore it himself.
“… It doesn’t matter to me anymore. I just… I want to live for the future now. Thinking about the past isn’t going to help me…”
“Talking about it will?” Kirishima quickly responded. Wasn’t Izuku the one telling Kirishima to talk about his pain just a few minutes ago? Why was he being so hypocritical when it came to himself?
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Izuku responded just as quickly, trying to bring this conversation to an end. Kirishima wouldn’t let him. Tonight he’d try to finally get answers and hopefully get Midoriya to open up.
“Why not?”
The question unexpectedly made Izuku pause. Kirishima watched as Izuku mulled over the question like he’s never considered this before, like he thought that talking about his past was off the table completely.
“Did you think no one would care?” Kirishima continued, seeing how this was finally getting somewhere and Izuku looked down.
“…Can we please just go to sleep?” He said in a small voice.
“I’m not sleeping till I get to the bottom of this.”
“Please Kirishima? Please drop it…” Izuku’s voice cracked and he met Kirishima’s eyes. He just looked… tired. Tired and sad like it was nothing that could be helped.
“You don’t have to tell me everything… I just want you to know that I do care. I want to know and I want to help you through it. Like you’re helping me.” He said after a moment, trying to make Izuku understand his sincerity. They held each other’s gaze and finally, Izuku sighed.
“This… this will help me through it. So let’s just go to sleep.” He said, deciding to end it himself by laying back down. As much as Kirishima wanted to pull him back up, to demand answers, he knew that would be a bad idea. He was trying to help Midoriya, not force him or freak him out. Releasing a heavy huff, he lay back down as well. Going back to how they were before now felt different, going from what was pure relaxed comfort to Kirishima’s arm curling around Izuku’s torso like it was somehow something that would protect him. Like holding him close would let him know he was there for him and how much he cared. Both teens sunk into the mattress with emotional exhaustion.
“Anytime. Anytime you need to talk, come to me.” Kirishima said after a few minutes and he felt Izuku shift a bit.
“…Thank you, Kiri.” He finally responded, his voice was watery and weak, like he was holding back tears.
“What are you thanking me for?”
“For caring.”
“Of course! What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?”
—
Both teens awoke to an alarm going off. Blearily Izuku reaches out an arm and starts slapping at the bedside table, eventually successfully finding his phone and turning the offending noise off. Kirishima takes a second to revel in the silence, almost going back to sleep until he felt Midoriya turn over and huddle into his chest, quickly falling back asleep in the warmth. He almost chuckled at that and quickly repositioned his arm over the sleeping greenette, placing his chin on Midoriya’s hair and getting comfortable again.