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It was actually getting kind of ridiculous.
For the third time in as many weeks, Aloy was sitting in a tavern waiting for Erend. She was Hekkaro’s champion, Anointed, the Saviour of Meridian for goodness sake. But for all of those titles she had under her belt, as she sat there watching the sun kiss the horizon on the landscape surrounding Brightmarket, Aloy was painfully aware of just how little they could help her in her current situation.
It was Talanah’s fault. After they’d helped Amadis with his mission and Talanah had escorted him back to the Sundom, Aloy had gone to check in on her Sunhawk and friend. Among other things, Talanah had spoken at length about the complex nature of personal relationships, and how one day Aloy would understand.
Unbeknownst to her at the time, Talanah’s words had unlocked something within Aloy. And as she lay awake in her bedroll later that night, Talanah’s words repeating on a loop in her head, one face kept coming to the forefront, one voice, one man.
Erend.
It was curious, really. The idea that she had known this man for over two years now, and a simple conversation with a friend could unlock feelings Aloy was sure had been lurking there since almost the moment she had met him. Feelings that she had told herself that she couldn’t acknowledge, because she didn’t have time. Feelings that she didn’t understand.
If Aloy was being honest with herself, the way she felt about Erend had always been different to the others… she just didn’t know why , and what it meant. She’d been so focused on her mission that she’d told herself she hadn’t the time to delve deeper into why her heart fluttered when she saw him in the Daunt after their six month separation. Or how gut-wrenching it had felt to see him get taken down by a Bristleback. Or how hard it would be to turn down his help, again , when she saw him at Barren Light.
And so now, with the Zeniths defeated and the threat of Nemesis not imminently upon them, Aloy unwillingly had the time to think about all the things she’d kept bottled up in regards to this man. And that too was a problem. Because before, she could tell herself she was too busy to think about it, about him . Too busy saving the world to think about the fact that for all the training and skills that Rost had taught her, this was one area they’d never covered. One area she was woefully deficient in. One area that made her insides squirm uncomfortably at the thought of asking her friends for help.
And so, as she had laid in her bedroll weeks earlier on that fateful night, staring up at the night sky thinking over Talanah’s words, Aloy did the only thing she could think to do. Tap open her Focus, and begin searching the archives for as much research as she could find into how the old ones went about transitioning from friend to… well… more.
Shaking her head to clear it of the memory, Aloy looked around from where she was sitting, taking in the quaint tavern at Brightmarket and watching as the local inhabitants went about their day. Aloy had to admit Brightmarket had its charms. It was close enough to Meridian that it had almost everything you could want at your disposal, but had the laid back lifestyle of a settlement that knew its biggest drawcard was its waterfront location and the ability it had to make you feel like your problems were a lifetime away, even for a moment.
She hoped the atmosphere would help her today with Erend, but despite her calm demeanour she was nervous. Taking a deep breath to settle her mind, Aloy thought back to what she had learnt on her research assignment.
So much of what she’d read about simply was not applicable for her and Erend’s situation. A huge portion of the data she’d uncovered was related to instant attraction, and acting on it immediately. Although she now knew that when she’d first met Erend, back at the Proving, he’d flirted shamelessly with her. At the time she hadn’t recognised that – she’d noticed him, of course. He was visually striking, with his unusual hairstyle and kind eyes.
But what she’d noticed above all else was that he was unlike any person she’d ever met in her life. He was so open and honest with her, answered any and all of her questions, not shunning or avoiding her as most Nora did. Looking back now, Aloy could see he’d tried to initiate something with her, inviting her to Meridian, inviting her to start a new life. But it had been a long time since he’d flirted with her like that. So much had happened between them since then, and although they’d grown closer, Aloy had become unsure whether his feelings toward her were anything more than friendship.
She had the perfect example of a romance forming with Varl and Zo. Although she’d been unconscious when they’d first met, Aloy had witnessed the burgeoning romance between the two, leading to their first kiss outside the tent she was resting in. At the time, watching Varl and Zo tentatively kiss, Aloy had been shocked by an intense wave of something coming over her. As she’d worked through her thoughts laying in that small tent, she soon knew what that something was.
Not jealousy, as she’d initially thought, but longing .
Longing for the closeness that existed between her friend and his new partner after such short acquaintance. Longing for the ease with which they both expressed their wants and desires, culminating in a sweet kiss before they parted ways. Longing for the burden of responsibility, the burden of her birthright to be complete, so she too could experience these types of things without the ever present threat of the end of the world.
Bringing herself back to the present, she heard him before she saw him. His loud voice drifted on the wind, greeting comrades and acquaintances as he walked towards her.
She watched his handsome face as Erend looked around the tavern before settling his gaze on her. Seeing her at a small table out by the waters edge, his smile widened and Aloy felt the all-too-familiar butterflies take flight in her stomach as he made his way through the crowded terrace and pulled up the chair opposite her.
Taking a deep breath, Aloy knew the moment had come. It was the third time in as many weeks that she was meeting him under the guise of a friendly catch-up, because she just ‘happened’ to be in the vicinity of where he was. Nevermind that she had invented reasons to be close to where she knew he was travelling. This was the time – the time that she would tell him how she felt and would put into practice all she had learned from her research. For her own sanity she had to do it. Had to know whether this thing that was taking up so much of her thoughts would become anything more than in her head.
The thing was though, as much as she had researched theoretically what she needed to do, actually putting it into practice was proving to be a lot harder than she thought. It was baffling to her that she could jump head-first off the highest cliff, could take on the biggest, baddest machines in the West without flinching, but telling the man sitting in front of her that she had feelings for him filled her with terror. And it didn’t sit well with her, this reticence to put herself out there. But, she supposed, that was part of the problem. The other things she had trained for. This was an unknown.
But it was more than that. It was the thought that she could be wrong . That he might not feel for her what she felt for him, and that she could ruin their friendship. That was the scariest thing, as far as she was concerned. Because as much as she wanted to go forward, to understand these new feelings and act on them, the thought that if he wasn’t on the same page it could change things between them filled her with trepidation. She had come to rely on him, on all her friends, really, but especially him. He was the one she gravitated towards. The one who could make her smile, the one who could make her forget, even for a moment, that the fate of humanity rested upon her shoulders. She didn’t want to lose that – couldn’t lose that. It meant everything to her.
Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she knew that it was unlikely. Erend simply wasn’t the type of man to let this get between them if he didn’t feel the same. He was kind and loyal, and a good friend above all else. She knew that he would do anything for her, for any of his friends, and that included making them feel comfortable often at his own expense. And while the thought gave her some comfort, as she looked up at him as he signalled the barkeep to bring them drinks, she hoped with all her heart it wouldn’t come to that. Because as much as Erend would work to make her comfortable, Aloy herself knew this was something she’d likely struggle with.
“So Aloy! Fire and Spit it’s good to see you! I can’t believe I’m getting my two minutes out here in Brightmarket! After last time I thought I wouldn’t see you again until I was back in Hidden Ember. What brings you out this way?”
“Oh – uh, I was out this way getting some… machine parts for Beta, and… ah had some other… business in the area. How did you go in Meridian?”
Erend turned to thank the barkeep who had delivered their drinks to the table, before turning back and smiling at her.
“Well, as you know, after we met the other week at that poor excuse for a tavern in Meridian, I had to go check-in with Avad and the Vanguard and get them up-to-speed with Nemesis and all that. It was good. Avad took it all in his stride, as we expected him to. Blameless Marad was beside himself with the Focus that I gave him. I think I even saw him smile.”
“Huh, you don’t say”
“Heh. Yeah… Avad was… disappointed, I think, that you didn’t stop by yourself,” he added slyly, taking a sip of his drink and looking out across the water, before bringing his gaze back to her.
“Oh… I... well, I’m sure you gave him… all the information he needed, and with the Focus he can… um, always get in touch, I guess. And he knows, I’m sure, that I’m… busy.”
Silence settled around them as Erend looked back at Aloy, with, for once, an unreadable expression on his face. It was times like this Aloy wished she was better with people, better at understanding the undercurrents of how people interacted. Squirming slightly under his stare, she changed direction, hoping to get the conversation to where she needed.
“Did you decide what to do with the Vanguard?” she asked, before taking a sip of the drink that Erend had ordered for her.
“Yeah, I resigned my Captaincy. It was the right thing to do. I’m not there to lead them, and I don’t know when I’ll be back. Joruf has been holding down the fort while I’ve been gone and I put in my recommendation to Avad to promote him. I think he was disappointed with my resignation, but he understood it was the right thing to do. He needs someone there he can count on, and that’s not me at the moment.”
“So that’s it then?”
At her question, Erend chuckled softly.
“Yep, you’re now looking at the ex-captain of the Vanguard!”
At this, a stray thought went through her head. For as long as she’d known him, he’d always been – proudly – Erend Vanguardsman. Aloy knew an Oseram’s profession was part of their identity, proclaiming to all who they were and what they stood for. With this move, resigning as Captain of the Vanguard, did that change?
Before she could stop herself, she asked, “So, what does that make you now? Erend ex-Vanguardsman?”
At this, he laughed out loud, shaking his head at her as he smiled down.
“Only you would say that, Aloy! Heh. I haven’t really thought about it I guess? I mean before I was Erend Vanguardsman I was a Freebooter, but I’m not really that anymore. And by forge’s flame, I’m certainly not going back to being an Ealdorson, even if it would probably help with getting the Oseram onside with the Nemesis threat. I dunno, I guess I’m Erend Adrift now? Or maybe I could be Erend Aloysman or haha… Erend GAIAGang now?”
Wiggling his eyebrows at her, Aloy couldn’t help but chuckle alongside him. “Erend GAIAGang, really? Ha yeah you know Erend Aloysman has got a ring to it.”
Unable to keep eye contact with him, Aloy looked down at the table between them. His hands were stretched out between them, tantalisingly close, but still far enough away that he would know that she was being deliberate in reaching for them. His fingers tapped on the worn wooden bench as she distantly heard him commenting about the variety of travellers coming through Brightmarket.
This seemed like the moment. The moment she had chickened out from the two previous times she’d met him for this purpose. But those times were behind her. Because now she had a plan.
One, initiate physical contact.
Two, maintain eye contact.
Three, smile, be complementary and tell him how I feel.
Four, hope like hell that he catches on to what I’m doing and takes over.
Taking a deep breath to settle her wildly beating heart, Aloy briefly closed her eyes before reaching out and gently placing her hand over his. At the unexpected contact, Erend abruptly stopped talking, his eyes darting between where her hand lay atop his, and her rapidly blushing face.
“...Aloy?”
Feeling the blush on her face deepen at his look, in her head she recounted the steps that she had decided upon, hoping the repetition of the plan would force herself to calm down. One, initiate physical contact – done. Two, maintain eye contact – also done, but it was taking everything in Aloy to not look away. Three, smile, be complementary and tell him how I feel. Ok this she could do.
Offering him a small smile, she began, “I ah… just wanted to say – to say that I um… appreciate you… you know, everything that you’ve done for me really, but ah – especially I guess, I know how much being Captain of the Vanguard meant to you, to… to take over from Ersa’s legacy and um… I know we were joking before about your new title, but I would be ah… am so proud that you’re… with me, I mean, as part of the team?”
Cringing internally at her awkward speech, Aloy wondered, not for the first time, why it was so hard to just tell him what he meant to her. She’d started speaking, fully prepared to say how she felt, but the moment her mouth had opened she’d stalled, and what had come out seemed like a garbled mess of half-compliments and gibberish. Knowing that if she didn’t tell him now, she might never get the nerve to do so again, she took a deep breath before continuing.
“Erend, I ah… you’re such a – I mean, you know, to me you– I just want to…,” she trailed off as his brows came together in confusion.
“Aloy… what is… happening here?”
Frustration welled up inside of her, and knowing that she had already messed this up, again , she pushed herself up from her chair to leave. Why couldn’t she tell the man she was pretty sure she loved , that he meant something to her, that she wanted more than friendship with him. This was hopeless.
She hated feeling this way – like there was something missing, something wrong with her. No one else seemed to struggle with these basic human interactions. But then again, most other people weren't born an outcast. Maybe that was the sticking point. She was an outcast. Even after everything she’d done, everything she’d achieved, she would always be the outcast Nora with no social skills. Because no one taught her how to not be.
Looking down at his handsome face, now staring at her with concern and worry, she knew she couldn’t do it. He deserved better. He deserved someone who could actually tell him they loved him. Someone who could hold his hand without needing a four part preparation plan. And she wasn’t that person. The kindest thing she could do would be to bottle up her feelings and leave him be. Leave him to find someone who would be everything that she wasn't. At that thought, Aloy could feel the lump forming in her throat and she knew she had to get out of there.
“Forget it – I ah, just forget it.”
Before he could say a thing, Aloy took off out of the tavern and headed towards the outskirts of the establishment along the dock to call her Sunwing, so it could take her far away from here.
Shock was the first thing that registered in Erend’s brain as he watched Aloy stand abruptly from the table before walking away. He wasn’t quite sure what had happened over the past few minutes, but he did know that if he let her walk away from him now, she’d freeze up and he’d never know what this… interaction… was about.
If it was anyone else, Erend would have bet a great deal of shards that she had been coming onto him. But that was the thing. It was Aloy. And as much as he wished that she felt for him as he did her, he knew she didn’t. Why would she? She was amazing – she was the Saviour of Meridian, she was Hekkaro’s Champion. He wasn’t even Captain of the Vanguard anymore.
She’d been behaving strangely toward him for some time. A couple of weeks ago she’d been down near Hidden Ember and had called by inbetween errands, and they’d shared a drink at the local tavern. It had been nice – they’d spent the evening laughing, and plotting ideas on how they could get the support from the surrounding tribes, and, ultimately, how they could try and defeat Nemesis. But every so often she would look at him like she’d never really done before. Like he meant something to her and she wanted to tell him something important. But then she’d look away, and they’d go back to their usual banter. He hadn’t thought much of it at the time, because he couldn’t. He couldn’t let his mind go there, thinking that she wanted more from him, because that was impossible, and it would kill him if he let himself hope.
The next time they’d met had actually been in Meridian a few weeks later. He’d offered to make the trip there to go speak to Avad, as he knew he needed to make a decision about his role with the Vanguard. Avad had been more than patient with him, understanding Erend’s need to stay and help Aloy with her mission, but the longer it went on the more Erend felt that he needed to commit. Was he all in with Aloy, or would he go back to Meridian to lead the Vanguard? In the end, he knew there wasn’t really any question. From the day he’d met Aloy his heart had forged itself to her, and as long as she needed him, he’d be there. And when the time came that she didn’t need him anymore, well, he’d cross that bridge when he came to it.
To say that he was surprised to hear from her as he walked through the gates of Meridian would have been an understatement. At the time she’d said she had business in the area, but if he wanted to catch up for a friendly drink at his favourite tavern – she had two minutes for him. Of course he jumped at the chance – who wouldn’t! But when they met, it had been weird. Weird in a way that Erend couldn’t place. Because they’d had a good time – once again laughing and joking about memories long past, but every so often she’d look at him like she wasn’t quite sure what to do. And she was frustrated, he could tell. The conversation became stilted and she had ended the night telling him she’d see him around.
What had baffled him more though, was her call two days ago, asking if he was passing through Brightmarket on his way back to Hidden Ember. Because Aloy wasn’t supposed to be in Meridian in the first place, let alone at Brightmarket wanting to meet up with him again. For a moment he considered her behaviour over the past few weeks, and once again came up confused. She was still the same old Aloy that he had come to know and love, but there was something more. Something uncertain that was bubbling under the surface. And if her casual meetups with him were any indication, it had something to do with him. Just what, he couldn’t say. He could only hope that she hadn’t decided that she had no use for him. He knew it would come eventually, but he’d been harbouring the hope that ‘eventually’ would be years down the track.
Still, as he watched her walk away from him, Erend knew he had to stop her and get to the bottom of it. Even if it was to hear her say she had no use for him anymore. Even if it broke his heart. Because he could see that whatever was on her mind was upsetting her. And he loved her too much to let her torture herself anymore.
“Aloy – wait!”
Jumping from the table, he jogged through the crowd towards the wharf, trying to catch up with her. The slight stiffening of her walk indicated to him she’d heard him, yet she continued on. As he caught up to her, he reached out gently to grab her wrist, to stop her determined exit. At his touch Aloy came to a standstill, pulling her hand from his grasp and bringing it up in front of her, folding her arms as if to create a physical barrier between them.
“Aloy, talk to me. What’s this about?”
“It’s nothing, just forget it Erend.”
“I don’t wanna forget it. Aloy, as much as I’ve enjoyed meeting you at all these bars across the Sundom, I know there’s been a reason for it. There’s something on your mind – let me help you, please .”
At his words, Aloy huffed in frustration, and walked over towards the waters edge, Erend slowly following behind.
“But that’s just it Erend, you can’t help me, because I can’t even talk to you about it. I’ve tried three times now, and all I end up doing is…ugh… this!”
Sighing in frustration, Aloy sat down, dangling her legs over the turquoise water. “I just… my research made it seem so easy, you know. I had a plan. And then I see you, and it’s like I’m… Like I…”
He frowned at her words and brought himself down to sit alongside her at the dock’s edge. Rather than clearing things up, they’d confused him more. “A plan? You needed a plan to talk to me?”
Sighing, she turned slightly towards him, eyes downcast and once again looking at his hands. She knew now the moment had well and truly come, that she was past the point of no return. He knew something was up, and she’d already embarrassed herself earlier with him so she may as well go through with the plan so he could tell her he didn’t feel the same. And then they could go back to being friends. He would go to Hidden Ember, and she would make herself scarce for a while.
As with before at the tavern, she reached out to take his hand in hers, taking a deep breath and looked up into his handsome face.
“Ok, let me try again. … Erend, I… I think I have feelings for you, and I– I like spending time with you. And I was thinking – no, hoping – that we could…uh spend more time um… together… romantically? Only if you wanted, of course.”
At her words, his jaw dropped open, and for the first time in his life, he was speechless. “Uh… what?”
“That’s what I… I just wanted to say that to you. And I… you don’t have to uh… say anything, nothing has to change between us. I know that you probably don’t want to um… hear it, but I just ah – I just wanted you to know.”
Taking in his shocked face, she sighed and let go of his hand. It was done. Now he knew, and she could try to move on. She could finally stop wondering what would happen once she told him. She could leave this place, head deep into the West, and occupy herself with enough odd-jobs until they’d all need to come together to defeat Nemesis. She could do this, she could–
“ Fire and spit Aloy, are you crazy?!”
At his exclamation, her head snapped up to look at him sitting next to her. She opened her mouth to speak, but he wasn’t finished.
“That’s what this has been about? You’ve been meeting me at half the taverns across the Forbidden West and the Sundom to tell me how you feel, and you think I don’t want to hear it ? Hammer to steel Aloy, I’m crazy about you… I thought you knew that! My heart has been forged to yours since I met you.”
“Oh… it has?”
Huffing in amusement he cried, “ Yes ! I’d love to spend more time, romantically with you.”
“Oh.”
Her mouth, which had opened to speak, now hung limply open as she openly stared at him in wonder. Smiling at her perplexed expression, he himself reached out and took both her hands in his.
“So… what exactly were you… researching?”
At his gentle smile, she felt a blush reddening her cheeks.
“Oh… well I... I’ve had these feelings, and I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, so I did some research.”
“You did some research on how to tell me you liked me?”
“Uh, sort of. I did research on how to go from being friends with someone to, uh… more?”
“Huh. And you came up with a plan? You said you had a plan?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“What was it?” Looking down at their joined hands, Aloy could feel where his thumbs – the only part of his hands not covered by thick leather – were burning trails along the back of her knuckles in the most delightfully distracting manner.
“What was what?”
Smiling at her, he slowly leaned over, resting his forehead against her own.
“I’m just curious what the plan was, Aloy.”
At his touch, her eyes fluttered closed.
“Oh…. Well, step one was to initiate physical contact. ”
“So you grabbed my hand at the bar,” he was so close she could feel his breath on her lips.
“Yeah.”
“Ok, and step two?”
Her eyes opened, looking into the steely blue depth of his.
“Maintain eye contact.”
“Which you did… step three?”
“Smile, be complementary and tell you how I feel,” she took a sharp breath as he brought his lips down and traced feather-light kisses along her jaw.
“You said some very complimentary things, and you eventually did tell me how you feel.”
“Yeah.”
“Was there a step four?”
Her eyes once again fluttered shut, her head tilting up towards him.
“Yeah, hope like hell that you would catch on to what I was doing and take over.”
Chuckling at this, he brought one of his hands up to gently cup her face, his pad of his thumb tracing a line down her cheek and across her bottom lip.
“Aloy?”
“Yeah?”
“All you had to do was ask.”
His lips touched hers so softly at first, Aloy was sure she had imagined it. Soon however she felt him press down further to kiss her fully, capturing her bottom lip between his and sucking it lightly.
The kiss deepened, and Aloy for the first time in her life felt a warmth, unlike anything she’d ever experienced, flood her veins.
As the kiss ended, Aloy brought her hand up to rest on his chest over his heart, and knew that it didn’t matter what happened from here – with Nemesis, with the rest of the world. She was exactly where she was supposed to be. With Erend.