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The room was filled with slow, deep breaths. Jaehyun's palms were beginning to pool with sweat, and his ears filled with the beat of his heart. The room was pitch black. He heard a soft beep, and then a voice.
"Ready?"
The voice brought comfort to Jaehyun, and a small smile crept across his face. Taking one last deep breath, he slowly nodded, but fearful he wasn't able to send his response across properly, he cleared his throat and spoke tentatively.
"Uhm..."
Noticing the shakiness of his own voice, Jaehyun took another breath, and suddenly felt a hand above his. A reassuring touch, and Jaehyun spoke again: this time with more finality.
"I'm ready."
The sun shone brightly over their room; Jaehyun's eyes were blinded, and he struggled to open them. He slowly turned to his side, and as his eyes readjusted to the light, he saw his lover by his side.
Taeyong sleeps soundly, looking so beautiful like an angel.
Much as he tried to restrain himself from touching Yong's face, he wasn't able to resist taking in his beauty with his hands.
Jaehyun truly couldn't believe it.
His thumb stroked Yong's cheek ever so slightly, afraid that he would crumble if he touched him too much. But before Jae realized it, he was met with Yong's dark, wide eyes who looked at him longingly.
"I felt like someone was watching me.", Yong said with a whisper and a chuckle right after. Jaehyun replied with a smile of his own, cupping Yong's face, his thumb tracing his lips.
"Have I ever told you that you're beautiful?"
Rather than waiting for an answer, Jaehyun shifted his weight and lifted himself up so he could kiss Yong's forehead. The other laughed at the sudden question.
"Hmm... Not much— just every single day."
Hearing that, Jaehyun wrapped his arm around Taeyong and pulled him closer: closing the gap between their bodies. The two of them were now sitting and leaning against the headboard.
"Did my baby sleep well?", Taeyong asked as he snuggled to Jaehyun's neck, planting soft kisses on his beau's collarbone.
"Of course, my love.", the other replied while his hand made its way on Yong's back, lifting his pajama top. He placed his hand over Yong's back, their bare skins touching.
He feels so warm.
They remained silent for a couple of minutes, both their eyes closed. The only sounds in the room came from the air conditioner and their slow breaths.
Taeyong looked up suddenly, and was shocked to see Jaehyun moved into tears.
"Baby?"
Taeyong quickly raised himself and cupped Jae's face, his waist still embraced by the other. Jae moved quickly and used his free hand to wipe his tears that trickled in his cheeks. Yong hurriedly cupped Jae's face, his face contorted from concern and panic.
"What's wrong?"
Yong's eyebrows were raised slightly, his eyes slowly watering. He bit his lower lip as if to stop himself from crying. The sight in return caused Jae to panic.
"Nothing's wrong, baby.", Jae comforted Yong.
"Then why are you crying?"
Jae heaved a sigh and smiled.
"I just love you so so much."
He pulled Yong into an embrace, and kissed the top of his head. Yong whispered I love you too before hoisting himself up over Jaehyun's lap. He wrapped his arms around Jaehyun's neck, while the other automatically placed his hands on the sides of Yong's waist.
The two of them kissed. As Jaehyun deepened the kiss, Yong pulled his hair from behind. Jaehyun bit Yong's lower lip, and his hands made their way to Yong's chest, his fingers leaving hot traces on his skin. Yong sighed in pleasure, his hands struggling to find Jae's top buttons.
Impatiently, Yong pulled back from their kiss and pulled Jae's top above his head, exposing his porcelain skin. Yong tentatively touched Jae's chest, and the latter held his breath at the touch of his fingertips. Yong removed his own top, and wasted no time, pushing Jae by the shoulders. He positioned himself above Jaehyun, whose hands remained by his waist.
Yong pulled away from their kiss and removed Jae's top, pulling his shirt up as well right after.
Taeyong marveled at the sight of his half-naked boyfriend, and without thinking, reached for a mark on Jaehyun's skin. A tattoo at the side of his shoulder, just below his collarbone. Jae watched as Yong pressed his thumb against the inked parts of his body.
"You never told me what this means."
Jae sent out a dry, almost sarcastic laugh in response. He grabbed one of Yong's hands and placed it on his face.
"You wanna know what it is?"he teased, to which Yong only nodded.
He pulled Yong by the back of his head. Their lips met again, and in between kisses, Jae spoke.
"It's a secret.", he hurriedly told Yong, wanting to close the gap between their lips.
To his dismay, Yong pulled back from kissing him, and looked him straight in the eye.
"You won't tell me?"
Jae chuckled at Yong, who was pouting his lips after not getting what he wanted.
"It's just a flower, baby.", he replied as he reached again for Yong's face, but the latter swatted his hand and pushed Jaehyun down the bed and climbed over him.
He circled his index finger on Jaehyun's tattoo, before planting a soft kiss on the inked part of his body. Yong looked up at his surprised boyfriend.
"If I make you feel good, will you tell me?"
He wasted no time and did not wait for any answer. Yong planted soft, wet kisses on Jaehyun's neck, and collarbone and the other could only moan as his lover traced the crevices of his body using his tongue.
Jaehyun's hands slowly made their way to the garter of Yong's pajamas and pulled them down. He reached for Yong's ass and squeezed, and at the same moment, Yong licked his earlobe. The two of them exchanged sighs of pleasure.
Jae finally couldn't resist and swapped their places: he was now on top of Yong.
"You're extra eager today, love.", he whispered against Taeyong's lips.
"I want you everyday.", Yong answered. He received no response. Jaehyun answered with his hands and mouth.
The two of them spent their morning with their bodies connected, their hearts fused, their souls intertwined.
Jaehyun sat by their bed as his boyfriend was showering. His eyes wandered across the room that they shared— the pictures on the shelves, the cabinets of their clothes, the furniture and tapestry they picked out together. Everything contained a fragment of the two of them.
God, I love him so much.
He slowly reached for a throw pillow from his side and brought it into his face; he slowly breathed in, inhaling the familiar, comforting scent of his lover— fresh and clean, with a little hint of musk. He closed his eyes to take it all in.
Preoccupied, Jae didn't notice that Yong has already gone back to their room and was staring at him, with a mischievous smile on his face.
"What are you doing?", Yong asked with a soft chuckle as he approached Jae, who put down the pillow out of embarrassment. His face has become extremely red, which only made Taeyong laugh even more.
"Did you miss me that much?", Yong asked. He stood in front of Jae who held out both his hands for the former to hold. Jae gave a shy nod.
Taeyong couldn't believe how adorable his lover was. He smiled to himself as he stared at Jae whose eyes remained glued to the floor like a little kid.
"I was just looking for something."
Jaehyun raised his head and his eyes were instantly met with Taeyong's. Yong just smiled at him and called him silly for his blatant lie.
"Can we really not go out today?", Yong asked finally. The thought has been weighing on his mind for days now, after Jaehyun told him with finality that they won't be going out.
Jaehyun stood up and put both hands on Yong's shoulder, giving an apologetic look as he shook his head no.
"I'm sorry baby, I'm flooded with paperwork.", Jaehyun added. Taeyong's heart was instantly filled with disappointment.
"Not even an hour? Come on, it's our 10th anniversary."
Jaehyun cupped Taeyong's face and exhaled deeply.
"I'm sorry baby, we have to stay in today..." Yong's shoulders slumped-- he was completely upset, but he didn't want to interfere with Jaehyun's work.
Jae reached for his boyfriend's chin and lifted his face up.
"I'll... I'll figure something out, okay?"
Yong gave a weak nod. Jae pulled him into an embrace and kissed the top of his head, muttering apologies and promises of being better.
The two headed to their kitchen, where Yong immediately sat down while Jae prepared for their food. It didn’t look like it from the outside, but Jae was the cook in their relationship. Yong couldn’t fry an egg to save his life. That didn’t mean he never tried learning; on multiple occasions, attempted to gift Jae with different dishes and pastries, but all of them turned out inedible. But Jaehyun ate all of them with nothing but appreciation and smiles. He never complained– not a single time.
Yong plopped his chin over his hands, wide-eyed as he carefully watched Jaehyun prepare the ingredients and pans. His slender fingers moved gracefully as he cut the potatoes and green onions for the potato pancake Yong was craving for. He also expertly seared the steak and basted it with butter, rosemary, and thyme– again something Taeyong asked for. Jae was only happy he could do something for him.
“Yummy.” Yong couldn’t help but comment as he looked at Jaehyun who moved with finesse and charisma.
“Cheeky.” Jaehyun replied and pinched Yong’s cheek as he set the table, putting the dishes in between them and quickly removing his apron before taking a seat.
“Let’s eat.”
Jaehyun took another pinch at Taeyong's cheeks. Yong just pouted at him. He was just too cute, his boyfriend explained.
Taking his first bite, Taeyong clapped in delight.
"Great job, baby!" He exclaimed, as if it was his first time tasting Jaehyun's cooking.
Smiling made Jaehyun's whiskers appear. He looked like a cat more than anything, his head bobbing side to side as he shyly thanked his boyfriend for the compliments.
The two of them recounted their favorite memories from the years they spent together. They met in their senior year in high school, when Jaehyun transferred into Yong's school. They laughed at how Yong followed Jae everywhere and joined any event he led, even though he had no interest in such matters. Jae never said anything mean to Yong, but he didn't particularly talk to him about anything important either.
This all changed when they graduated and somehow ended up in the same college, and Yong gathered an increased amount of attention from his blockmates and seniors. Jae then stuck with Yong even though they belonged to different departments. He never said anything about liking him. When confronted, Jae told him he was merely looking out for an old classmate. Yong didn't believe any of that, but never made any advances. They spent every single day from morning to night together; Jae helped Yong with his assignments and Yong helped Jae with… repelling admirers. Finally, on Yong's 20th birthday, he finally told Jae that he can't be close to Jae as merely friends. He mentally prepared himself for that moment, knowing Jae wouldn't compromise their friendship, but as he turned around and walked away, Yong was pulled back by Jae, and before midnight, they sealed a kiss. Their fates changed that night.
Taeyong recalled how they had a hard time when they moved in together, as Jae went to work for a big company while he opted to take a year off. They had different struggles, but Jaehyun never made him feel like a burden and instead supported him in everything he wanted to pursue. This paid off, as years witnessed Yong's rise as an artist. Through this, he was able to realize his own dreams while building his present and future with Jaehyun.
They spend almost two hours talking over the years they spent together. The two of them couldn't believe how fast time has gone by, and how they grew up together. Jaehyun teased how Yong has changed from an immature high schooler to a… slightly mature adult. Yong threw a napkin at Jaehyun jokingly.
"I love you, baby. So much." Taeyong reached out for Jaehyun's hand and stared intently at his eyes.
"I love you more than life itself. I will do anything for you." Jaehyun squeezed Taeyong's hand with his other one.
After having breakfast, the two of them went separate ways throughout the day, as Jaehyun went directly to his study while Yong remained in his room. As an artist, Yong handled his own time, something that he loved about his job. On the other hand, Jaehyun worked in a firm, although Taeyong was not completely sure of the specifics of his job. All he knew is that Jaehyun was almost always on-call, and his phone was always buzzing from calls from his bosses. He frequently traveled too for long periods of time too. Looking at the two of them, Taeyong noted how different their worlds seemed to be. Although it’s been ten years already, he still could not believe he was able to be Jaehyun’s lover. It always seemed too good to be true, but he has always been thankful, and that’s why he always tried to treat Jaehyun the best as he can.
For hours, Taeyong fixated on a novel he picked out from Jaehyun’s shelf. It kept him entertained for hours, but it did not ease his restlessness. He wanted to go out and do something special for Jae– it was their anniversary after all.
He strutted towards Jaehyun's study and slowly turned the knob. His boyfriend's back was facing the door. He had his phone on his ear, and Taeyong could only faintly hear what he was saying.
"Yes, Sir. I know." Jaehyun kept repeating those words, his other hand placed on his side. He sounded tired.
Taeyong felt bad for Jaehyun. He knew that the stress he had from his work was increasing through the years as he rose to higher positions. Not once did he ever complain though, stating that being able to help Yong live a comfortable life was worth every sleepless night and stressful hours at work.
Jaehyun didn't seem to notice his presence. He was too focused on his call. Taeyong, quiet as a mouse, saw himself out of the study.
I need to do something for him.
Taeyong was determined to make Jaehyun feel better. He really wanted to do something for him for their anniversary.
He went back to their room and opened his closet. He chose a simple white shirt and a blue cardigan to go over it, black jeans, and finally a pair of slides. He didn't need to dress up, he was just going out to buy Jaehyun the strawberry cake that he loves from the bakery nearby.
He made sure Jaehyun was still busy, and made his way out of their house. Their home was located in the middle of the city, up on a hill. It was very convenient, although polluted with a ridiculous amount of cars zooming by the road down.
He arrived at the bakery quite fast, as it was still in the middle of the day. There weren't a lot of people passing by, save for the kindergartners and their guardians passing by.
Taeyong greeted the staff and ordered the strawberry cake. He requested a happy birthday topper to go with it, as well as a dozen macarons. He smiled, seeing that the pastries were packed nicely. He couldn't wait to see Jaehyun eating them.
He was about to open the bakery door when he felt his phone buzzing in his front pocket.
Ah, I've been busted!
He opened the door and picked up the call on the sidewalk. Over the line, he heard Jaehyun's panicked voice, almost screaming his name.
"Taeyong! Where are you? Where the fuck are you?"
He was taken aback by Jaehyun's cussing, but he attributed it to the stress from work. After all, he promised Jae he wouldn't leave their house today.
"Baby, I'm just at your favorite bakery nearby-"
His words were interrupted as he saw a lone kindergartner walking by the road, with no parent or any adult in sight. She looked distraught as she tried making sense of the signs and buildings in front of her. She's lost.
"Taeyong, stay where you are. You hear me? Don't go anywhere without me."
"Wait, baby. I'll just help this kid-"
The line was cut off. The call dropped, and so did Jae's heart. Every beep sounded like a death note. He felt a lump on his throat.
Wasting no time and sparing his appearance with no second glance, he hurriedly made his way towards the direction of the bakery. As he neared the place, he had difficulty breathing and maintaining his balance as he saw the growing crowd over the street in front of the establishment.
The people's backs were turned on him, but he could hear their voices as they gushed and screamed at the sight in front of them. Some of them had their phones in their ears, calling the emergency room and asking for an ambulance. Most of them stood there in shock.
Gathering the last bit of strength he had, Jaehyun dragged his feet towards what the people were looking at and confirmed his greatest fear.
There lay the love of his life, swimming in his own pool of blood. His immaculate face was now tainted with gashes and bruises. His eyes, full of love, care, and wonder, now stared blankly at the sky. His lips which curved towards the bright sun as he smiled were now in a permanent straight line. Not too far from him was the kindergartner who had wounds of her own, but she was saved from the collision.
Jaehyun fell to his knees, his eyes pooling with tears. He raised Taeyong's body and rested his upper body on his lap. He tried cleaning the blood from his face and fixing his hair.
"Baby?" Jaehyun whispered gently. He was afraid to hurt Taeyong even more.
He touched Yong's cheek with the back of his hand and carefully caressed his temple using his thumb.
"My love." He sobbed as he received no response. He raised Taeyong's hand and placed it into his own cheek.
Their bodies rocked from Jaehyun's sobbing. He was screaming inconsolably. He kept begging the heavens for this to be a dream, but he was only met with sympathetic glances from onlookers. Jaehyun had no idea how much time had lapsed before an ambulance arrived and forcibly removed his grasp from Taeyong's body.
He was about to ride the ambulance as well, but his eyes caught a glimpse of a man in a suit standing behind the crowd. He turned his head and confirmed his suspicions.
Jaehyun clenched his jaw and approached the man, who stared at him with almost no expression on his face. The guy formed a bubble around them, deafening the noise around them and hiding the two of them from their sight.
"Yuta." He finally managed to say.
"Guardian Jeong." The man named Yuta said in reply.
Jae laughed sarcastically at his greeting.
"Fuck you."
"You knew this would happen. You're not an amateur guardian."
Jaehyun clenched his jaw at Yuta's remarks. He balled his hand into a fist, which shook violently from attempting to restrain himself from punching the guy in front of him.
"I told First I will be handling this."
Yuta smirked. Just because you're friends with Johnny doesn't mean you get a free pass on doing what guardians aren't meant to do."
Yuta used First's real name. He is the head of their group. Jaehyun suddenly remembered Yuta was recently promoted to Second in command. Johnny was First. He was Second.
"I asked for more time."
"What time? That guy was supposed to die 9 years ago."
Jaehyun knew of this. Taeyong's life was supposed to end during their senior year in high school, but he interfered and caused a delay in the system.
"He already passed his deadline."
"All the more reason for him to die."
At this, Jaehyun stopped himself from holding back and before Yuta could dodge, a fist connected to his jaw.
"Fuck you, Nakamoto." Jaehyun was seething with anger.
The force knocked Yuta back, and he was now pathetically sitting by the concrete. A group of men in suits suddenly appeared from the shadows. Yuta raised a hand to order them to stop.
Yuta had a smirk on his face as he stretched his jaw before helping himself up.
"Take Guardian Jeong to the Headquarters."
Jaehyun tried resisting. He wanted to go to the hospital to see Taeyong's one final time. He put up a fight, but he was overnumbered. A dozen hands were required to restrain him. The sheer strength mixed with adrenaline and desperation almost helped him, but they were just too much for him to handle. He was knocked unconscious and was brought into the HQ.
When he finally woke from sleep, Jaehyun felt his arms sore from being tied at his back. His feet were also bound to the legs of the metal chair. His eyes were covered by a thick cloth. He didn't know whether it was night or day.
"You're awake."
He heard a familiar voice speak. He gave no response.
"Guardian Jeong."
He felt a heavy hand on his right shoulder, and before he even realized it, the person was squeezing his muscle above, putting him in pain and momentarily paralyzing him. He writhed in pain as he tried to escape the grip, but the person held on for a minute longer, seemingly enjoying the sight of Jaehyun in pain.
"What the fuck do you want!" Jae's scream echoed across the room. The skin on his wrists were now raw from rubbing against the special rope used on guardians.
"You know better than to resist. That shit stings." Johnny pointed out.
Jaehyun felt Johnny circling around him. He was becoming more anxious by the minute. His breathing was unstable. His heartbeat was-
Before he completely had a grasp of his own condition, Jaehyun felt a punch on his face, knocking him back. The metal chair resounded with a thug as they hit the concrete floor.
Not even being able to mutter another word, Jaehyun felt a kick this time on his abdomen. He couldn't believe it. Johnny. Johnny, who was supposed to be his friend. Johnny, who belonged in the same guardianship training as him. Johnny who idolized him. Johnny who listened to him talk about the love of his life throughout the years. Johnny, his best friend.
"Guardian Jeong, I must say you're looking very pathetic right now."
He heard laughter from around the room, the loudest being Yuta's.
So they're all here. That explains it.
"Who would have known that the best guardian, on his way to the top would make a mistake like this."
He felt another kick on his gut, but this time, he was more prepared.
"You thought that because the previous First turned a blind eye on your wrongdoings that you'd get away with it this time around too? Stupid motherfucker."
Again, another round of laughter.
"Second, what must we do with stubborn weeds like this one?"
Yuta was trying to provoke Jaehyun by acting like he was thinking out loud.
"Hmm… I say we remove his body and let his soul wander into nothingness."
Jaehyun's heart raced at this suggestion. He didn't want to wander mindlessly into an ocean of thoughts and knowledge with no choice but to digest information. He would go crazy.
He wanted to see Taeyong.
He didn't want his existence erased.
"Bright idea!" Johnny exclaimed. Jaehyun felt Johnny pull him closer, and while he was helping him up, Johnny muttered a word so quickly Jaehyun almost missed it.
"Later."
Jaehyun knew it. Johnny said it with urgency and finality, but his tone also indicated comfort for a dear old friend. He knew he didn't turn his back on him.
"I will carry on the punishment for Guardian Jeong himself." Johnny informed everyone. Jaehyun was breaking in cold sweat despite knowing that Johnny was bluffing.
"But-"
He heard Yuta reply in protest, but Johnny was quick to shut him down.
"Are you going against your superior, Second?", he asked, putting emphasis on Yuta's rank.
"No, Sir."
Half an hour passed, and Johnny removed his ropes and blindfold before escorting him to another room. He made sure there were no others following them.
Johnny asked him to sit by the reclining chair beside the monitors. Jaehyun quietly obliged.
"Johnny, what are you-"
"Jae. We don't have the time."
Johnny pressed a button and Jaehyun felt burning pain on the tattooed part of his body. He clutched his shoulder as blinding pain surrounded him. His agonizing scream filled the room.
Johnny approached him quickly.
"Jae. Look at me. You only have one chance…"
Johnny placed a hand over Jae's other shoulder.
"Would you like…"
The pause made Jaehyun look up to him, fighting the burning pain on his skin.
"I'm sorry this is all I can do."
"What?"
"You choose whether to go back to the time before you met Taeyong… or…"
"Or what?"
"Nevermind. That's the only way you can survive without your consciousness being sent into oblivion."
Johnny looked away, and in an instant, Jaehyun knew he was lying.
"What's the other choice?" He grabbed Johnny's arm.
"I won't let you do it."
Jaehyun got up from his seat.
"What is it?"
Johnny rubbed his hands against his face and finally met Jaehyun's gaze.
"The other choice… Is that you'll be stuck in a loop for the rest of your life."
Jaehyun froze in his tracks. The thought of going back in time to see Taeyong gave him a semblance of hope.
"...How much time is included in the loop?"
"The last 24 hours."
Johnny broke into tears as he continued.
"I'm sorry Jaehyun, I won't let you do it. It's too cruel."
Jaehyun couldn't hear anything else at the moment.
"I'll do it."
"No!"
Jaehyun's heart broke at the sight of his best friend begging him.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I couldn't stop Yuta. If I knew he was coming for Taeyong I would have done something. I'm sorry, Jaehyun."
Johnny was sobbing as he apologized and begged for Jaehyun to reconsider. But Jaehyun already made up his mind.
He took Johnny by the shoulders and gave a quick tap at his cheek.
"Johnny. In those 24 hours, I'll be able to see not only Yong, but you as well. Who wouldn't want to see their loved ones forever?"
Jaehyun smiled at him reassuringly, but Johnny shook his head no.
"You have to understand, Johnny. I would rather go crazy than to never have met him at all. I would rather have my soul shredded into pieces than not have him exist in my mind."
"But you'll have to see him die. Every single day."
"But that means I'll still see him every day. And wake up to him. And sleep beside him. Eat with him. Love him."
"Jaehyun. He will die again and again. And you have no choice but to watch."
"It's fine."
Jaehyun took a seat, still clutching his shoulder.
"Jaehyun."
"I can never let go of his memories."
At this, Johnny finally resigned in defeat and took a seat by the monitor and hovered his finger over a button.
"Hey." Jaehyun called him.
"I'm sorry if my decision is painful for you."
Johnny gave a weak smile.
"It's just that I don't want to ever be someone who never met him. I don't want a world where he doesn't exist."
"Even if you're stuck in a loop hole where you have to watch him die? That's worse than hell."
"If these are the repercussions for my sins, I would gladly oblige. In my atonement, I would like to have him by my side. If you look at it that way, it doesn't sound too bad.
"I wish you happiness in the next state of life, Jeong."
"And I wish you nothing but success as you lead the guardians of this world."
Johnny turned off the lights.
"Ready?"
"Uhm..."
Noticing the shakiness of his own voice, Jaehyun took another breath, and suddenly felt a hand above his. A reassuring touch, and Jaehyun spoke again: this time with more finality.
"I'm ready."