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I can’t breathe. For a moment the air is knocked out of my chest and the world falls below my feet. The ground hits my knees and my arms barely catch my body, everything crashing down. The truck seems to sway too as the ground folds over itself like batter. I realize what is happening and I finally pull myself up, adrenaline pumping and eyes sharpened.
Eddie.
Shit. I remember. Eddie. Our truck had fallen when the ground shook. Chimney fell hard to the ground and I felt nauseous. And Eddie…
The truck had fallen on Eddie!
I whip around to see the mass of metal flipped awkwardly at an angle. “Eddie!” I call out, running to the site and I drop to my knees again. I peer under. A hand sticks out at my face, not moving. My breath hitches. “Eddie! Eddie can you hear me!” I demand rather than asking, because he needs to hear me. He needs to stay awake. Softly but surely a murmur crawls through my ears.
Eds.
Without thinking I start clawing at the rubble to create space for my hands to grab onto. My position turns into a sumo squat and I start pulling at the engine, groaning and gritting my teeth. But it doesn’t budge. Again I hear quiet murmurs from the man below. My breath hitches. Again, I can’t breathe.
Eds.
“Buck!”
I recognize that strong voice. Hen appears at my side and mimics my position, pushing the truck upwards with all her might. Then Chimney comes along too. Then Ravi. Then Bobby. Other firefighters at the scene come to our aid. Then civilians. We’re all powdered and choking on the polluted air, yet focused on one singular purpose.
“Eds!”
It comes out as a desperate plea. I hear creaking and grinding of metal and soon enough when I look down, a shaking hand reaches out from underneath, covered in dusty white. It pulls itself towards my feet and I know for certain that adrenaline has kicked in because his fingernails are red and worn down and his knuckles bruised. I hold in my tears as to not let go of this damn truck, because if I know if I start crying, I’ll kill Eddie. The truck will fall and I can’t imagine the scene. Stop. I need to keep pushing. Eds. I need to keep pushing.
Bobby yells some sort of command or words of encouragement but the blood rushing to my ears makes it hard to hear. I feel like I’m about to burst open.
“Push! We’re almost there!”
Push. Push. Push. The metal creaks. I push harder. I don’t realize I’m screaming and I’m not clear enough to know what I’m screaming, but eventually the crashing of the truck drowns it out. It’s almost deafening. My whole body is on fire but I don’t care. On the ground, amidst the rubble and dust, the figure slowly crawling towards me, is Eddie Diaz.
My Eddie.
I reach towards him. I’m inches away when I collapse to the ground but I force my body the rest of the way. It feels like he’s so far from me, my perception distorted from the crazy beating of my heart. But I feel a familiar warm hand on my face and I realize he’s right here. Eddie Diaz is right in front of me, his eyes still glistening with something like hope despite the situation. Eds. Eds.
“Eds,” I break at last. “Eds. Oh my god, Eddie.”
It’s so hot everywhere. Like I’m in hell. But seeing him reminds me that I am here, grounding me.
“Bu...ck…” his words slur.
My heart explodes with so many emotions. He cups my cheeks and wipes away the tears that keep coming. I can’t stop it.
“Eds, I thought I’d lost you. I thought about how I would’ve had to tell Christopher. I thought about how I’d have to see them drag your body away. Not again.” I don’t know if he could comprehend what I was saying as I was choking on the dust and my own tears. But he holds me closer, our foreheads touching.
I hear the ambulances coming. He tries his best to keep looking into my eyes, and I his. He’s so beautiful and strong in this moment. He could have died. But he’s still looking at me. His breath is warm and heavy. Mine too.
“Alright, Buck. Let them do their job.” Bobby pats my back and heaves me up with the help of Chimney. But I still fixate my eyes on his. He smiles, letting me know it’s okay. Everything is okay now. They hoist him onto the bed and roll him away. I want to ride with them but I know there are others in need of our help. I nod as the ambulance doors close and watch them drive away with Eddie.
Eddie Diaz.
The adrenaline wears off just enough that I lose my balance when walking with the others. I stumble but the thought of others trapped in the rubble keeps me awake and moving. I know Eds will be alright. Because he’s Eddie Diaz. Christopher’s father. My partner. Our family.
And our family never quits.