Work Text:
He was numb inside. He had been for a while. He could barely feel his feet as they walked over the gravely street. He tuned out his mind as it screamed at him to stop. His phone has long since been turned on silence, quieting the constant, high pitched noises of his members’ concerns.
He kept walking, his muscle memory doing all the work. He traveled on and on down the city road, towards the quiet ledge he knew oh so well. Certain places faintly stained with crimson, a mark of Jisung himself. No matter how many times the city cleaned the ground, the slight stain of red will forever be there.
He couldn’t feel anything when he reached down towards his pocket like he had done so many times before. His mind empty of emotions, as he watched the liquid streaks of red fall down his arms.
He had cut deeper this time.
He had meant to.
He hadn’t turned off the vibrate on his phone, it going off constantly still. With the occasion long buzz, indicating a call. It was his members, most likely panicking after reading his note. The note he left on the counter before he “went out for a relaxing coffee break.”
He didn’t feel any pang of regret as he saw the black spots enter his vision, as his legs fell to the ground, losing all the strength. He expected to feel some sadness, as he felt his heart slow, but he only felt numbness. With the slight feeling of happiness. Knowing that his members would be better off now.
They would be some much happier without the added stress of Jisung’s declining abilities to do anything right. They might not think so at first, convinced that Jisung is a major part of their lives, but Jisung knows that they will be better without him.
He know that, and that comforts him as he can feel his heavily eyelids finally close, his loudly beating heart slowly start to decrease, and blood start to deep into his clothes. He knows, deep down, that he was never meant to live. That he was a mistake, that he tools someone else’s opportunity to live.
So he smiles slightly, as he drifts into his final, deep sleep. He’s in the right place now.