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The sky was, by your knowledge, a collection of gasses that with the refraction of light could achieve a small range of color. The absence of light then caused the sky to be clear, which allowed for the appearance of stars. It had been awhile since you were in highschool, but your memory of the subject remained. You never let the great vastness of the universe subjugate you, at least not without your consent. You had an avid fondness for nature and all the mysteries that she bore on her shoulder but never sat down to ponder them, as you were not a philosopher by any means and felt it was a position better suited for those more educated than you.
The black web fixed above your head was dotted with the constellations and asterisms that you came to recognize from the habit of playing after dark in your youth. This was a habit that has not changed and has since evolved with your newfound adult freedom to stay out however late you’d like. Take that, mom.
You found more interesting things in the wilderness of New Mexico, which you chocked up to the lack of greenery in the area. Similar to yourself; organisms had to find their own special way to survive, no matter how unconventional. If you laid quiet enough, you could hear a number of species scuttering through the veil of night. Yes, laying down in an area well known for poisonous and deadly scorpions was an idea that most would consider stupid, but you liked the theory that without deliberate antagonism they would simply treat you as part of their environment. Even without your timid pacifism, you weren’t much concerned with the threat of death.
Amongst your musings was one notable species crawling through the bush that interrupted your monologued nature documentary, because god forbid anyone has a hobby around here.
The Australian stood adjacent to your disposition, recognizing him from the outline of his face which was only illuminated by the orange tint of a burning cigarette. His expression was unchanged from his typical one: a deadpan stare accented with notes of rumination and melancholy. You squint your eyes in feigned contempt at his presence as he sank to your level, perched as though he resembled the long-legged crane; symbols of good fortune.
You should have known your coworker would be doing the same thing you were, given the similarities in your lifestyle. You liked to watch from a distance; keeping things in your reasonable control. This isolation naturally lead you both to an appreciation of the natural things, because honestly what else would you do?
From the corner of your eye you watched him take a drag, paying close attention to the smoke curling outward from his mouth as he exhaled. It left a warm and sickly aroma that you adored. You didnt smoke (at least not nicotine), but you were in love with the smell. Your mind wandered slightly, wondering if he smoked anything else in that camper of his; being a nature lover and all. You stifled a juvenile laugh at the thought.
He seemed to notice this, turning to face you and giving you a quizzical look. He extended his hand with the lit cigarette towards you, inviting you to partake in his pastime. You considered it, and figured it would be worth a shot.
You took it from his hands and inspected it, not quite sure what you were looking for. You brought it to your lips and felt a lingering sense of anxiety reminiscent of late-night debauchery in your teens. The anxiety of being caught doing something “bad” heightened the senses, which made it even more addicting. You pushed the butterflies out of your stomach. Why were you being so awkward about this?
You inhaled and held it, thinking you were doing a good job until you not so quietly started to cough; ripping a husky laugh from his chest. You handed the cigarette back to him while you tried to hide your embarrassment, unknowing of the smile that graced his face. In aims to compose yourself, you leaned back and turned your attention to the sky. It was easier this way; to focus on something else.
But you were going to have to face it sometime.
“..Such a beauty, isnt it?”
His warm voice filled the air, startling you somewhat as you were accustomed to the vow of silence that you previously shared. You hummed positively in response, unsure of how to continue and hoped that he would take the responsibility. You observed him, watching his face which now reflected a more relaxed yet anxious mood. His mouth opened slightly but he stuttered and shut it again, moving his hand to fidget with the cigarette in his mouth.
You discovered from this position the plague that ails the both of you. You understood conversations, the risks involved, what it can change between two people, and why it is required to have them. You categorize mannerisms and social cues into a format that you interpret and can easily pull from memory later to further mull over. The hard part, was putting your thoughts into words without a pen and paper, without over writing and revising to get the perfect sentence that modestly describes your intent. Communication is a balancing act that takes so much attention to words and personal feelings that you only choose one of them at a time. Talking without thinking got you into more trouble than it was worth, so you chose to think without talking.
For that reason, you didn’t blame him when you both fell silent again. Small talk was still talk, and you appreciated the gesture. You looked at him again, noting the way he snuffed out the cigarette and placed it in his coat pocket rather than flicking it to the ground; being the conscious man that he is.
A howl rang some few miles behind you, then two, then three more. A cacophony of sharp pitched wails erupted in the distance and overwhelmed your senses. You couldn’t help but feel chills as you turned to find the source yet was met with the sight of nothing.
“Coyotes. Nothin’ to be afraid of, love”
You looked back at him as he patted your shoulder in reassurance, seemingly missing the end of his sentence. He moved to remove his hand until he realized something, keeping contact with your body. His voice dripped with concern and all you could do was freeze.
“Hmm.. You’re bloody cold”
Which was funny to hear, as you felt like you were burning up and the closeness of you two was doing yourself no favors. Despite this you would not admit to yourself or anyone else that you did not wish to move. He pulled you slightly closer to align your bodies and make up for the lack of warmth in the air, his grip being light enough to allow you to move away at any moment had you felt your personal boundaries being breached; however you stayed. In fact you kept his arm around your shoulder for quite some time. You both knew the delicateness of the situation and were far too afraid to do anything to risk the equilibrium that you reached between yourselves. You ensured to catalog this in your mental file of moments you will never stop thinking about.
The night changed from black to a dark, perfect blue. It illuminated the both of you against the dusty desert that you resided in; two adaptions that did not belong there, but stayed regardless. That is all that life is, anyways.
You both accepted that this was the natural ending to your meeting and parted ways. Before leaving you made a note to wave him off, which he did the same. Walking back to you quarters was where you would be struck by the revelations you made tonight. You felt the lingering warmth from his touch fade although the feeling it left you with remained every time you looked him in the eye.
What you did together would not be discussed in the morning while you ate your meals or worked together, nor would it be discussed when you eventually found yourselves tangled together in the bush at odd hours of the night. It did not need to be discussed. You both liked it that way.