Archive of Our Own ^beta

Matthew looks down from his seat in P02, then up to the stage screen reading 'Boys Planet'.

It was over.

But he made it. Matthew made it.

Throughout 94 trainees, he was second. He was going to debut. His dream was going to come true.

He feels like he's dreaming, like things weren't real. Everything must've been a delusion his brain made up during a coma. But they couldn't be— not with all the tears and sweat he's put into working towards finally debuting. It feels surreal, almost; just yesterday, he was telling Hanbin about a survival show open for auditions, about how funny it would be if they both tried out just for the heck of it. Now, they were here, having stood amongst the top two seats of the top nine, the highest ranking trainees out of the whole show.

Their mics are turned off for a final moment with all the trainees— the previously eliminated ones come running up to the stage, the ones who survived until the end jumping into each others arms. But Matthew only looks for one person as he steps down from the podium stairs.

"Hyung!" Matthew says, tearfully as he envelopes Hanbin into the most bone-crushing hug he's ever given him.

Hanbin lets out an oomph as Matthew crashes into him, laughter bubbling out of his chest. "Hey," He circles his arms around his waist, "Are you proud?"

Matthew's taken aback a little, pulling back. He looks at Hanbin like he's stupid. "What? What kind of question is that? Of course I'm proud of you—"

"—No," Hanbin swipes at Matthew's, mostly, dried up tears. "I mean of yourself. I knew you could do it."

Oh, fuck. Here come the tears again. "Shut up," Matthew punches his chest, " We made it."

Something in Matthew's chest flutters when Hanbin laughs again. It's a sweet, comforting sound— he could listen to it all day. Hanbin pulls Matthew closer, hugging him like he would disappear. He mumbles something, and if it were quieter, Matthew would've never caught it.

"We did."

Hanbin's words send a warmth coursing through Matthew's veins. He buries his face into the crook of Hanbin's neck, breathing him in. They stay like that for a moment, holding each other like they always did. Matthew doesn't know what switch in his brain flips, but a stream of courage washes over him.

"Hanbin hyung," Matthew braces himself, pulling back enough for them to be face-to-face. Hanbin looks back at him, his expression and the look in his eyes enough to make Matthew's knees go wobbly all over again. Nevertheless, he continues (or attempts to), trying to get straight to the point. He tries to put on a brave face, but his heart is pounding so hard he can hardly think straight.

If he didn't say it now, it'd never come out.

"Matthew? What is it?" Hanbin asks, tone suddenly serious after the silence carries on for more than it should've. His hands never leave his hips. "Are you okay?"

Here he went again. The more he did for Matthew, the more the latter fell for him— hard . It should be pitiful, really, how easily Hanbin could make Matthew turn into putty in his hands with one simple gesture or one spoken word. He was so undeniably attracted to him it hurt.

The words leave his mouth before he can stop them.

,

It's been a week. A full, seven day week filled with happiness and euphoria and sadness at the same time.

He had never imagined things would turn out this way. Not when they split paths at the doors of Cube, not when Matthew signed into MNH, not when Hanbin started training at Studio Glide. Never would he have thought that they would have the same group name under each of their official profiles, much less the top two.

He doesn't think he's ever been happier.

A nudge to his shoulder snaps him out of his trance. To his left, a smirking Keita awaits him. Ricky mirrors his expression from the other side of the car.

"What?" Matthew blinks, unable to stop the smile from breaking onto his face. He couldn't help it.

Ricky breaks out into a wide grin, slightly stomping his feet up and down out of excitement. It wasn't new, but still slightly shakes Matthew every time. He's used to his calmness. "Did it kick in yet?"

It hasn't. Not at all. The feeling hasn't even entered Matthew's fingertips. "Definitely not," he laughs, "I never thought we'd make it this far."

"I," Keita grabs a hold of Matthew's shoulders, "Can't." He shakes, aggressively. " Believe  it."

"Me neither. I mean, we started filming in, like, December, and now it's—"

"No, like, I can't believe you cried." Keita deadpans. Matthew rolls his eyes, ignoring the two to his left howling of laughter.

It's hypocrisy, really, for the two of them to be laughing so hard. "You guys cried, too!" Matthew retaliates as they struggle to catch their breath, "Especially Ricky!" He targets, which was fucked up, but true all the same.

Ricky had been the last member of the lineup to be announced, making him P09 overall. He'd consistently been just shy outside the top nine throughout the entire show, making him doubt his own chances of debut. But in the end, his one pick power came through. With it, his tears. "Sure, I did," The blond shrugs, "But you cried harder when I placed ninth."

Matthew ducks his head. Although he himself already stood among the top nine, his nerves refused to calm down when announcing the final, ninth place, being so nervous he was even shaking. When Ricky's name was called last, a rush of emotions continued the waterworks.

"I was just really happy, okay?" He replies in a futile attempt to defend himself.

"Pretty sure we were all happy," Keita gets out in between laughs, "But the most emotional one definitely was you. Or Yujin, maybe." He gestures to the youngest, who was quietly asleep. The three of them all stare at Yujin in silence, waiting for a loud snore to cut through it. It doesn't.

"Weird," Ricky scratches his nape, "He's usually a bulldozer when he sleeps."

"Who's rooming with Yujin?" Keita asks, echoing Matthew's thoughts. The other two shrug.

Matthew's eyebrows furrow, not expecting for Ricky to be just as lost as him. "What? Wouldn't it be you? You know, the whole same-company and everything?"

"Uh," Ricky averts eye-contact, "I'm hoping to room with Hao hyung, to be honest. I've been dealing with Yujin's snoring since forever. I hear it through the  walls  ."

Keita shrugs. "Guess it'll probably be Gunwook. He's the second youngest, so.."

"Could be you." Matthew suggests, earning a wince from the former.

Ricky shifts in his seat, turning so he faces Keita and Matthew better. "Well, what about you, hyung?" He asks, gesturing to Matthew. Part of him doesn't want to answer— it's inevitable, anyways. The two boys next to him probably know what he's going to say, too, but he stays silent.

Keita cuts in instead. "Maybe it'd be Seowon hyung? They've gotten pretty close."

The blonde opens his mouth to say something- to object, like Keita confidently raised his hand during Calculus and blurted out the wrong answer while he had all the work done on scratch paper. But realization seems to hit him within seconds, and he opts to nod. "Maybe," he agrees.

Their excitement over dorm arrangements only gets fed into more when the car comes to a stop. Yujin immediately shoots up, blinking and looking around. Ricky tries not to snort.

The other five seem to have already beaten them there when their manager opens the door to their dorms, buzzing over a sheet labeled what Matthew thinks is the dorm arrangements. Unsurprisingly, Hangul is a lot harder to read upside down than English.

The dorm itself is, shocking to say, pretty nice. The Cube and MNH dorms are.. average , but they don't lay a finger on whatever the hell he just stepped into. It's spacious, donned with white walls and plants. The kitchen (which barely is going to get used because of hectic schedules) looks like a showroom from that Swedish furniture store, along with the living room. Two separate hallways, each in opposite directions, stretch out into darkness.

A hand lands on Matthew's shoulder, making him jump. He turns around, suddenly face-to-face with Zhang Hao.

"Hao hyung? What's up?" Matthew tilts his head, confused until he sees what he's holding. It's the dorm arrangement paper. He steps around him to read it from over his shoulder. Some of these rooms were clearly not thought through, because Gunwook, Yujin, and Haruto all in one room was a downright  war  waiting to happen. Yet, as he skims the columns, he can't seem to find his own name.

Zhang Hao retracts his hand, but leaves it mid air as he continues to read the document. "The rooms," He answers, flipping the page over. Ah . So that's why.

"Oh. I'm stupid, sorry. I went over here because I couldn't find where yours was." Hao sniffs. Matthew just blinks at him, because no way they made the same mistake of not flipping a singular paper to the backside. This group would never survive in the wild, he thinks.

The latter squints at the piece of paper a little more before leaning back, satisfied. "Ah, here you are," Zhang Hao points to the third line, and Matthew's gaze follows. Sure enough, there it was; 'Seok Matthew' appeared in printed, black ink, sitting right next to..

Sung Hanbin .

He's really not surprised. Honestly, Matthew doesn't really know what he was expecting. Some small part of him assumed that Hanbin and Zhang Hao were going to share a room because of the whole center thing, but he's not surprised nonetheless. Of course they would be paired up together, no explanations needed. But still; obviously Hanbin and Matthew talked ever since the finale (especially for interviews and behind episodes), but it wasn't in their usual 'I've been talking to you everyday for three consecutive years and today isn't anything different, what's up?' way, it was more like a ' not talking to you is weird, so I'm desperately trying to avoid awkward silence because circumstances require me to be here' type of way. Like they forced themselves to talk to each other because conversation refused to come naturally all of a sudden.

Matthew can't help but draw the problem to its' root— himself. He knows it's because he confessed, and part- no, all of him regrets it. It was a heat-of-the-moment, completely impulsive action. Boys Planet made some.. feelings he never knew he had resurface. Too many nights in Planet Camp had him overthinking about how good his best friend the next bed over looked while he danced, how fluid and sharp he was while he moved, his clear and seemingly effortless vocals, how he was able to do everything with little to no effort, how he still regularly checked up on Matthew and took care of him if he was even the slightest bit under the weather. None of it was a sudden change in his behavior— Hanbin was always like that. Yet, Matthew caught himself clinging onto him more and perking up whenever his name was called. Confessing was bound to happen at some point, but Matthew never expected (or wanted) it to be during the final lineup announcement.

He and Zhang Hao share a look. After all, he was the one Matthew ran to to gush over Hanbin during the show. He couldn't keep it to himself no matter how much he tried.

"If you really need me to, I can ask to swap. I'm sure Ricky won't mind me being gone for one night," Hao offers with a shrug, putting the arrangements down so Matthew would breathe easier now that it wasn't staring him in the face. "But only for tonight, because you two avoiding each other is gonna hurt the rest of us. You know, as a team?"

Matthew sighs. Hao was always right, he guesses. "It's alright, thanks hyung," He waves him off, smiling. "I'll let you know what happens tonight?"

"You better," Zhang Hao ruffles his hair, setting off to go find Ricky and leaving Matthew to find Hanbin and break the news. He'd tried his hardest to ignore his presence in the room and to pretend like he never noticed his gaze when he walked in, but he guesses talking to him had to happen at some point— especially when he'd be waking up in the same room as him everyday for the next few years.

On the bright side, it's not like Hanbin rejected him or anything, it was just bad timing on Matthew's part (or whatever possessed him to confess at the moment). Hanbin looked like he wanted to respond, genuinely. Disgust was never one of the many emotions that were mixed on his face that night, Matthew hopefully thinks. He would know, because it's all he's really thought about the past seven days other than the whole finally debuting thing. Maybe if Matthew said it a lot faster or a lot earlier, Hanbin would've had the chance to tell him how he felt instead of being cut off by the staff calling the top nine for a group picture.

Matthew doesn't need to go looking for Hanbin. He's been hyper-aware of his place in the room ever since he walked in, much to his dismay. He heads straight to the couch, bracing himself to where he's patiently sitting and scrolling through his phone. Seowon and Gunwook's conversation suddenly stops from where they're both sitting on the next seat over, and he just knows he'll never hear the end of it later.

Hanbin notices him before Matthew can say anything. "Hey, roomie," He smiles up at him, clicking his phone off. He stands up and grabs his luggage.

"Oh." Matthew starts, awkward and trying not to cringe at the use of ' roomie '. "I'm guessing you saw?"

"Yep." Hanbin replies. He and Matthew both gesture for the other to lead the way, then start to walk forward at the same time. They stop, and Hanbin just opts to go first instead. Matthew figures he's seconds away from dying of sheer embarrassment, especially when he can hear Seowon and Gunwook fighting to keep their laughs in.

The silence is deafening as they walk the very short (but what seems like at least five miles) distance to their room. Matthew makes the mistake of looking at the other at the same time he does, and their heads both immediately turn the other way. God, Matthew doesn't think they've ever been so tense.

"So," Hanbin finally speaks up, breaking the silence. "Roommates, huh? I know this seems kind of weird, but, um. I'm glad it's you."

Matthew nods, trying to control the heat creeping up his neck. "Yeah. Yeah, me too. It's been awhile since we've been roommates, anyways."

The two of them (thankfully) reach the door before the extremely embarrassing conversation could carry on any further. Hanbin places his hand on the doorknob, swinging it open.

If Matthew wanted to disappear before, he certainly just wants to die now.

Standing to the far left of the room, other than a desk and some other pieces of furniture, is a bed. And that's it.

One bed. Singular. Individual. Uno. Isa.

Matthew blinks. Honestly, he's convinced god just hates him at this point. Seriously? No, seriously . He really has had it up to here. Sure, maybe him randomly declaring his undying love to Hanbin was his fault, but come on. Taking in consideration the current state of their relationship right now, not only are they roommates for the next seven years, but now they have to share a bed . Matthew understands that there's budget cuts here and there, but the way things ended up in his favor was really seeming kind of anti-Canadian.

Matthew turns his gaze to Hanbin, just to make sure he's seeing the same thing as he was. His face paling answers his question.

"Oh," Is all Hanbin says, or is able to. The doorknob makes a small creaking noise, a sign of his grip probably loosening in shock. "That's.. weird."

The two of them stand by the doorway in silence, unsure of what to do. Matthew takes in a deep breath, trying to calm down the millions of emotions racing through his amygdala.

Hanbin clears his throat, rocking back and forth on his heels. "I mean, we could ask for a second bed, but they might not have any spares."

"It's fine," Matthew doesn't have the energy to do anything other than to just sigh, defeated. It didn't seem like the staff just had bed frames conveniently lying around either way. They should've picked their rooms a lot earlier. "It's not like we haven't done this before."

Out of the corner of his eye, he watches as Hanbin turns his head the other way, almost afraid that Matthew would see his expression. Matthew raises an eyebrow at him.

"You know, if you want me to sleep on the couch or the floor tonight so we can get the whole bed problem solved, I can," Hanbin offers.

In all honesty, Matthew considers it for a second, but decides against it. "No, don't. You're gonna be uncomfortable. Just sleep on the bed."

Hanbin nods, slowly. "Uh, so I guess we'll have to share?"

Sighing, Matthew closes his eyes. "I guess so."

They both look down at the ground, unsure of what to say next. The awkwardness is palpable, and Matthew genuinely wishes he could just disappear.

'

Night comes faster than Matthew would've preferred. It's already past midnight and past when everyone else in the dorms knocked out, save for Yujin and Haruto still up and (whisper) screaming at each other as they play Mario Kart in the living room. Matthew watches them from the kitchen island. In all honesty, he has no idea how Haruto was able to get his Nintendo Switch into the dorms, but he doesn't question it.

"Hyung," Haruto suddenly says, mid argument. Matthew, the only older person in the room, snaps up. "You were kind of spacing out tonight. You okay?"

Before Matthew can answer, Yujin turns to rest his chin on the couch arm, arms dangling off of it to face him. "Yeah, actually. You're pretty clingy with Hanbin hyung, but I never caught you two together today." He presses the pause button on his controller and Haruto groans.

A beat skips in Matthew's heart. "What?" Matthew crosses his arms, leaning back onto the counter, "I'm clingy?" He feels like an idiot when he says that. He knew they were almost always around each other during the show and even, on multiple occasions, initiated physical affection— especially when they were on the same team for the third mission. He just never heard it phrased like that.

"Disagree," Haruto yawns, making sure to be extra quiet when he name-drops, "Hanbin hyung's definitely the clingy one. Now answer my question."

"Huh?" Matthew snaps up, brain registering that he was falling asleep five seconds after he was taken out of it. Maybe he was a little too shaken about today's events, because he forgot what the younger had even asked. "Oh. Uh, I'm fine," He lies.

Yujin looks like he's seconds from falling asleep, frog-blinking. He still has half the conscious mind to call Matthew out, though. "Is this about the dorm arrangements, hyung?" A mischievous grin forms on his face, "I'm pretty sure I heard Keita and Hao hyung talking about it."

Matthew groans, watching as Haruto seems to put two and two together. Him and Yujin point at each other, both with ridiculously large smiles on their faces. "No idea what you're on about," Matthew hops off the stool he was sitting on, glaring at the two younger ones. "You two should go to sleep soon. It's late."

Haruto waves him off, resuming the match. "Yeah, yeah. Soon."

The two bid Matthew goodnight, smirks still clearly evident on both of their faces. Matthew was so going to give Keita and Hao an earful. But first—

Matthew stops in front of the door to he and Hanbin's room, taking in a deep breath. He slowly opens it, stepping in. He silently shuts the door behind him, careful not to wake Hanbin up. Matthew turns around to see him staring right back at him, sitting up. He jumps.

"What makes you so late?" Hanbin attempts to joke, leaning against the wall with his arm propped up on his knee. Matthew knows he's just trying to tease, but if anything, he really can't help thinking of how good he looks; messy hair, lazy smirk, clad in one of his black tank tops. He was definitely not surviving tonight.

"Just, uh, supervising Haruto and Yujin before they went to sleep." Matthew coughs. Half his mind wonders about wherever the hell the tension from earlier today went— just a couple hours ago, they were standing just inches from the doorframe, shifting from foot to foot and trying to avoid each other's glances. Now here Hanbin was, pretending like the whole confession thing and their whole week of awkward exchanges never happened. He doesn't know whether to enjoy it or hate it.

Shy, Hanbin smiles up at him, patting the side of the bed next to where he was currently sat. Matthew sucks in a breath and shuffles over, climbing in and pulling the blanket over himself. He switches off the lamp on the nightstand once he's fully convinced he's safe from tripping over anything.

The bed is, unsurprisingly, just a tad too small for two grown men in their early twenties. Their knees are knocking together, shoulders just barely touching. Matthew turns over on his side to avoid all of it, or at most, limit the amount of touch. Hanbin follows suit, turning over to his own side of the bed.

"Night, hyung," Matthew says, a yawn escaping him before he can catch himself.

Hanbin chuckles, and a part of Matthew feels a lot more at ease. "Goodnight, Seokmae-yah," He hears him say, returning the softness in his voice.

The quietness of the dorm returns to the room and Matthew could, honestly, get used to this. He was expecting way worse tonight. They're each staying to their respective sides of the bed, the weird tension mostly gone. Touch was ultimately unavoidable, but the worst thing happening right now was just the knowledge of knowing Hanbin was right behind him and he could turn to face him at any moment. Not terrible. At all. Just two best friends sharing a bed, because that's what they were. Best friends.

Friends . Matthew's heart twinges, dissatisfied.

Sleep takes over before he can think about anything else.

,

Matthew wakes up first out of the two of them. Light filters in through the cracks and crevices in the wooden blinds, and his eyes barely register the two luggages sitting in the far corner of the room. They should probably deal with those later.

Later. Yeah, later, Matthew sleepily marks a mental reminder for himself as he rubs at his eyes. He blinks, trying to get them to adjust properly after shaking off the last few remnants of sleep before remembering where he was. He was not alone in this bed.

Nope  , he thinks, carefully climbing out of bed and making a beeline for the door. He was not doing this again today. He already spent nearly all of yesterday thinking about his best friend (which Matthew doesn't even think sounds right anymore) and, quite literally, lost his mind. He doesn't know how much longer he can last without acknowledging the not just large, but gargantuan elephant in the room. Did Matthew confessing his feelings just.. not matter anymore? Was it not that big of a deal? Did he only see him as a friend, and is just trying his best to make things less awkward for him by pretending that it never happened?

When he shuts the door to their room, Matthew lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Surprisingly, that wasn't.. too bad, but he still finds himself slightly on the verge of discontent. It's not like he really expected anything to happen, especially when he was the one shying away from any type of interaction between the two of them throughout the entire day. Nonetheless, he still hoped for at least a hand to graze the small of his back. Matthew knew it was stupid; ironic, even. Maybe it was for the best that nothing happened. He already fucked up their friendship once— he wasn't going to mess that up just when things started to get normal again.

Matthew walks into the kitchen with barely open eyelids, trying to distract himself and fill his stomach. He could deal with his whole 'Hanbin problem' later, preferably after dealing with his luggage. They had the week to themselves anyway, with the company giving them time to settle into their dorms. He had all the time in the world to eat, sleep, and figure out whatever the fuck was going on between them.

"Matthew hyung," A deep voice calls from at least ten or fifteen feet away from him; Ricky, Matthew presumes. "Morning," The blond waves at him when he's finally able to open his eyes fully. Zhang Hao's right beside him, as in literally pressed up against his side as Ricky cooks a pancake on the kitchen island stovetop. Hao mumbles out a 'Good morning', clearly a victim of poor sleep.

Oh. Well, that was new. Matthew tilts his head quizzically— he can't seem to remember if they've always been like this or if he's been missing something lately. He turns to Keita, the only other person witnessing the same thing he was. Keita just shakes his head.

"So," Zhang Hao starts, completely ignoring Keita. The corner of his lips curl upwards in a sleepy attempt of a smirk. "How'd you sleep last night?"

Matthew shrugs. He didn't have much to say about last night, really. "Pretty well," He answers, straight-faced.

Keita's expression drops. Hao's smirk turns into a frown. Ricky's just plain confused on why both of them are upset.

" What ?" Keita whisper screams, courteous of the other five still asleep (mostly Yujin and Haruto passed out on the living room couch). "Why didn't you say anything?"

As if Keita's scolding couldn't get any worse, Hao chimes in again. "No, seriously. You declined my extremely considerate offer to switch rooms for the night because you wanted to set things straight. And then you just—!  Don't  ?"

"Wait, wait," Ricky stops the two of them and Matthew feels a weight getting lifted off of his shoulders. "What's happening? I thought Matthew hyung slept well. Isn't that.. good?"

"Aww, I'm sorry. I think I forgot to tell you," Hao coos, poking Ricky's cheek. Ricky smiles at him and suddenly the idea of quitting the company and moving far, far away didn't sound too bad.

"Matthew and Hanbin hyung got assigned to the same room which is already a problem in in itself because of how awkward things got after he confessed, but the actual problem is that they only have one bed and they have to share it in their current situation. There," Keita deadpans, "I'm really sick of all the couples around here, even if its only you guys and whatever the hell is going on between Hanbin and Matthew."

"What—!" Matthew jumps up from his stool, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks. "Hanbin hyung and I are not a couple!"

"Yet. You forgot to say 'yet' after you said 'not'. You guys are not yet a couple." Hao corrects him before waving him off, "Whatever, not the point. What made you chicken out last night?"

In all honesty, Matthew's really not sure. Actually, no— he was, but he just refuses to believe Hanbin acting normal for what was, at most, three minutes was enough to shut down an entire conversation about their feelings. While it's true that their friendship stands on a tiny, thin layer of ice at the moment- one that Matthew doesn't want to tempt nature with- it's a little embarrassing to say that he just decided to keep it quiet all because Hanbin smiled at him one or two times. Matthew was, and is, a very weak man.

"I'm sorry," Matthew's shoulders slump. He was just now processing the missed opportunity. "He seemed normal, so I just.. didn't say anything. All we did was keep to our own sides and sleep."

It's quiet for a couple of moments, the only sound filling the room being the sizzling of the pan Ricky was, still , cooking on.

Keita pushes his now empty mug away from him and stretches. "I get not wanting to talk to him because you don't want to mess things up again, but I still wouldn't be happy living like that. Y'know, getting indirectly friend zoned?"

"Yeah," Hao snorts, "I would at least try and get a direct answer. Here, I'll demonstrate. Ahem , ahem. Shen Quanrui, do you love—"

"— Okay ." Matthew cuts him off, rubbing his temples out of slight irritation, "That will not be necessary. Thank you, hyung."

"Ugh, I'm gonna be  sick ." Keita gags.

As if on cue, the sound of footsteps interrupt Hao's random, excessive affection towards Ricky (or, in other words, Matthew and Keita's very early mini-segment of torture). Matthew doesn't know where to be grateful that it was over or terrified because the footsteps seem to sound almost familiar. Very familiar.

Expectedly, all heads turn to watch as Hanbin comes stumbling into the kitchen, hair tousled and eyes bleary from sleep. "Morning," he greets the four of them, plopping down into the stool next to Matthew. The others acknowledge him, each saying their own variation of 'Hello' or 'Good morning', but Matthew stays quiet. He battles his demons trying not to react, to keep his gaze trained on the mug of coffee below him. All it does is show his reflection; a sad, down bad man that was hopelessly in love with the idiot that just sat down on his left. This, Matthew thinks, would only get a lot worse.

Zhang Hao, like he hasn't already made Matthew's morning absolute hell, coughs. "Hanbin-ah," he smiles, sickeningly, and Matthew immediately feels the dread enter his body. There's a strikingly obvious lilt to his tone that makes it clear he's just trying to start shit for fun. "Did you sleep well?"

Hanbin hums, making sure to catch Matthew's eye before he turns back to Zhang Hao. "I did, thanks," He matches the same annoying, teasing timbre with his own voice, "Matter of fact, I had an amazing dream." Out of the corner of his eye, he glances at Matthew again and smirks. Matthew hates that he can feel his ears start to turn red.

"Oh? Do you mind elaborating?" Keita's chiming in now, suddenly taking an interest in the conversation again now that someone was getting teased. At this point, Matthew has half the mind to wonder if the three of them made a secret agreement to tag-team him because.. what the hell. Within the last three or five minutes, he's not only experienced Zhang Hao be suspiciously homosexual towards Ricky, but is, he assumes, about to get extremely embarrassed and/or ridiculed. On top of that, it's seven in the god damn morning.  Seven  . On a Saturday.

Matthew closes his eyes, preparing for the extreme punch that's about to happen when Hanbin actually starts describing his dream.

To his surprise, it doesn't come.

"I would," Hanbin says, like he's thinking about it, "But I'm actually pretty hungry. 'Can't tell a story on an empty stomach. Ricky-ah, what are you cooking?"

Matthew blinks. Once. Twice. He whips his head around to look at Hanbin, who just gives him an innocent smile like nothing happened.

Ricky looks up, a little confused because he hasn't really being paying attention to what was going on. "Oh. Uh, I'm making pancakes. Just a routine I fell into ever since I lived in LA," he replies, feeding a small piece into Zhang Hao's open mouth from over his shoulder.

Matthew's mostly zoning out now, letting his guard down now that it seemed like the all attention was completely off of him. Keita says something in shock along the lines of how he didn't know he used to live in California, Ricky being offended at him not knowing such a basic fact, etc. It seems like the first breath of air he's taken for the first time in hours minutes, and Matthew basks in it.

Until he feels Hanbin's hand reach for his, their matching rings clinking together before they come to a rest on Matthew's thigh. So much for peace, he guesses as Hanbin's thumb starts to draw patterns through the fabric of his sweatpants. He tries to ignore the way his heart beats faster, trying to focus in on Keita rambling about what his trainee experience at one of his old companies was like. It doesn't work.

"Um, Ricky-ah," Matthew clears his throat, "Is there anything I can do to help you out?"

He watches as Ricky's gaze shifts between him and Hanbin before he nods. "I mean, uh, sure. I guess. Can you grab the plates? Third shelf from the top," He points to where they are with his spatula still in hand. Matthew nods, grateful for the opportunity to get away for a few seconds and bring his brain up to speed with what was going on.

Matthew places the plates next to Ricky, barely processing his 'Thanks, hyung' and desperately trying to ignore how Hanbin whined when he let go of his hand and stood up. "Hao hyung!" Matthew starts instead to distract himself, grinning (fakely) as he sits back down, "How was your night?"

Zhang Hao returns his expression, but it quickly turns into a shit-eating grin instead of a petty one. "It was great. Ricky and I watched a movie together in our room." He shoots a wink towards Ricky, who rolls his eyes. The corners of his mouth turn upwards, though, forming a small smile.

"Jesus, hyung," Keita groans, "At least Ricky isn't sappy about it. You, on the other hand.."

"Excuse me? This is blasphemy."

"Is not. This is like the fifth time you've dropped details."

"Details? Please, that's not even close. Details is saying that Ricky's a good kisser—"

"Uh, I might have to go with Keita hyung on that being a little too far."

Matthew shivers a little at the thought. Maybe putting Zhang Hao in the same room as Ricky wasn't the smartest move from the staff, he thinks as the three of them continue their non-heated argument about oversharing.

"You know," Hanbin's voice starts from next to him, making Matthew immediately still. He scoots in closer, "You were a part of it."

The fork Matthew was currently using to saw into his pancakes slowly gets lowered back onto his plate. Tentatively, he forces himself to swallow— not because of what he was eating (Ricky was, surprisingly, an amazing cook), but because of the extremely hard-to-ignore leer inches away. "What?" He croaks.

Hanbin chuckles, the sound low and taunting. "My dream," he says, quiet just for only the two of them to hear even if the other three were now across the kitchen, crowding around Hao cutting strawberries. They're shoulder to shoulder now (probably as far as they could go with these stools), and Matthew feels his hand creep up around his waist.

"Really?" Matthew fights to keep his voice steady, Hanbin's touch sending chills throughout his body. "What kind of dream?"

Hanbin grins again— that same, annoying smile that feigned innocence. Like he hasn't done anything wrong, like everything was completely fine. The same smile that he used to give him a month ago back during Boys Planet, whenever the cameras were off them and filming other trainees. Hanbin would randomly kiss every single area of exposed skin; mostly, the knuckles of Matthew's hands, his jaw, the tip of his nose. Never his lips.

"A good one," Hanbin says, pulling Matthew back down to Earth. He knows what he's doing, obviously— purposefully avoiding the question so Matthew would get frustrated. Except, he leans in closer, lips almost brushing against his ear, "I'd rather show you than tell you, though."

Matthew freezes, eyes darting over to the other three still absorbed in garnishing each plate. He opens his mouth to say something, then closes it. What the fuck was he supposed to say to that?

Thank god he doesn't have to. "Food's ready!" Keita calls to them from where they're all cramped together in a corner, gesturing over for them to grab their own plate as he balances his own on one hand.

Hanbin pulls away with a grin, eyes dancing with mischief. "Saved by the pancakes," he murmurs, standing up and patting Matthew on the back. A pat. On the back. After what he just did ?

Matthew takes a deep breath after he leaves him alone, spinning his stool around to finally try and focus on something other than Hanbin.

Unluckily, Haruto and Yujin are now wide-awake and staring right back at him, attempting to stifle their laughter.

Great.

,

They're in the same place twelve hours later, but in the living room instead. A random schedule came up around eleven, claiming they had a small video to film. But that between hair, makeup, styling, transportation.. it got them busy for at least eight hours. It took so long that they just decided to order dinner and went home in their styled outfits.

On the other hand, Haruto and Yujin's Mario Kart obsession started to bleed onto everyone else and things just.. escalated. So here everyone was, watching as the two most game-obsessed people in the entire dorm battle it out with their third roommate, Gunwook, who came in extremely confident (his past game experience: Google Snake) but is currently dead last. Their fourth challenger, last but not least, is none other than Ricky. While the three younger ones yell at each other and scream some profanities, the blonde calmly keeps a steady place in first.

The other other three (Seowon, Zhang Hao, and Keita) sit on the couch behind them, cheering them on. Mostly, It's Hao and Keita contributing to the screaming and Seowon just being Seowon, laughing at the hilariousness of the situation. Three boxes of chicken sit on the coffee table moved to the side, slightly hidden by red solo cups filled with soda or fruit juice.

Matthew spots Hanbin leaning against the wall the couch was pressed up against, behind everyone else. He curses the stylists for being good at their job, because he sure looks way too good with his shoulder up against the wall and nursing a cup of his own. Hanbin had a middle part today, but it was styled so his bangs waved towards the center and outwards— similar to his hairstyle when they had the 'Artist Mission' last month. Some bits of his hair fell into the gap between and Matthew's probably staring at this point.

To no surprise, he is, because Hanbin looking up and catching his eye proves it. He swears his breath gets caught in his throat when Hanbin gives him a soft smile, gesturing for him to come over.

Matthew, having avoided him all day because of the morning's events, draws in a sharp inhale before awkwardly approaching him.

"Hey," Hanbin greets him, hands naturally finding their way to the small of his back. At this point, Matthew doesn't really mind it anymore, but it doesn't stop his brain from being hyper aware over any single interaction of physical touch Hanbin gives him. "I missed you today, you know."

Matthew can't help but scoff, trying to play it off even as the atmosphere between the two of them gets warmer. He'd be lying if he didn't feel Hanbin's gaze on him throughout the day— he just refused to acknowledge it. "I, uh, I was just trying to give you some space," he lies, clearly projecting.

Hanbin's hand trails further up his back. "I appreciate it, but I don't want space from you."

"Hyung, what?" A confused laugh escapes itself out of Matthew's chest as the moment shatters. Yet, his heart still beats in his ears from their close proximity. "What kind of loser rizz are you trying to use on me?"

" Loser ?" Hanbin gasps, placing two hands over his heart. "Was I better this morning, instead?"

"You were," The smile doesn't leave Matthew's face; it's the lightest he's felt in awhile, but there's still a lingering feeling of hurt. He knows he's supposed to finally talk to him about what's been in the back of his head all day at some point, but he just can't get over how.. good he looks.

Wow, was Matthew weak.

Here he was, focusing on how stupidly attractive Hanbin looked leaning against a boring white wall for fucks sake, clad in a cliche little oversized black leather jacket and washed out jeans. He looked a little like one of those guys that he would find in a bubble tea shop back in Canada, but it was okay. It was Hanbin.

"You know," Hanbin says, taking one of Matthew's hands in his, "I was kinda sad. I got all this hair and makeup done just for you to be across the room the entire day."

Matthew chuckles, slightly dry. Tired. Exasperated, he draws back his hand from Hanbin's reach. "Hyung, it was for the schedule. Not for me."

Hanbin's caught off guard for a moment, his now empty hand lingering slightly in the air before withdrawing back into his pocket. Regaining his composure, he simply shrugs and leans in. Now in a hushed tone, he starts; "Believe what you want. Personally, I just wanted to look pretty just for you."

A pang shoots it's way through Matthew's chest. He doesn't know how much longer he can go on by just letting this happen; this dumb, stupid game of back and forth.  "What's up with you?" Matthew has to consciously force himself to say, putting space between them. "You've been flirting with me all day, but last week we barely talked after.. after  that  ! And now suddenly we're roommates and everything's fine? Nothing happened?"

A look of hurt, shock, and confusion all cross Hanbin's face at once, probably not predicting their conversation to escalate so fast. In all honesty, Matthew wasn't expecting himself to go that far, either, but now the dam was broken. All it has left to do is to just pour, pour and pour.

"Matthew," Hanbin's voice softens and its enough to make Matthew's heart shatter, "I didn't know I was hurting you and making you uncomfortable. If I knew, I would've stopped. I've been really deep in thought lately and I don't know why I even went through with acting like this at all—"

"Hyung," Matthew cuts off his rambling, reaching out for his hand again to ground both Hanbin and himself. God, he hates this. Hates the way anything he did make his heart stutter. Hates the way he blushed whenever Hanbin made the slightest bit of contact. Hates the way he always puts Matthew first. Hates the way that regardless of what happens between them, Matthew could never resent him. Ever.

Hanbin, Matthew thinks, is stupid. Stupidly attractive, stupidly smart, stupidly caring, talented, and most importantly, stupid at handling confessions— specifically ones coming from a best friend's feelings that he didn't return.

Matthew weakly punches Hanbin's chest. "You shouldn't say things you don't mean," he murmurs.

Confused (and a little defensive), Hanbin steps back up against the wall. "What?"

" Because ," Matthew retaliates, finally looking him in the eye. "When you go and say stupid shit like that, I just," he pauses, groaning out of frustration. "I can't help myself."

Matthew's not sure what comes over him, or what possesses him within the next moments. Because, sure enough, his lips capture Hanbin's before either of them can say anything else.

Matthew's heart races as he deepens the kiss, hands cupping Hanbin's face. He's angry, frustrated, hurt, but he also can't deny the way his body responds to Hanbin's lips slowly moving against his own. It's like all the emotions he's been suppressing for so long have finally reached a boiling point, the only way to release them being through their contact of their lips.

Just as quickly as Matthew initiates the kiss,  they're dragged back to reality when a scream (most likely from Haruto) erupts from the living room, mere feet away. Loud laughs erupt soon after, filled with even more yelling and side conversations about the game taking place. Yet, between the two of them, it's dead silent.

"I'm gonna go to bed," Matthew mutters, unable to bring himself to look up and see Hanbin's reaction, opting to analyze the small gaps in between the floorboards instead. "Night, hyung."

He swiftly turns on his heel, speed walking down the hallway. Matthew just has to pray that Hanbin doesn't try to stop him.

(Spoiler; he doesn't.)

"Matthew? Matthew-ah?" Zhang Hao bursts open the door, frantically looking around the room. "Where— oh my god, my child. I got your text, are you okay?" He comes running over to where Matthew's sitting with his legs crossed on Zhang Hao's bed, aimlessly scrolling through his phone.

Immediately, Matthew gets wrapped into a bone-crushing hug. " Hyung ." He pouts. He's starting to regret ever asking to sleep in their room tonight. Maybe he should've asked Seowon instead.

Hao ruffles his hair. "What? Are you hurt? Did the bad man hurt you? Because I swear, I'll—"

"— No ! No," Matthew stops him, "It's okay. I'm the one who kissed Hanbin hyung, not the other way around."

Zhang Hao loosens his grip around him, Matthew taking the opportunity to breathe in as much as he can before it gets crushed out of him. The older simply stares at him, stunned, his jaw repeatedly opening and closing like he wanted to say something but couldn't.

Hao pulls away from the hug completely, resting his hands on his shoulders. "You  what  ?"

"—Here! I'm here," Ricky comes crashing into the room, panting. He shuts the door behind him, taking a second to catch his breath. "Matthew hyung, you okay? What happened?"

Matthew opens his mouth to speak, but Zhang Hao answers for him. " Qīn'ài de ," Hao turns to Ricky, hand over his mouth like he just witnessed an assassination. It sure felt like one when Matthew had pulled away— it probably killed whatever was left in their friendship, anyway. "They kissed."

Ricky's lips stretch into a thin line, a sigh escaping him before moving over and sitting down next to Matthew, leaning him so his head rests on the blonde's shoulder. For awhile, no one says anything. Matthew's content with the silence, leaning into Ricky's side with Hao's hand rubbing soothing circles into his back.

Finally, Hao speaks up first. "Do you want to talk about it? Fully?"

Matthew thinks about it, but ultimately decides against it. He's tired. Just as he was getting used to how things were, he messed things up— again. How many times was he going to do this?

He doesn't trust his voice to speak. Instead, he simply shakes his head 'no'.

Luckily, Hao seems to understand— he always did. Matthew could fill both of them in on what really happened later. For now, him and Ricky were there to give Matthew the comfort he needed, and it was enough.

Matthew decides to call it a day a little past midnight. He's wrapped up in Zhang Hao's bed, the other two cuddled together in Ricky's on the other side of the room. They've turned off the light a couple seconds ago, but Matthew finds his thoughts too loud for him to be able to sleep.

He tries not to focus on it, but can't help it in the end. The hallway lamp is still on (likely because of the youngest three's antics in ungodly hours), allowing some light to slip through the crack under the door. From here, Matthew can almost clearly see everything; including Ricky's arm thrown across Zhang Hao's waist, pulling them closer together.

At first, Matthew doesn't question it. They're a couple, after all— this kind of stuff was normal. Matthew was the one that had asked to sleep in their room, anyways. Technically, he was a guest, and he had absolutely zero right to be envious. The more he continues to stare, however, the worse it gets.

He turns on his side to hopefully at least catch a minute of sleep, but the image still burns in his head. He remembers when Hanbin would hold him like that; in Boys Planet, where Matthew still hadn't confessed and Hanbin was oblivious about his feelings. When they were preparing for Say My Name, Matthew used to stay up late practicing until as late as four or five in the morning; in the corner, Hanbin always stayed for him, making sure he was never alone. They might've accidentally fallen asleep in the practice room once or twice, but Matthew was content falling asleep in Hanbin's arms.

Now, however, he's not even sure that they'll even say a word to each other the next morning.

Matthew groans (internally), cursing himself for being so quick to throw away years of friendship over some mixed signals, a confession, and one (1) angry kiss. Something had to be wrong with him.

Maybe what he needed was to sleep. Yeah, sleep. And then when Matthew woke up, everything would be fine, him and Hanbin would be best friends again, and he would feel absolutely zero attraction to him whatsoever because they were friends. Friends, nothing more.

Good. Great. That was the plan. Now all there's left to do is sleep.

"Matthew. Matthew-yah," A voice calls. Initially, he thinks its probably the voices in his dreams, so he waves it off. But the more it repeats itself, he realizes that it's literally coming from the other side of the room.

Matthew turns over and opens his eyes. He nearly jumps when Zhang Hao's gaze is already staring him down.

"Holy fuck, hyung. You almost gave me a heart attack."

Hao smiles to himself. "Yeah, I know. Anyways, this isn't going to work."

Matthew's heart freezes in its chest. Were they kicking him out of their room? Did they no longer want him around?

Before his thoughts get to him, Ricky sits up from behind Hao. "Why would you phrase it like that?" He sighs, "Matthew hyung, come over here. Sleep with us."

Hao turns to face Ricky, saying something in Mandarin that Matthew doesn't quite understand. He knows it's something about teasing him and how Ricky 'ruined the fun'—based on the little mini-lessons Ollie used to give him back at Planet Camp. They go back and forth a bit (non heated, but Hao does further prove his habit of dragging out words dramatically) before Ricky ends up rolling his eyes and murmuring out an apology, placing a kiss on Zhang Hao's cheek.

"Yeah," Hao says, back in Korean. "Come here."

Matthew's heart twinges. "Uh, I don't know. I don't want to, like, y'know. Interrupt you guys."

Hao pinches the bridge of his nose, exhaling. "Too bad, don't care. We love you, so let us cuddle you for tonight. We promise you that we don't mind."

Reluctantly, Matthew climbs out from under his covers, confused as to why Zhang Hao was doing the same.

"The middle," Hao points, " In ."

Matthew stops. "Are you sure? Then I'd literally be in between you guys."

This time, Ricky's the one who groans. "Hyung, we already told you. We don't care." He opens his arms, nodding for Matthew to climb in and fill in the space.

Zhang Hao and Ricky both wrap their arms around Matthew once he finally finds the courage to actually make his way across the room. He's glad he did, because he's really about to burst into tears with how loved he feels as he relaxes into their arms.

Maybe things were okay if it stayed like this— just for tonight.

Except it doesn't last for just one night. It goes on for what Matthew wants to say is two at most, but in reality was four. He hasn't really talked to or purposefully/willingly interacted with Hanbin that much since, if he had to be honest. When they coincidentally ended up in the kitchen or even left the dorms at the same time, they just pretended like each other didn't exist. Originally, Matthew didn't want things to go on for this long, but the universe just happened to work that way. Hanbin and Matthew, however, never worked that way, but Matthew supposes there's a first for everything and this was it.

Last night, Zhang Hao kind of had enough of it, though.

"Matthew. It's been four days. Four ," He said from across the room, punctuating each word so Matthew fully understood the depth of what was happening. Ricky was already fast asleep and curled up around Hao when Matthew walked in, so he opted to just sleep on the other bed instead to avoid waking him up.

Matthew knew exactly what Hao was about to say and knew he was right— that's just how he was. The pointed look he gave him that Matthew could even see without his glasses said everything it needed to. "I know," Matthew had let out a shaky sigh, "I can't keep running to you guys instead of talking to him."

"Well, yeah," Hao shrugged, careful to minimize his gestures due to someone behind him, "That's true. I don't really mind you coming here, though. I'm just trying to say I'm bored, to be honest—"

"—Bored? You're telling me you find enjoyment in watching me and Hanbin hyung suffer through our feelings?"

"I mean," Zhang Hao sat up a little and looked Matthew directly in the eyes. "Don't you miss him?"

And Matthew's been thinking about it ever since. He didn't answer then, too stunned and too in shock to say anything back.

Obviously, Matthew did miss Hanbin. Missed his whisker dimples whenever he would laugh at something someone said, missed him poking at his cheeks and calling him 'Seokmae', missed how right their fingers felt intertwined with each other, missed how they used to stay up all night talking to each other about the uncertainties in their future but swore that they would always stick together.

What he didn't miss was the awful feeling he got in his gut whenever he stared at him within the past few days. Hanbin, recently, was always so close yet so far at the same time, like the two of them were magnets repelling each other. Matthew's tried to brush off like simply not talking to Hanbin or interacting with him at all wasn't a big deal, but he can't. The urge to just reach out and feel the touch from him he so desperately craved got harder to suppress, and the absence of the ring on Hanbin's pinky finger became impossible to ignore. The comfort in  playing it safe no longer satisfied him, the feeling of all his pent-up emotions and thoughts getting stronger the longer he waited.

Matthew feels like bashing his head into a wall as he enters the dorm again. He'd gone out for a walk to clear his head, but it really just made things worse. On autopilot, he turns the corner into the hallway, not questioning the fact he hasn't seen anyone. Probably could've just gone to sleep early .

His hand hesitates over the doorknob to Zhang Hao and Ricky's room— it'd mark the fifth day of avoiding him, the fifth day he'd ran away. It was May now, and their break would be over after Friday. If he didn't talk to Hanbin soon, the two of them would be bombarded with preparing for their debut with no time to talk about something as feeble as feelings.

Matthew thinks for a moment before turning the knob, forehead against the door as he moves with it. He couldn't talk to him, not now. He wasn't ready.

"I can't do it," Matthew presses his palms to his eyes after he shuts the door, leaning against it. His head is pounding against his skull. "I don't think I can."

"Do what?" A voice that definitely was not Zhang Hao's or Ricky's responds. Matthew's eyes shoot open.

It's Hanbin. Hanbin's patiently watching him, sat on Ricky's bed with his legs hanging off the mattress and everything. He's not smiling, not wearing that stupid smirk he wears when he's flirting. He looks genuinely concerned, gaze softened and eyebrows knitted together in a way that has Matthew's knees weak and it makes him want to die.

Naturally, Matthew spins around and starts banging on the door when it doesn't seem to budge.

"Hao hyung! Ricky-ah!" He yells, "I swear to fucking god if you guys don't stop pulling on the door knob—"

"Matthew!" Hanbin calls from behind him, yelling equally as loud, "Matthew, Seokmae-yah, we need to talk—!"

Matthew continues to beat the shit out of the door, whining. No way this was going to happen. "No! I don't want to- I mean, I do, but not! Right! Now !"

He blinks. Blinks and he's spun around, back against the door with his wrists on both sides of his head. Hanbin stares back at him, determination on his face. "Matthew, we can't keep avoiding this."

Suppressing the urge to say another 'I don't want to', he closes his eyes and nods, defeated. Hanbin drops his wrists and walks back over to where he was sitting, Matthew following suit. It's difficult to speak and Matthew even resists the urge to be within more than a foot of Hanbin's space. It feels like things are back at square one again; like they're still standing in the doorway of their room, staring at the singular bed off towards the side and wondering how this was going to work. Or even before that, when Hanbin and Matthew bowed to each other for the first time and introduced themselves in the Cube practice room.

Matthew gets kind of tired of staring down at his own hands, so he redirects his eyes to Hanbin's instead. He's biting his lip, playing with the ring on his pinky that Matthew hasn't seen him wear in days. A bit of hope swells up in his chest, that the universe might actually be on his side for once. Quickly, he pushes it down, knowing that he'll definitely be crying for days on end if he hopes for too much.

Hanbin makes a noise in his throat and Matthew's eyes immediately snap back up to his face. "I- um," He starts suddenly, stammering a little. On instinct, Matthew's hand twitches to reach out and grab the older's, but he restrains himself. "I basically.. uh. You know... ugh, I'm sorry. I don't know why it's so hard for me to say this but," He sighs, dragging a hand down his face, "I missed you, Matthew." His voice is barely above a whisper.

Well, fuck. Here it goes. Matthew has to squeeze his eyes shut again to stop himself from bursting out into tears for the second (realistically, probably the fifteenth) time that week. He hasn't heard that sentence ever since they were preparing for the first mission and Hanbin had crawled up into his bunk, clearly as tired of the whole K vs G shit as he was back then because they weren't able to see each other as often. Now, they saw each other everyday, and it carried a different meaning than it did six months ago.

"You did?" Is all that pops up into Matthew's brain and he's not sure if he trusts himself to say anything other than that. He's surprised, actually, that Hanbin was even capable of being drawn to Matthew as opposed to wanting to stay away from him after everything that happened.

Hanbin nods without missing a beat. "I don't think there was a way where I couldn't," he admits, finally looking up from his hands to meet Matthew's eyes and the younger's breath hitches. His eyes are glossy, so filled with sincerity and care that for the fifth time within a minute or two, Matthew feels weak. "I know all of this is my fault. I made things awkward, I didn't give you an answer after you confessed, then I just randomly started acting all flirty around you and now we're not talking again— I've never messed up this bad. Especially not with someone I care about."

Matthew ignores the way his heart swells at the last line. "What are you talking about? If I hadn't confessed or kissed you, then none of this would be happening."

"Not true," A smile tugs at the ends of Hanbin's lips now, "I'm glad both of those happened."

Matthew freezes. Pinches himself. Makes sure he's hearing things right. Keeps himself from jumping up and down in pure joy. "What?"

Hanbin giggles, easily one of the best sounds to ever bless planet Earth. "I owe you an explanation," he scoots closer to Matthew, taking his hand.

"You do," Matthew pouts, but he's always willing to listen to Hanbin.

"Seokmae-yah," Hanbin begins, drawing in a breath. Things are suddenly serious; Matthew can't help but feel extremely mortified for what he's about the say next. Already, he feels his entire world crashing down— his heart's beating out of his chest, Hanbin's touch on his hand igniting a small fire under his skin. Matthew senses that Hanbin's going to speak again, so he braces himself. Puts back up the walls before they get broken through.

That could've never prepared him for what he said.

Matthew swears, swears on his life, that Hanbin did not just say the same exact words Matthew said after the finale back to him.

"Hyung," Matthew says, tone guarded, forcing his ears to stay its normal color and for the heat to at least take a short delay before reaching his cheeks, "This isn't a prank again, right?"

Hanbin lets out another laugh, this time with so much raw emotion in it and Matthew hates that his eyes are glistening with tears, "No. No, it isn't, Matthew-yah. The reason why I didn't answer right away was because I.. I was confused. I didn't know I liked you until I went to Zhang Hao hyung when we moved in and—"

"—Wait. You went to Hao hyung?"

Slowly, Hanbin nods. Matthew groans.

"Is that bad?" Hanbin tilts his head, clueless and Matthew fights the urge to kiss him, "If it makes it better, Yujin was also in the room when I was, uh, talking to him. He said that I should drop 'signals', so.."

Seemingly, it just gets progressively worse as he goes on. "Hyung, that's even worse," Matthew snorts, resting his head on Hanbin's shoulder. "So Yujin's the reason why you started flirting with me?"

Hanbin nods again. Matthew was  so  going to restrict his Mario Kart privileges later.

They sit in comfortable silence for a few moments, basking in each other's presence. For the first time in awhile, everything feels right.

Matthew still feels a little empty, so he tugs on one of Hanbin's fingers and turns his head to look up at him. "Hyung."

"Hm?" He hums, resting their foreheads together. Matthew feels like he's on Cloud 9, and he never wants to get down.

"This is the part where we kiss, right?" The younger teases, a surge of confidence flowing through his veins again. "Without any anger or pent-up sexual tension?"

Hanbin scoffs, pulling away for a second. " Pent up sexual tension ?" He echoes, laughing. His whisker dimples make a surprise appearance, and Matthew thinks he's falling in love all over again. "Seriously?"

Matthew just shrugs, feigning innocence. "Is it?" He asks again, wrapping his arms around Hanbin's neck and tilting his head, taunting the other.

Eventually, Hanbin gives in. He shakes his head, a huge grin on his face. "Whatever, come here."

Matthew leans in close, fluttering his eyes shut. Hanbin closes the distance and the rest is history.

,

As expected, Hanbin and Matthew are nearly impossible to separate after that.

Tonight's the first night ever since they moved in that Matthew's really slept in his own room (he's already written apologizes to Zhang Hao and Ricky). Honestly, he's not sure why he avoided it in the first place because he feels fucking amazing .

They've just gotten back from yet another surprise schedule (that wasn't really that long, anyways). Hanbin immediately dragged him back to their room the second their manager finished swiping their dorm key into the card reader, not that Matthew was really complaining. They're cuddled up on their bed, limbs tangled and fingers intertwined and life is great.

"Seokmae," Hanbin says suddenly, playing with Matthew's fingers. Matthew feels his words vibrate against his back from where he's laying with his head on his chest. He's not paying that much attention to anything else other than Hanbin's fingers threading through his hair, so he opts to hum so the older knows he's listening. "Our break ends tomorrow," Hanbin whispers.

"Mm. I know." As if it was even possible, Matthew snuggles closer, heartbeat pounding in his ears. No matter how many times they do this, he doubts he'll ever stop smiling like an idiot whenever it happens.

Out of nowhere, Hanbin turns to press a kiss to the tip of his nose. Matthew blinks, confused, turning around so they're no longer spooning. Hanbin has the biggest, fondest grin on his face and Matthew melts .

"What?" He pouts, getting even more embarrassed when Hanbin starts laughing.

"Nothing," Hanbin swears, still chuckling. "I'm just happy. Really happy."

Matthew giggles, face nuzzling into the crook of Hanbin's neck. Tomorrow, everything would change— they'd record their debut album, Hanbin would record his solo, and the nine of them would practice their first ever choreography as a group. They spent years and months dreaming of their debut together, talking about everything and anything under the moonlight until either of them fell asleep. When Cube's plans for a new boy group fell through, Matthew thought he'd never meet Hanbin under the same circumstances again and kissed those dreams goodbye. Now, however—

"Hyung?"

"Yeah?"

Matthew pauses, a little deep in thought before smiling, content. Happy. Safe. "I'm glad I made it with you."

Hanbin's grin only grows wider and Matthew wonders if he was a saint in his past life to deserve someone like him. He leans in to press a soft, lingering kiss to Matthew's lips because he doesn't need to say anything back— Matthew just knows. It's a feeling they've grown accustomed to over the years, being able to communicate without words.

Buzz.  Both of their phones go off at the same time, pulling them out of their bubble.

Hanbin breaks the kiss, reaching over for his phone on the nightstand to read the notification and Matthew whines from the loss of contact.

"It's Keita. He says we're eating out for dinner," Hanbin puts down his phone, going back to cuddling the younger.

Matthew groans, not wanting to leave Hanbin's embrace. "We have to? I don't wanna."

Hanbin chuckles, pressing a final kiss to Matthew's forehead before getting up and stretching. "I know, I know. Don't want to keep everyone waiting though," He teases, holding out his hand to help Matthew up as well. Matthew takes it, but lets go as soon as he's standing and runs out the door. His cheeks start to hurt from laughing so much as Hanbin chases him through the dorm, even as Yujin confusedly watches and Seowon starts giggling along with him.

He is so, so fucking happy.

,

Two months fly by and it's July. Zhang Hao catches Matthew twenty minutes before they go onstage for their debut showcase, coming up behind him after Matthew finishes talking to a manager.

"Guess what?" Hao has the old mischievous smirk he always had when he was about to tease him, like he's back in middle school and he just found out someone had a crush on his best friend.

But Matthew's too happy and too lost in the euphoria of everything that he doesn't catch it. "Mm? What?" He responds, clearly oblivious and unable to wipe the huge grin off his face. Who wouldn't? He was debuting in less than an hour .

Hao simply shrugs, like whatever he was about to say was completely nothing and that he shouldn't worry about it. Just a little comment, a little information. "Oh, nothing. Just that I heard someone's waiting for you over by the wings and you should totally go and see him. That's all."

Like Matthew's heart hasn't been through enough recently (he should probably get it checked out at this point), it skips a beat. Without words, he already knows who's waiting for him. Knows who's awaiting Matthew's brown, fluffy hair to appear around the corner. Knows who's going to squeeze the lungs out of him in a hug the second their eyes meet.

His brain reacts on autopilot and before his body can catch up, his feet are already making its way to the wings of the stage.

A couple of twists and turns later, he finds Hanbin peeking at the audience. Now, he's seen Hanbin nearly every day of his life since 2019, but he never fails to take Matthew's breath away. The fluorescent light from the stage cascades on each individual strand of his hair and illuminates his facial features— to Matthew, he shines brighter than ever. He's gazing out into the crowd with stars in his eyes, adoration and awe swimming in his irises and there's not one second where the latter doesn't think that Hanbin deserved every single bit of this.

He doesn't realize that he's been staring until Hanbin turns to look at him, smiling so hard his dimples make another comeback. Matthew loves when they appear. "Seokmae, isn't it rude to stare?" He teases, but Matthew knows he's just as happy to see him as he was.

"Hyung!" Matthew feels the ends of his own lips start curve— Hanbin's happiness was infectious. In fact, so infectious that Matthew runs up and practically jumps on him, hugging him. "You wanted to see me?"

Before Matthew can even comprehend much of what's going on, Hanbin tilts his head and captures his lips in a kiss. Stunned (but extremely delighted), Matthew lets himself unwind a bit and kisses him back just as eager, giggling through it. It's soft yet passionate, calm yet full of emotion and tastes faintly like white chocolate; Matthew thinks its absolutely perfect.

Hanbin pulls away a little, just enough for the two of them to be able to look at each other. For a few seconds, he doesn't say anything, just looks at Matthew like he single-handedly placed and hung every little star in the universe, and he shone the biggest out of all of them.

Matthew feels a little flustered, and ultimately can't help bursting into another fit of laughter. "What?"

Hanbin's laughing too, now. "Nothing, nothing. I just wanted to see you," He brings his hand up to cup Matthew's cheek, the younger leaning into the touch. Slowly, again, Hanbin's lips stretch wide into another grin.

There's billions of smiles in the world, but Hanbin's will always be Matthew's favorite. They say a smile is always the doing of the eyes, beginning in the look that comes across his face whenever he sees something funny or endearing. They open, expanding before ultimately disappearing and minimizing to half crescents as he laughs. Hanbin's smile, Matthew thinks, is constantly equipped with a Cupid's bow; somehow, Matthew finds himself falling deeper and deeper in love whenever he sees it.

"Matthew," Hanbin says, soft spoken, for only the two of them to hear even while out of the audience's sight. "I love you. I love you so, so much," he laughs like he's about to burst into tears, "I know you hear me say it everyday, but it's just, I can't help it. I feel so lucky to be here with you right now, about to debut right by your side—"

"Hyung," Matthew laughs at the sudden declaration, holding the hand on his cheek. It's a little bit of a moment of deja vu, this time with Hanbin doing the confessing instead of Matthew. It's funny how the universe worked, for fate to be constantly having the two of them meet; as Cube trainees, as the top two contestants on a survival show, as members in the same group. Part of him wonders if the two of them were tethered together by an invisible string and couldn't be separated.

Matthew's gaze softens as he looks Hanbin in the eye— his biggest supporter, his best friend, his lover, his everything . Quietly, softly, Matthew replies;

"I love you too. More than anything else, ever."

Faintly, a staff member calls out in the background, pulling them back into reality.  Five minutes until debut .

Matthew interlaces their hands together, taking in a deep breath to a new beginning, a new chapter. "Stay by my side?"

Hanbin gives his hand a squeeze, nodding.

"Always."