Work Text:
Here’s a little idea that I came up with a few days ago while thinking about the “my life as a romantic comedy” meme…
HALO: SPARTAN NEXT DOOR
SUMMARY:
Dr. Catherine Halsey, renowned UNSC scientist, is in danger.
She is retired and living a peaceful life on a modest Sangheili neighborhood on 26th century California, but they have found her and they want her dead. The Covenant, humanity’s greatest alien enemy, has sworn to vaporize the good Doctor in revenge for her supposed crimes (which helped the humans to win the war) and for her own safety, the UNSC deployed a SPARTAN team to deal with the problem. For weeks, Blue Team has been in disguise expecting any kind of alien (or human) attack on Dr. Halsey, which also unfortunately means to cope with the old lady and her two eccentric daughters, Miranda and Cortana. However, Cortana might be the whole reason behind the threat and it’s up to John, one of the finest SPARTANS, to keep her safe… sometimes even from himself.
Join Humanity’s bravest and best as they settle in the empty house across the street and try to pass on for brothers and sisters recently moved into the neighborhood.
Starring:
John-117 as THE TALL, BROODING, HANDSOME MALE PROTAGONIST.Facing a potential forced retirement due to an old injury, John is given his last chance to keep working for the UNSC. He was made to live in the line of fire and the perspective of retirement is as awful as it can get, but he sure wasn’t expecting this amount of bullshit. He’s a tenacious man of few words with little patience for stupidity and annoying neighbors. Especially children. And Dr. Halsey’s younger daughter, Cortana, because she constantly pisses him off with her witty comments.
Cortana as THE CUTE BUT WEIRD SMART GIRL SLASH FEMALE PROTAGONIST Dr. Halsey’s youngest, kind-of-hippie-but-actually-smart-and-hot-beyond-your-wildest-dreams daughter. She is the real target behind the Covenant’s threat and ultimately becomes John’s little shield and sword, since her wits more than once save everyone’s lifes. Literally she can’t stand him but deep down she has a really big soft spot for the big guy and only wants to understand him. She loves children and animals and making things blow up, also, she might or might not have discovered a very important secret that could destroy the Covenant forever.
Fred-104 as THE TEAM LEADER. UNSC Lieutenant Junior Grade Fred-104 was originally commissioned with the mission. He thinks he calls the shots but he doesn’t, he’s really the team’s mom, always looking after everyone else. He helps old ladies to cross the street and he’s even a decent cook. Seriously, he’s such a good guy that it’s annoying.
Kelly-087 as THE CUTE INNOCENT RABBIT being most likely the fastest SPARTAN alive, Kelly is quite spirited and the team’s absolute badass along with John; and like Fred, she cares about her teammates but more than once she misunderstands their feelings and ends up breaking uncomfortable havoc. She likes to make jokes that nobody understands.
Linda-058 as SNIPER GIRL she’s a quiet loner, most of the time she stands at the background, just staring. Always with a sniper rifle in hand, she barely leaves the house or her spot at the attic, from where she watches out for the street and Dr. Halsey’s house. Her only vocabulary consists in deadpans. She always takes the night shifts.
Charley K-90456 as JOHN’S SURVEILLANCE GADGET. UNSC enhanced war dog Charley is the perfect partner for long-term surveillance missions slash perfect decoy. If a German Shepherd of the size of an adult lion can be considered a decoy. John uses her as an excuse to patrol up and down the streets early at morning and late at night.
Dr. Catherine Halsey as THE TARGET quite-not-so-okay-in-the-head scientist slash miracle worker. A long time widow with some issues about personal space, personal morals and people by themselves. Sometimes she spaces out in the middle of a conversation and she strongly believes that she can solve all the problems in the world; which is why she keeps working in her secret basement’s lab against UNSC permission. She thinks John is a good boy and always invites him and his “siblings” for dinner, but she actually wants Fred to cook because she can’t even make a fried egg.
Miranda Keyes as THE POLITICALLY CORRECT DAUGHTER Dr. Halsey’s older daughter; she married Sergeant Avery Johnson of the Marine Corps and currently is on maternity leave because of her second child, having a vacation at her mother’s house while her husband is on duty. She is always in her right mind and full of older sister’s wisdom, but like her mother, sometimes she spaces out in the middle of conversations.
Jacob Keyes as THE DEAD DAD EVERYONE ALWAYS TALKS ABOUT. Enough said.
Jameson Locke and fire-team Osiris as THE TOP DOGS WHO LOOK DOWN ON OUR BELOVED BLUE BABIES. They act like a bunch of a***les but deep down they admire Blue Team and aspire to become as trustworthy and badass as them. Vale has a thing for Usze but she’s too shy to make a move.
Thomas Lasky as THE BOSS. He looks like a cinnamon roll, but he can kill you. And fire your ass. He protects John because they went to the Academy together.
Sarah Palmer as THE HARSH ASS SPARTAN COMMANDER. Like J. Jonah Jameson, she can’t decide if she likes Blue Team or if she wants to get rid of them forever, but since they always get the job done with the average amount of domestic damage, she ends up filing requests for more medals. She yells a lot and probably has a thing going on with Lasky but we can never confirm.
Thel 'Vadam as THE ALIEN NEIGHBOUR. A retired Covenant Shipmaster who traded secrets with the UNSC in exchange for a quiet, simple life with his wife. He’s the president of the Home Owners Association, doesn’t like SPARTANS stomping on his lawn and pretty much keeps to himself. Unless the SPARTAN’s dog decides to make a crater where his roses used to be or the newspaper doesn’t arrive in time every morning.
Rtas ‘Vaduum and Usze 'Taham as THE SECRET AGENTS posing as two Sangheili college students, Rtas and Usze are the backup team that most of the time fixes everyone else’s fuck ups. And boy, they fuck up a lot.
Jul 'Mdama as THE TRAITOR YOU NEVER EXPECTED Another neighbor. Enough said.
Kurt-051 as THE NOT SO DEAD FRIEND THAT THINKS HE’S TUXEDO MASK. He’s always in full armor so we really don’t know it’s Kurt until the end of the story, but he mysteriously appears and disappears in the middle of impossible combat situations, saving everyone’s asses from time to time.
Sam-034 as THE DEAD FRIEND THAT REMINDS US THAT SPARTANS ACTUALLY DO DIE.
Fire-team Majestic as THE BACKUP. Recurring characters with no personality whatsoever, they’re here just in case.
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NO HURT FEELINGS WHATSOEVER, NO OFFENSES EITHER. This is just me having a little fun and I felt like posting it because it could be entertaining. MAYBE someday I will write something about it, I just want to keep it around if the chance happens. What do you think? Agree with the cast? Disagree? Would you like to read such thing? :P Thanks for reading, anyway xD my inner clown feels relieved!