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Milo is scrunched up as small as he can make himself. Pain rushes through him, seeping into the smallest parts and making his eyes burn. But that isn’t what is making him tremble. Fear is making him tremble.
Vanessa protects him. But she can’t protect him if he doesn’t behave. And he tried to run away. He’s going to be hurt, he knows that. The only question now is how much.
The door opens. He winces, curling up tighter, hiding his face.
“Milo.”
Vanessa sounds disappointed. An undercurrent of anger ripples through it, but mostly she just sounds upset. Milo flinches, even as he uncovers his face. Vanessa would never hurt him. Vanessa is his friend. Sure, she puts him in the Murphy Weapon, but that’s not her fault. She doesn’t want to do it. “Hi, Nessa.” He mumbles into the cold silence that follows her greeting.
“I don’t think you get to call me Nessa after that.”
He flinches, pulling his blanket up. “‘m sorry.” He mutters. His bruises throb. “Didn’t wanna upset you, I just-“
“You didn’t want to upset me? You didn’t want to upset me? Oh, that’s rich. You tried to run. You know how much trouble I’ll get into if you get away? You wanna get me killed? Do you want me dead, Milo?”
“No!” Milo exclaims, horrified by the idea. “No, obviously not, I just-“
“Well, that’s what you were doing.” Vanessa says. “Horrible, selfish boy. I’m trying so hard, you know that? And you don’t even care! You don’t care about me, do you? Not at all!”
“I do!” Milo promises, tears pricking at his eyes. “I do, I promise, Nessa. I just can’t stay here, they keep hurting me, I can’t-“
“Maybe you deserve to be hurt.” Vanessa interrupts him. “Because clearly, being nice to you doesn’t work. I’m nice to you, and what do I get? You flouncing off and throwing tantrums over stuff that I can’t control!”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Milo pleads. Of course he cares about Vanessa, doesn’t she see that? She’s his only friend. The only person who takes care of him. “Please, Nessa, you know that I care about you. We’re friends, right?”
“I thought that we were, but you work every day to prove me wrong.” Vanessa spits. Then she takes a deep breath. “I can’t stop them from punishing you for this, you know.”
“I know. It’s not your fault.” Milo says quickly. He can’t blame Vanessa for what happens next. She’ll get upset, and he hates it when she’s upset. And often when she’s upset, she doesn’t visit. And he is left alone with his thoughts for weeks on end. So he always reassures her that it isn’t her fault, that he knows that. Because he’s her friend. And he cares about her. Right?
“You’re right, it’s not. It’s yours.”
The door slams shut. Milo flinches, then curls up tightly on the bed. All he can do is wait for pain.
It comes, as he expected.
———
Curled up in the corner of his room, Milo whimpers into his hands. Everything hurts. His bruises throb, sharp pain runs around his body, leaving him helpless to do anything but whimper with it. Blood stains the floor.
He wants Vanessa. He wants her to comfort him, maybe rub his back or stroke his hair, he wants some comfort. Some company. She often does that, after punishments. She can’t treat the injuries, because that would go against orders, but she can comfort him. Touch him gently and dry his tears.
She doesn’t come. He huddles there for what must be hours, giving himself a hug because there is no one else to do it. He misses his mom and dad. He misses his best friend. He misses his dog. He misses his sister. He misses the comfort and safety of his old life, when he knew that the people around him loved him, that they would never hurt him.
Now the only person he knows loves him is Vanessa. And somehow he keeps spoiling that. Is he really selfish and nasty? Is he really a bad friend? It doesn’t sound right, but she keeps saying it. And why would she lie?
He isn’t sure how long passes. A Normbot drops off food and leaves. He picks at it, pain hiding his appetite away. A different Normbot comes to clean the floor, which inevitably catches him in the spray. The water pressure is high, disturbing his bruises and and injuries and making him wince. He doesn’t bother moving off of the sopping wet floor once the Normbot leaves. He just curls up there, slipping into sleep.
In the morning, he lies down on his bed. And he waits. Pain throbs in him as he waits, and waits, and waits. Normbots come often, bringing food, fixing anything that Murphy’s Law breaks. But Vanessa doesn’t come, and every day without her he feels worse and worse.
He is so lonely. He huddles in his bed, hugging himself, pretending that someone is hugging him. His stomach aches. He hates being alone. Vanessa knows that, so he must’ve really upset her if she is leaving him alone for so long. He wants her. He wants someone. He wants to be touched.
When the door opens, and he hears the distinctive sound of her heeled boots, he practically throws his blanket off. “Nessa!”
“Hey, buddy.” She crouches next to his bed. He is careful to keep his hands in view, to look compliant and non threatening. They may be friends, but she is the emperor’s daughter, and he is a prisoner. There are rules. Rules that he will be punished for breaking. “How are you feeling?”
“Sore. Sad. I’m glad you’re back.” He says. He wants to launch at her, to nestle into her and rest there. To soak up company, comfort, touch. But she has to initiate any contact. That’s the rules. He needs to follow the rules.
“I’m glad to be back too.” Vanessa says. “I know that we left things badly, after our last conversation. You really hurt me, Milo. You said some really nasty things to me.”
“I… did?” Milo casts his mind back. He doesn’t remember that. He remembers her being angry. He remembers trying to persuade her not to be.
“I know that you’re scared, and hurt, and you don’t like being here. But that doesn’t mean that you can yell at me and say those horrible things, when I’m just trying to help you.” Vanessa continues, very serious. Milo blinks, screwing up his face as he tries to remember doing what Vanessa said. Did he do that? It doesn’t sound right, but Vanessa wouldn’t lie to him.
“I really care about you Milo. And I want to be kind to you, and I really was kind to you that day, right? But when you call me mean names, and scream at me over what I can’t control, it means that I can’t be around you as much. And that’s a shame, isn’t it?”
“‘m.” Milo mumbles, lowering his head.
“So can you try to be nicer next time?”
“Yeah.” He says, unable to look up from the ground. He presses his hands together, tears burning at his eyes. Guilt chokes him. “I’m sorry, Nessa.”
“Thank you, buddy.” Vanessa cups his face with her hand. He melts into the touch, shivering. It feels overwhelming, but in a good way, and he relaxes even as it overloads him. “You’re a good kid, really. You just need to manage your emotions a bit more. I love you, Milo.”
“Love you too.” He smiles, even as his eyes burn. He knew that Vanessa would come back, because they are friends. She does care about him. He just needs to not mess it up again. He doesn’t remember exactly what he said, but he never wanted to upset her. He won’t do it again, he doesn’t want to upset his friend.
Vanessa let’s go of him. His face feels cold where she touched it, and he desperately wants more touch. But he can’t initiate, nor can he ask. So he just sits there, hoping that she realises.
She stands up. “I’d better go. I’ll see you tomorrow, we’ve gotta use the Murphy Weapon.”
Milo flinches. Every instinct in his body tells him to run, to fight, to avoid getting in there at any cost. He hates it. He hates it. He hates it.
But Vanessa can’t control it. And he can’t be mean to her. “Ok.” He mumbles, trying not to look as frightened as he feels.
“Good kid.” She ruffles his hair. His head tingles at the brief contact, and he leans into it with a little sigh before she takes her hand away.
She leaves. He curls up on the bed, blanket wrapped around him, feeling cold. His skin prickles and tingles. He wants a hug. He wants Vanessa.
He shuts his eyes and tries to sleep. He tries not to think about the Murphy Weapon. Thinking about it won’t keep it away.