Work Text:
“It won’t change her, but it will sure as hell change you.”
Tim thinks about his and Lucy’s past a lot. When he almost lost her to Caleb, when he almost lost her to UC school, and when they finally found each other once they were both single and how from that moment in Grey’s office, they both knew they were each other’s last loves.
Tim has always seen Lucy as a guiding light in his life whether he was thankful for it or not. For instance, when they first started riding together, Tim was convinced he’d be the first T.O. to ever dump his rookie in their first day. He just couldn’t take another moment of her upbeat, light and airy personality while he was going through some of his darkest times. Isabel had been gone for over a year and was falling deeper and deeper into her addiction. He didn’t need some new hot shot rookie coming in being perky every day. At least that’s what he thought. It wasn’t until the moment she had showed up to stop him from helping Isabel that he knew he was in trouble. At the time, he didn’t know how much. Tim never expected to fall for his rookie, but seeing someone stand opposite him who saw every side of him yet still wanted to protect him from himself, did something to Tim.
It changed him.
She changed him and Tim would spend the rest of their lives trying to repay her and show her how grateful he was for their partnership both professionally and privately.
Which is why when Tim heard his phone ring in the early hours of their day off, he immediately started scowling and cursing whoever was on the other end that dared interfere in Lucy’s rest and the plans he had for the two of them once she had awoken. Albeit, “his plans” consisted of staying in bed all day tiring her out even more than he had the night before.
It wasn’t until he shifted to check who was calling that he realized his plans for the day were about to be seriously infringed upon.
“Who is it, babe? Work? Tell them you can’t come in because it’s our day off.” Said Lucy who had already curled her body into his to get closer to him trying to discourage him from leaving her.
“No. It’s not work.” Tim replied in a voice that immediately roused Lucy from getting any more sleep. Even this slightest shift in his tone was enough for Lucy to know whoever was on the other end surprised him.
“Baby? Are you okay? You got all quiet on me. Who is it?”
“It’s Isabel.”
“Oh.” Lucy replied in a surprised tone which shook Tim from whatever shock he was feeling. He could tell she was frazzled by this information and he wanted to reassure her that everything would be fine. He loved Lucy, more than he loved Isabel, more than he’d ever loved anyone. When he used to picture his future with Isabel, it was always the same generic family who took flashy photos and went on vacation yearly because they were supposed to. But looking at Lucy, Tim can suddenly see his children, what they look like, what their interests are, the love they have for their mother that he, too, has. He can see going on family outings and coaching little league teams and being the embarrassing dad who hoots and hollers on the sidelines even if his kid is on the bench. He can see taking spontaneous trips out to the beach, even though he hates it, because his kids and the love of his life have him outnumbered and he really could never say no to them. He can even see retiring or moving to a less dangerous position so that his children have a present father. He can see all the things he never saw when he was with Isabel and he can see all of the things he’d be willing to do now that past Tim would never believe and he knows it’s all because of Lucy.
Tim is suddenly aware with how quiet the room is and he focuses his gaze on Lucy, after being mildly distracted by their future. It’s then that he notices her pulling away from him and curling into herself as if she’s seeking comfort away from him. Tim is sure she can hear his heart break because how couldn’t she? He cannot stand the thought of her being insecure in their relationship and he mentally kicks himself for not doing enough to reassure her.
“Lucy.” No response and he can tell she’s already in her head and her mind is running a million different thoughts in her head.
“Luce?”
“Baby!” Tim says while raising his voice only slightly to pull her attention from whatever she’s thinking about.
“Huh? What?” Lucy says with what Tim thinks is supposed to be a reassuring smile but instead looks like she’s in pain.
“I love you, you know that?” Tim says, for the first time. But he knows or at least he hopes that she knows that even though he hadn’t said those three words, he felt them. He hopes he’s been projecting everything he wasn’t ready to say into his actions. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to say it, in fact, he probably would’ve said it their first date if he wasn’t afraid of scaring her off. But he didn’t want her to think he was like Chris, someone who didn’t respect her feelings in things. Tim always wanted him and Lucy to be on the same page. He doesn’t think he’d survive losing her, not the way he did when he lost Isabel.
“I know. I love you, too.” Lucy replies with a genuine smile this time but Tim can still hear the sadness in her tone.
“Then, what’s the matter?”
“It’s just—,” she says but then she shuts her mouth quickly and Tim can see her mentally preparing herself for whatever she’s about to say. “She was your wife, Tim. I know you love me but you two have a connection that we will never have. You wanted a family with her. Hell, you bought a house with her so that you could have that family.” And Tim makes a mental note about the house thing because even though he’d never thought his house served as a reminder of the women before Lucy, he can see why that’s something that upsets her. So, he makes a note to remind Lucy that his home isn’t in that old house he shared with Isabel, its her. But he knows she needs to get this out so they can move forward so he lets her continue. “I know she hurt you. I do, I was there, for part of it, at least. Remember? I know how much history is there and what you were willing to do to get her back. And I can’t compete with that so even though I love you and the thought of letting you go is tearing me apart inside, right now, I need you to know that it’s okay to choose her. All I want is for you to be happy. I remember the conversation we had in the shop about the family you wanted. You deserve that, Tim. I won’t stand in the way of whatever decision you make because I know what it feels like to have someone in your life that you connect with and then have them taken from you. I’d do anything to get that back. So what kind of a hypocrite would I be to take that from you?”
And if Lucy hadn’t heard his heart break before, she definitely heard it now because he mourned the loss of Jackson for her. He wishes he could turn back time and save him so that she wouldn’t feel this kind of pain. But he can’t. So they continue to move forward but never forget what Jackson meant to them. But they’ll talk about that later. Right now, Tim needs to find a way to explain to Lucy (who is biting her lip so hard he thinks she might bleed to stop herself from crying), that there really is no choice between her and Isabel. He doesn’t know what it is that Isabel wants but he does know that if it came to a point where he had to choose, he’d choose Lucy every time for the rest of their lives.
“You’re right,” Tim says after many moments of contemplation. “There is no competition.” He says meeting her eyes which have begun filling with tears and he knows why. He knows she thinking the worst because no one has ever chose her first. At least, not anyone who is still alive. Her parents remind her daily that their love is conditional, Chris wanted the perfect life and couldn’t accept Lucy for who she was, and her first serious boyfriend chose her best friend over her. But he’s not them. Tim will choose her first always and he will see to it that she realizes that starting today.
“There’s no competition because you’re everything to me, Lucy. For as long as I could remember, I’ve wanted to be a dad but for all the wrong reasons. At first, it was to spite my father and prove to him that I could be better than him. Then, it was because that’s what I thought the next step was after marriage and I wanted to look like I had a stable family even though I knew mine and Isabel’s marriage wasn’t conducive with that dream. It wasn’t until I met you and you saved me from myself that I realized I do want to be a father, but for all the right reasons. I want us to have children who look like the both of us but have your kindness and your compassion for others. I want them to know that we’ll both be better than our parents and only ever do right by them. I want the picket fence yard for Kojo and to live in a good school zone that’s not too far from the station so we can both take our kids to school and get to work on time. I want the marriage and the babies and whatever else comes from life with you. I loved her, yes. But I love you more than I loved her. I love you more than I love my house. I love you more than I love my job. If I had to give it all up just to be with you, I would. I’d give up everything if it meant you and I could have our family and our life together.” He says emphasizing that his dream was for both of them. “All I want is for us to be happy, whatever that means. I love you more today than I did yesterday and I know I will love you more tomorrow than I do right now, even though I don’t think it’s possible to love you anymore than I already do. You are it for me, Lucy Chen. You say the word and I’ll sell the house and we can find a new one, together. Or if you’re not ready, I’ll find somewhere to rent until we’re ready. I know it’s too soon but I need you to know this so you can understand it’s you and will always be you.”
“Tim, I-“ And he can tell that she’s still not fully convinced so he braces himself for what he’s about to say by taking a deep breath and then he tells her.
“I bought a ring the day I told you about the Metro position being open. When you left to go “help a friend.” Which I now know was Smitty, by the way.” He says with a chuckle. “You were so happy for me and I could see your eyes so full of love and pride, that the second you walked away, I called Angela and told her we were going to buy a ring. I mean it, Lucy. You. Our life is all that matters to me now.”
“Tim” Lucy says with a sob while flinging herself into his arms. “I love you. Thank you for choosing me.”
“It was never a choice. I’ve known since that time you came to stop me from taking evidence from Isabel’s apartment, that I’d spend the rest of my life trying to protect you and your heart. I didn’t realize at the time, in what capacity, but it didn’t take me long to realize my love for you.”
The two of them sat there for awhile. Lucy in his lap hugging him while he gently ran his fingers through her hair. It had been so long since either of them spoke that he thought she’d fallen back asleep. It isn’t until he hears her hum that he realizes she’s still awake and that she has something else to say.
“I choose you, too. Tim, I choose you forever. Marry me.”
Not much can shock him these days. After so many years on the job, shock is a rare occurrence to him. But this shocked him. He thought she wasn’t ready and he was okay with that because he would have gladly moved at whatever pace she wanted for as long as she needed but it turns out it took something that scared her to help them realize that for the two of them they didn’t need anything other than their love to carry them forward.
So despite Tim’s old-fashioned ways and his plans for giving her the perfect proposal story, Tim knows without a doubt what his answer is and so he says, “Yes, but only if you’ll marry me too.”