Chapter Text
The drawings first appear when Hanbin is one. He doesn’t remember the first one, obviously, and one is really just an assumption because his parents had no way of confirming whether or not Hanbin was the one that had scribbled all over his legs. But they tell him they’d been keeping an eye on him, and the drawings had just appeared.
The first one he remembers is from when he was three. It’s a hazy memory, filled with the insubstantiality of childhood, but he remembers sitting in his toy room, the sun shining straight on his leg, when the drawings showed up.
He remembers showing his mom, and he remembers her telling him that he can draw on his arm to reply to them. He can’t really write at three years old, but their drawings slowly shift from incoherent scribbles to a “hi!!!!” and “wow this is cool” when they’re older.
By the time Hanbin is seventeen, the writings have shifted to grocery lists and notes to remember. His soulmate has a lot of homework, he notices. Hanbin picks up on the fact that they’re in a lot of clubs, and the president of a lot of them, from what it looks like. Lots of them are music related.
Sometimes Hanbin checks off things on the grocery list just to be annoying, to trick his soulmate into thinking they already have it, and he’ll come back to multiple dicks drawn huge on the backs of his hands in retaliation.
They’ve tried to ask each other for names, addresses, ages, as lots of soulmates have, but the answers will always show up as incoherent smudges, fate being too stubborn to let them meet before it decides it’s time.
–
Hanbin met a boy when he was four. He doesn’t really remember anything about them now, almost twenty years later, only small glimpses of their summer left in his mind. But he remembers that the boy had just disappeared one day, and on those days when Hanbin feels especially sentimental, he wonders where he is, and how he’s doing now.
He remembers that they used to play in the sandbox in their neighborhood park; sometimes he even remembers the way the wind smelled then. It’s weirdly nostalgic, and he doubts the other boy remembers anything about him, but sometimes his thoughts wonder.
He wonders why he disappeared so suddenly, he wonders how he's doing now, he wonders if he's ever met him since then and just didn't realize it was him.
He forgets about most of it when he gets a call back from Boy’s Planet, though, saying he passed the audition. After that, he spends most of his days practicing his performance.
–
Hanbin knows it's him the moment he sees him, disregarding all of the times he thought he might have met him. He still has the same face, only more mature. He still has the same almond shaped eyes, and he still has no eyelashes (he says no offense in his head), and Hanbin just knows it’s him.
He sees him do his star level test from where he sits in the audience, and he knows he doesn’t really have any reason to, but he still feels a sense of pride overcome him when the boy finishes, and even stronger sense of pride when he gets four stars.
He doodles little stars on his shoulder later when he gets back to his room, still thinking about that boy.
–
Hanbin is pretty sure he seems like a creep, the way he’s been staring at the boy across the lunch hall. Zhang Hao, he learns his name is.
“Whoa, who are you staring at?” Matthew sits next to him, nudging him with his shoulder. He looks in the direction Hanbin is looking in, eyes searching. “Oh, Zhang Hao?”
“Yeah. He’s a good dancer.”
“He’s good at everything. Good competition, huh?” Matthew smirks at Hanbin, eyes knowing.
Hanbin shoves him away, ears burning.
–
Hanbin finds himself drawing on his ribs more and more lately. It’s the only place he’s sure that Boy’s Planet’s costumes won’t expose, and he’s a little bit too embarrassed to go around with stars drawn all over his arms.
His soulmate’s notes have also basically stopped, and he gets the feeling that they’re just as busy as he is lately. That’s just a feeling, though.
–
“Hey. Hanbin, right?”
Hanbin looks up from where he’s sitting on the floor of the dance studio, confused until he sees Zhang Hao. His heart does a little thump thing, which he ignores.
“Hi.” He mentally slaps himself. He’s such a loser.
But Zhang Hao is easy to talk to, and Hanbin realizes they have a lot more in common than he’d originally thought. The stars Hanbin drew on his shoulder disappeared ages ago, but he still finds himself looking at Zhang Hao’s arms. He knows he wouldn’t have found anything there either way, but he still feels disappointed when he realizes Zhang Hao is wearing a t-shirt.
–
Zhang Hao doesn’t remember him, he realizes. Or maybe recognize is the better term. Hanbin has no idea if Hao doesn’t remember the boy he met that one summer when he was five, or if he just doesn’t realize Hanbin was that boy, but Hanbin is too embarrassed to bring it up in case of Zhang Hao going “what the hell are you talking about”, so he just doesn’t bring it up.
–
Zhang Hao is good competition. Hanbin has been first, has never not been first, but Zhang Hao is up there. He gets closer and closer with every voting, but Hanbin can’t even find it in himself to be threatened. He knows he would be disappointed if Zhang Hao were to surpass him, but he just feels proud to know Zhang Hao every time he ranks that high.
He’s starting to develop a crush. As horrible as the timing is, as bad as the circumstances are, he can’t help it. He recognizes the ways his heart starts racing whenever Zhang Hao looks at him, the way he feels his stomach drop when Zhang Hao smiles, and the way he overthinks everything he says when he talks to Zhang Hao.
–
Hanbin makes a dumb decision. He draws a smiley face on his lower arm before he goes to lunch. Somewhere in his head he hopes that Zhang Hao will show up to lunch with a tank top on, and Hanbin will look at his arm and the same smiley face will be there. He wears a long sleeved shirt though, still too scared.
Zhang Hao comes to lunch in his Top 9 jacket.
–
Hanbin is sitting under the stairwell, the only place that the cameras don’t catch. Zhang Hao is there, but so are Ollie, Ricky, Matthew, Keita, and Yujin. It’s a very interesting lineup, even though Hanbin is almost whole decade older than Yujin.
That makes him sound as old as Hui.
They’re playing Uno, and it’s three am, and they should definitely be sleeping, but tomorrow is a lazy day before the upcoming eliminations. Hanbin is losing, bad.
“Pick up four, Ollie.” Zhang Hao smirks, having no mercy just because he’s younger.
“No way. Pick up eight, Keita.” Ollie stacks another plus four, and they all look at Keita.
“Sorry, Ricky.” And Keita piles on another plus four, making it twelve.
Hanbin prays to the midnight gods that neither Ricky nor Yujin will have any more plus fours, because after Ricky is Yujin and after Yujin is Hanbin, and if Hanbin has to pick up twenty cards from someone who is basically five years old, he’s going to hack into Mnet’s cameras and start evil editing Han Yujin all by himself.
“Nope.” And there goes another four from Ricky. All the boys are giggling now, Zhang Hao hiding his smile behind his three cards.
“Sorry, number one ranked fan favorite Sung Hanbin. Pick up twenty.” Yujin is laughing, and Keita is laughing his loud ass laugh that doesn’t match his five foot five self, and Hanbin can’t even be mad because Zhang Hao looks fucking adorable when he’s trying not to laugh.
So he sighs, and he reaches over and starts counting to twenty. Beside him, Matthew lets out a loud sigh of relief. “I was so scared I would have to pick up twenty four cards.” Hanbin glares at him from the corner of his eye, and Matthew laughs straight in his face. “It would’ve been funny if it ended back at Zhang Hao and he had to pick up–” Matthew stares at the ceiling, calculating. “-- twenty eight cards.”
Hanbin loses that round, obviously, and then they play another round after Woong Ki walks past them while going to the bathroom and then decides to join, and they all go to sleep at five am and Hanbin is so sure that everyone else hates them for how loud they were, but this is what he lives for. These small moments they get to have away from the cameras and the editing and the competition, where they can all just be friends that play Uno until the sun comes up.
–
Zhang Hao is really touchy. Hanbin doesn’t even realize it at first, with how natural it seems, but he’s just always itching to touch someone. He holds Hanbin’s hand all the time, he’ll lean his head on his shoulder, or even just sit close enough that their knees are slightly overlapping each other, just because he can.
It’s not just with Hanbin, though. He’s like that with everybody, Matthew, Ji Woong, even Ollie and Yujin. Keita too, though he usually ends up just standing behind him with his head on top of Keita’s because he’s short enough that it works out.
Even when they’re practicing. Hanbin will be watching the dance video, and Zhang Hao will come over and then sling his arm around his shoulder while he watches the video. At one point, he leans down to see the video better, and their faces are so close, and Hanbin definitely starts blushing.
He feels Zhang Hao look at him, probably feeling the heat from his face, but he just pretends to be very invested in the video and not notice.
He misses the entire last part of the dance, and has to watch it over again before teaching them, and he’s pretty sure Zhang Hao knows the exact reason why he forgot it, but he refuses to believe that he, Sung Hanbin, lacks so much game that he can’t even be close to Zhang Hao without blushing like a maniac, so he pretends Zhang Hao is only squinting at him because he thinks he’s hot.
–
The next time they perform, Hanbin gets to wear fingerless gloves. It’s a dumb thing to be excited about, but they make him feel like a stereotypical cool guy that wears sunglasses and rides loud motorcycles. He doodles little flowers on his fingers, just below his nails, maybe not the most stereotypical cool guy thing to do, and then they’re hidden when he wears the gloves.
Him and Zhang Hao are on the same team, so they both have fingerless gloves, and Zhang Hao’s fingers are also hidden.
Until Zhang Hao pulls them off as soon as they get off stage, and stuffs them in his pocket, shaking his hands out.
Hanbin is staring, almost tripping over his feet. Zhang Hao looks at him, confused. “What? I hate wearing things on my hands. It’s so sweaty.”
Hanbin nods, making some kind of strangled affirmative noise. “I need to use the bathroom.”
He all but sprints into the bathroom, wondering if he’s actually hallucinating. He comes across Matthew on the way there, who’s already performed and came out for some water, and drags him by the arm to the bathroom.
It probably looks weird to people, the fact that they’re both going in one bathroom together.
Matthew stares at him blankly, still holding his little paper cup full of water. “What? That just looked so weird. Did you know people ship us? We’re called Mattbin, I think. You just made it so much worse.”
“Me and Zhang Hao are soulmates.” Matthew spits out the water all over Hanbin’s shoulder and the floor, choking.
“The HaoBin-ists are winning, I guess. That’s you and Zhang Hao, by the way. How’d you find out?”
“I drew these flowers on my hands because I knew they would be covered by the gloves, and then his were also covered, but he pulled them off as soon as he got off stage and I saw his hands and it’s the same flowers and I literally like him so I think I’m actually very lucky but this is so weird and also I have no idea how to tell him.”
Matthew stares at him. “Isn’t he also the guy from when you were, like, four?”
“Yeah, but I doubt he remembers me.”
“Hanbin, he’s literally older than you. I doubt he doesn’t remember.” He smiles, teasingly. “You met him when you were kids and then never saw him again until years later but you were actually soulmates? That’s so fate. How are you gonna tell him?”
“I don’t know; how are you supposed to tell someone you’re soulmates on a survival show where you’re competing against each other?”
Matthew nods, thinking. “Well, I don’t know about that part, but do you want me to leave with one button open and my hair all messed up for the Mattbin-ers?”
Hanbin shoves him, trying not to smile. “You’re gonna mess up my chances with Zhang Hao, dumbass.”
In the end, they opt for Hanbin leaving and then Matthew leaving forty seconds later, even though it’s still suspicious they came out from the same bathroom.
–
Hanbin lets himself be touchy to Zhang Hao in return these days. He finds himself reaching out to hold hands when they watch performances, and he finds himself lying down with his head in Zhang Hao’s lap when they take their five minute breaks.
Not that Zhang Hao seems to mind. He traces little shapes on the back of Hanbin’s hand, and he plays with his hair when Hanbin lies in his lap. Hanbin still doesn’t know how to bring up the fact that they’re soulmates, though.
He just draws stars all over the upper parts of his arms, hoping that Zhang Hao will somehow understand that it's about their star level test.
He finds a message when he wakes up, though. It makes him feel warm, knowing that it's from Zhang Hao, having a face to put to the words.
‘to my dear soulmate, very cute stars’
It isn't really funny, but Hanbin laughs anyway.