Work Text:
Every touch has begun to feel like a test. A test of Hao's limits that he's this close to failing.
Zhang Hao knows that Hanbin is always very tactile, he's seen him cuddled up with Gyuvin and Hui during breaks and grabbing trainees' hands supportively through every challenge and elimination so far. What he doesn't know is whether the reason their skinship feels so charged and so much more than the daily reassurances everyone shared in the dorm is just due to the feelings he's desperately suppressing whenever Hanbin is in the room or whether something within Hanbin is feeding it as well.
He's been with boys before but this is different. He had picked out various boys throughout high school and college whose gaze he saw linger on him a little too long but the motivation was always physical and fueled by the desire to be desired.
It's got to the point where Hanbin doesn't even have to be looking at him. His gravitational pull transcends distance or attention. Whenever Zhang Hao feels triumphant or stressed or tired his first inclination is to drop himself into Hanbin's arms. With how satisfying yet gruelling this whole survival experience has been so far the impetus to do so is becoming far too frequent and fighting the magnetism isn't something he has energy left for at this stage of the game.
Hanbin won't reject him. Their ascent from strangers to confidants was like whiplash, he's been working with Ricky and Seungeon for over a year now yet their connection can't contend with what stands in front of him now. Kuan Jui is the only one who comes close but his connection with Hanbin is beginning to surpass even that.
Finding excuses to seek Hanbin out has become second nature. When he's sharing ideas with Kuan Jui for the Over Me choreography he can't help but imagine what ideas Hanbin would come up with.
"What if we add some tutting to our pair choreography break?" Hao blurts out before his usually careful filter can intercept the thought.
Kuan Jui turns his head towards him with a knowing look.
"Tutting? Where did you get that idea? Neither of us have ever taken classes in that." Sometimes Hao hates how easily Kuan Jui can see through him, though he's usually more grateful than he is right now.
"Well it's clearly gone down well with the fans of the show so far, it could be smart to use that." He tries to justify himself retrospectively. It would be a smart idea now that he has a chance to think about it. The fans are as weak to Hanbin as Hao is himself, why not capitalise on that? "I'm sure Sung Hanbin wouldn't mind giving us some tips and when have you ever met a style of dance you couldn't perfect?"
Kuan Jui takes a moment to think before shooting a small thumbs up.
"I can't argue with that, can you ask him to help us? What if he's too busy with his own rehearsals?"
"That team literally has the top 4 trainees
in the show right now, they're probably way ahead. We'll put something together and ask him what he thinks."
Hao tries to hide the small smile on his face. He wants to impress Hanbin with his own speciality. That's motivation enough to work even harder.
One of the most addictive things about Hanbin is how competent he is. All the contestants have their own charm, whether they are polished or not, but Hanbin makes Hao want to be better and become the most fully realised version of himself.
In a way Hanbin sometimes feels like a mirror. In their early chats he remembers being intimidated by their similarities, they're in competition after all. What was stopping production from focusing on the shiny, Korean version of this story and leaving Hao on the cutting room floor?
As he spent more time listening to Hanbin in their early days and sharing himself he realises the differences were there below the surface, both of them were well versed in hiding their respective weak spots despite their lack of experience on camera. He likes that Hanbin is more timid where Zhang Hao is more direct and where Hanbin is more forthcoming with affection to everyone in his orbit where Zhang Hao is more reserved except with those he's already let in.
Once he and Kuan Jui are done brainstorming ideas Hao is keen to get to the practice room and start putting something together he can show to Hanbin.
It only takes a day of work before Zhang Hao is eager to present what he's been working on. His interactions with Hanbin have been incidental for the past few days now that they aren't on the same team and he's getting restless to change that.
He hurries down the corridor and through Hanbin's current dorm's doorway. Seeing Hanbin sitting on his bed, he takes his chance.
"Hanbin-ah, can I ask you…" He pauses as he takes in Hanbin's demeanour. His shoulders are sagging, his head is down and Hao thinks his eyes look a little red rimmed too.
"Oh Hanbinnie, what's wrong?" He closes the distance between them and settles next to Hanbin on the bed, draping his arm across his shoulder and using his other hand to bring Hanbin's head to his own shoulder.
"Ahh, I just stopped crying, don't set me off." He sniffles into Hao's chest. He burrows his face down further as Hao pets his head comfortingly.
"Tell hyung what's wrong, I want to help. Is practice not going well? Did something happen?" Hao tries to keep his voice steady despite the panic a tearful Hanbin induces in him. More and more their moods seem symbiotic, it no longer matters which one of them wins each challenge as the satisfaction of seeing the other happy supersedes the disappointment.
Hanbin takes a deep breath to steady his breathing. "I'm not leading well. I was too worried about not hurting anyone's feelings to suggest Matthew and Seungeon switch their parts but we finally brought it up and Matthew has been so upset ever since. Even Seungeon feels bad and I let Jiwoong bring it up first instead of fulfilling my role properly. I should have avoided this whole situation and just said something as soon as I thought of it."
He lets muffled sobs escape as soon as he finishes explaining. Hao tightens his arm around Hanbin and caresses his hair while he lets it all out.
"Don't apologise for being too considerate Hanbinnie, it's a wonderful trait. I'm sure you're just doing what's best for the team and the performance." Zhang Hao knows how easy it is, especially for someone like Hanbin, to absorb the hurt of others but he wishes he could snap his fingers and take all of the bad feelings away from him.
"I'm trying, I wish I had your leadership skills hyung. I thought it's the same as teaching but it's not at all." He sounds less tearful now and Hao tries to hide his sigh of relief.
"Hey now, I'm not that good, you can have some of it though." He manoeuvres Hanbin until he's sat between Hao's thighs on the bed and he cages him in with his arms and legs. "Take it, I'm sending it to you, I'm sharing."
Hanbin finally lets out a laugh and places his hands on Hao's arms like he's taking what he's being given.
"Okay, I got some. I'll use it tomorrow." Hanbin turns towards him and finally shows a genuine smile.
"Put it to good use, don't waste it." Hao is grateful to provide some comfort and pinches Hanbin's cheeks now that they're full again.
Hanbin's smile turns shy. "Thank you as always, hyung. I probably owe you another massage now. Wait, what did you want to ask me when you came in?"
As Hanbin is finishing his question Matthew enters the dorm and gives them both a wave.
"Don't worry about it, I'll let you guys chat about your performance and go practise mine for a bit." Hao pulls himself off the bed and pats Matthew on the back before heading to the studio. He finds Kuan Jui there still and they get back to running through their pair choreography for Over Me.
They're sitting down to take a short break after they run through their parts ten or so times, taking a look at the original choreography video again when the door opens and Hanbin's face pops through the gap. Hao is relieved to see he doesn't look nearly as upset as he had earlier.
"Oh Sung Hanbin! Are you here to help us?" Kuan Jui chirps. Zhang Hao had forgotten to mention he hadn't spoken to Hanbin about the dance yet.
"Help you?" Hanbin looks between the two puzzled for a moment.
"With the tutting choreo?" Kuan Jui continues. Hanbin's face only shows more confusion.
"Sorry," Hao interjects, "That's why I came to your dorm earlier. Jui and I added some tutting to our dance break and we thought we ought to run it past you."
Zhang Hao watches Hanbin's face carefully as it softens and his smile reaches his eyes, he even thinks he sees Hanbin's nose scrunch up but he forces himself to ignore how cute that is.
"Really? There's not any in the original right? That's.. really cool that you added that, hyungs." Hanbin sounds like he's choosing his words very deliberately but his gaze bores into Hao's like there's something he's leaving unsaid below the surface.
"Do you have ten minutes to give us your opinion? You're the unofficial tutting master of the season after all." Hao returns Hanbin's smile and tries to stay playful. Hanbin nods and Kuan Jui moves them into their formation before pressing play on the music.
Zhang Hao can't look at Hanbin right now for fear of eclipsing his brain so he focuses on the mirror as he moves through what he's been practising in time to the beat.
When they reach the end of the section and he finally catches Hanbin's eye he suddenly feels hopeful that he's achieved what he set out to.
Hanbin gives them an applause and waves his hands in the air to signify his approval.
"Wow, it really fits the song guys. I'd literally just change one thing in terms of flow to make the movements more fluid."
"And Hao hyung," He steps up towards Hao and takes hold of his hands. "Hold as close to this as you can." He arranges Hao's hands in the box formation, paying extra attention to his joints.
Hao knows he should be looking at the adjustments Hanbin has made to his hands but his gaze stays steady on his face. Hanbin's tongue peeks through his teeth as he perfects the angle and lets go with a contented smile.
"Try and keep as close to a right angle as you can or it's easy to let it look messy on stage." Hao makes sure to commit the shape to memory, he's determined to feed his addiction to Hanbin's compliments during the recording.
Hao nods and Hanbin releases his hands from their position but once they drop he quickly reseals his palm to Zhang Hao's with a reassuring squeeze.
Kuan Jui thanks Hanbin and scurries off the shower now that most of the other boys will be in bed.
"You can be completely and objectively honest, even if the fans like it it's also important that you do too. You're the pro." Hao doesn't just want this to be a gimmick, he's doing everything he can to make his team stand out against the other performances stacked with top 9 trainees, if he can get Hanbin's seal of approval he also hopes that can translate to the live audience. His shoulders have been heavy with the fact that he knows his other members aren't as likely to get to the finale as he is, the benefit would be a gift to them he wants desperately to deliver.
Hanbin chuckles and then hesitates slightly, Hao braces himself to be a good sport and take the criticism well.
"Okay then, based on my experience .. I completely and objectively like you hyung. So I might be a bit biased but I really think it's solid." Hanbin finishes and adjusts their hands so that their fingers interlace.
Hao has been so ready to hear critiques on the dance that Hanbin's words don't compute immediately. When they start to make sense he chokes out a breath and starts to feel panicky.
"Hanbin? What are you saying?" The worst thing Hao can do is get his hopes up just for Hanbin to proclaim them best friends or something. He's aware their bond is strong but he needs to know if he's alone in the depth of his feelings.
"I just had to say something because when I heard you added this into your choreo there was a selfish part of my brain that couldn't help but hope it wasn't just a good idea for the performance, that maybe it was because of me . That maybe you want to impress me as much as I want to impress you and maybe even during this ridiculously stressful process I spring to your mind as much as you do to mine."
Hao has been so used to caring for his dongsaengs and being the reliable hyung that he never knew he could gain so much comfort from someone younger than him until Hanbin appeared and filled a space Hao didn't know he needed filled so effortlessly.
Hao doesn't know what to say as he processes Hanbin's words so Hanbin continues.
"You floor me, hyung, pretty much constantly and not just in the competition, as a person. And I'm not expecting you to say anything because it's been a long, tough day and it's late, but I really need you to know how astounding you are."
Hao's mouth drops open even further.
Sung Hanbin has feelings for him, he's been reading this right and somehow it still feels surreal. The praise from the mentors and other trainees he'd been holding onto like a lifeline suddenly pales in comparison to this. Trying to express himself in Korean right now is futile.
Hanbin can see the cogs turning in his head so he pulls Hao closer to wrap his arms around his waist and drops a peck to the top of his hair. Hao squeezes back, trying to convey his reciprocation through touch as his words fail him.
"Let's go to bed, we need to rest while we can."
Hao still doesn't know what to say to match Hanbin's sincerity so he tries to show him instead.
Hao summons all his courage and gently cups Hanbin's cheeks and seals their lips together. Once Hanbin starts to reciprocate he melts into his lips, kissing over and over again to express everything he has to say to Hanbin. Thank you, I want you, you inspire me, I'm here for you. The sentiments are endless so Hao does his best to convey just a fraction of his emotions, they'll have plenty of time for the rest.
The kiss is less frantic than the ones he's experienced in his imagination but it's passionate and emotional. Hanbin's hands come to Hao's waist and squeeze to match the mounting pressure in his kisses. Weeks of tentative touches and comforting words pour into their kiss and so they treat each other with the utmost care.
Hanbin finally pulls away first before pressing his forehead against Hao's.
"I think I've been manifesting this." Hao chuckles, finally regaining his composure enough to speak.
"Junhyeon would be proud." Hanbin jokes back. The fact that their natural ease is unchanged soothes Hao's worries and fills him with hope.
He's simultaneously terrified at the prospect of something real with Hanbin but also at complete peace with the fact that they finally got here.
Zhang Hao struggles with certainty sometimes. Originally, when he got into college he was focusing on what might be deemed as successful for his family before he switched to music education and choosing to bring out the best in students, then he finally committed to his own dream and pursued becoming an idol. It made him worry that he might not be making the right choice yet again but standing here with Hanbin doesn't feel like certainty but an inevitability.
Hanbin intertwines their fingers and wordlessly drags Hao out of the practice room and back towards their rooms.
Hopefully it's late enough that no one catches the dumb grins they take back to the dorm with them.