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It was way past midnight, the wind howled loudly and it seemed like a thunderstorm was coming. Returning with the tea that Ayato had requested, Thoma quickly made his way down the corridors. When he set his palm on the handle on the door to Ayato’s office, a sudden feeling of dread overcame him. He felt as if… Ayato wouldn’t be there, like he left once again. He knew that it was an absurd thought, that everything was over now and he did not need to worry about anything, but still. The night Ayato left was eerily similar to that one , with the wind and slight rain. Thoma drew a couple of slow breaths in, made sure that the cups on his tray were in the right order (Ayato drank slightly sweeter tea) and made his way into the office.
Ayato was sitting there, like always, scribbling away on some document. Thoma left out a heavy sigh, all uneasy feelings leaving him (well maybe not all, but that was a conversation for another time).
“‘Everything alright, Thoma?” Ayato asked, not looking up from his work.
“Just like always,” Thoma smiled, setting the tray down. That was a very obvious lie, but hey, it was way past the time for emotional conversations.
“Are you sure?” or not. Ayato was now staring at him with worry in his eyes. The Kamisato stretched his hand out to Thoma in an inviting way.
“Of course, why would I not be?” Thoma took Ayato’s offer and sat down on the floor, leaning on the other’s shoulder.
“It’s just that… the 100th Vision Hunt ceremony was merely a few days ago, Thoma. You almost had your vision taken, that’s not something you can just get over,” he ran his fingers through the servant’s hair in a caring manner.
“No need to worry about me, really. If anything, I’d be more worried about that pile of documents there,” Thoma pointed to the desk in front of them, where an ever-growing collection of paperwork was collecting dust.
“Those can wait,” Ayato pressed a kiss on Thoma’s temple. He pulled the servant into his lap, carefully adjusting his position.
“Now, tell me how you’ve been feeling the past few days,” Ayato once again started running his fingers through the other man’s hair.
“I’m fine, I swear,” Thoma chuckled, then he felt Ayato’s cold gaze on him,”Well, alright. I admit, I may have been a little down, but it’s nothing. I’m alright, truly,”
“Then why were you standing outside for so long?”
“You, you noticed?” Thoma yelped, jumping out of Ayato’s hold. Thinking back, of course he did, he’d probably be dead by now if he couldn’t notice things like that. Now, he could lie and just say something random, but then again, what’s the point of lying now? He could finally ask for confirmation that Ayato won’t run off again, as selfish as asking for that may be.
(It was actually Yae Miko’s idea to get confirmation from the commissioner.
Thoma had met her when he wandered around the Grand Narukami Shrine, trying to cope with the disappearance of his master.
After presenting her idea to Thoma, she said:
“I never asked our dear Archon to promise me to never leave and look where it got me.”
Then she added:
“You and I aren’t so different: both abandoned by the people we love most.”
“No, my lord didn’t abandon me. He just… needs to complete a few missions, he’ll be back in no time,” Thoma said, a little bit afraid of the priestess.
“Sure, whatever lets you sleep at night,” the priestess smiled, though Thoma could see the sadness in that smile. Perhaps she also once believed that the Archon would return to her quickly.
“And what lets you sleep at night, my lady?” Thoma asked her, a bit uncertain if he could even ask that kind of question.
“I latch onto the hope that whatever plans she has, they include me at some point,” the woman sighed, her expression dropping.
“Then we are not so different after all,” Thoma said, looking out into the distance.)
“I just, I…,” Thoma sighed, calming down, “I was worried that I wouldn’t find you here, that you left again,” he swallowed, looking up into the commissioner’s eyes.
Ayato was… terrified? Or perhaps… disgusted? His eyes were blown open and his mouth was slightly parted. Had Thoma offended him?
“I’m really sorry, I meant no disrespect!” he quickly backpedaled, scared he offended Ayato.
“Oh, my love,” Ayato sighed, pulling Thoma back into his hold,”I am so sorry I left you then. I…I never should have done that. But I promise you, I’ll never leave again,” he looked pleadingly into Thoma’s eyes and then took his hands into his.
“I know, dear,” the blonde shuffled closer,”And I’ll hold you to that promise, because…I get so scared when you’re not around,” he whispered.
“Well, now I’m here to stay. We’ll pull through, Thoma,” Ayato rested his head on Thoma’s shoulder. In return, Thoma gently caressed his hair, like he was touching a sacred item.
They stayed like that for a while, just resting in each other’s hold. Then when Thoma began to pull away, Ayato placed his hand on the blond’s shoulder and pulled him close again, this time for a kiss. He looked into Thoma’s eyes for a minute, an apology visible in his gaze. They both kept leaning in closer, until they were mere inches away.
“I love you, dear,” Thoma whispered.
“And I love you too,” Ayato responded and leaned in completely. They kissed softly, like they were afraid to wish for too much, especially Thoma. With how things were, no one could be certain of what the next day would bring, and yet, despite all of that, Thoma felt a glimmer of hope in his chest, like maybe, just maybe, everything would turn out fine. Ayato slowly pulled away, slightly out of breath.
“And…You know you can always come to me, right? I’m here to listen to you,” he mumbled.
“...Yes, dear. And the same goes for you,” Thoma hugged Ayato close, like he was going to disappear if he didn’t,”Now come, dear. I think it’s time for you to go to bed,” he pulled away and stood up. Ayato followed him, rubbing his eyes.
“Perhaps you’re right, love. Will you join me in bed...please?”
“Of course, dear,” Thoma smiled lovingly.