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Daisy Jones hated the holidays.
She never really cared much for them due to her family history. In the Jones household, the holidays just meant even more parties that Daisy was locked in her room for. She’d go to school and hear all about the fun her classmates had, while she sat back in anger. So,really, Daisy Jones hated the holidays.
Since she’d gone out on her own, things like Christmas and Thanksgiving were spent just as any other week, any other day. This one was no different.
It was the day before Thanksgiving and she was spending the night at some stuffy dinner with executives from the record label, talking about the next steps in her career. Or rather, they were talking. Daisy was just trying not to fall asleep.
Thankfully, Teddy was there, making it all seem a bit more bearable.
The dinner dragged on for what felt like hours, Daisy sending annoyed glances at Teddy who gave her pointed looks to just smile and nod. Even though he of all people knew she wasn’t gonna let a bunch of old men tell her what was next in her career.
Daisy Jones would do whatever the fuck Daisy Jones wanted to do.
It wasn’t until they were leaving that Daisy spotted a face she knew all too well.
For a moment, she wondered if she could walk right by him and he wouldn’t notice, but knew that was unrealistic. There really was no way to get around him without making some sort of contact. Obviously, he hadn’t noticed Teddy or the two would be talking right now.
Or maybe he just hadn’t arrived till after Teddy walked out? Daisy cursed herself for going to the bathroom before leaving.
They hadn’t been in the same room since Chicago, never had any sort of contact after that night. Daisy sobbed for days, and it didn’t really help that she was going through withdrawals at the same time. She often wondered if losing Billy hurt worse.
When her skin was aching she couldn’t tell if it was the withdrawals from the drugs, or missing Billy’s hands on her. Maybe she missed him so bad her mind couldn’t process the pain, so it manifested itself physically. Or maybe it was the lack of drugs. A little bit of both, she thought.
However, life moves on, so Daisy did too.
She took a break from music, and from everything, really, but a year later was back at Teddy Price’s door with more ideas; a whole album polished and ready to be recorded. They were in the studio the next day. Teddy never brought up Billy again, or the fact that most of the songs were about him. So Daisy didn’t either.
After a while, it was an easy thing to feel like she’d overcome the heartbreak that was Billy Dunne. She wrote her songs, performed to enthusiastic fans, and even eventually got to the point where she felt like going on a date or two.
I’m finally over him… Daisy thought after her second or third hookup.
She thought wrong.
She must’ve been standing in place too long, because eventually Billy slowly looked up at her. The emotions hit her like a train the moment she was looking into those eyes that used to stare intently into her own. She hated that she felt like he could see right through her, but then again, he always possessed that, hadn’t he?
Daisy really should have gone home and pretend she never saw him.
At least if she had walked right past him without another glance, she could pretend she hadn’t fallen right back in love with him from just a second of eye contact.
If she walked right past him, she’d have the comfort of crying into her pillow and avoiding contact with any and everyone. She could just sit in her hurt as she relieved every painfully magnificent memory she shared with Billy.
But, she didn’t walk past him. No, instead she walked right up to him, a small smile on her face.
“Hey, Billy.” Her voice was faint, mixed in with the chatter from those surrounding them.
“Daisy Jones,” Billy smiled, and she couldn’t help but feel it was genuine.
Her heart skipped a beat. How did he make her feel so many things with just two simple words? Her name, at that. Something she heard nearly everyday.
But they never sounded so right from anyone else. Or so gut-wrenching.
Had this been anyone else, Daisy would have asked how he’d been, what he’d been up to. But, Billy wasn’t anyone else. Plus, it would be too painful to hear about Camila. To hear about the happy life she knew he was having. The happy life that didn’t hold even an inch of space for her. Full of a loving marriage and perfect daughter who they probably read to sleep every night, together. So, Daisy avoided that topic, which left her at a loss of words.
Daisy then realized she’d probably been silent too long, she wanted to say something, really anything to break this eye contact that was making her relive every little moment they’d shared four years ago. Her voice failed her.
“I missed you,” Billy said.
The air seemed to leave her lungs, her voice coming out weaker than intended, “I missed you too.”
They had a fleeting conversation where he said he was in town for a few days, and something about Thanksgiving with Graham before going back to Pittsburg. She knows what he really meant was ‘Go back to Camila, and Julia, and my perfect happy life without you.’
Daisy honestly couldn’t tell you what had happened next, but somehow they were in the family bathroom. All Daisy really registered was the sound of the lock clicking before Billy’s lips were on hers.
Nothing had ever felt so right, and Daisy hated how much she loved it.
She wasn’t sure how long they were in there, but one second his hands were roaming over her skin, desperately covering all the space he’d missed for years, and the next second he was out the door.
Daisy woke up the next morning frustrated beyond belief. She ran through her morning routine like a zombie, not fully aware of anything she was doing as she tried to forget his smile. The stupid fucking smile that she used to hate, but grew to love, along with the rest of him. The smile that, in the beginning, was condescending most of the time, but grew into endearment.
When her phone went off, she was still in a daze. Didn’t stop for a second to think who it might be.
Billy said he would pick her up at 9 that night. She knew it was because that was when his family's celebration would be over, when everyone else would be asleep. They could sneak away in secret, just him, her, and the moon.
He picked her up in an unfamiliar car. He looked around nervously, like he was scared someone would see him there. She wanted to roll her eyes, and wanted to tell him he didn’t have to come see her if he was going to freak out the whole time. Then, she realized she didn’t wanna be seen either. She quickly got in.
They drove in silence, and Daisy couldn’t help but feel that pang of nostalgia that hit her as they drove past shared memories. The cafe they used to share meals at, the beach where it felt like their relationship had taken a shift. Even just driving on the same roads they’d traveled together before sent uneasiness through Daisy.
As much as she tried to run away from Billy, he would always be with her. She could never completely leave him, especially not now that he was right beside her.
Billy was no longer an apparition in her wildest dreams, but an image in full view. A memory turned once again into reality.
Billy was here.
With Daisy.
She didn’t realize where they were going, and didn't think to ask. She still, and would always, trusted him with everything in her.
It wasn’t until they were parked that she snapped out of her daze, looking over as he turned off the ignition. She watched him stare out the wheel, before looking over and seeing they were in the parking lot of Soundcity. She almost laughed.
They didn’t say anything for a while, and the silence was making Daisy incredibly uneasy. She wasn’t sure what she thought was going to happen tonight, and didn't allow herself to hope for anything. Sitting in silence, however, would’ve been her last guess.
There was so much to say, but neither of them wanted to talk. Hell, they didn’t know what to say.
But Daisy hated awkward silences, and her back was tingling with discomfort, so she looked at him again.
“What are we doing here, Billy?” Her voice was snappier than she intended for it to be.
When he looked up at her, his eyes were clear. His lips were on hers once again, and somehow more passionate than before. Like he was aiming to make a mockery of their kiss from last night. Like he needed it more, wanted it more.
This time, Daisy was fully present in her body, feeling everything as his lips seemed to say everything neither of them could. His hands were on her neck, fingertips pressing on the hair at the back of her head.
“We shouldn’t be doing this,” Daisy sighed, turning her head up as Billy, no doubt, began leaving a mark on her neck.
“Do you wanna stop?” Billy asked, pulling back and scanning her eyes. Both of their breaths were quick, Daisy felt as her chest rose and fell at a quickening speed.
Of course she didn’t want to stop. This was all she’d wanted for the past however many years. She knew it didn’t mean he was leaving his wife, maybe didn’t even mean he still loved her, but it meant something. It had to.
“Backseat.” Daisy answered, watching as Billy nodded, quickly getting out and jumping into the back. She climbed over the center console.
His lips were back on hers instantly, pushing her back against the car door. It was a tight fit, but they were desperate for an excuse to be as close as possible anyway. Her legs wrapped around him, her fingers dragged down his back.
It wasn’t long till Daisy got tired of kissing, and was craving more from him. The one thing they never shared during their fleeting romance in the 70s.
“Billy, please.” Daisy’s voice came out more desperate than she intended it to, her breath hot against face.
He didn’t hesitate to comply.
After they were done, Billy leaned against the backseat, holding Daisy securely against his chest. They sat in silence a while to regain some consciousness, both staring at the fogged up window. Daisy counted his heart beats against her back.
“When do you leave?” Daisy’s voice was soft, barely above a whisper as she asked.
Billy intertwined his hands with hers, “Tomorrow night.”
“I’m guessing this is it then? For us, I mean.” Daisy waited patiently for the answer. She already knew what he would say, even if he wouldn’t say why. Even if he didn’t have to.
“Yeah.” Billy replied eventually, “I need to go back to Grahams.” He held Daisy tighter against him.
“How long can you stay?”
“Not long,” He said, and Daisy noticed the far too familiar feeling of tears welling in her eyes. She wanted to ask him to stay. Beg him to abandon everything he worked so hard for, everything she once told him to return to.
But she knew she couldn’t. Wouldn’t.
“You think in another world…” Daisy trailed off, and she could tell he knew she was crying.
“Yeah,” Billy whispered, “Just not this one.”
“Just not this one,” Daisy parrotted, shifting her body to face him once again. “Do you still love me?”
While they had never shared those words before, Daisy knew he did love her, at one point at least. The same way she loved him. She thought, maybe knowing if or if not he still felt that way would make it easier to let go this time. Even if she couldn’t rationalize why.
“I think I’ll always love you, Daisy.” He told her honestly, wiping the few tears that had made a slow descent down her rosy cheeks.
Daisy nodded, bringing her lips back up to his. Their bodies intertwined once again, but this time slower and with more care.
They both knew this would be the last time, and they both wanted to savor every second of it.
Billy ran his fingers across her body, trying to memorize every inch of her.
Daisy watched him, wanting to know what he was thinking. Wanting to ask him to stay.
She couldn’t ask him to stay.
The drive back to her house was silent. Daisy tried to pretend it wasn’t goodbye. Tried to pretend he would be picking her up at the same time tomorrow. Pretended he wouldn’t be on a plane to go home to his family.
They sat in her driveway a minute before she finally looked over at him, seeing he too was crying. It oddly brought her some comfort knowing he was just as torn as she was.
He once said they could be broken together. Now, she thought, they were broken separately. Broken because of each other.
“I really do love you, Daisy.” He told her.
“I know you do. I love you the same.” The same as you love me. The same way I loved you X years ago. The same way I loved you before I knew you.
“I’m sorry I have to leave.”
Daisy sighed, “I know you are.”
“If things were different…”
“In another world, I know.”
They sat in silence another second, taking in every single detail of each other's faces.
“You have to go, Billy.” Daisy didn’t even realize she was going to say something until it was coming out of her mouth, much less telling him to go. Again.
“I love you,” He told her one more time, bringing his lips back to hers.
When they pulled away, Daisy rested her forehead against his, “I love you, too.”
“You know I’ll always love you, I’ll never love anyone in the same way. You’re a part of me.”
Daisy closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry, “You have to go. ”
It was becoming too painful, their dragged out goodbye. She thinks if they sat there for one more minute, she would ask him to stay. Beg him, even.
So, she gave him one last heartfelt kiss before opening the car door and getting out.
“Goodbye, Daisy.”
Daisy swallowed her tears, “I’ll see you later, Billy.”
She couldn’t say goodbye to him. Couldn’t yet admit that this would probably be the last time they would see each other like this. So, she opted for deniability.
Maybe if she didn’t say a final goodbye, he wouldn’t really be gone.
Daisy laid in bed that night and cried, remembering every word, every touch shared between the two. She hated that she already missed him again, and knew she always would.
She also hated how she wasn’t living in the moment with him anymore. The night they’d shared was now a memory, just like every other time they had been together. Nothing to look forward to, or revel in, but rather something to cling onto, and desperately try to remember every detail of.
She knew in a few days time the marks he left across her skin would fade, but the pain would be ever present. Gnawing at her, as it did before, but once again more vivid. A wound reopened.
Daisy Jones fucking hated the holidays.