Archive of Our Own

We were at this compound and I had loads to kill. I had cows and cops. The cow wall was huge, and there were hundreds of cops, hundreds and hundreds of them, and I killed the lot! Then G- said “Did you want any afters?” And I looked to see what there was.

There was Melbourne – don't like that.

There was the US military – don't like that.

And then there was the trillionaires' starship – I hate that! I was just about to say “I'll kill all the trillionaires!” when I saw something else.

It said: “The Solar System!” and it was

1. Mercury

2. Venus

3. Earth

4. Mars

5. Jupiter

6. Saturn

7. Uranus

8. Neptune

AND

9. Pluto

So I said “Hurr hurr, I'll have a solar system.” Alecto said “He won't eat it. It's HUGE” but G- said “No, if he wants it, he can have it.” Alecto said “Waste of planets, he won't eat it,” and then G- said “One Solar System please!”

Then, suddenly, it appeared on its own, with a little paper umbrella stuck in the sun. Everyone in the compound looked around.

“What's that?”

“Yeah, yeah, that's the Solar System”

“Oh yeah that's the Solar System alright”

It was huge! It was bigger than the cows! I had a bunch of nukes to eat it with and now everyone was looking at me.

I had to reach up to get to Mercury. *POP*, got it, *Slurp* *Click* Ah! In the mouth, it was lovely!

Then onto Mars. Mmmm!

And Saturn! Dig in! *Slurp* *Slurp* *Click*

And Jupiter! That was... a bit rich, but okay...

(Heh heh, Alecto loves gas giants, but I don't give her any.)

Then there was uh, Uranus, and...

Actually...

Umm...

That wasn't very nice.

Uhh, actually, it was horrible, and Alecto said “Slowing down, are you?” and G- said “Leave him alone.”

Now I was filling my cheeks so as not to taste it so much. My hands went hot and the Resurrection Beasts were looking at me.

Then I got to the Earth.

Soggy dirt.

And that was even more horrible.

I couldn't bear to put it into my mouth. I couldn't even put it in my cheeks. I hunched my shoulders and *bleecch* spat some onto my plate.

I stopped eating. Alecto said “Stopped, have you?” G- said “Leave him alone.” I said “I don't like it very much.”

Alecto's hands darted across the planet. “I'll finish it!” she says. Oh yeah, you better believe she said that. “I'll finish it!” she says.

And then G- turned to me and said “Never mind, John, I don't suppose you'll ask for one of those again, will you?”

I don't suppose I will.