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“Samara?”
“In here, Shepard,” Samara’s warm, tender voice rang from the dark corner of the observation deck. “Come. Meditate with me.”
It wasn’t a question, which Shepard understood. Samara often spoke in metaphor but never did she say things she did not mean. Truly, Shepard would be smart to do that more often, instead of speaking her mind the moment she thought of something.
Samara, face bathed in the glow of space through the window, sat back on her heels and regarded Shepard with a slow, mindful pass up and down her body.
“Something troubles you?”
Shepard took a deep breath and upon exhaling, took the last few steps to stand next to her shipmate. “Yeah. A little. Kind of a bad time for it, though.”
“Love?” Samara nodded as if she already knew the answer. “Still your mind with me. Perhaps I can help?”
It took a moment of reflection, but eventually, Shepard nodded and sat cross-legged next to Samara. When Samara mirrored the position but straightened her spine, Shepard did the same. A gentle hand pressed into her shoulder, indicating that she should straighten them. Now in position, Shepard closed her eyes and took three steady breaths.
“I love someone, and they don’t love me back. But, when I think about it all I get angry with myself for not focusing more on the looming invasion.”
Samara hummed quietly. “As I see it, you’re one of the most proactive forces mobilizing against a threat that seemingly no one else is. I think that grants you a few moments of longing. Besides, we all crave companionship, don’t we?”
“You don’t seem to.” Shepard opened her eyes and deflated at Samara’s knowing smile. “That’s on purpose, isn’t it?”
“Smart girl,” Samara praised her quietly. “The code does not allow for romantic relationships.”
“What about purely physical ones?” Shepard asked gently. “I know those are way more common for asari than humans.”
“I do believe it’s up to each individual’s discretion. I, however, find it difficult to maintain even a purely sexual relationship with someone as a Justicar. You have no idea how many times I’ve had to hunt down or investigate an old lover or casual endeavor.”
Shepard shook her head; she truly hadn’t realized. “Ouch.”
Samara nodded once before looking away. “Tell me about this love you harbor.”
“Well,” Shepard blushed as she spoke. “I want to call it a crush, but I realized earlier today that I wanted to face this invasion alongside them - I want to stare down the apocalypse with my hand in theirs. I think that goes beyond a crush.”
Samara regarded her carefully. “What is it, then?”
Shepard shrugged. “Unrequited love at the worst time?”
“Nothing more romantic than insurmountable odds,” Samara added before relaxing her posture. “What makes you think that this person isn’t capable of returning your feelings?”
“They aren’t really about the whole ‘love’ thing,” Shepard explained. “I don’t think they’re into it at all, which is almost worse because that makes me sad for them.”
“It does take a certain self-awareness to train ourselves out of yearning,” Samara admitted. “Though, you only know if you ask.”
“Are you interested in me?” Shepard spoke quickly and immediately regretted her words.
“I see.” Samara’s lips quirked up in the beginning of a smile but did not quite commit to the task. “I wondered if this would happen.”
Shepard began to stand so she could flee the room as fast as possible. “See? I told you.”
“Wait.” Samara grabbed her wrist. “Come. Sit again. I will try to explain it to you as best as our languages allow.”
When Shepard got back into position, she waited for Samara to speak.
“I cannot know what lies beyond that relay,” she began. “We could all perish or we could succeed. There are endless options in between those two and I do not have the gift of foresight. So, while I cannot tell you that I return your feelings. I can assure you that, should I make it through this endeavor with you, we can revisit the conversation afterward.”
“So it’s not ‘no’ but more of a ‘not right now’ type of thing?”
“Exactly,” Samara agreed. “Now, let us sit with these feelings and center ourselves before we move on in the conversation. Yes?”
Shepard nodded. “Of course.’