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Tony crept down the hall, motioning for the rest of them to follow his lead through the silent hallway.
His janky ass team clearly didn’t care as much as he did, grumbling loudly, their arms full of birthday kazoos and party horns that Tony had shoved into their hands earlier.
“I don’t think she’s gonna appreciate you waking her up by tooting horns in her face, Tony.” Natasha fixed the party hat that was sliding over her eyes. “Taking her out to breakfast would have been so much nicer.”
“Breakfast is temporary, carrot top. The memory of us working hard to surprise her and make her birthday morning special is permanent,” Tony whispered.
“I don’t know about that, Tony.” Sam piped in. “Those hash browns down the street are pretty damn memorable.”
“I don’t think this is a good idea.” Bucky’s lips were pressed tight together, looking a little nervous and queasy, like he ate a couple moldy hot dogs before hopping on a roller coaster. But Tony didn’t have time to call out the cyborg, especially when you could wake up any minute now.
“When did you suddenly start caring about birthdays?” Clint looked suspicious. “For my birthday you gave me a half drinken coffee.”
“Don’t be selfish, Barton. I was tired that day.” Tony dramatically turned his head to peer down the hallway, making a weird sweeping motion with his hand.
He turned around to see everyone staring at him questioningly.
“It means all clear, you imbeciles. Has no one seen Die Hard?”
“Oh, I have!” Peter raised his hand and let go of his balloon, and Bucky snatched it before it could float off with a roll of his eyes. “But it’s kinda more like this, Mister Stark-”
Peter tried to demonstrate but Tony silenced him with a glare. “Guys, you’re ruining the whole thing. I’m trying to be nice and surprise our friend without you chihuahuas waking her up before we even get to the door.”
“Why are you trying so hard to be nice, Tony?” Natasha shook her head. “It doesn’t suit you.”
“C’mon, are you doubting me? I love being nice. It’s my favorite hobby.”
Natasha was unimpressed. “Pepper told you to be nicer, didn’t she?”
Tony grumbled, choosing not to reply.
Okay, so maybe Pepper did want him to be a little kinder, especially after he sent a few too many interns home crying.
”It’s not my fault they don’t understand my humor!” Tony had insisted.
Pepper had just given him a firm look and told him that he had to put more effort into expressing his appreciation for other people.
Tony was offended, but he knew his wife was right (as always). He didn’t exactly know the right way to express his love, growing up in a house with minimal affection.
He had tried multiple techniques: saying kind words, giving out compliments like candy, and even going as far as squeezing in random hugs, but none of them felt natural to him.
His love language was remembering the little things, Pepper had told him after she saw Tony give you a full-sized cardboard cutout of Channing Tatum after you had mentioned that the Jump Street movies were your absolute favorite.
However, some didn’t appreciate his little gifts as much as you did.
Helen Cho was not very thrilled to see thermal underwear for hands, no, not gloves, on her desk after whining that the medical wing was always cold.
Tony had decided to change his affection tactics to something everyone could enjoy. Everyone likes surprises. Right?
He liked to act like he didn’t care about anything other than AC/DC and whiskey, but he honestly did. He loved his team to pieces and would do anything for them.
Plus, it would be some practice for his incoming child. His future daughter would probably prefer hugs and playtime with her daddy rather than a chicken butt magnet (but considering it was Tony’s kid, the chicken butt might have a chance.)
So, that’s how Tony ended up here, searching his pocket for the keys to your room that he bribed borrowed from the floor’s housekeeper.
He made a mental note to fire the lady for dangerously handing out keys to anyone who asked.
“Wow, Tony. Look at you. Breaking into girls’ rooms,” Wanda snorted. “That’s a new low.”
“Quiet, before I burn you at the stake.”
“I still don’t think we should do this.” Bucky shifted his weight uncomfortably.
“You know, I would’ve expected Steve to say something, he’s being weirdly quiet. Something like, Anthony, respect her privacy-” Tony looked up from the lock. “Wait, where is he?”
Bucky cleared his throat. “Uh I dunno.”
“You don’t know?” Tony raised his eyebrow. “I thought you two were telepathically connected or something.”
Bucky looked down, suddenly very interested in the carpet under his feet. “Um I don’t know but I think we should go-”
“Whatever, he’s probably running an ultramarathon right now for some senior citizen charity, doesn’t matter. We’ll save some cake for him. But make sure someone has a glucose monitor. I don't think Cap can handle too much sugar.”
Tony inserted the key, the lock settling with a satisfying click as he turned it. He slowly opened the door, bringing his kazoo closer to his mouth.
What he was not expecting was that the same Steve who he thought was probably helping an old woman cross the finish line right now was lying in your bed.
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You thought you heard the creak of your door, but you mentally waved it off, classifying it as the creak of your fan.
You turned, not bothering to open your eyes, your hand feeling for your human pillow, who was unusually soft and an excellent cuddler for being built like a wall of muscle.
Your palm landed smack dab on Steve’s chest, and you buried yourself into his side with a smile creeping across both your faces.
“Happy birthday, sweetheart.” You felt Steve sleepily pressing his lips into your hair and all across your face.
Fuck, his morning voice was so hot.
You were glad you had him to yourself for a little while before you two had to act like colleagues. It was a mutual choice between you two to keep it from the team. Some of them could be just a tad bit dramatic, and you two wanted a quiet relationship before it went public.
Bucky already knew, because he knew Steve more than Steve knew himself, and you suspected that Natasha knew as well because she’s Natasha and knows everything.
Everyone else probably didn’t know, and you’d like to keep it that way for a little bit before Tony would inevitably scream "PDA! PDA!" everytime yours and Steve’s shoulders grazed.
You wrapped your arms around his neck and he buried his head into yours.
You mumbled something along the lines of “thank you” as you pressed kisses into his hair.
“I love you so much.” Steve lined kisses on your bare shoulder.
You heard a gasp followed by extremely violent shushing.
Your eyes flew open and Steve turned around in a split second, looking for the intruder.
You both were met with the team standing wide-eyed in your room, Tony in the lead looking like he was either about to pass out or throw the cake in his arms to the ground.
Steve tried his best to cover you with his body from his nosy team, trying to keep the blanket from slipping down his waist at the same time.
All eyes turned to Bucky, who was wearing a glittery-pink polka-dotted party hat that, by looking at the dents in it, seemed like it was wrestled on by someone.
He blew his party horn with a pathetic puff of air, smiling nervously at Tony. “Surprise?”
Thor launched his arms into the air. “SURPRISE!”
The commotion started.
“C’mon Cap,” Sam whined in the corner. “I thought I was your friend! How could you not tell me?”
“Knew it.” Natasha grinned cheekily.
“You two are so cute!” Wanda gushed. “Right Vis?”
Vision nodded, sending Steve an awkward thumbs up.
Bruce coughed, trying to respect your privacy by looking down at his shoes.
“Always thought you had a little crush on him,” Clint smiled.
“This is so cool! Wait, if you have a kid can I babysit please? I love babies. Oh my god, is it going to be a super baby?” Peter was bouncing with excitement. “Crap, I’m sorry, Mr. Steve. I didn’t mean to call your baby an ‘it’. I swear, I don’t see your baby as an object, I’ll be a great sitter.”
“Um, yeah, sure, kid-” Steve started.
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” Tony finally jolted out of his paralysis state. “How the hell did I not see this?”
“Tony-”
“Are you telling me that the whole time I was trying to set you up with Matthew from logistics, you were getting pounded by Ol’ Captain here?”
“Jesus, Tony.” You grimaced. “Why would you put it like that?”
“So, this is why Steve was extremely against my brilliant idea of locking you and Matthew in the bathroom together? That jealous bastard!”
“Your what-” You choked.
“That wasn’t the only reason why, Tony.” Steve huffed. “That’s just plain weird.”
“You know what else is weird, Cap?” Tony narrowed his eyes. “The fact that you’re hoeing around with a girl who’s literally a baby compared to you.”
“I’m not ‘hoeing around’, Tony. I love her.”
Tony’s eyes danced between you and Steve until his face finally relaxed.
He sighed, coming around to your side of the bed and planting a kiss on your head.
“Happy birthday, kid. I would hug you but I’m pretty sure you’re naked under there.” He turned to face Steve again. “If you break her heart, hang onto your dentures, 'cause I’m blasting your dusty ass back into the ‘40s, got it?. ”
“Got it, Tony.” Steve smiled.
“Ew, don’t smile at me like that.” Tony made a face and looked back at you. “I had a backup present, just in case the whole surprise thing went to shit.”
Tony fished out something from his pocket, placing it into your hand.
"You mentioned something about how you loved to use that stupid chicken butt joke when you were a kid," Tony mumbled.
It was a chicken butt magnet.
You loved it.