Chapter Text
Zane stared at his hands as anxious energy flowed through his body; the two-year anniversary of the Battle for the Crystalized City was coming in a few weeks and there had yet to be another villain to arise and conquer Ninjago. But he knew it was only a matter of time. There was always another villain. If it wasn’t the Overlord - Crystal King - Golden Master - Dark Lord or whatever new name he came up with, then it was some maniacal man with a snake obsession (which, strangely, happened more than once) or the Undead (again, multiple times), or a Serpent Goddess that was hellbent on destroying or consuming the entirety of Ninjago (twice). Zane wished that he could say he had long since lost count of how many villains he, his brothers, sister, and girlfriend had defeated since he had become a ninja so many years ago- but, as a Nindroid, his memory banks were not so forgiving.
Overlord- four times.
Lord/Emperor Garmadon- four times.
The Mechanic- Zane would’ve thought three times, but Nya insisted that there was a time that the group was in Kryptarium prison and the Mechanic tried to steal his internal wiring, hard drive, and power source, so four times.
Former King Vangelis- twice.
Aspheera- twice.
Princess Harumi- twice, that he was aware of. Who knew what else she had planned out while she was under the alias Kabuki Mask?
Samukai and the Skulkin army, The Great Devourer, Chen and Clouse, Morro and the Preeminent, a djinn named Nadakhan (Jay and Nya insisted on never talking about him), the time twins Krux and Acronix (whereabouts currently unknown, Zane noted), the Sons of Garmadon, the Dragon Hunters in the First Realm, the Oni invasion, the Reawakened in Shintaro, Kalmaar and Wojira, Pythor, Ve-
Zane jolted himself out of his thoughts. He would not think about that man. He would not think about the Never Realm. He refused to think about… that.
A gentle hand ran delicately through his hair, he sighed and leaned into Pixal’s touch; she was his rock, his light, the one person he knew he could tell anything to, his other half, the holder of his heart. Both in a metaphorical and literal sense. Zane looked up at his beloved, her vibrant green eyes shone with worry and concern.
“You are quiet,” she murmured. “I can sense that you are troubled, what is on your mind?”
“I am… unsure as how to explain it.”
Pixal rested her forehead against his as she sat down beside him. “You can tell me anything.”
Zane remained silent for a few moments, struggling to gather his thoughts in a coherent manner. How could he say that he was feeling… inadequate without his element. Nya had been thriving since her return from being merged with the ocean, though he knew she wasn’t without her days of yearning for the sea. He had seen her pause at the sight of rivers, sigh at the touch of water, or fall into a water stance due to muscle memory. Nya still called herself a Ninja, as she rightfully should given her talent and strength, but he knew she felt a part of her was missing. All of the Ninjas felt that way. Cole had confided in him that he felt that he had lost a connection to his late mother, Lilly. A gift from her, strength and stability through the earth. Zane had seen Cole stare at the shattered pieces of the Blades of Deliverance he kept in a box under his bed. He was unsure if any of his brothers knew about the pieces, but he did not want to ask. It wasn’t his knowledge to know.
Jay had decided to temporarily return to Ed and Edna’s junkyard and help his parents with their inventions, wanting to reconnect with his past as an inventor. He would send pictures of him and his parents in the family group chat (which was nicknamed “Chaotic Disasters” by Kai), and Zane was beyond happy to see him smiling and looking contented with his family- yet, Zane himself felt a pang of envy at the happy family. It had been years since his own father, Dr. Julien, had passed away due to the effect of the resurrect-tea wearing off, and he was once again orphaned. Kai had also decided to spend time with his parents, Ray and Maya, to fully reconnect with his past as a blacksmith and also to connect with them. At first, Kai seemed quite happy as he and Zane talked over the phone, but he could hear the sadness in his voice; after a few calls, Kai finally confessed that being close to the forge made him face the loss of his fire. He yearned for the heat in his heart, to command the flames once more, to feel… himself again.
Lloyd was fortunate, or unfortunate depending on the day Lloyd had said, to still have his elemental powers. He had returned to live in the monastery after it was rebuilt once more, deciding to keep a low profile after the battle; he would occasionally visit his father, Garmadon, in Ninjago City to slowly rebuild a connection with him. Other times, he would visit Harumi in Kryptarium Prison- the former princess had been sentenced to ten years in prison with required counseling and community service to repair the damages she and her mercenaries had created. Zane knew that Lloyd was slowly healing from the pain and betrayal Harumi had caused him, but he knew the road to recovery was going to be long and winding. Harumi had stabbed him in the back, both metaphorically and almost literally, resurrected Lloyd’s father against his will from the Departed Realm, overthrew the democracy and monarchy in Ninjago City, collaborated with the Overlord to create a Vengestone Army, and allowed the Dark Lord to regain a physical form. Yet, Zane could see that she was actively trying to fix her past mistakes. Lloyd was there to aid her, and guide her once more to the right path, but he knew that Lloyd did not feel romantic interest in her anymore. He had overheard Lloyd once say, “I failed Harumi once, I won’t let her down the wrong path again.”
Zane… Zane also felt lost. He didn’t have a parent to lean on for guidance. He didn’t have a goal to push him towards a future. He felt confused. Looking up at Pixal, he began to tell her about his fears. What if the next villain came around and they were unprepared? Could he be considered whole without his powers? Who will take their place as protectors of Ninjago if they themselves cannot uphold their oath? If Zane could not protect those who cannot protect themselves, could he truly be himself?
Pixal murmured, “You will always be Zane, my Zane. It is understandable to hold these fears in your heart, but you must remember that your elemental powers do not define you. How many years did you protect others without your ice? You willingly fought Cryptor at the storm farm without your ice to protect me. How many times have you and your brothers lost your elemental powers and continued to fight? You are defined by your actions and your will, not the powers you may or may not possess.” She smiled, “Not to sound narcissistic, but look at Nya and me. We do not possess elemental power, but we continue to fight and protect using what we can. I was nothing but an assistant to my father, but you showed me a greater path toward a true calling. I am content being Samurai X, I have no desire to go beyond what I see as my path. But, that is what I see for myself. I do not know what your path is leading to.”
“I…” Zane took in a shuddering breath. “I want to find my element again. I feel lost without it.” A blanket of frost seemed to cover Zane, though no ice was to be seen; a distant roar of a dragon echoed in his ears, and neon blue eyes glowed from the dark. Not again, please not again. The Ice Dragon, a vision from his nightmares, lurked in the shadows of the Samurai X base.
“Zane? You’re freezing, what is happening?”
“I… its…” It’s nothing, he wanted to say. Nothing that you need to worry about. Yet, he knew his promise to Pixal, a promise that he could not break. From now on, no more secrets. “The Ice Dragon from my nightmares,” he murmured. “It’s returned.”
“For how long?”
“Ever since the departure of the other ninjas.”
“Zane, that was months ago! You’ve been burdened by these visions for that long? Why didn’t you speak up sooner?”
“I…” he couldn’t speak. How could he truly say that he didn’t want to burden Pixal once more with his problems? Because of his actions with the scroll of forbidden spinjitzu, Pixal was nearly killed trying to rescue him from the Never Realm after the escape of the Preeminent. Because of his desire to play detective during the Prime Empire panic, Pixal had to rescue him before he was killed by the Mechanic’s portal. Pixal had to rescue him so many times, she was there rebuilding his body after the Battle for New Ninjago City. She was there in his head calming him down during panic attacks. She was there when he would wake in the middle of the night from night terrors, screaming and begging for him to stop. He didn’t want to burden her further.
“I know that look. You can talk to me about whatever is troubling you.”
“Another day, my love. I promise. I’m just… not ready yet.”
Pixal smiled, his heart melted at the sight, as she pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. “Very well, whenever you are ready please do not hesitate to talk to me.”
Night after night the terrors grew stronger. The Dragon was furious, chasing Zane through a tundra-like landscape in the midst of a blizzard; he stumbled and desperately clawed his way through the billowing snow and dunes towering around him. The cold, which normally was a friend, was tearing into his skin and burning his eyes. Bursting from the snow, corpse-like hands reached toward him, faces frozen in terror with mouths agape and eyes milky white screamed towards the heaven. Something grabbed his ankle. Zane frantically yanked his leg, seeing the corpses sluggishly crawling their way toward him, the hand holding his ankle dug its nails into his skin. He started screaming, tears freezing to his cheeks. The Dragon leaped at him, teeth bared and claws glinting with deadly delight, ready to kill him once and for all.
Zane screamed.
He jolted awake.
His heart pounded out of his chest.
He trembled as the lasting image of the Dragon a mere few inches away from him was burned into his mind.
[Anxiety levels rising to critical levels. Seek to decrease cortisol and adrenaline chemicals, Heart rate registering at 140 beats per minute. Seek to lower pulse and blood pressure. Anxiety levels…]
Panicked breaths. He couldn’t think. Panic. Panic! He can’t stop hyperventilating. He can’t stop! Panicked breaths! Panic! Calm down, Zane! Calm down! You’re not calming down! Why can’t you calm down!! Panic! Panic! Panic! He began to sob, gripping at his hair, curling into a ball on his bed. Failure! Failure! You’re not the Titanium Ninja anymore! You’re nothing without your powers! Nothing! A failure! Panic! He couldn’t see, all he could see was darkness around him. You are alone. You’ll always be alone!
“...ne. …Ane!... Zane! Zane, look at me!” Pixal’s neon eyes lit up the darkness surrounding him. Her eyes were aglow with worry, yet her voice was strong and calm. “Breathe in on four, hold for four, breathe out on four. Breathe in one… two… three… four… hold one… two… three… four… breathe out one… two… three… four…”
Zane struggled to calm his trembling breaths as he matched Pixal’s breathing. Breathe in for four, hold for four, breathe out for four. Breathe in… breathe out… in… out…
[Anxiety levels decreasing. Heart rate registering at 120 beats per minute… 110 beats per minute… 100…]
“Focus on me, on my touch, on my voice. I am here for you. You are safe. You are at home.”
You are safe. You are not in the Never Realm. You are not him.
Pixal eased Zane against her chest, running her fingers through his hair as she continued to murmur their calming mantras. As his heart rate returned to a normal beat, he had a startling realization strike him. He wasn’t scared of being powerless against a villain, he had plenty of training in traditional weapons and hand-to-hand combat to compare, he was scared of being powerless to himself. His element, in a way, was a safety net. His nightmares, his past, perhaps facing this head-on could reunlock his true potential. Zane glanced up at Pixal, the love of his life, the holder of his heart, and finally murmured the one thing holding him back.
“Pixal. I need your help.”