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“I love you.”
That sweet, gentle, and warm voice. The voice that echoed my ears every day and night, the voice that comforted me through tears, the voice that told me fairytales until I fell into a deep slumber— The voice of a fallen angel with a heart of pearls and rubies.
Oh, My dear, Althea. How I longed for you yet I could not succumb to greed and selfishness over you because of you. That strong desire to just pull you by the waist and kiss you, it would sadly only ever be a wish, a wish that could never be granted even if we repeat a thousand years living in the same life, whether it be death or life that comes behind and after us, I know not if that lustful or loving desire of mine will ever fade away.
“Althea.. I, I love you!”
Your eyes that widened in shock, I didn't know if you either felt joyful or regretful, if I had known earlier, I would've chosen the latter.
“Eleanor, I'm sorry..”
The way she pushed me away felt— horrible. I could feel the sense of regret and confusion come from the look plastered onto her face.
“I can't.. I can't love you.”
“BUT, WHY?!”
I never meant to scare you, I felt so careless right then and there, I could not think properly.
“Eleanor.. please, you have a fiancee. Although you, or I mean, we, have a plan to break that engagement, it would sound like we have some sort of affair and uh..”
“Althea, you've been with me throughout my whole childhood. I do not love him, nor does he bear any romantic feelings for me. Me and Aristotle are simply just friends, there is no love between us but friendship.”
I could hear her swallowing her saliva like as if she was swallowing back her words.
“Eleanor. There's more of a difference between the two of us than you think, please, although I truly do love you, I can't, I just—”
“Is it because you perceive our relationship simply as 'master and servant'? Or is it because were both women? Tell me, please, you aren't a servant to me, you're the one I love, the only light I see in this world painted in darkness.”
“Eleanor, you're being too much—”
“If it's because were both women then we can love each other prior your wishes! Just like you said, you wanted to live somewhere far, far away like the countryside. You said you wanted to rent a cottage there and raise animals and grow fruits and vegetables, I remember you saying you wanted a decent, quite life. Althea, please don't underestimate my power, I can give you anything my wealth can take—”
“Eleanor.”
Her voice became hard and cold, cutting me off from finishing what I had said. I could feel her arms around my body, hugging me tightly. I could feel her silently muffling, trying to stop her tears from falling down.
“You don't need to give me everything you could ever own. I don't need your money and your property. Giving it to me would mean you've wasted years of hard work and effort.”
“But, Althea. Those years of hard work and effort were dedicated to you.” I whispered softly, knowing she wouldn't even be able to hear it or even listen to me even if I repeated it.
“But please, forgive me, forgive me for this saint is unable to love you back.”
And that night, the curtains were closed in silence, the moon shone more brightly than ever.
“The moon is beautiful tonight, isn't it?”
A tear fell down my cheek.
“I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, please forgive me. please forgive this helplessly in love sinner for falling deeply into your heart, forgive me for shedding tears out of regret, forgive me for being stupid enough to think that I could ever be enough.”
And when the sun rose, the silence was louder than a million words.