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“I don’t like James.”
Hand hovering awkwardly in front of Lily’s face, Mary slowly pulled the eyeshadow brush away from Lily’s eyelid. As Mary pulled back, Lily couldn’t help but wish she’d never said anything in the first place.
Yet, she didn’t regret the words. Not really.
She regretted blurting them out in front of Mary, but she couldn’t bring herself to regret the words themselves.
Because she meant them. And if Iris Evans had taught her daughter anything it was to never deny the truth, no matter how painful it may be.
“Alright,” said Mary as she carefully placed the eyeshadow brush on the desk behind Lily.
“Not— I don’t mean as a person,” she hastened to say, “I just mean…”
Mary blinked at her.
Something twisted in Lily’s chest.
It wasn’t a shock to her that Mary was beautiful. She was Lily’s best friend. She’d always been gorgeous and lovely.
But there was something more to the feeling of soft adoration she’d always felt for Mary now that Lily was older. Now that she’d seen multiple couples form that she never thought possible, now that she’d started to have dreams of herself and a hauntingly familiar figure dancing under the stars.
“Alright,” Mary said again, looking a little less confused, “Is this why you’ve been weird ever since James and Regulus got together?”
The thought of those two made her snort inwardly. While they were easily the most shocking couple to come out of Hogwarts in recent years, nobody could deny their chemistry and how sweet they were together.
James softened Regulus, making him kinder and helping to crack the shell he’d retreated into to protect himself; in return, Regulus anchored James, giving him a home and reassuring him that his worth wasn’t defined by his ability to care for others, that he was worth love and attention too.
They were adorable.
Lily was incredibly jealous.
But not for the reason everybody seemed to be thinking.
James’ childish crush on her had lasted for a few months in fifth year but somehow the Hogwarts rumour mill had twisted that into a lifelong adoration that bordered on obsession. She didn’t get it, but everyone seemed to think that Lily was jealous and bitter that she’d lost the attention of the most eligible bachelor in Hogwarts — like she cared .
Which she did. But, again, not for the reasons everybody seemed to be thinking.
It was infuriating. She couldn’t walk two steps without some twat staring at her and giving her pitying glances. Even her friends seemed to have taken Lily’s sudden quietness and overall lack of energy to mean that she was depressed over James bloody Potter of all people.
Lily loved James. He was one of her most treasured friends. But she did not like him like that, not at all, and James was completely infatuated with Regulus considering he stared at him like he was the eighth wonder of the modern world.
Lily wanted what they had, but not because she wanted to be Regulus (or James, as one older Ravenclaw had oh-so-wisely suggested).
No, Lily wanted what they had but with Mary.
When Mary had come to her, holding her makeup bag and begging Lily to be a willing subject, Lily folded like a house made of cards in a windstorm. But clearly she hadn’t though the whole thing through because sitting in a chair while Mary hovered over her (so closely!) and muttered to herself and tugged at her curls and pinched her brow and bit her lip in thought and—
Fuck.
Fuck . Lily was so fucked.
“Petal, you there?”
Godric, that nickname.
Lily’s stomach squirmed. Why was Mary so lovely? And so beautiful? And kind? And gentle? And caring? And sweet? And funny? And—
“Lils?”
“Sorry,” she swallowed thickly, averting her gaze from Mary’s deep brown eyes, “What did you say?”
Mary held the brush up, “I was wondering if you’d like to keep going. You look a bit peaky.”
“I’m fine,” Lily coughed, “We can keep going.”
Mary nodded slowly as she started to pack more of the eyeshadow onto the brush, “Well alright, but if you want to stop—”
“I know,” said Lily, reaching out to grasp her wrist gently. The faint flutter of Mary’s pulse under her thumb made Lily’s fingers twitch.
“Tilt your head back, petal, this lighting is shite.”
Anything for you, Lily thought as she tipped her head back and Mary leaned in close over her.
Yeah, she did not think this through.
Days later, Lily was hanging upside down, legs thrown over the back of the sofa in the Gryffindor common room, staring at the fire.
Her makeup had looked exceptional and Mary then insisted on taking a few photos. She looked gorgeous. Lily’s favourite was the one where Mary joined in and the two of them were smiling at the camera before turning in sync to grin softly at each other, faces only a centimetre or so apart.
Lily sighed loudly.
“Woah! I didn’t know we were having a party!”
Lily didn’t even bother to reply. She grunted lowly as James jumped over the back of the sofa and landed beside her before quickly shuffling so he was mirroring her position.
She turned to look at him and snorted. His glasses were hanging from his face, the fire illuminating his dark skin as he grinned at her widely.
James really was handsome. Easily one of the fittest blokes in the entire school.
But Lily still felt nothing but platonic fondness when she looked at him.
Sighing, she turned back to gazing at the fire.
“That’s a big sigh,” said James. “Everything alright up there, red?”
Lily snorted, “Don’t you mean down there?”
James furrowed his brow in confusion before it must have dawned on him that they were upside down.
“Good one,” he grinned.
She shook her head, “Why are you here, James? Shouldn’t you be off causing mayhem with your band of hooligans?”
“Marauders,” he corrected her swiftly. “And no, not yet. Padfoot is in detention, Wormtail is in remedial potions and Moony is being a traitor of the highest degree.”
“Studying?”
“With my beloved!” James cried, “He stole him away to look at boring moons or prunes or whatever it was.”
“Runes?”
“That’s the one,” James agreed, grinning at her as she snorted in amusement.
But it wasn’t long before the smile faded from her face and she was back to frowning at the blazing fire in contemplation.
“Alright, come on, out with it,” said James gently. “What’s got you so wound up?”
Lily contemplated ignoring him or coming up with an excuse but that only made her feel worse. James Potter was probably the single most genuine human being she’d ever come across and being dismissive would probably shatter his golden heart.
With a groan, she pulled herself up and stared at the back of the sofa as her head spun. James quickly sat up, shifting to see her easier. They sat there for a moment, legs crossed and facing each other in silence.
Then Lily’s shoulders slumped.
“Did you know everyone thinks I’m in love with you?”
An almost comical look of terror washed over James’ face. Holding out a hand just shy of touching the outermost part of her shoulder, James awkwardly patted her a few times before swallowing.
“Lily, um, I like you very much, you know that. You’re a valued friend of mine and I care for you deeply but I— I don’t feel that way—”
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Lily murmured as she buried her face in her hands.
“—and Regulus really means a lot to me. I love him a lot. To the moon and back. Like, he’s it, you know? And so as much as I hate hurting you—”
“The fall from the astronomy tower is looking really good right now.”
“—but I can’t lie to you either and I don’t want to lead you on—”
“James!” she hissed, prodding him in the chest, “Stop talking! Merlin, I said that’s what people think. Not that I’m actually in love with you.”
“Oh,” said James. Then his face sagged in relief, “Oh, good. I would have hated having to avoid you for the next year until we graduate and then forever afterwards.”
Despite her exhaustion, Lily’s lip quirked upwards, “Regulus?”
“Isn’t he cute? He comes up with the funniest rules.”
“Like the rule against kissing him on match days?”
“Can you believe he thinks I’d lace my lips with poison? The Black family is something else,” James shook his head, an adoring smile on his face as his eyes went slightly dreamy.
“Only you would find that cute,” she said even though she couldn’t help but feel a pang of fondness for Sirius and Regulus too.
“It is cute,” said James. “Now, come on, tell me why the gossip is upsetting you.”
Lily huffed, “Why wouldn't it? They keep following me around and giving me these sad sorry looks, it’s bloody annoying.”
James puffed up arrogantly, “I am a catch. Losing me is something to be sad about— ow!”
Lily glared and lowered her hand, “Don’t be a prat. They think I’m all weepy because of you, like a boy is the most important thing in my life!”
“Hm, that is pretty rubbish. You’ve got more going on for you than, well, me.”
“Exactly!” she hissed, feeling her cheeks redden in anger, “First it was all that business with Sev— Snape,” she quickly corrected herself, “Now it’s all about you. What if I’ve got my own problems?”
Tentatively, James asked, “Do you?”
“Of course!” she groaned, “It— It’s— Ugh,” she punched she back of the sofa, “I think I might be… Well, I’m not sure.”
“That tells me so much,” said James sagely.
Lily frowned, “I don’t know how to word it. I don’t want to say I’m one thing if I’m not sure. But is anyone ever sure? They must be or else these labels wouldn’t exist. So what does that mean for me if I don’t know what I am?”
James’ eyes widened. He glanced around the room before leaning closer and whispering, “Lily, is this about your, uh, your preferences in romantic partners?”
Despite him wording it in the most awkward way possible, Lily felt endeared. Her eyes welled with tears as she sniffled and nodded.
James’ eyes lit up and he grinned, “Oh, this is excellent!”
“It is?” she sniffled.
“Of course! I’m so happy for you, Lils! Discovering yourself is tough but it’s so worth it in the end.”
Lily bit her lip, “If it’s not too intrusive… How did you…”
“Know?” he asked, quirking a brow knowingly, then he shrugged, “I suppose I’d always known. When I got my first crush on a boy, I never thought that was weird or wrong. I just knew that I liked a boy in the way I’d liked a girl before. It felt the same.”
Lily sighed, “But I don’t know if I’ve ever gotten a crush on anyone but—” she pressed her lips together.
James hummed, “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”
“You first,” she said.
Always agreeable, James grinned, “My first crush was on Marlene, then Remus, then Frank, then you, then Reg. Saved the best for last, obviously.”
“Marlene?” she squeaked.
James shrugged, “We grew up in the same circles. I thought she was wicked for punching Macmillan in the face when he made her brother cry.”
Lily let out a startled laugh before nodding, “Alright, well I have a crush on Mary.”
She had to hand it to James, he barely reacted to that statement.
Probably because he’d caught the absolute panic that threatened to choke her as she realised what she’d just said out loud.
Oh. Oh no.
“No, no, no—” she whispered, burying her face in her hands. “Oh shit, oh no— Fuck me with a spade why the fuck did I just say that?”
“Because it’s true,” said James, “Not the spade part, hopefully, but the bit before that about Mary.”
“I think she was my first crush,” she admitted quietly.
“And you still like her?”
She nodded miserably.
“And people say I’m a sap,” James grinned, “This is amazing, Lils! Mary’s brilliant. You should go for it!”
“I guess I should be sending your boyfriend my condolences since you’re about to be a dead man.”
James waved a hand, “Sorry, it’s in the rules that I’m not allowed to die before him. You’ll have to wait for a bit.”
Lily rubbed her forehead, feeling her panic dissipate a little, “Alright, okay, this is fine actually. I just won’t tell her. She’ll never know. I’ll just keep this to myself and pretend like all’s well and then we’ll graduate and she’ll fall madly in love with some rich bastard who’s terribly nice and then I’ll be forced to be her maid of honour and probably the godmother of her perfect kids that she had with her perfect husband and then I’ll be stuck on the outside of her perfect family still hopelessly in love with her—”
James looked dizzy, “That was a lot. Wow. How long have you been in love with her?”
“Since fourth year—” she froze. “What? What did you just say? I— I’m not— I’m not in love with her.”
“You just said you were,” he frowned.
“No, you said that. I did not say that.”
“Yes, you definitely did. After the bit about her perfect kids and perfect family.”
Lily’s stomach dropped and she fell back against the arm of the sofa. Oh no. She did say that.
Her heart ached. This wasn’t a mere crush.
No.
Lily was in love with Mary.
“What do I do?” she whispered, eyes damp.
James smiled at her sympathetically, “You should tell her.”
“You’re awful at giving relationship advice.”
“Which one of us is single and hopelessly pining over their best friend?”
Scowling, Lily said, “Low blow.”
“Truth,” he countered before sighing, “Look, Lils, I know what it’s like to be desperately in love with someone and convinced they’ll never like you back.”
Disbelief was practically painted all over her face, she could feel it in her eyebrows.
James frowned, “It’s true! Can you imagine being in love with Regulus Black? Do you think he made that easy? I thought he hated me! Come to find out he’d had a crush on me since first year.”
Lily’s heart twisted, “That’s really cute.”
“Isn’t it just?” he sighed adoringly.
She worried her bottom lip, “Do you really think I should say something?”
“Absolutely,” he nodded. “Look at Sirius and Remus. Or Marlene and Dorcas. Or me and Reg. All of us were stuck pining for our love for months or even years. Do you really want that to be you and Mary?”
“Just because you lot worked out—”
“Alice and Frank, Fabian and Amelia, Barty and Evan—”
“—doesn’t mean that me and Mary will—”
“—Emmeline and Rita, Davey and Bertha, Emma and—”
“Alright!”
James stopped talking and raised an eyebrow.
“Alright, fine,” she sighed, “I— I’ll think about it.”
Proudly, James nodded, “Good. Remember, labels aren’t important right now. You don’t even have to go through with it but don’t say no out of fear. Mary’s a lovely girl, she won’t laugh or be cruel, she loves you too much.”
Lily knew that but it didn’t stop the anxious butterflies settling in her gut and flapping up a storm. But she also knew that James’ advice was sound. She didn’t have to say anything but could she really go the rest of her life just standing on the sidelines and utterly miserable?
No, because she was a bloody Gryffindor. She wasn’t some self-sabotaging Slytherin that would let the love of her life slip out of her hands. She was Lily Evans, proud geordie and muggleborn witch, in the top five of all of her classes and on track to be head girl.
And she was in love with Mary Macdonald.
Her best friend.
Her Mary.
“You’re right,” Lily decided, setting her jaw stubbornly and flicking her long red hair out of her face. “I’m going to ask her to Hogsmeade.”
James brightened, “Yeah?”
“Yes,” she hissed, determination pooling in her gut and beating the shit out of the butterflies settled there.
Fuck butterflies. She hated butterflies. They were creepy.
Before she stood, she patted his shoulder, “Thanks, James.”
“Not a problem,” he grinned, “Go get your girl.”
Lily winked and hopped off of the sofa and stormed up the stairs.
Once upon a time, Lily would have had an older sister to go to for advice. She would have shuffled into Petunia’s room, clutching at her stuffed rabbit in her matching slippers and asked her big sister what she should do.
As it was, Lily didn’t have a big sister. Not anymore.
That was not for lack of trying. Lily tried so hard to be everything Petunia wanted — a devoted baby sister who looked up to her like she hung the stars in the sky, a confidant, a best friend, all of that and more. But it didn’t work.
Because the biggest thing Petunia wanted from Lily was for her to be normal. To stop being a witch.
And Lily couldn’t do that.
So, Lily didn’t have a wonderful big sister she could go to for advice about asking a girl out.
However, she did have some of the best friends in the world and after talking to James, and her plan failing, she knew she needed to consult them.
“This is Lily Evans, calling for a meeting of the counsel of witches for Gryffindor tower.”
The mostly empty common room went silent before there was a rush of noise.
“The motion for a meeting is recognised and acknowledged by the board,” said Marlene, grinning madly. “The board will discuss.”
They all shared glances.
“The motion has passed. Emergency meeting will commence.”
The sofa was quickly taken over by Alice, Dorcas and Marlene while Lily sat on the floor in front of the fire, staring at them as she leaned her elbows on the low coffee table.
“Shouldn’t we wait for Lady Macdonald?”
Dorcas nudged Alice, “I think there’s a reason Lady Macdonald isn’t here, soon-to-be Lady Longbottom.”
Alice blushed, and peered at Lily. “Is there?”
Lily tugged her hair anxiously.
Marlene let out a scream of excitement, “Oh my fuck! It’s happening! Cas, I told you it would happen sooner or later!”
“That was two years ago — it’s definitely later.”
“Lady Lily Evans is requesting silence.”
They all hurriedly quieted themselves. Alice and Marlene were both leaning closer while Dorcas readjusted so that her chin could rest on her knees. They all looked like excited preschoolers settling down for story time. It warmed her heart, fanning the flames of sisterhood her blood sister had sniffed out with her cruelty.
“I’m in love with Mary.”
Marlene screamed again and clutched at her cheeks, “I knew it! Oh my god, Cas, I’m going to cry, give me a handkerchief.”
But Dorcas was too busy grinning like a kneazle that caught a snidget, “Lady Meadowes would like the board to recognise her excitement at this most wondrous news.”
“The board acknowledges Lady Meadowes’ excitement,” said Marlene, “Lady McKinnon mirrors this excitement and wants to know Lady Fawley’s thoughts.”
Alice sniffled and wiped her eyes, “I’m so happy for you.”
“Alice, we aren’t even together, I’m just hopelessly in love with her.”
“I know the feeling,” said Marlene. “The board wonders what Lady Evans plans to do to woo the Lady Macdonald.”
Lily bit her lip as he felt her cheeks warm, “Well— Well I was planning on asking her to Hogsmeade.”
“That’s a good start,” said Dorcas.
“See, I thought so too,” Lily slumped until she was resting her chin on the table. “But then she invited Pandora and Emmeline, and they brought Regulus and Barty, and then they brought James and Evan, and so Sirius, Remus and Peter ended up joining too.”
“That’s why all of you were in the Broomsticks last weekend?” gasped Alice.
Nodding miserably, Lily whined, “She thought I meant as friends! This is hopeless!”
“No, no, it’s not hopeless,” said Dorcas gently. “Did you ask her as if it were a date or as a friendly outing?”
“What’s the difference?”
Alice and Dorcas sighed in unison while Marlene rubbed her forehead.
“What?”
Marlene hummed, “Maybe she is hopeless.”
“No, I don’t accept that,” said Dorcas. “Lily, love, did you ask her if she would like to go to Hogsmeade on a date?”
“Yes!”
“What was your exact wording?” asked Alice.
Lily frowned, “I— I asked her if she wanted to go to the Three Broomsticks with me.”
Marlene groaned and Alice dropped her face into her hands.
“What now?” Lily asked helplessly.
Dorcas lowered her legs so she could shift closer, “Lils, that’s what you say to a friend. Of course she thought it was an open invitation.”
“I thought you and Mary were smart,” said Marlene teasingly.
Alice huffed, “It’s an easy mistake to make! When Frank asked me out for the first time something similar happened,” Alice piped up. “He asked if I’d like to go to the greenhouses together but I thought he was asking for help with his Herbology homework so I brought my books with me.”
“Oh Alice,” moaned Lily. “You didn’t.”
“Then I asked Gideon if he’d like to come since I knew he needed help with his Herbology OWL,” said Alice, face turning red.
Lily cringed. Everyone knew Gideon was completely mad on Alice. He’d had a massive crush on her for years and it had led to Gideon and Frank making the Gryffindor-Hufflepuff games pretty intense.
“Frank was not too impressed by that but I didn’t know why until he asked me out properly the next day.”
Lily pouted, “What do you mean properly?”
“Well, when I asked out Dorcas, I made it clear I meant it as a date,” said Marlene, smiling softly at her girlfriend. “I walked up to her at the Slytherin table and I told her that everyday I spent without her was a day wasted. Then I asked her if she would like to go on a date to Madam Puddifoot’s.”
“I hate that place,” said Lily, wrinkling her nose.
“So do I,” said Dorcas. “But it’s the one place everyone knows is intended for dating. Not everybody uses it as such, but when you’re asked to Madam Pudifoot’s—”
“—then it is unequivocally a date,” Alice finished with a nod.
“The wording is important, love,” said Marlene. “You need to make it explicitly obvious that you’re asking your girl on a date. That’s the problem with being friends first. But it’s also a blessing.”
“No awkwardness,” Dorcas nodded.
“And no uncertainty about it going well,” Alice agreed.
Marlene hummed, “And if it goes wrong you can always fall back on your friendship. That won’t ever change. You and Mary are too close to let this break you apart.”
Lily knew that was true but she didn’t think she could stomach being Mary’s friend while knowing she was in love with her. At the same time, she would never avoid Mary and end their friendship over her stupid crush. Love was so tricky.
“So…” she trailed off, eyebrows furrowing. “I need to ask her to Puddifoot’s?”
“That’s just an example,” said Dorcas with a wave of her hand. “You need to make it clear it’s a date. Ask her on a date . Use the word.”
“When?”
Marlene tapped her chin, “Hm, well, there’s another Hogsmeade weekend soon. So you’ve got time to plan. I suppose it depends — do you want to make a big deal out of it or have it be simple?”
Lily thought about it.
As much as she wanted to write Mary’s name in the stars and enchant the portraits to recite poetry directed at Mary, she knew that would be a bit odd. And she didn’t want to embarass Mary — what if Mary didn’t like her? That would be awful.
“Simple,” she said decisively. “I’ll save the grand proposals for— well—”
“The actual proposal,” giggled Alice.
“Alice!” Lily gasped, fanning her face. “It’s too soon to be thinking like that!”
“Oh, come on,” huffed Marlene. “We’ve all dreamt about our weddings. I’ve known since fourth year I’m going to be Mrs Meadowes-McKinnon or I’m not getting married at all.”
Dorcas twisted one of her braids around her finger, a shy smile on her face.
Even Alice was nodding, “I’ve been doodling Frank’s name all over my books for months. I accidentally submitted a potion’s essay with ‘A loves F’ written in the corner. Slughorn was good about it though.”
Lily couldn’t help but laugh even as her mind raced with images of her and Mary, dressed in white and twirling each other around, matching rings on their fingers.
Her heart ached as those god awful butterflies stirred in her belly.
“Lady Evans thanks the counsel for their advice,” said Lily, running her fingers across the beaded bracelet Mary had made her back in second year when they decided to be best friends forever. “I— I’m going to do it. Tomorrow. I’m going to ask her to… to…”
An idea came to mind.
She grinned.
“Oh, Lady Macdonald does not know what is in store for her does she?” Alice giggled.
Dorcas snickered, “That’s a very big grin Lady Evans.”
“I’d better be your maid of honour!” said Marlene.
“What? No! I’ll be her maid of honour,” said Alice.
Dorcas rolled her eyes, “I think we both know I will be her maid of honour, ladies.”
Lily leaned back on her hands, careful to avoid the fire as she watched her friends squabble over who was going to be her maid of honour. She didn’t have the heart to bring the mood down by telling them that she’d once promised that spot to Petunia, especially since that was definitely not going to happen.
Oh well, she had time to plan for a wedding that may or may not happen later. First, she needed to win Mary’s heart.
The next day, Lily awoke bright and early.
After Dorcas slipped off to the Slytherin dungeons and Alice snuck out to see Frank, Lily was left alone with Marlene in the common room until Mary came back. It didn’t take a genius to see how Mary’s presence affected her.
The second Mary walked through the portrait and spotted them, she’d smiled and waved before shuffling over with her book bag on her shoulder.
Lily’s heart had raced from the moment she entered. Everything around her blurred and softened, leaving Mary at the centre of her world.
Godric, how had she been so obtuse? She was madly in love with Mary and it took a conversation with James Potter of all people for her to realise it.
Maybe she should thank James and Regulus with a fruit basket or something. If it weren’t for them going public with their relationship she may never have realised that something was off with the way she stared at them enviously.
Running her hands through her hair anxiously, Lily made sure her long red hair was perfectly smooth. Then she moved towards the outfit she’d set out for the day. It was early April, so not too warm but not cold enough for anything too bulky.
Eyeing her body in the mirror, Lily slipped a thin white fitted jumper on and wriggled into her dark green pinafore dress. Smoothing her hands over the fabric, she wondered if she should wear boots or flat shoes. Deciding on the boots, she shoved them on and used a spell to lace them up so they’d be perfectly symmetrical.
Turning to the side and then spinning in a circle, Lily held back a giddy grin at the way she looked. She looked pretty. It made her feel more confident about the day, particularly when she heard a wolf-whistle from behind her.
“Sweet Circe!” Alice giggled. “Look at you, Lily!”
Lily blushed and refrained from messing up her hair by tugging at it anxiously.
“What's all this noise?” Marlene grumbled before her curtains were yanked back. She rubbed at her eyes, ruffling her messy blonde hair before catching sight of Lily. She gaped, “Merlin, Lily! You look— Wow. You look gorgeous.”
Lily’s face flamed. Being called pretty and gorgeous was still so odd for her. Growing up as the chubbiest girl in her class had been rough. Boys had poked fun at her and the girls had laughed at her.
Then suddenly she was at Hogwarts and surrounded by beautiful people everywhere. A part of her still ached remembering the time one of the older girls had offered her a slimming potion. Lily had gone to bed and cried until she fell asleep, only to awake with Mary, Marlene and Alice all wrapped around her. Her girls.
A few years later, their group had expanded to add the Gryffindor boys, Regulus, Dorcas and their other friends. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was. Nobody looked at her differently for being bigger than the others, she was just Lily, their friend.
“Have you lot seen what Black is—”
Lily turned to see Mary frozen in the doorway, staring at Lily with wide eyes.
“Angel.”
Lily startled at Mary’s soft whisper.
“Sorry?” Lily asked.
Blinking rapidly, Mary shook her head and her jaw bobbed for a moment, “Oh— Uh— The, hm…”
“You alright, Mary?”
Mary snapped her head towards Marlene who was smirking before she nodded quickly, “Yeah, yes, sure. I’m alright. You?”
“We’re all great, Mare,” said Alice. “What we’re you saying about Black?”
Mary’s eyes were still trailing up and down Lily’s body. It made her feel a little unsure. Maybe the dress was too much.
“Um…”
“Mary?” asked Lily.
“Shit, sorry—” Mary cleared her throat before shuffling into the dorm and closing the door. “Black’s throwing some big party to celebrate his six month anniversary with Lupin.”
“Since when?” Marlene bellowed, “He hasn’t even invited me!”
“He’s only just decided to do it, he’s shouting about in the common room.”
“That’s what that racket was?” murmured Alice as she ran a comb through her short dark hair.
“He’s inviting everybody. It’s being held in the common room tonight.”
Lily’s stomach filled with those awful butterflies. This was perfect. A perfect reason to ask Mary out. A test run for her proper date—
“Wicked,” said Marlene. “I need to get dressed. I’ll go tell the Slytherins about it.”
“Black already knows,” said Mary. “Baby Black, I mean. But he’s too busy wrapped up in Potter’s arms so I doubt he’s going anywhere anytime soon.”
Marlene grinned, “Good for him. I still can’t believe what a softie he is. When Dorcas used to talk about him like he was just a grumpy kitten I thought she was mad.”
“I saw him hex Mulciber’s tongue to wrap around his throat the other day,” said Alice. “He can be scary.”
“Potter would disagree,” Lily snorted as she leaned closer to the mirror and popped a different set of earrings in. “Thoughts?”
“Love them,” said Alice.
“Cute,” Marlene nodded.
“Beautiful,” Mary said.
Lily’s face warmed and she smiled at her gently. The nerves picked up as she watched Mary watch her. What did Mary see when she saw her? Did she see her best friend, or a girl she could fall in love with?
Something shifted in Lily’s chest.
How would she ever know if she didn’t ask?
“Mary,” she blurted.
Mary turned to her from where she was putting something into her drawers, “Yeah?”
“Would you like to go out with me?”
The dorm went silent.
Marlene froze from where she was shimmying into her jeans and Alice was staring into her hand mirror, lipstick smearing across her cheek as her hand drifted.
Mary paused.
“To the party,” she clarified hastily.
Alice gave a startled squeak as Marlene inhaled sharply but Lily didn’t pay them any mind.
Something flickered across Mary’s face, something like disappointment and something cold curled in Lily’s gut.
“Sure, Lils.”
Lily’s hands shook against her sides and she hurriedly smoothed down her dress, “Right, that’s wonderful. Meet you there. I have to go talk to Remus about my Astronomy homework.”
“Remus is pants at Astronomy,” said Mary.
“Did I say Remus? I meant Regulus, got to go!”
Then she raced out of the dorm, feeling like a complete idiot.
By that evening, Lily was miserable.
The party was in full swing. From her spot near the window, she could see Remus and Sirius at the centre of the party. Sirius was soaking up the attention while Remus just seemed content to watch him fondly. Across from them, Pandora, Evan, Barty and Peter were doing a strange four person dance and taking turns spinning each other around and moving to the music. Out on the balcony, Regulus and James were wrapped up in each other with Regulus tucked into James’ chest and James’ chin leaning on his head. Both of their eyes were closed and they were too busy swaying to the beat of the music to care that there was a line of couples and smokers waiting to use the balcony. Then there was Marlene and Dorcas, sitting half on top of each other and quietly murmuring back and forth.
As for Alice and Frank, they were half on top of each other and desperately trying to suck each other’s faces off. A part of her was absolutely stunned. Frank was such a gentleman and Alice was usually so shy. They must have gotten emboldened by the giddy atmosphere and the suspicious herbal scent in the air — likely Remus and Barty’s doing. Those two had formed the strangest bond over weed.
Lily sighed and looked down at her drink. She had been such an idiot earlier. Dressing up and psyching herself up only to chicken out at the last minute. Some bloody Gryffindor she was.
Mary had barely spoken to her at all since that morning. She’d given Lily a tight smile at breakfast before hurrying over to the Ravenclaw table to sit with Pandora. She did the same thing at lunch and dinner too and although they’d agreed to go to the party together, Mary had turned up between Dorcas and Marlene while Lily drifted along beside Regulus and James.
After a while of watching all of the happy couples, Lily dumped her drink in the nearest decorative vase, ignoring the squawking of the witch in the portrait above it. Then she turned and pushed past the dancing students and forced her way through to the portrait.
The halls blurred past her. She shuffled along the stone floor, only one place in her mind.
Her heart lightened as she approached the clock tower. Leaning against the glass, she stared out at the grounds and down at the courtyard below.
Something about this place always spoke to her. Probably because as magical and grand as it was, it was just a clock tower. She knew clocks. She knew clock towers — her local church had one. So she’d always found comfort in the clock tower, something she had only ever shared with one person.
“I thought you might be here.”
Lily flinched, eyes wide as Mary appeared behind her.
“What are you—” Lily swallowed, tugging her denim skirt down, “I thought you’d be at the party.”
Mary smiled gently. Merlin, she was beautiful. Her tight curls framed her face perfectly, and her warm brown skin was complimented exquisitely by the emerald dress she was wearing. Dark lipstick covered her plump lips, matching her eyeshadow and the blush on her cheeks.
A dream. Mary Macdonald was a dream come true and Lily couldn’t believe she was foolish enough to believe that dream could ever become a reality.
Mary was a supernova. Bright and beautiful but not made to be grasped by a mere mortal like her.
“We were supposed to go together, if I remember correctly,” said Mary. “It’s come to my attention that we both might be a bit daft.”
Lily blinked. The girl she liked, her best friend, was insulting her intelligence.
“Are we?” she asked uncertainly. Not for the first time, she was glad Alice had introduced her to Sleekeazy’s hair smoothing potion. Her hair always had a penchant for turning a fluffy mess whenever she got flustered and the last thing she needed was to look like she’d just done laps in PE.
Then Mary shifted on her feet, heels clicking against the stone as she walked closer to Lily, and Lily noticed she held one hand behind her back.
“I’ve been wanting to ask you this for ages,” said Mary. Her voice was quiet, but it felt so much louder in Lily’s ears she may as well have been screaming. “I didn’t think I had a chance. I thought for sure you liked James, I wanted to punch his lights out when he got with Regulus and you started being all mopey but then you— you said that wasn’t it. I— I didn’t get it at first. But then I started thinking about it and I spoke with Marlene and Dorcas and— remind me to never tell Marlene a secret because she really thinks she’s being subtle but she’s not at all and Alice is even worse because the way those two were eyeing me earlier—”
“I’m sorry—” Lily blinked rapidly. “What’s happening?”
“I’m trying to confess to you,” Mary blurted.
“What?” Lily whispered.
Mary didn’t answer. She shifted again, and this time Lily heard something crinkle. Then she pulled her hand out from behind her back, showing a small box with a ribbon and a single flower — a red camellia, the exact same shade as Lily’s hair.
“Camellias are your favourites,” said Mary.
Lily’s jaw lowered, she exhaled shakily, eyes stinging.
“You told me that once,” Mary continued, swallowing and raising her chin. “We were sitting in Herbology and McLaggen gave you a lily. He made some joke about you being the most beautiful Lily flower and then later on you threw it away and said you hated lilies. Too many jokes. Too many people saying they must have been your favourites even though your favourites were always camellias because they were your grandmother’s favourite and she always used to—”
“Send me the pressed petals before she passed,” Lily finished, a tear falling down her cheek. “Y— You remembered that?”
“Of course,” said Mary. “I had to know what to get the girl I’m madly in love with. Crossed lilies off my list for good.”
Lily raised a trembling hand and took the flower, running her fingers across the soft petals with wonder.
“I know our bracelets are sacred at this point,” said Mary, “But I thought they could use an upgrade.”
Mary opened the box, discarding the ribbon and slipping the lid underneath to show off the matching red and gold bracelets.
“You’re very on theme,” Lily blurted before a sob wracked through her. “Mary— Mary what does this mean?”
Mary smiled at her, “I love you, Lily. As a friend, as a best friend, as a girlfriend, as everything and more. You mean the world to me, petal. And I couldn’t bear to go another day watching you and not being able to tell you how beautiful you are both inside and out.”
“You already do that,” Lily sniffled. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”
“I know,” Mary grinned. “But I was hoping maybe we could be more than best friends.”
“Super best friends?”
Mary laughed, “I can't believe you remembered that.”
The laughter that fell from Lily’s lips was utterly free.
“You… You really…”
“I love you,” said Mary. “I’ll tell you a thousand times. I love you so much, petal. And it’s alright if you don’t feel the same. Honestly. I’ll pretend like nothing has happened, we can go back to the way things have always been. Two super best friends forever and always.”
Lily was shaking her head even before Mary stopped talking, “No, no, no way, Macdonald. I’ve been in love with you for years. You don’t get to demote me now.”
“A demotion, is it?” Mary teased.
Lily took a step forward, tilting her chin up a little. Mary was only an inch or two taller than her, but sometimes the distance felt even more immense. Especially when she’d been caught up in pining for her, so certain that Mary could never love her back.
She laughed. The giddy giggle made her clutch the flower to her chest as she smiled up at Mary.
“You like me.”
“I do.”
“You actually like me back.”
“I really do,” said Mary. “And… And you like me?”
“I love you, Mary.”
Mary’s breath hitched before a beaming grin spread across her face.
“Can I give you this then? Because it cost kind of a lot and if you don’t want it I’d like to get my money back—”
Lily snorted and shoved her shoulder, “Give me my bracelet, Macdonald.”
Mary happily slipped the bracelet onto her before Lily snatched the other one and clipped it onto Mary’s wrist. For a moment, they both stood there in silence, quietly admiring each other’s arms before their eyes met.
Warm brown eyes stayed locked on hers before Mary’s gaze flickered down to her lips. Lily’s stomach swooped. Those fucking butterflies were going bonkers in her stomach and she couldn’t resist pressing forward onto her toes and leaning into the soft kiss Mary pressed against her lips.
They both pulled back, flushed and giddy.
“Oh,” whispered Lily.
“That was…”
They didn’t talk. They both leaned in again, and again, and again, and then the flower dropped out of Lily’s hand as she wrapped her arms around Mary’s neck and pulled her closer until their chests were flush against each other.
When they pulled back, both of them had tears streaming down their cheeks and exultant grins on their faces.
“Just to be clear, you’re my girlfriend, right?”
Lily wriggled her eyebrows, “I should hope you’re only kissing your girlfriend like that, Macdonald.”
Mary leaned in and gently kissed her lips again, “Absolutely, petal.”
And then they were kissing again. Inwardly, Lily thanked James, Regulus, Marlene, Dorcas, Alice and even Sirius and Remus. Hell, maybe McLaggen should get a bloody fruit basket because he was the reason her girlfriend (her girlfriend!) had remembered such a minor, offhand comment all these years later.
Ecstatic, Lily giggled into their kiss and for the first time the butterflies in her stomach were welcome. More than welcome. They were there to stay. Because Mary Macdonald was her girlfriend and Lily had high hopes for their relationship.
After all, they were super best friends forever and always that were now super best friends (+girlfriends) forever and always.