Chapter Text
Millions and millions of years ago, from light and dust the sun was created.
Floating across the vastness of space, a divine body blessed with the curse of enabling life, all alone in its glory and gleam.
Slowly, a parade accompanied: planets, the moon— the Earth.
Even then, it was the fate of the sun to shine in solitude.
Steady as it brings day without fail, reliable as it gives place to the stars and lights the moon to guide the night. It is the axis, it is the base and the pillar, and as such it must remain unchanged.
It was the fate of its God to be the same.
. . .
Mafuyu didn't dream.
His sleep was always quiet, blank in an endless void of black— he supposed that was the normal, no deity could be fully unconscious to the point of dreaming.
Mafuyu wished he could dream, though. Maybe in his dreams he could fix things.
He opened his eyes to the empty bedroom. He didn't know what time it was, but did it really matter? It probably didn't. Mafuyu sighed as he caught a glimpse of last night on a table under the window: a bouquet, perfect white chrysanthemums and marigolds beside a neatly folded white envelope, delivered to his house in the hands of a stranger.
He'd opened the envelope yesterday, scanned over the easily recognizable handwriting in ink: "I know they're your favorites." it read. It wasn't signed, but he knew who it was from the countless other times it had happened before.
Mafuyu sighed again, untangling his limbs from the silk sheets and stretching under the morning sun.
The knock on the door made him jump.
"Come in!" he answered, quickly straightening his appearance.
A black-haired girl opened the door carefully, bowing politely, "Forgive me for the intrusion, but Athena has been waiting for you at the library for quite a while. It was requested of me that I warn you."
Mafuyu blinks, "Is it that late already?"
"Later than usual, yes." She agrees, finally looking up instead of bowing, "You didn't have any matters to solve or attend to in the morning, so there is nothing to worry about."
"Thank you, Waka-san." Mafuyu said, "I'll be going out in a bit."
Waka hesitated, frowning and taking in a breath like she was about to ask something… then she nodded without a word and bowed before leaving with resignation.
Waka was a great assistant. Mafuyu had no complaints about the centuries they had spent working together, but she did worry a lot. It made him feel guilty in a way, especially after they formed a tranquil friendship that made her worries about him seem to duplicate. He hated worrying people, the worst part of it is that he knew he did it rather often.
Mafuyu sighed deeply for the third time that morning, accepting that this was going to be one of those days.
He left minutes later, walking in a bee line to Athena’s library. The buzz and noise from the Olympus in the late morning was familiar, but the bright light reflecting off the tall marble and gold buildings was still a quiet bother. Mafuyu answered to good morning wishes on the street half heartedly and part of him just wished he could drop everything and flee to Earth- to a place where he could pretend his current predicament wasn't real.
The heavy wooden doors to the library were another thing Mafuyu was familiar with, along with the grand stairs and neat corridors that got him to yet another pair of wooden doors, smaller this time. He knocked and waited a few seconds before a muffled voice shouted a welcome and he made his way in.
The office was moderately sized. There was a big shelf of books that covered the entire wall behind a fancy desk that held even more books and papers, scrolls and pens. There was a low table in the center displaying platters of fruit and ambrosia. At the end of it, looking straight into Mafuyu’s soul with sharp eyes that still managed to look caring, was Athena.
“Good morning! You’re late.” he said, not accusingly but clearly asking for an explanation.
“Sorry, Haruki-san.” Mafuyu apologized, sitting down at the other end of the table. “I didn’t sleep really well.”
Haruki smiled softly, “May I know why? You’re rarely late without an early warning, so I got a bit worried.”
Mafuyu stayed quiet in thought. He grabbed a plate of fruit and fidgeted with it rather than actually eating. Haruki eyed him carefully, waiting for a response that never came. The silence stretched until it almost became uncomfortable.
Haruki straightened his posture, “Did it happen again?” he asked as carefully as he could.
Mafuyu didn’t need to answer as his shoulders stiffened and his eyes went trained to the ground and told Haruki everything he needed to know.
“With a bouquet?”
Mafuyu gulped, “White chrysanthemums and marigolds.”
“Again?!” Haruki exclaimed, exasperated, “You don’t even like them anymore.”
“I suppose he doesn’t know that.” He muttered.
Haruki frowned, “Mafuyu… You know you need to talk to him, he can’t keep standing you up like that. He doesn’t even apologize properly anymore!”
“You know Yuki is busy, it’s not his fault.” Mafuyu argued tiredly, if felt like he had had this exact same conversation with Haruki a thousand times.
“So are you, Mafuyu. You still make time for him regardless of schedule.”
“But he’s busier.”
“You know that’s not true-”
“Haruki-san,” Mafuyu called, finally looking up, “Can we please not talk about this again first thing in the morning.”
Haruki hesitated. He knew pressing would only stress the younger god further, but this situation had been getting dragged on for long enough- almost a century, to be exact. Even if time could be a bit of a blur amongst immortals, a hundred years of slow decay in a relationship certainly would weigh on anyone’s shoulders. He could see such weight on Mafuyu’s as he sighed at Haruki’s silence and kept poking green grapes instead of eating them.
“Do you know if he’s still here?” Haruki insisted.
Mafuyu nodded weakly, “He left yesterday. I think he comes back in two days but has to leave almost right away again."
“Will you talk to him then?”
Mafuyu shifted uncomfortably, thinking for a few seconds before answering a bit annoyed, “You know that doesn't really work, I don't even know what to say.”
"It has to work, Mafuyu." Haruki corrected, "Communication is the base for all relationships. Speak from the heart, isn't that the source of your emotions?"
Mafuyu clicked his tongue, mostly in annoyance towards himself. He had been trying, but it's difficult to speak to someone who isn't even there in the first place. Moreover, he struggled to find the courage to show such negative feelings to someone else– especially Yuki.
"I'll… try." And it probably won't work, he thought.
Haruki smiled at him, “Good. Now eat, I don’t want you to be the first god to die of inanition.”
“We can’t die of inanition.”
“Eat.”
Mafuyu smiled weakly, starting to properly eat from his plate before Haruki jumped across the table and shoved the bunch of grapes on his face.
Haruki was a good friend. He was incredibly busy as Athena, but still took time to meet Mafuyu at least once a week for breakfast or dinner. Mafuyu knew he cared, he also knew the chances of the god of wisdom giving him bad relationship advice were low (not to say inexistent) but part of him still wanted to believe it wasn’t as bad as it seemed- part of him had hope. Granted it was hope that could come off as foolish, and that hindered itself smaller with each bouquet and neat envelope delivered to his arms without trace of the person that sent them.
He hoped, but it was hard to be understanding and not understood. It was even harder to be alone, staring at the sky and waiting for hours for someone that never arrived, too many times. Having to say ‘it’s okay, don’t worry’ every time like it didn’t matter. Mafuyu felt like a coward for not being able to ask, not being able to complain and demand. But it was easier like this, wasn’t it? He didn’t want to upset Yuki, so as long as it was bearable and Yuki was happy, Mafuyu would endure it.
Even with that clear in his mind, Mafuyu couldn’t help but think about how white chrysanthemums and marigolds were his favourite once upon a time. Now they just felt like rejection.
After managing to convince Haruki that he was alright and escaping his worried clutches, Mafuyu basically dragged himself to the hall where his first meeting for the day would be.
It was quite boring, if he was going to be honest. Sitting through the discussions and arguments, waiting until the other deities came to a conclusion so he could just get his job done and leave already, it was tedious.
"We have to do something about the prayers on the western side, they need a bigger harvest or the entire community will starve." A tall god warned with a stern look.
"Well, that's life, isn't it?" A blonde one answered from the other side of the big, oval table.
"It's just a harvest, we should help them for once." The first one insisted.
The blonde one clicked his tongue, "Do I look like Demeter to you?" he chuckled dryly, "Stop wasting our time. Persephone is with Hades, it's winter, people get hungry. It happens every year. We have more important stuff to talk about."
"They're dying. All of them." The god argued, gesturing with his hands.
"Of course they are, they're human." He mocked.
It kept going until Mafuyu got tired enough to tune everything out and stare across the hall and through the columns to the gentle sway of the trees outside.
It's not that Mafuyu didn't care— in fact, he felt really guilty that he couldn't do anything about the matter. He wasn't even a nature god to begin with, what could he do for humanity while being the god of emotions? Add to that the fact that no one in that hall would listen to him if he ever tried to make his opinion heard (he had tried it before. It didn't go well.)
Sometimes, in days Mafuyu was feeling braver for some reason unknown, he wished his role was more useful. He wished he could do more than answer the occasional prayer to help heal a heartbreak, or look out for teens who couldn't figure out emotional intelligence for the life of them (Mafuyu liked to let them grow without divine influence most of the time, it often turned out better that way).
Some days made him wish for a different destiny too, but not out of bravery— out of the pure and simple urge to rip his hair out and scream. One of those was Valentine's. It had already passed him by this year along with his birthday a few days ago, but he still felt tired from it, still thought about it randomly.
'The day of love' was not a wrong way to describe it. A lot of people fell for someone, a lot of people got into relationships, or simply started loving their partner a bit more than before.
On the other hand, there was so much anger.
Mafuyu could feel it ringing in his ears, could watch it from above and it was almost tactile— anger, disappointment, sadness, heartbreak. There was so much crying, so much screaming, so much raw agony and regret. He had to deal with it, breathe slowly and solve everything he could as fast as he could so lovers could calm down and the fog in his brain would dissipate.
Those days took a toll on him. Haruki would bring him tea, Akihiko would ruffle his hair and give him random seashells just so he would get distracted and Waka would do her best to help him with the load of work.
Yuki wouldn't be there, but that wasn't news. Mafuyu hated that it didn't surprise him anymore, his absence. He hated even more that it was slowly hurting less after each day.
Once upon a time, the usual was that Yuki would be there. They would talk, go on walks, stare at flowers for no reason other than having an excuse to be around each other. They had been like that for centuries, a thousand years even, so much time Mafuyu barely remembered when or how they met.
His presence used to be one of the obvious truths of the world. The earth orbited the sun, leaves fall when autumn comes, winds change when does the weather, and Yuki and Mafuyu were always together.
Until they weren't. Until Yuki decided he didn't want to be, for some reason left unknown to Mafuyu.
Sometimes, on days he wasn't feeling brave, he wondered what he did to deserve that. He blamed himself, and it clogged his lungs in cold sadness that reminded him of the crisp, almost artificial air of the olympic gardens.
Thinking about that was something he also hated. It polluted his thoughts like thick, black smoke. It would cut his breathing, making him mute at the moments he least expected– like while sitting at a noon meeting and staring idly at too-perfect trees.
Still, he wondered if part of the suffocating heartbreak he felt during Valentine's didn't have just the earth as a source, but himself too.
Mafuyu didn't feel brave today.
He got up and went to the Olympic gardens.