Work Text:
Alex is sitting at their kitchen table, nursing a cup of coffee, trying to wake himself up to no avail. He’s exhausted, he’s only slept for three hours last night, working on a deposition for his internship at one of the most hard-ass law firms in New York. He worked hard to get there, and he’s kinda, sorta maybe hoping for a job offer at the end of his internship. He’s been working nonstop. He’s allowed to be tired.
Henry’s right in front of him, standing at the stove making what smells like scrambled eggs and bacon. Alex is too out of it to be sure. It smells amazing, though. Henry is watching the pan with concentration resembling a surgeon waiting to make the first incision. It’s adorable.
Henry’s eyes are trained on the stove and Alex takes that moment to openly stare at his best friend. Fucking sue him. He knows the crush he is harboring will bite him in the ass one day, but right now he doesn’t care. Right now, he can feel his heart skip a beat at the sight Henry makes first thing in the morning.
His usually perfectly combed, sandy hair is sticking up in random places and Alex’s hand almost burns with how much he wants to run his fingers through it. Henry’s wearing a t-shirt two sizes too big. If Alex ended up wearing it one day, he would drown in it, his mind unhelpfully supplies. So what if he’s imagined sharing clothes with Henry on more than one occasion. He’s only human.
Henry making a humming noise brings Alex back to the present for a second. His eyes flicker to Henry’s face, and his heart skips a beat again. How fucking embarrassing. Alex can feel a fond smile stretching his lips without his conscious permission. He lets himself rest his chin on his palm and openly ogle Henry some more.
The thing is, Alex knows he is in love with Henry. He knows it’s not just a crush. He fell in love with Henry’s remarkably big heart, dry wit, and the vulnerability that Henry no longer tries to hide around Alex. Alex is not exaggerating when he says that Henry is his favorite person in the world. He would yell it from the rooftops if he could. It should be humiliating how in love he is.
Henry’s an amazing person and Alex would give his right arm for Henry to love him back. It won’t happen. He knows that. Just because Henry’s gay doesn’t mean he is interested in Alex. Quite the contrary, Alex has seen Henry go out with a few guys the last couple of months. It always ended after the first date, though. Henry never really offered any explanation and Alex didn’t dare ask why. He didn’t want to get his hopes up.
So yeah, of course, Henry is an incredible person. But he is also really fucking attractive, and it’s during moments like this when Alex is struck by how fucking beautiful his best friend is. The way the light in the kitchen is hitting his fucking ridiculous cheekbones just right takes Alex’s breath away. He wraps his hand more firmly around his mug so that he doesn’t do something stupid like reach out to touch them. Henry’s eyes are so fucking soft and so fucking blue in the morning light that Alex wants to scream. And his lips? If Alex had a way with words, the way Henry so clearly does, he would write poems about those lips. They’re full and so fucking pink. Right now they’re being pursed in concentration and Alex is overwhelmed by the urge to get up and kiss Henry senseless. To see if his ridiculously full lips are as soft as they look. He wants to sink his teeth into Henry’s bottom lip, he realizes.
“Almost done,” Henry turns to him with a soft smile and Alex startles so bad he almost spills his coffee. His face flushes at having been caught staring. He prays to whoever is listening that Henry doesn’t notice. Jesus Christ, he needs to get a grip.
It doesn’t stop him from staring at Henry some more. He genuinely doesn’t know what the fuck is wrong with him this morning. He is not usually like this. He’s never had such a visceral need to kiss Henry before. Sure, he’s compelled to do it almost always these days. But it’s the first time it had manifested as a physical need.
“Here you go,” Henry says sliding a plate in front of Alex. Alex didn’t even notice him move.
“Thank you,” Alex squeaks. Fucking embarrassing.
Henry gives him another one of his shy smiles that drive Alex insane. Alex’s gaze lingers on his lips again before it fixes somewhere over Henry’s shoulder. Good. This is safe.
Alex lets Henry take over the talking for once and absentmindedly registers Henry telling him about visiting the shelter today to do some paperwork and spend some time with one of the kids that showed up there recently. He’s very pointedly not looking at Henry’s cheekbones when he hears him chuckle.
“Wow, you’re really out of it today, aren’t you, love?” Henry sounds fond, and that combined with the pet name sends Alex’s heart into override yet again.
“I, uh,” he says eloquently. His face is on fire again. He’s never been this fucking uncool in front of anyone he liked. Henry’s made him stupid. Rude.
“Are you okay?” Henry asks, and he sounds concerned now.
“Yeah!” he says way too loudly. Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with him today? “Yeah,” he continues in a normal tone, “I’m just not awake yet, I guess, H. Don’t worry.”
“I always worry about you,” Henry says like the fucking saint he is. Alex can’t help the dopey smile that blooms on his face.
Alex wills his brain to come back online as they eat, but it’s impossible today. He’s still sleepy as fuck and way too busy daydreaming about Henry’s lips on his to properly focus on anything else. He’s starting to wonder if this condition is fucking chronic or maybe even terminal.
Henry’s sipping his tea now, wrapping both his hands around the mug for extra warmth and Alex can’t help but smile again. Everything Henry does makes him feel some kind of emotion. It’s stupid, and embarrassing, and he really, really needs to go to work. He’s almost late. Alex suspects that telling his boss that he’s late today of all days, just because he was too busy dreaming about kissing his roommate, wouldn’t really be met with much understanding.
He gets up and moves to grab their plates when Henry grabs his wrist to stop him.
“I’ll take care of it, Alex. You should already be on your way, darling.”
“Fuck, thank you, you’re a lifesaver, Hen,” he says as he closes the small distance between them and places a faint kiss on Henry’s lips.
His lips are soft and Alex melts into it for a second before pulling away. He bumps their noses together for good measure before stepping back and grabbing his bag from the chair. When he turns back to look at Henry, he’s still standing still, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open. Alex can even see a dark flush starting to spread over his face. It looks cute. Alex wishes he could–
Oh.
Oh shit.
Fucking goddamn shit.
He just kissed Henry. Fuck.
Alex can feel all the blood draining from his face. Suddenly he feels lightheaded, and not in a fun way. Henry is still standing there, looking at Alex with so much confusion and something else that Alex can’t name in his wide eyes.
“I. I’m – fuck. Uh,” Alex doesn’t know what to say to salvage this. He feels, embarrassingly enough, like he might cry. He probably just destroyed their friendship beyond repair.
“Alex,” Henry finally, finally squeaks out, but he’s interrupted by Alex’s shrilling ringtone he reserves for his work calls.
“Fuck, I gotta go. Sorry,” and with that he runs through the door like a coward.
He picks up the phone and tells Zahra, his internship handler at the firm, that he will be there soon when she very pointedly asks why he’s not there yet. His phone chimes with three new text by the time he makes it to the subway. They’re all from Henry. He doesn’t dare open them.
He doesn’t remember his commute to work. This day would be just perfect if he was fired from his internship too.
He steps into Zahra’s office as soon as he gets to the building. Obviously, she isn’t happy that Alex late, but he must look really terrible, because as soon as she takes one look at him, something in her eyes softens. That just doesn’t happen. Ever. It’s kinda terrifying.
He apologizes for being late and his voice only breaks a little. She waves him off, saying it’s fine as long as it’s the last time, and tells him to get the fuck to work.
Predictably, he doesn’t get much work done. He can’t focus on anything, his mind replaying this morning over and over again. Truth be told, he’s terrified. If he had just ruined his friendship with Henry he might cry. Well, scratch that. He will definitely cry. He doesn’t know how to make this situation better. If he hadn’t ran off this morning, but stayed and turned it into a joke, he might have had a chance. But now? With how fast he ran out of there, stumbling both over his words and his legs? With now six unanswered texts from Henry? Henry will never believe that it meant nothing to him.
Alex knows Henry won’t be cruel about it. Henry could never be cruel. He’s going to let him down gently, but the things between them will turn awkward. Soon, the awkwardness will be too hard to bear, their previous easy camaraderie forgotten, and Alex will have to leave. He will have destroyed one of the most important relationships in his life. All because his stupid brain got the best of him. He has to bite his lips because his eyes are starting to sting.
His coworkers keep shooting him concerned looks. Fucking Hunter is shooting him concerned looks. Finally, after three hours of him staring at his monitor without really seeing anything, Zahra shows up at his desk. He gulps.
“Alex. Follow me,” she says and turns around to walk into her office. He gets up on shaky legs and follows her.
For the second time this morning he finds himself staring at her over the big, glass desk, hoping he won’t do something embarrassing like cry. He opens his mouth to apologize again, maybe ask for another chance, but Zahra beats him to it.
“Alex, you’re not really here today,” she says with a careful expression, “take the day off.”
Immediately, Alex feels panic surge through him. “I’m sorry,” he manages to get out. “It won’t happen again. I swear. I worked really hard to be here and I swear I’m not taking it lightly, and–”
“Alex. Calm down. I’m not firing you. I know you work hard,” she says not unkindly. He tries to take a calming breath, but feels like he might throw up. “You’re allowed to have a bad day.”
He thinks he manages to nod. He realizes he can barely see Zahra’s reaction through the tears gathering in his eyes. Jesus, this is such a clusterfuck. Alex is terrified that he might have just fucked up his entire career at the firm by being an overemotional disaster who can’t do anything right, when Zahra speaks again.
“Alex. Your internship is coming to an end,” she says carefully. Alex can feel his heart in his throat. “We weren’t going to tell you anything until after it ended, but right now I think you might need to hear it. We want to offer you a permanent placement. You’ve done tremendous work here, you little shit. You don’t need to look so scared.”
Alex releases a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. A traitorous stray tear escapes his eye and he wipes it furiously.
“I’m – thank you. I swear I’m not normally like this,” he sniffs. Loudly. “I’m just having a really fucking awful day – I mean, shit. Sorry. Fuck,” he runs his hand over his face. He really should just keep quiet. Might save him some face.
Inexplicably, Zahra fucking chuckles. “I know you’re not normally like this, Alex. You’ve been working here for over six months. You’re allowed to have an off day,” she says again. “Go home. Take the rest of the day off. Fix whatever needs fixing or just have a good fucking cry if you can’t. When you come here tomorrow, we’ll talk about that job offer.”
“I – thank you. Really, Zahra. Thank you.”
“Get out of here, you little shit. I don’t want to see you until tomorrow morning. 8 a.m. sharp.” He nods and closes the door behind him.
Alex goes back to his desk, packs his bag and heads for the elevator. Finally he fishes his phone out of his pocket and sees all the messages Henry’s left him. He takes a deep breath and opens them.
Hen 😊
Alex?
Alex.
Alex, can we please talk? Can you call me during your lunch break?
Okay, after some careful reconsideration, I’m aware that it probably sounded ominous. Don’t go worrying.
I’ll stay in today, so please call me whenever you have time.
Alex?
Are you okay?
Please, answer me. I just want to know you’re okay.
I’ll be waiting for you to get home from work, darling.
Henry never texts him this much. Sure, they text a lot. But usually when Alex doesn’t answer because he’s in one of his work binges Henry just sends him one text and waits for Alex to get back to him.
Yet, the messages give Alex some hope. Maybe he hadn’t fucked up completely. Maybe their friendship is still salvageable.
Somehow he makes it home in record time. It’s noon, but Henry’s home, just as he promised. He gets up from the couch the second Alex closes the door behind him.
“Alex. You’re home early. Is – are you…” he trails off. He looks… messy. Agitated. Like he’s spent the last three hours running his fingers through his hair and worrying his bottom lip.
“I got sent home. I couldn’t get anything done,” he admits.
“Are you – you didn’t get fired, did you?” Henry sounds really worried now.
“Uh, no. I uh, I think they gave me a mental health day,” Alex chuckles humorlessly. He keeps standing there awkwardly in the middle of the room. Might as well rip the band aid off. “We should probably talk.”
“We don’t have to do it now, you can rest first, and –”
“Henry, please,” his voice comes out begging. “I won’t be able to fucking think if we don’t talk now. I feel like I’m going to puke,” he admits bitterly.
“Okay,” Henry looks like he wants to reach out to him, but he’s afraid he might spook him. “Shall we sit down?” he gestures to the couch. Alex follows him obediently. “Should I start, because –”
“I’m sorry,” Alex blurts out. “I didn’t think. I didn’t realize what I had done until it was too late. I’m really sorry, Hen. I know you didn’t sign up for this. It won’t happen again, I swear. It was a temporary lapse in judgement. I promise I will never throw myself at you again, I will control myself.”
He’s breathing heavily, like he’s just ran a marathon. He doesn’t dare look at Henry.
“What do you mean ‘you will control yourself,’ Alex?” Henry asks in a small voice.
“You know what I mean, Henry,” Alex is very pointedly staring at his shoes.
“I think I really need you to say it, Alex. Please,” Henry sounds so vulnerable and small that Alex turns to look at him. He thinks he might see hope on Henry’s face, but it’s probably just wishful thinking.
“I will control myself and won’t kiss you again, no matter how badly I want to,” Alex grits out. “I’ll get over my feelings, I swear. It doesn’t have to change anything.”
“Feelings?” Henry’s voice comes out high.
“I mean, come on, it’s pretty obvious now that I’m in love with you, isn’t it?” Alex chuckles humorlessly.
“Oh, thank God,” Henry says and suddenly his lips are on Alex’s for the second time today. Alex’s brain shortcircuits.
Alex melts into the kiss and finally, finally lets his fingers tangle in Henry’s hair. It earns him a soft moan that makes Alex shiver all over. He goes to deepen the kiss, but Henry pulls away gently.
“Alex, love. You should know. I love you, too. I’ve been in love with you for years,” Henry laughs. His smile is wide and his cheeks are red. He looks so fucking beautiful.
His confession makes Alex’s heart beat erratically. Henry loves him. He returns his feelings. Alex didn’t fuck up.
“Yeah?”
“Yes. When you kissed me this morning I couldn’t believe it. That’s why I didn’t say anything. I was worried you would think it was a mistake,” Alex tries to protest, but Henry shushes him. “But then you ran off, and you didn’t answer any of my texts and I knew you were freaking out. It gave me hope that maybe you loved me too.”
“I do. Fuck, I do. I love you so much,” Alex kisses him again. He can feel Henry smile into it.
Suddenly, Alex is so goddamn giddy he has to pull away. He smiles broadly at Henry. Henry smiles back. He looks happy. It’s a good look on him.
“Have you eaten?” Henry asks. Always so goddamn nurturing.
“I wasn’t exactly thinking about food, while I was freaking out,” Alex snarks back.
“Do you want to go out to eat? Make use of your special day off?”
“Like a date?” Alex doesn’t even try not to sound hopeful.
“Yes, love. A date. What do you say?”
“Lead the way.”