Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“See you tomorrow.”

Sieun tried to shake off the feeling of unease, but it persisted. He couldn't help but wonder if he should’ve asked Sooho about it before they parted ways. Maybe then he would have some clarity.

He sat alone at his desk as usual. Staring down at his injured arm. His mind buzzed with so many thoughts all at once, but not one stuck around long enough for him to actually think about anything.

His phone rang, making the boy jump in his chair. He picked up when he saw it was Young Yi.

He started to question the reason of her call but as soon as her voice hit his ears he was out the door.

He ran as fast as his legs would take him. His sore body waking up with adrenaline.

“Sooho knows what happened that day. You don’t think something might-“

He didn’t let her finish. Fuck.

His lungs felt on fire, how long had it been since he’d seen his friend?

“See you tomorrow.”

‘Please let me see him tomorrow, ’ he thought, frantically looking around the streets as his breathing increased. His calls weren’t being picked up.

He spotted Sooho about to get into a cab. Sieun’s body shook with fear as he ran over to Sooho before he could close the door.

He quickly got into the car as well. Sooho was surprised, then looked down at his cast, seeing it more clearly then the first time.

His fists clenched at his sides, and he looked determined with anger. Sieun felt fear once again. Only this time it was because he didn’t know if he would actually be able to stop Sooho.

The tears that had built up thinking all the horrible possibilities started to stream down his face.

Stop fucking crying .

He couldn’t control himself. What he had tried so hard to hide was spilling out. It felt as if Sooho was looking into his heart, realizing just how much of a loser he had befriended.

Maybe it would stop him from confronting Beomseok. He looked up with his blurred vision to see Sooho’s jaw tighten. “Sieun, I can’t let them be capable of doing this again.”

His eyes were full of hate, and he fit right in with all the bullies that Sieun had previously encountered.

Hopelessness drives people to do crazy things. And in that moment, he had his rebuttal against Sooho’s argument. He couldn’t overthink, it was his only chance. Losing Sooho would leave him with an emptiness he’d never be able to refill knowing he could’ve changed the outcome.

In that moment, Sieun leaned forward and kissed him with all the pent up frustration he felt towards him.

Sooho was taken aback at first, but then he responded eagerly, his hands tangling in Sieun’s hair as they kissed deeply. There was a desperation in the kiss, as if they were trying to hold onto each other amidst the chaos of their emotions. Trying to make the other understand their side.

Sooho's hands moved to Sieun's waist, pulling him closer as their legs pressed together. ‘ I need to make sure they never think about hurting you again. I need to protect you .’

Sieun could feel his body responding to the touch of Sooho's lips and hands. Their heavy breathing mixing together.

‘I can’t lose you. I need you.’ New tears formed around his closed eyes, and his hand came up to the back of Sooho’s neck. He tilted his head and he knew that they were both tasting his salty tears. He let out a whimper to try and hid a sob. How pathetic was he.

That made both boys separate in the back of the cab. Sieun kept his head down in embarrassment as Sooho whispered something to the driver. His mind as completely blank. His whole body was tired.

Sooho gently lifted his chin up. Their eyes met and the anger was gone. It had been replaced by softness and guilt.

-

They arrived at Sieun’s front door. The ride back had been silent, with Sieun’s head resting on Sooho’s lap.

They entered the dimly lit apartment, and the air between them seemed tangled.

Sieun felt like he could collapse. Sooho led them into Sieun’s room, with Sieun pointing the way. He held out a hand to Sooho, his eyelids heavy.

“Will you stay?”

He wasn’t sure if Sooho had heard him, but then he felt the bed shift with more weight.

“Promise you won’t leave if I fall asleep.”

There was no answer, so he turned to face Sooho. He looked lost.

Sieun felt defeated. His heart fell to his stomach. He had poured his feelings out for the person he cared about the most. It wasn’t enough. Why wasn’t anything he did ever enough.

Sieun closed his eyes, knowing that he was on the verge of a break down for the third time in one night.

‘ Fuck you I don’t care anymore, do what you want.’

It wasn’t even close to the truth.

“Sieun please don’t cry. I don’t want to make you cry,” his tone was sad.

Sieun wanted it to end, to peacefully sleep.

Sooho’s arms embraced him slowly. Sieun leaned into him, his body shaking with sobs. Sooho held him close. They stayed like that for what felt like hours, the only sounds coming from Sieun's ragged breathing as he drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Text

Sieun's eyes flickered open, his breaths coming out in short gasps. He was covered in sweat, his heart pounding in his chest. He sat up to look around the dark room, trying to calm himself down. He moved his injured arm trying to find comfort.

Relief washed over him when he felt Sooho, sleeping soundly, his breathing even and deep.

He knew that he couldn't sleep, not with the fear and anxiety filled thoughts he was having.

He tried to get up quietly, not wanting to wake Sooho, but his legs felt like lead. He was rooted to the spot, his mind racing.

Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around, startled, to see Sooho’s sleepy eyes. He looked concerned, his eyes reflecting the faint light from the street outside.

"What's wrong, Sieun?" he asked softly.

Sieun hesitated, unsure of how to put his fears into words. He felt so vulnerable, so exposed.

"I... I had a nightmare," he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper.

Sooho's expression softened. "What was it about?" he asked gently.

Sieun shook his head, his throat constricting. He didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to relive the images that had haunted him in his sleep. Sooho seemed to understand. Sieun could feel the warmth of his friend's body.

Sooho sat up with him, yawning.

"You don't have to tell me," his voice low and soothing. "Just know that I'm here for you, okay? You're not alone."

Sieun nodded, his eyes prickling with tears. He felt so weak, so helpless. He didn't know how to cope with these feelings, didn't know how to make them go away. Sooho rubbed soothing circles on his back, letting silence fill the air.

Sieun closed his eyes and let himself be comforted, the tension slowly draining from his body. He didn't deserve to have someone like Sooho in his life, someone who cared so deeply for him. Enough to risk himself for him.

As the minutes ticked by, Sieun's breathing grew slower and more even.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice barely audible. He realized how soft Sooho looked in his bed, his hair messy from sleeping. The thought oddly comforted him, and Sieun couldn’t help but think back to when they were in the cab.

The two boys watched each other for a few moments.

"Your eyes," Sooho finally let out, his voice barely above a whisper. His own eyes fell to his hands.

"I never realized how pretty they were,” he looked up to meet Sieun’s gaze.

Sieun felt a warmth spread through his chest, a feeling of validation that you couldn’t get from a math test or academics. His eyes?

‘They’re only ever like this when I look at you.’ He wanted to say, instead, a little smile slowly formed on his lips. Then it grew, leaving Sooho’s eyes wide, his expression changing completely.

“Sieun?”

His name sounded heavenly on Sooho’s tongue, sounding almost like a question. Sieun nervously licked his lips.

“Can I kiss you?”

Sieun held his breath as the world came to a stop. His hands itching to make contact with Sooho. He felt crazy for wanting anything this badly.

Sieun nodded, and then they were kissing, their lips meeting in a soft, gentle embrace. As they kissed, their bodies pressed together. Sooho's touch was gentle as he caressed his face with one hand and the other in his hair. It  filled him with a sense of peace that he had never experienced before.

He hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to express his desires, but then he mustered up the courage to speak.

"Sooho," he said softly, his voice trembling with a mix of desire and fear. "I want...I want to be closer to you."

Sooho looked at him with a mixture of love and understanding, and he leaned in to kiss him again, more deeply and passionately than before. Sieun responded eagerly, his body craving the feel of Sooho's touch as he moved to sit on the boy’s lap.

As they kissed, Sooho's hands roamed over Sieun's body, touching his skin and sending shivers of pleasure through him. Sieun's hands tangled in Sooho's hair, pulling him closer, and he moaned softly as Sooho's lips trailed down his neck.

"I want you too, Sieun," Sooho whispered, his eyes dark with need. "But we don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.”

Sieun had said bye to sane thoughts a long time ago. He took Sooho’s rough hands and placed them under his shirt, hoping he’d understand. “I’m comfortable,” he assured him.

Sooho's hands were warm as he gently touched Sieun's back, sliding his fingers under the edge of the shirt. Sieun shivered at the contact, feeling a rush of heat spread through his body. As Sooho helped him lift the shirt up over his head, Sieun's heart was pounding in his chest. He felt a mix of embarrassment and excitement.

Sooho's gaze lingered on Sieun's bare chest for a moment before he looked away, his cheeks slightly flushed. Sooho was never shy, so seeing that gave Sieun a confidence boost.

His hand cupped Sooho’s chin, gently forcing him to keep looking at Sieun. The boy moved, wanting more friction. Sooho looked up at the movement and started kissing lower on his chest. Sieun had his cast on Sooho’s shoulder while his free hand played with his hair, drawing him closer.

Sooho stopped to quickly remove his shirt as well. He then guided Sieun onto his back and planted himself between his legs. Sieun touched Sooho’s fit body while Sooho looked on with lust. Shit, he’s so beautiful. He finally went down, reconnecting their lips once again.

When they finally broke apart, both of them panting and flushed with desire, all Sieun could do was smile like an idiot.

The morning after Sooho kissed him once more. “Your smile feels like it’s just for me,” he teased happily.

“Is your grandmother not worried that you didn’t go home yesterday?” Sieun tries to change the subject.

“She knows I’m with you, I called her while you were asleep. Will your parents get mad, or do you do this often?”

It wasn’t a big deal, but Sieun’s face grew warm knowing that his grandmother might put two and two together. “They’re not home, and obviously I don’t do this often,” he defended himself.

“Thank you Sieun, for stopping me yesterday.”

Sieun’s smile fell the tiniest bit. “Don’t ever do something stupid like that for me.” His tone was crystal clear, and Sooho smiled.

“Or for anyone,” he added, just in case.

Sooho smirked at the lecture. “I’d do anything for you Sieun.”

Sieun didn’t want it to end. But he knew that no matter how hard things were going to get, they could rely on each other. Sieun had a feeling that he’d be smiling a lot more often and for once he was actually okay with that idea.