Work Text:
He didn't want to get up, although when James isn't up first which is so rare it's like being a squib but going to Hogwarts. So a record of one, filch and his bloody cat. Well, technically not his cat but you get the point.
The one time was because he forgot to set his alarm and he didn't sleep well the night before. Sirius thought he died, he woke up to screaming and being awoken by Sirius shaking his shoulders and waking up the whole room in the process.
Remus ended up throwing a pillow at him to shut him up while grumbling about all the insufferable shits he had to live with.
At least that's what James' sleep muddled brain could comprehend.
Although it worked. Sirius shut up once he released that he in fact was being an incompetent shit and over reacting over nothing.
Once Sirius released that James just forgot to set an alarm and overslept he shuffled back over to bed a complained loudly about how no one else worried about their 'dear prongs life' quote on quote, which made Peter snicker loudly as he got up and made his way for the bathroom without tripping over anything for the seventh time that morning- felt more like the seven thousand time, probably because he didn't fall asleep the night before so he was awake every single time Peter tried not to trip over all their shit and make it to the bathroom he wasn't usually successful- he tries to defend himself with saying he has a weak bladder, but everyone knows it's because he drinks pumpkin juice every night saying it 'helps him sleep.'
That same day he'd questioned Remus about his sleep schedule saying 'I get you're a werewolf moony but I still don't think you need to sleep that much' his first mistake of the day and ended up running all the way down to the great hall before he got tackled by padfoot because Remus sent him after James. Surprisingly he only got points taken away for having a dog in school.
Since James didn't want a replay of that morning he reluctantly crawled out of bed. If he knew the day that was ahead he would have crawled right back in bed and faced the consequences of Remus getting woken up early.
He headed to the bathroom to wash up and change before he headed out.
Quietly walking over towards the bathroom he tripped over an empty chocolate frog container on the way and almost ate Peters bed frame for breakfast. Barely managing to catching himself in time before he would've had to be sent to the hospital wing with missing teeth and a grumpy remus throwing stuff.
By the time James was done in the shower and going to grab his stuff to get ready to head down for breakfast, Remus was heading into the shower and Peter was waking up. Sirius sleeps like the dead, so he better wake him up before their late. James always gets stuck with having to wake him up because Peters to scared, rightfully so, and Remus hates having to listen to him winging on and on all day about how he needs his beauty sleep.
So James does it and proceeds to get whacked in the face by Sirius' pillow. Very hard, keep in mind.
By the time everyone is ready to leave they are going to be late for breakfast. James can already tell it's going to be a long day, mentally and physically.
-
It's only just after ten and James is already feeling the exhaustion pooring in.
Since the first class he's in only has Marlene in it and she's heading out to Herbology, which she's very excited for and not because she 'just likes plants' her words not James, even though he knows it's because of a certain Slytherin girl who plays quidditch, and she happens to share a desk with, but he doesn't say anything since he's nice, or just tired. So he's walking alone to his next class when he turns a corner and bounces off someone already apologizing profusely before he realizes who it is.
Regulus.
"Oh. Hello, Regulus." James greets quietly, with a small smile, knowing Regulus doesn't like all the noise in the mornings and not really feeling up to his normal greeting of smiles and horrid nicknames. He knows they are horrid, he just thinks it's funny to see Regulus face after he says something that starts with Regulus' name but usually doesn't end with it. Regulus always corrects him and says never to call him that again. Does he listen? No. But what's the fun in that.
"Hello James." Regulus greets, looking at James closely with a furrowed brow as if he's looking for whackspurts- which Pandora mentions frequently- before adjusting his bag which almost slipped off his shoulder when they collided a few moments prior.
"Where are you off to this morning, Reg?" James asks fiddling with his glasses. You see, after Sirius and Regulus ran away and came to live with James and his family, he realized somethings. Like, for one, Remus and Sirius were dating.
That started in fourth year apparently, so he doesn't know how they kept it from him for three years. He thought they were still pining after eachother without the other noticing but apparently not he was the oblivious one, even Pete already knew! Only because he walked in on them and was scarred for life, but still! He felt left out.
But the second thing he figured out and by far the scariest, was that he fancied someone, and that someone happened to be Regulus.
Which was scary enough as it was before he accidentally told Sirius by saying 'No I don't have a problem with you liking boys pads, I mean it'd be very hypocritical considering I like your brother.'
By the time he realized what he said Sirius was already trying to strangle him, well, metaphorically, with his mind. Because as Sirius would say he just has that much restraint, not really Remus was holding him back, but after that Sirius got used to it and now their in their seventh year, Regulus' sixth, and it's all okay. Well as okay as it can be considering well, everything.
"Going to class, obviously." Regulus replied dryly, with a raised brow,"Clearly the same as you."
"Oh yeah. Of course sorry, kinda forgot." He smiled sheepishly actually having forgotten about it. They stood in silence for a few moments before james raised his hand fixing his glasses smudging the lens in the process, Regulus watched the movement with clear disgruntlement on his face for having being disturbed on his way to class.
"How do you forget you're literally on your way to class, and don't fix your glasses like that your smudging the lenses." Regulus said while lifting his arm and wiping off the glasses with the corner of his sleeve.
James tried not to scream with the close contact as he retracted his arm.
"Okay, yeah my bad. Won't happen again uh, I'll just- let you go now and head to class." James let out quickly already sliding by Regulus wishing him a good day and flying down the Hall.
Regulus watched after him, confusion and hit him for saying it, a bit of concern coating his face at James not normal behavior and quick dismissal of the conversation. Normally for Regulus to even end a conversation with him he has to practically peel him of his side like glue and excuse himself first. He'll have to corner him later and ask about it.
-
During lunch James didn't eat much and just watched his friends goof around, Sirius and Remus being their usual sappy selves, all to unaware of the gaze piercing the side of his head from across the Hall.
Regulus noticed how James laughed and smiled almost robotically and contributed to the conversation only when people looked to him.
And then he'd go back to picking at his food with an troubled expression.
Regulus has seen this coming from a long while away, it's literally impossible for it not to.
It's like watching the sun roll across the sky until it finally disappeared and let the moon take over.
Except he didn't let anyone take over he kept burning until eventually the explosion of the sun
takes place, burning everything in its wake.
He'll have to help James carry the sky, because somehow none of his friends have noticed that James is falling apart under everything, or maybe they have but just think it's a normal bad day, so they aren't questioning him.
But he'll question him, because he knows it's not.
Across the hall James is listening to Peter and Mary argue about who they should invite to the chess club their making, while Remus and Sirius whisper about random stuff that James can only guess.
Lily's talking to Marlene across from him, if he'd been paying attention he would've noticed something about a girlfriend that Marlene has to introduce everyone too, but he wasn't because his head was pounding and his thoughts were to loud bang around inside his head desperately trying to escape, muscles sore from the new quidditch training schedule they started yesterday.
Maybe someone is trying to say something to him but he can't tell. It's too much. Everything is to much. The noise, the people, the food, and his thoughts. He jumps up and makes some half assed excuse about needing the loo and the second he's out of the hall he's running.
-
He ends up at the astronomy tower.
No surprise there. Its his go to spot, breakdown tower he sometimes calls it, It sounds stupid but it's kind of funny so anything funny is better than sad. Okay he's never actually called it that, until right now of course. But the point still stands.
James always wonders and questions why, there is no real reason for him to feel like shit, no reason at all.
His life is great, fucking perfect even.
He wonders this again as he slides down the wall and hugs his knees, slightly lifting his trouser pant leg and stares and the small faded lines with his vision blurring, last time it got this bad, he didn't think it could get worse but clearly it can. It is, this is worse then last time.
He's seen it coming unlike normal.
Felt it for a few weeks now bubbling under his skin like a parasite searching for air.
The emptiness, loneliness? Look he knows it's stupid. James has so many friends and even most people in school like him, but they all like the idea of him, and the happy go lucky James he presents to them.
Maybe it's his fault that they think that he can go without getting upset since he doesn't tell them. But he doesn't want to burden them with it cause like he said, he doesn't even know why. Plus they already have so much on their plates.
So he curls into himself as the tears roll freely and burn like acid, like the sun collapsing in on itself, some would say.
Sobs rack his body as he hugs himself, fingers digging into his scalp as he tugs on his hair.
Slowly losing himself under everything, all the expectations, the pressure. It's to much and maybe thats why if he wasn't spiraling into a panic attack and he wasn't starting to not be able to breath, like when you get the air knocked out of you and your gasping for breath but nothing is allowing you to breath.
Maybe, He would've heard foot steps and a door clicking open, wouldn't have been so startled and panicked when he felt a cold hand on his arm and a presence next to him.
He flinches back and looks up but can't tell who it is through his tears.
Cold hands still on his wrists pulling his hands out of his hair, and into an embrace. Hugging James to their chest, whispering sweet nothings and telling him to breath, holding him and James grabs onto their robes desperately like they'll float away if he loosens his grip.
Tears flowing harder no doubt ruining the others shirt, that smells oh so faintly of mint, strawberry shampoo, and parchment.
That's what snaps James out of it as he realizes who it is.
Regulus.
Regulus is holding him like he means something. Like it's okay for James to feel like this, like it will be okay.
Once James starts to calm down and the tears slow he loosens his grip and pulls back blinking slowly, looking up at Regulus.
Who looks back with so much love and worry, although James took it as just concern, because he doesn't think Regulus could ever like him as more than his friend, let alone love him.
"Reg?" he questions like at the sound of his name he'd up and leave.
"Yes, James it's me, I'm here. What's wrong?" Regulus asks softly still holding James by the shoulders,"And don't say nothing, I know you will you don't have to tell me but I'm here to talk to if you would like."
He's not repulsed? Disturbed or laughing that he is crying over nothing? He's never had someone see him cry and ask what's wrong, but thats probably because no one has ever seen him cry. Minus when he was a child but that doesn't count. And, he was, in fact going to say nothing, but Regulus doesn't have to know that.
"It's really- it's not a big deal, I'm just being stupid. You don't have to stay here, you could go back to lunch." James mumbles looking away from Regulus.
Regulus hooked his fingers under his chin lightly and turned his face back to look at him and lifted his other hand to gently wipe the tears from James' face.
"I'm not going anywhere James. And if your crying about it then it is a big deal. Your not stupid for having emotions James. I think you forget that because your always there for your friends, but no one ever asks you if your okay.
Because they assume you are, but you don't always have to be." Regulus is still holding his chin looking into his eyes almost like he can see straight through him.
"But I don't want to be a burden. You already have so much on your plate."
James quietly disagrees as a few stray tears slip down his cheeks, getting wiped away by Regulus thumbs which are now cupping his face.
Regulus thinks his heart breaks at those words, thinking who could ever make this beautiful boy think he's a burden. Realizing most likely that it was just James himself.
"Your not a burden James. You could never be a burden, not to me, and not to your friends I promise you that. They love you so much." I love you he thinks.
"I know. But who am I if not the person they can go to for help?
If I'm not there to talk because I'm worrying about myself who would they talk to, and I don't want to be left alone when they inevitably realize I'm not- not able to be the funny helpful friend anymore." James mumbles the last part so quietly that Regulus almost misses it but the second Regulus realizes that James won't tell anyone because he's scared they won't like him and he doesn't want to be left alone, he forgets his own fears and tells him. Because what's the worst that could happen? Okay a lot actually but he did it anyway.
"I love you. And no matter how you feel, happy, sad, fucking hell you could hate me but I love you and I always will. I always have, since the day Sirius got back from his first school year and wouldn't stop rambling on about you I fell in love right there because, hell. If my brother loves someone as much as he does you I can't help but do the same.
I tried not to really but clearly it didn't work out well for me because I'm still bloody in love with you."
Regulus loves him? In the same way that he loves him. Either he's dreaming or everything in his life was leading up to this moment because it feels like the world could collapse right now and they'd stay in this moment forever.
"I love you. I've loved you for so long before I even realized. I didn't think you could ever like me back." James says so fast that Regulus is left breathless as the words catch up to him and replay over and over.
Three words so simple yet they hold so much meaning when whispered in to the air, fluttering through the breeze and into waiting ears like a leaf to the soil willing to get swallowed up again and grown into something beautiful.
Then like the tides of the ocean rising and falling something bound to happen in every universe, Soft lips are on his and he's the happiest he's ever been. Forget everything that just happened- anything that ever happened- it's like they were formed out of clay and dropped, broken in two sent across countries but they still found eachother.
It's gentle, tentative.
Short and sweet like their cherishing it for the last moment before they pull apart.
Regulus pulls away, and presses his forehead to James. Catching his breath clearly just as breathless as James as he pulls him back into another hug and tells him he's never going anywhere and he'll help carry his weight when he needs it.
Maybe everything will be okay, but he's going to have to work for it. And now he has Regulus. Who will help, pull him out when it gets to deep and help carry it when it gets to heavy.
They'll figure it out, together.
He needs a bit of help and maybe that's not a bad thing, even though he thinks it is but maybe, just maybe, it's not.