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Virgil stared down at his shaking hands. He hated this. Roman needed him. Well, not necessarily "need," but it was important to him. Roman had won an acting award for his most recent project. The award ceremony was tonight, and Virgil had promised he would come. He was dressed and ready to go. Roman was outside waiting for him. He just couldn't get himself out the door. The more he thought about what that entailed, the worse he felt. The venue wasn't large, but lots of people were invited. It would be loud. And hot. And stuffy. There would be lots of cameras and flashing lights. People would judge him for what he was wearing, how he was acting, everything. The attention would be on Roman, which meant much of it would also be on Virgil since he would be next to him. He couldn't do this.
He wished he wasn't like this. How hard was it to go out for one night without freaking out? Would he always be like this? He didn't know if he could handle that. Even if he mustered up the energy to go out tonight, there would always be situations like this. He didn't think he'd be able to push through every time. But he needed to. At least for tonight. Roman was out there waiting for him. Tonight was Roman's night. He wanted to be there to support him.
Virgil breathed in deeply. He thought back to some of the grounding exercises his therapist had taught him. He could do this. He pushed off the couch and was out the door before he could second-guess himself.
Roman was leaning against his car in the driveway. When he saw Virgil leave the house, he walked to the passenger side and opened the door for him. "I was worried you weren't coming." The words were said in a teasing way, but Virgil could hear the slight hint of actual concern behind them.
"Anxiety," Virgil said in explanation, getting into the car. "Thank you," he added before Roman shut the door. Roman walked to his side and got in.
"Of course, love," Roman said. "If your anxiety is too bad, we can always stay home. You're more important to me than some dumb award."
"No, I want to go. And I know you do too. I can't let my anxiety get in the way of living my life."
"Thank you, Virge." Roman took Virgil's hand in his and kissed the back of it. "I'll be with you the whole night. If it gets too much, just let me know, and I can make an excuse for us to leave."
Virgil nodded in thanks. He wished the words would make the anxiety any easier to deal with, but he knew that wasn't the case. A few words wouldn't cause his anxiety to evaporate, no matter how much he wished they would. He was terrified that he would always be this way and that nothing would improve. But he couldn't live his life in fear. The most he can count on is doing his best to find peace and happiness despite it.