Archive of Our Own

You hopped off the sofa after him, deviating from his route when he trotted to his room. You took a detour to the kitchen before heading up to your room; you knew Natasha had returned there after her conversation with you in the living room. And sure enough, you walked in to find her rooting around under her desk.

"You got them all?" you asked quietly, not wishing to startle her. She still flinched, but stopped herself before her head hit the underside of the desk.

"Yeah, almost..." Her arm shot up victoriously, a pair of Widow bites in hand.

Her face fell from pride to a scowl when she emerged, due to the pair of Widow bites you held up.

"Which ones did I forget?"

"Kitchen."

"Why do I even have them in the kitchen? In an emergency I'd just grab a knife"

"They're the decoy set, for when Jeff steals the knives."

Natasha nodded in memory, then added,"Jeff does love his knives"

"We should get him a toy one, for the good of our shins"

"I'll ask Tony to make one in the meeting today"

You agreed, then poked your head out of the room "Jeff, are you ready? We've got to go!"

"mrrrph"

With furrowed brows, you went searching for your land shark, Natasha following behind with a stack of widow’s bites.

"Mrrrph" you heard again, before Jeff appeared around the corner, dragging a 5Ib sack of potatoes with him.

"Jeff..." Natasha sighed

"You go get the car ready, I'll sort it out," you told her, then turned to the land shark. "I said to get what you need, not this."

"Mrrrr."

"It's just a day trip, you'll be fed."

"Mrrrr."

"Yes, I promise. And the food will be much nicer than raw potatoes anyway"

"Mrrrrr"

"I'll take it back. You get your crocs on and meet Nat in the car, okay? Good boy."

You loved your ability, you really did… but sometimes you envied Natasha. For the whole 45 minute car ride, Jeff whined. To Natasha, they were quiet ‘mrrrr’s, but to you- to you they were endless cries of starvation from the land shark, who seemed to believe he would wither away on the spot when you took his raw potatoes from him. It got to the point where you called ahead, desperately checking with Pepper that snacks would be ready on your arrival; it somewhat calmed Jeff, but didn’t stop his whines completely.

And yet, the second the car began to slow, Jeff acted like it had never happened. He struggled against his seatbelt and bounded towards the cabin as soon as he was freed, not waiting for you or Nat to catch up. Morgan squealed, running out and wrapping her arms around Jeff who, once released, hopped up on his hind legs and just as eagerly hugged her back – they were practically the same height when he stood like that, you were glad he was making the most of it while it lasted.

“You’ve got to come see this, Jeffie!” the girl announced. Tony and Pepper leapt to the side, making their way out just as Morgan and Jeff stampeded in, oblivious to anything in their path.

“Morgan is taking care of the class guinea pig this week,” Pepper explained, welcoming you in while Tony and Natasha talked Avengers business in his lab. “She’s been dying to show Jeff.”

Sure enough, by the time you entered, Morgan was cross-legged in the makeshift guinea pig enclosure (of course Tony couldn’t stick to the cage provided), she held the creature in front of her and Jeff watched, transfixed, from outside the boundary. The land shark was stretching his neck to get as close a look at the creature as he could, but not yet daring to enter the enclosure fully.

“They purr when they’re happy, just like now, and whistle when they’re excited-” Morgan explained. The young girl looked down smiling at the small rodent, stroking it and only occasionally looking up to check Jeff was listening, which he always was. He was captivated. “And guinea pigs also have four toes on their front paws, but only three on their back! Just like you Jeff!”

"Mrrr?!" With a speed he usually reserved for eating, Jeff shot his head down to his feet, sitting and whining as he attempted to count his toes. He'd never learnt to count though.

"Mrrr. Mrrr. Mrrr?"

"Just come here, Jeff," you called. You picked him up and placed him on your lap, then held one of his arms in front of him. "One," you counted, delicately tapping his leftmost finger with your own. "Two," you continued, then "three, four!"

“Mrrr?” He squirmed, his fin now balancing between your knees as he waved his back feet towards you.

“Well…that’s one. Two. Three. Three toes on your back legs, four on your front, just like Morgan said.”

The land shark had some…interesting reactions to everything. From getting sleepy at IKEA, to making a shark conservation documentary after watching Jaws… you couldn't predict his next move. You thought this information was trivial enough that he would return to his daily routine, maybe inspect the guinea pig more. But you were mistaken.

Jeff stared into your eyes as the seconds dragged on, your announcement hanging in the air.

And then he bawled.

Jeff's face contorted into a gaping hole, his teeth shining through the frown while tears flowed from scrunched up eyes.

His howling was so loud that Natasha and Tony came running in, already poised with weapons in hand. Morgan covered the ears of her class Guinea pig, and Pepper covered the ears of her child in turn.

You considered covering the mouth of your child, but shark mouths are considerably larger than any pair of hands could cover.

So instead you knelt before him, stroking his head and softly reassuring him, until his cry became marginally bearable.

"What's wrong, Jeff? What's the issue?"

"Mrrrr?"

"Were your back toes cut off? No Jeff-"

"Mrrr!" He suddenly grabbed your hand, putting his own against it, finger to finger. Until he saw one didn't line up. "Mrrrr!" He screamed again.

"No, no, Jeff! Jeff, it's okay buddy, don't scream and let me explain."

"Mrrrr…"

"Thank you. You didn't lose a finger off of your hands, you always had four, just like you always had three on your back feet, same as the guinea pig. I promise they haven't fallen off, Jeff, we're just a different species, which means we have a different amount of toes, and that's okay, right? Just like we have other differences too."

"Mrrrr?"

"Um, okay we don't have differences, we're practically twins." The sarcasm was lost on Jeffrey, who truly did not notice the difference between a human and a land shark, but you let it go.

He'd calmed down, which meant you could leave him to enjoy the guinea pig's company carefree once again. And maybe you would hurry Tony up on that mouth knife, Jeff's screams should count as a superpower.