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Chapter Text

The world shook around her as she fell downwards, only to grab on to something solid at the last moment with the tips of her fingers. She opened her eyes. It was Fili, blood-smeared and wide-eyed, leaning perilously far over the crumbling cliff edge. He grinned and tried to get a better hold on her arm, when a shrill scream split the air.
Kili.

His eyes widened and he tried to look over his shoulder - whatever he saw almost made him drop her. The rocks he was lying on shifted and he slid forward. A pebble fell past her, into the mist. She didn’t hear it hit the bottom.

Her mind raced, on and on and on and on.

“Fili.” his eyes snapped to her. “Go help him.”

“I can’t!” He exclaimed, tears beginning to cut streaks through the grime. “I can’t leave you! I can’t, I-”

“Fili.” Her voice was as calm as she could make it (which, granted, was not very calm at all). “Tell the other dwarves and Bilbo that I love them, and thank you.”

“No!” He shook his head. “You’ll tell them yourself -”

She drowned him out. He needed to move quickly before Kili was dead, but he couldn’t save them both. “I love you, Fili.” He stopped babbling. “I always have and I always will. But you need to help Kili. And I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” Fili glanced over his shoulder again and the cliff crumbled even more.

Why the hell am I doing this? Fili's eyes were wild and scared, his hair falling in not-really-blond-anymore tangles around his face. Oh. That's why.

“For this.” She smiled and let go of his hand. The last sight she had was his terrified face as the mist closed in and she hurtled downwards.

I’m sorry, Fili. She thought as she closed her eyes. I’m so sorry.

Chapter Text

Jen awoke to a searing agony in her thigh, chest, and head, opening her eyes blearily to a rock-strewn platform in the early morning light.

Where am- Oh, right. Fili.

She propped herself up, ignoring the pain that ricocheted through her body. As far as she could tell (in her obviously very professional assessment) she felt like hell. Looked like it, too. Her left leg and chest were soaked with blood, and when she touched her head her hand came away with red-crescented nails.

I’m surprised I’m not dead, honestly. She glanced again at her sluggishly-bleeding thigh. It seemed the most pressing issue. I will be soon if I don’t bind that up.

Jen pulled herself, wincing, over to a large stone and leant against it. Her vision swam like a wriggling fish, and she closed her eyes against the rosy light.

Dawn. When I fell it was afternoon. How long have I been out?

Her left pant leg was already torn so, (using her knife that had, blessedly, neither been lost nor impaled her during the fall) she cut more of the fabric off.

I suppose it’ll work as a tourniquet. Won’t do me much good unless I’m found soon. Jen stiffened a little. Will I be found? It’s already been a while, they should have discovered me by now. What happened?

She put away this slightly terrifying thought and tied the cloth around her leg above the deep gashes. I wonder if it’s a break or just a cut? Well, I’m going to get an inkling pretty soon.

Jen clambered up, until she was sitting on the rock she had crawled over to. The mists of the previous day were gone, though the valley that spread before her was still shaded by the cliffs. However, the shade did nothing to mask the carnage of the day before. The land was strewn with bodies, and the earth looked black with blood.

Oh no. She swayed slightly and gripped the rock she was sitting on. All those people.

It was tricky, but she tore her eyes away. If she was going to survive this, she needed to focus on herself. Sometimes you just need to be selfish.

She snorted, then regretted it because it made her head pound a bit more painfully.

Now, a review of all the good and bad things about this situation:

She hadn’t fallen all the way down the cliff, instead landing on a ledge half-way down. That was the good thing. The bad thing was that because of the rocks and cliffs that surrounded her, she could see the valley, but, even if there were more people awake down there, they probably wouldn’t be able to see her. And she couldn’t yell, or even whisper. And she'd lost her coat in the fall. And she didn’t have water. Or food. And she was bleeding out where she sat with certain major head trauma and almost definitely cracked ribs.

That's a lot of bad things. She thought (read: postponed) for a while as the sun slowly began to rise. Well, I can’t stay up here. I’ll bleed out before they find me. If they find me. Damn. I need to move.

She looked up and shuddered at the jagged rock face. No, going back up the cliffs was not an option. Down, then, towards the battlefield.

I don’t even know who won the battle. The realisation halted her in her tracks. I could be walking into an orc stronghold (though that's rather unlikely). Maybe that’s why they haven’t found me. There’s no one left to look.

Screw that, if Fili and the other’s were dead then she didn’t have a hope. If Fili’s dead, she thought as she stood up, iron running down her (really quite painful) spine. I’ll kill him.

Chapter Text

She found a stick on the ledge that might work as a crutch, though it didn’t seem too sturdy. Then she began the slow and difficult climb downwards. There were no paths along the cliffs, just rocky ledges and goat trails that criss-crossed across the mountainside. More than once she was tempted to throw her recently found crutch away, except that she knew it would be useful later. She clambered down to an empty streambed and stopped to catch her breath and adjust her tourniquet. She was just out of sight of her ledge.

I’ll never make it out at this rate. She sighed and scouted out her next path. But I suppose I’d better get on with it.

She stumbled down the streambed for a while, cursing every few moments when her head, ribs, or leg throbbed. She halted again, then set off down an old goat path. The sky, so clear earlier on, began to cloud as she hobbled around the edge of a gully. She had reached a fork in her path when a fine mist of rain began to fall.

Perfect. Just wonderful. Wow.
She rolled her eyes. If she took one path it would lead her straight to the battlefield. It looked easier than the other.

But it could have an army of orcs at the end of it. But if I take the other…

She slowly heaved herself up onto a taller rock, but the height didn’t do her any good when combined with the thick haze the rain had brought.

I think it leads to near Erebor. I’ll probably die either way, but there I might be able to find out what happened before I’m skewered by an orc. No, think positive Jen! IF I'm skewered by an orc. Positive mindset. yay.

She set off, stubbornly ignoring how her vision had begun to double. Why do I always pick the harder path?

Her brain supplied an answer:

Shut it.

This trail was treacherous, with hidden falls that she nearly broke her good leg in, along with other assorted dips and twists.

If I got this wrong, I’m going to slap myself, head injury be damned. Though the orcs might take care of that for me, if we really have lost. The thought made her falter for a second. Fantastic that I’m still being so optimistic.

The minutes blended together as she made her slow progress, stopping by rain-slicked stones to breathe for a second and attempt to ignore the cold seeping into her bones.

When she fell over she wasn't even surprised. One thing after another. She didn’t get up at first, and watched the rain pour down, wondering if it could wash away her pain and worries. It didn’t, and when she heaved herself up her shirt was wet and muddy, and her tourniquet was beginning to loosen, blood soaking down her calf and staining her brown leather boots black.

If I get through this,She thought as she began to trudge along, very grateful she hadn’t thrown away her stick earlier, I’m getting new boots.

The sky darkened further. She dimly noticed that it must be nearly nightfall, but she didn’t feel hungry. It wasn’t like there was anything to eat. Her head pounded in time with her footsteps.

Thud, thud, thud, went her boots along the path. Thud, thud thud. Other thudding sounds seemed to come from far before her. An echo? Thud, thud thud, She kept walking, stumbling through the night that seemed to have arrived very quickly. Thud, thud, thud, thud, thud. Was someone running?

She kept walking (stumbling), and collided into something that grabbed hold of her.

“Jen!” Did she know that voice? She thought so.

She finally brought up her heavy head and squinted through the gloom. “Oh, hello Ori. Did we win, then?” Then the night disappeared, and she acquainted herself slightly too well with the ground.

Chapter Text

Fili awoke on a grass-stuffed pad in the treasury room in Erebor. He leaned up on his elbow, dimly registering that his other shoulder was wrapped in bandages. He was, surprisingly, alone.

Where are the others?

He sat up, gingerly. Where were Thorin and Kili? The latter question was answered almost immediately, as the door creaked open and his brother’s grimy face appeared at the door. At the sight of Fili sitting up he grinned, shouted, and ran at him, tackling him in a bear hug.

“Kili.” He squeaked out. “Not so tight.”

Kili loosened his hold a little but didn’t let go until Oin appeared at the door.

“Let go of him, Kili. I’ve already bound his wound, he doesn’t need you as a tourniquet.”

Fili laughed, and shoved Kili off him. “That’s right. But look at you,” he commented, “Not a scratch!” This was blatantly untrue. Kili had a black eye, multiple scratches, and his forearm was bound up like Fili’s shoulder.

“Thanks to you.” He elbowed him.

“Oh, yes, you’re both doing amazingly.” Oin rolled his eyes. “I’m just glad Thorin managed to get both of you home. He’s doing fine, by the way.” He said to Kili. “Arrow didn’t go in too deep and he’ll be up again soon. Like your brother.” He grinned at Fili.

He was just about to retort when a yell pierced the air. “What was that?”

Kili jumped up. “I’ll go check.” There was a long silence until he came back, eyes downcast and shoulders slumped.

“What was it?” asked Oin, turning to roll up a bandage.

“Bilbo. They-, well…’ Kili hesitated. “Jen’s missing.”

He’s hanging over a cliff edge that’s crumbling beneath him. A scared face hangs below and he struggles to get a hold on her hand. A scream splits the air. She reassures him, tells him to go to Kili. Then she lets go, and his world breaks around him.

“Oh no.” Oin and Kili turn to look at him and he hides his face. “Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no!”

“Fili.” Oin’s voice seems to come from far, far away. “I know this must come as a shock-”

Fili cuts him off, slowly standing up. “I need to see Bilbo.”

“But- What? Fili, you shouldn’t be getting-” Kili splutters.

“I need to tell him what happened to Jen.” He strides (well, shuffles with ferocious intent) out the door.

Chapter Text

Bilbo doesn’t break down like he thought he would, but Fili thinks he can see something fracture in his eyes when he finds out what Jen did. The throne room, though full of dwarves (Fili had gathered the whole company so he would only have to tell the story once) was silent. Bofur wiped his nose with his scarf, Thorin was stone faced, and Kili looked like his world had just given way beneath him. They had all survived, every single one, except her.

“So, when are we going to try and find her?” Everyone looked at Ori, and Nori sighed.

“Ori.” Balin spoke. “Humans, they aren’t like dwarves. They can’t survive falls like we can. They’ll be nothing for us to-”

“I know that!” Ori yelled, jumping up. “But we need to look, even if all we can find is- is her body.” His voice faltered. “We owe her that much.”

To Fili’s surprise it was Dwalin who spoke up. “The lad is right. We need to find the lass. I’ll look with him. Who else will come?”

“I will.” Bilbo volunteered.

“So will I.” Bofur.

Thorin began to volunteer but Bilbo stared pointedly at the bandage wrapped around his waist and he lowered his hand.

“I’ll be there-”

“No, you won’t.” Kili cut Fili off. “I’ll go. You need to rest.”

Fili began to protest but Thorin joined in. “No, Fili. They’ll find her, if they can.”

“We will.” Ori reassured, a ghost of a smile on his face.

Fíli turned away, staring at one of the high slits in the wall that could almost be called windows.

How could they be so hopeful? They hadn’t seen the way the mist had swirled, hiding the endless fall below. They hadn’t heard how her voice had shook, and how she’d smiled before disappearing into the mist. He’d run over to Thorin and Kili to help them in their battle against the 5 orcs that had cornered them, fighting with a furious heart and running eyes, throwing himself into battle until an axe to the shoulder brought him down. He’d loved her before, ever since she came walking down to the forest, laughing away the cuts and gashes that covered her and wringing out her blood-soaked clothes and hair. But he’d never thought she’d love him, and he’d been too cowardly to act, sure he would have time. But she’d loved him, and he’d lost her.

Chapter Text

Ori, Dwalin, Bilbo, Kili and Bofur set out soon after, walking into the twilight. Fili leaned against the door, watching their retreating backs. They would never find her tonight. Sure enough, they returned when the moon was at its peak, looking downcast and planning to search higher tomorrow. Fili tried to ignore the possibility that they would not find her at all. He didn’t sleep that night, and watched from the base of the crumbling barricades as they set out in the morning, into the dawn.

“Morning, Fili.” It was Nori, sporting a black eye and sling wrapped around his chest, cradling his left arm.

“Hmm?” He jerked up. He had almost fallen asleep at the base of the stone pillar where he had been waiting.

“They won’t find her any quicker if you wait here. Come on.” He helped him up and they headed to the fire, each slowly easing down onto the blankets that lay there. Nori crossed his legs and stared at him, expectedly. “You don’t think they’ll find her.” It wasn't a question.

“No.” It was a difficult admission. “I don’t.”

“Why?” Fili stared at him. Wasn’t it obvious?

“There’s no way she could have survived that. The fall… I didn’t even hear her hit the bottom. And it was all because I failed to protect her, to protect Kili. I failed, and she paid the price.” He stared at his hands, laid in his lap. Unexpectedly, Nori’s good hand hit him across the face. “Hey!”

“Don’t underestimate her.” He looked angry - his jaw set and his brows furrowed. “She knew what she was doing. Of course she did it for you.”

Fili looked at him. He hadn’t told anyone everything that she had said to him as she hung there. “How did you know?”

Nori snorted. “We’ve all guessed, Fili. The way she looked at you - you were the only one who didn’t notice.”

“I didn’t. Not until too late.”

Fili never cried. While Kili had always shed tears easily, letting his emotions flow from happiness to sadness in a minute, Fili had always had to be the strong big brother, looking after him and storing up his own feelings. But now he wept into his hands, crying for the love he hadn’t known he had until it was too late.

“It’s alright Fili, they’ll find her.” Nori comforted, and Fili allowed himself to hope. Just a little, shattered edges smoothing over with love and wishing.

At noon, when Ori, Dwalin, Bilbo, Kili and Bofur came back, unable to search in the thick fog of rain, he went to meet them. Dwalin, with eyes filled with water that wasn't from the pouring rain, reached out an uncharacteristically gentle hand - as if to comfort him - and shook his head.

They haven’t found her. They’ll never find her. She’s gone.

And Fili’s world broke again.

Chapter Text

The world was blurry. Of course, that could have been because her eyes were only cracked open the slightest bit. An attempt to open them wider only resulted in a stabbing pain shooting through her head. This caused her to try and grab it; a poor choice. The resulting agony that erupted in every damned part of her body informed her of that. She supposed that her quiet groan must have alerted someone to her waking because she heard someone speaking faintly, as if through deep, deep water. She tried to ask them to speak up, but she was too tired and her throat too dry. The currents of sleep dragged her under again, and her eyes slid closed.

Jen awoke a few times, short respites from the tangle of dreams that had invaded her weary mind. Fragmented visions spun around like wind chimes in a storm: a cliff face, blood soaked hands, a sea of bodies, muddy earth under shaking hands (her hands, she knew). A scared face loomed above her, a desperate scream in the mist that swirled around the rocks and through her lost mind. Then she would surface for a second, just long enough to register the sensation of water, sweet water pouring down her throat, long enough to feel careful hands examining her leg, long enough to feel a warm hand enclosing her, a low voice (familiar, so familiar) echoing in the night. She fought, but slipped under once more, her hand growing slack where it was tenderly held at her bedside.

The voice rang through the dark, guiding her dreams to pleasanter shores.

She was sitting at a gilt wooden table - oak, perhaps, edged in gold and intricate designs - and her hands fiddled in her handsomely clothed lap, turning a golden ring around her finger (a ring? She had no ring.) Laughter echoed from outside the finely decorated chambers - a child’s laugh. A tiny girl ran into the room, with a head of tangled golden curls and a huge grin on her small, chubby face.

“Mother, Mother!” she cried and ran behind Jen’s chair. “I ran away while he was braiding my hair - hide me!”

Before Jen could respond, Fili strode into the room. He looked … different. Not older, exactly, but wiser. More sure of himself. And he was grinning ear to ear - until he saw a swish of golden hair from behind her and tried to adopt a serious expression that he couldn’t quite pull off whilst chuckling.

“My love.” He greeted, and Jen stopped herself from starting when she realised he meant her. Why should it be strange, she was his wife, after all. (Was she?) “I don’t suppose you’ve seen our wayward daughter anywhere? Blond hair, green eyes, about this tall?” He held his hand only a few centimetres away from the ground.

The little girl (her daughter?) erupted from behind her with a cry of “You take that back, Adad! I am NOT that short!” and ran at Fili.

“Get him, darling!” Jen found herself shouting, and then laughing at the betrayed look on Fili’s face as he humoured his daughter and let himself be tugged to the ground. That is, until he snatched her - laughing and shrieking - into his arms and stood up.

“Aha! I said I’d find you, nâthuê kurdu. Now sit still and let me do your hair!” He set her, grumbling, onto a chair and produced a comb from his pocket. “And don’t even think about escaping because Mother will catch you, won’t she?” He looked over at Jen, smirking.

She walked over to them and stood “imposingly” by her daughter, hands on her hips. “Absolutely,” she said, raising a threatening eyebrow at her daughter’s sulky face, though ruining the effect slightly by smiling.

As he brushed and braided, Fili leant over and whispered to her “I think Kili’s a bad influence on her.”

(This was where she was meant to be, wasn't it?)

Jen laughed and kissed him on the cheek. “Oh, Fili.”

Darkness swarmed, and the warm atmosphere disappeared - the rich drapings, the firelight dancing, Fili’s smiling face all faded away.

A hand gently shook her and she fought to wake, but her eyelids were too heavy, and - once again - the tides of sleep dragged her under. Somewhere far away a voice still sang, an aching song interspersed with sobs.

Chapter Text

The healing ward was busy when Jen awoke. Of course, she didn’t realise that it was the healing ward, at first, but she quickly gathered that it was based on the beds, walls of herbs and various implements, and an excited gathering of people at the end of the room. She heaved herself up onto her elbows and looked over, almost sighing in relief at the fact that her head did not ache terribly at the motion.

What’s going on over there?

*****

Fili had not been overly happy as of late. First there had been his uncle’s gold sickness and accompanying insanity, then the battle and Jen’s sacrifice and ensuing disappearance, then her reappearance, and then her practically comatose state. Suffice to say, it had been a rather difficult few weeks.

Kili’s whoops of joy at having his splint removed (and getting the okay to do archery again) and Thorin’s slight grin at being proclaimed fit to walk without a cane, however, did make him smile. And it would be a lie to say he wasn’t glad to have those blasted bandages off his shoulder.

Mahal, Kili, are you really that excited? He thought as Kili bounded up, waving his arm around to demonstrate its freedom. Then, in the middle of a particularly violent swing that would certainly have earned a stern reprimand from Oin had it continued, he froze, still as a statue, and stared at the other side of the room.

*****

“Moooorning.” Jen drawled, staring at Kili’s frozen face. This was, without a doubt, the funniest thing she had ever done (second only to the time that she had asked why they didn’t call Bilbo “The Robbit”, instead of “The Burglar” - Dwalin didn’t talk to her for a week after that). For you see, at that greeting Thorin’s, Bilbo’s, and Fili’s face shot up - after a short delay, which made it even funnier - and stared at her like they had seen a ghost. At this, Oin (ever the deaf one) glanced up too, and he did the most hilarious double take. She grinned. “How’s everyone doing?”

There was something akin to a stampede at that moment, headed by Kili as he had gotten a head start, the bastard. They almost seemed to teleport - one moment they were in a huddle at the end of the room, the next they were a foot away from her, staring almost in awe.

“Don’t I get a hug?” She asked, grinning so widely she thought her face might split in two.

“A HUG?!” exclaimed Biblo, looking torn between jubilant and furious, “Of course you get a hug, you silly girl.”

He all but threw himself at Jen, wrapping his small arms around her neck, and she clutched him with her good arm, fiercely returning the embrace in a way that probably called into question her blasé attitude.

“BUT” he said, drawing back, “If you ever, EVER, pull something like that again - so help me Yavanna, I will kill you myself!”

“Sure you will, Bilbo,” Jen said, and winked.

“Excuse me, Bilbo, but other people also want to chastise- I mean hug Jen,” Kili called, and Bilbo reluctantly withdrew.

“How’d the battle treat you, Kili?” Jen asked, giving a joking once over to the motley of bruises on his face.

“Better than it treated you, obviously.” They hugged and he added on as he stood back “I second Bilbo’s statement, by the way.”

Jen smirked,“It was just a little drop.”

“I’m sure.” To her surprise, Thorin also embraced her, “You probably didn’t even feel it.” The twinkle in his eye belied the stern set to his mouth.

“Not at all! Perhaps a little tickle.”

Thorin’s face split into a wide grin such as she had barely seen on his face.

“A tickle!” cried Bilbo, wringing his hands, “Yes, and the battle was just a minor disagreement!”

“Absolutely! Right, Kili?” Jen asked.

He smirked, “Without a doubt. Just a tiny quarrel.”

Thoughts of the battle, though, drew Jen’s mind to more serious matters, and it was with some trepidation that she asked, “Is everyone alright, though? Did everyone… well, you know?”

Fili spoke up for the first time, “Everyone was fine, Jen.”

The words ‘except you’ hung in the air, unspoken but almost deafening. Fili didn’t look well, Jen realised. His eyes were shadowed, his hair unkempt, and he looked drawn. Oh, dear.

She broke the heavy silence, “Good, then. Can I see them?”

“No.” Oin cut in. “You’re to stay here for another night, at least. And I’m going to check you over now, lass, if you don’t mind. Everyone out!”

The dwarves and hobbit filed out of the healing ward, with Fili bringing up the rear. He looked at her as he turned the door, and the look on his face broke her heart far more than anything else. He looked like he couldn’t bear to let her out of his sight - but it wasn’t surprising, really, after everything that she had said. Everything that she had done. Suddenly, it felt like she was back on that cliff face, teetering over the edge, flying weightless and thinking she would never see Fili again. Thinking she would never see anything again.

Oin’s voice jarred her out of her unpleasant reminiscences. “Well, lass, let’s have a look at that leg of yours.”

Chapter Text

Apparently, falling off a very high cliff and heaving yourself over a mountainside can really take it out of you, because Jen had no problem falling asleep after Oin left. In fact, she was barely able to stay awake. Of course, she had spared some time after Oin left her to the empty healing ward (apparently it was the Royal Healing Ward, and wasn’t that a surprise!) to worry about what she had said to Fili and how he would react. In a way, it had been rather selfish of her to tell him right before she sacrificed herself for him but- well, who wouldn’t have done the same? If she hadn’t let go Fili would have dithered for too long and probably would have gotten pulled over too, not to mention that Kili would (in all likelihood) have died.

Yes, she had thought, turning over irritably as her pillow flattened uncomfortably beneath her, I did the right thing. But what if he can’t stand me, now?

It would sour their relationship - seeing her would not exactly bring back happy memories, and that was even without her… confession.

He didn’t even try to talk to me today. She had pouted, then stopped, feeling ridiculous. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.|

He might not return her feelings but he was her friend, and she didn’t want to give that up.

Tomorrow, she had sighed and turned onto her back, staring into the dim light of the ward, I’ll sort this all out.

*****

At that very time when Jen was drifting into a slightly uneasy sleep, Fili was wide awake, sitting on his bed and staring at his door. He wanted to go see Jen, to talk to her- but no, she needed rest, Oin had said. And still he just wanted to go and see her face and reassure himself that she really was here and really was fine.

Mahal, this is ridiculous.

Here he was, all twisted up over a human girl.

But she’s not just any human.

And that was true, wasn’t it? She wasn’t just some person, she was Jen. Witty, beautiful, funny, terribly reckless Jen. Jen, who had no siblings and had a freckle on the side of her nose, and her hair was always messy in the mornings - he had woken up next to her at camp on more than one occasion. She had looked like a goddess in battle, he remembered, an avenging spirit - and that was the moment he had fallen for her, wasn’t it? When she came out of the goblin mines bloodied, injured, and laughing heartily? Breath-taking and terrible and beautiful- he was convinced no one looked as fine in bloodied armour as his Jen did. (His Jen? When had she become that?) And she was kind and had an awful sense of humour and said “hello” to the sun every morning and didn’t know how to braid her own hair (he had always wanted to teach her, but had never gotten up the courage to ask if he could. It had taken him a while to realise that his want to braid her hair went beyond mere helpfulness).

And she wasn’t dead! But she's still out of my reach.

The presence of Kili barging through his door startled him from his thoughts that had begun to take a more depressing turn.

“Hello there, Brother!” He cried jovially, leaning against the doorframe.

“Hello, Kili.” He said, and he evidently did not put enough joy into the tone because Kili frowned.

“Well, that’s a fine welcome. I thought you’d be over the moon, for Mahal’s sake! Jen’s awake! Haven't you been pining after her for a week now?”

Fili scoffed, “I have not been pining.”

“Have too.”

“Have not!”

“No, you definitely pined. I know pining when I see it and this” Kili gestured at Fili’s general appearance, “Is pining.”

“And what's that supposed to mean?” Sure, he hadn’t been paying so much attention to his clothes… or his hair… or his sleep schedule. “Okay,” He stopped Kili’s next comment, “Maybe I have pined, just the slightest bit. Happy?”

Kili sat down beside him, looking uncharacteristically serious. “I’d be happier if you were happy, Fili. What’s wrong? You and Jen are obviously head over heels for each other, so what’s the matter?

“It’s not that simple!” he exclaimed, jumping up and beginning to pace, “Jen sacrificed herself for me- she fell off a cliff for me! That has to change something about our relationship, doesn’t it? I know she liked me once - she said so, for Mahal’s sake - but what if that’s changed? What if she regrets what she did?”

“Wait,” Kili grabbed his arms and held him still, “Jen said she liked you? When?”

That’s what he got from all that? “Before she fell - right before.”

Kili looked shocked, and there was a long silence.

“Well, then… I don’t know what the problem is. You like her, she likes you enough to fall over a cliff for you. Sounds like you both love each other and you should just talk about it.”

“It’s not that simple.”

Kili sighed and walked to the door. “Maybe it is. At least tell her how you feel.”

And then he left Fili to the silence and his racing thoughts.

*****

As it inevitably does, the next day arrived. Jen awoke to Oin gently shaking her awake and his gentle inspections of her head and leg.

“It looks like it’s healing well, lass. After breakfast, you can go.”

“Thanks, Oin,” He grinned in return and Jen settled back to watch the light from the few small windows that lined the ward bouncing off the walls. It was really quite dull, so she eventually struck up a conversation with Oin. This was… difficult, as he had lost his hearing trumpet, but once she got him onto monologuing about the use of different kinds of herbs it was alright.

He was just saying, “Of course, you can use yarrow for many things-” when there was a knock on the doors of the ward, and Fili slipped inside, carrying a covered tray.

“Breakfast.” He announced, making his way over to where Jen was lying, “For the invalid.”

“Hardly an invalid, thank you!” She retorted, grinning, and was perhaps overly pleased when he smiled back.

“You’re in bed in a healing hall, aren’t you?”

“Yes, but-”

“Then it’s settled, you’re an invalid.” He chuckled at the pout on her face. “But, there are upsides to being an invalid, you know.”

“Like what?” she asked as he pulled a chair over to her bedside and sat down.

He pulled the cover off the tray with a flourish. “Breakfast in bed.”

“Pass it over.” She grabbed the tray from Fili and laid it on her lap, almost groaning at the smell of porridge with honey and apple.

There was silence for a few seconds as she ate and then she broke it with: “I take it back. I am definitely an invalid.”

They chatted for a while (while Oin mysteriously disappeared), and Jen was heartened to see that, not only was Fili behaving fairly normally, but his hair was back to its usual state and his clothes were not nearly so wrinkled.

He looks good no matter what, though. And she almost dropped her spoon as she stared a little too long into his eyes. Bastard, always distracting me.

Luckily he didn’t seem to notice, and things were going quite normally until she jokingly said: “Well, I’m glad that you’re talking to me again. You had me quite worried yesterday!”

And Fili didn't reply. He just sort of… looked at the space right above her head and seemed to be doing mental calculations. Then he spoke so quietly that she almost didn’t hear it. “Not nearly as worried as we were for you.”

Jen laughed nervously, “I’m sure that you didn’t miss me that much.”

“Why?”

“Why what?” This conversation was venturing into uncomfortable territory.

“Why are you sure? How do you know that we didn’t miss you terribly, that most of us didn’t cry when we got the news, and those who didn’t looked like the world was pulled out from under their feet?” he was getting more animated now, standing up and pacing next to her bed, “How do you know that Dwalin, Ori, Bilbo, Kili, Bofur - anyone who was strong enough didn't search for you for two days? How didn’t you know how much it would affect everyone, Jen?! How didn’t you know that it would break our hearts!”

“That’s enough! Of course I bloody knew that!” She yanked off her covers and stood up, ignoring the way that Fili moved to protest the action. If she wanted to stand before him in a nightgown and berate the shit out of him then she would do it, thank you! “I knew it would hurt them- god knows I knew! It hurt me too, you know? Not only this,” She gestured at her still battered body, “It hurt me to make that choice! Do you think I wanted to die, Fili Durinson? Of course I didn’t! I did it to save people - to save you!”

“I didn’t ask you to do that!” He cried, and he looked almost pleading now, “I didn’t want you to! Oh, why did you do it, Jen?!”

She was incensed. “I know you didn’t ASK me to do it! Do you think I blame you? It was MY choices that lead to me getting hurt, and I’d make them all again if I had to, even if I hadn’t survived!”

“But-”

“No! You listen to me, Fili.” She felt wild and righteously angry, “I sacrificed myself to save people. Any one of you would have done the same, so why does it matter if I do it? I would have done it for anyone in the company, but especially you!”

“Why?!”

Jen looked at him disbelievingly, furious eyebrows raised. “I’ve already told you, you idiot! I. LOVE. YOU! I love you! God, how many times do I need to say it? When will you understand - how stupid are you?!”

“Not as much as you, obviously!” Fili almost looked like he was smiling as he yelled.

What?

“And WHAT is that supposed to mean?”

“I love you too, you insufferable creature!”

What.

“You do?” Jen smiled, though she was still yelling. Why? She didn’t know.

Fili yelled, “Yes!”

“Really?”

“Yes! For Mahal’s sake woman, are you deaf? I love you! I have for months.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?!”

“I didn’t want to scare you off!”

“I felt the same way!” Jen yelled at him. They were standing much closer now than they had been at first.

“Then why are we still yelling?!” He was very close now, and she could see every detail on the beads that hung in his hair.

“I don’t know!” Jen cried, and, grabbing his jacket, pulled him in for a resounding kiss.

It was, for lack of a better word. Wonderful. Earth-shattering. Awesome, comforting, perfect, like coming home- all that good stuff.

When they parted, Fili looked rather shocked. “I have to say,” he murmured, smiling sheepishly, “this went much better than I was expecting.”

Jen gently chuckled, “Even with the yelling?”

“Even with the yelling.” He leant in for another kiss, then moved back all of a sudden. “Promise me one thing, though.”

“What?” she asked and grabbed his hand. His returning smile was almost blinding but better, somehow. Softer. More loving. Perfect.

He took hold of both her hands. “Stay away from cliffs, please.”

“Don’t worry, Fili, I will. Awful things, cliffs.” And she pulled him in for another kiss.