Chapter Text
I've always admired Kita Ikuyo. Since she joined the band.... No, since she first came and talked to me, maybe even before that? Yeah, probably.
Not in a romantic way, of course! It was more that, I saw her as a kind of higher being. A being that had mastered the art of socialization, a feat some pitiful creature such as myself could never hope to achieve.
I just always thought Kita-sama was so cool... But I never viewed her in any sort of romantic way. I mean, we're both girls, for God's sake! A girl could never like another girl, right!?
I'd never think of her like that....
Never.....
That's what I thought, at least, until that day. The last day of summer break, on our trip to Enoshima. To be specific, it was during the train ride on our way home. In that moment, for whatever reason...
I fell in love with her.
For almost the entire ride, Nijika-san and Ryo-san were asleep, and so I was forced into talking to Kita-san. Well... when I put it like that, it sounds like a bad thing. Surprisingly, I hardly struggled talking to her. My heart was fluttering at the speed of a dragonfly's wings, yet I was conversing with her perfectly fine.
I thought I had evolved into my next form. That I had suddenly learned the way of the social butterfly during our trip. Yet, when I had to say goodbye to Nijika-san and Ryo-san, I was stuttering again like normal.
Weird, I thought.
Was I so nervous that I had just gone into autopilot mode? Had my body just taken over and done all the work, and given up as soon as I stopped talking to Kita-san?
But... I remembered every word of the conversation I had with her. I couldn't stop thinking about it after I'd gotten off the train and begun walking home. Hell, even after I had gotten home.
Why couldn't I stop thinking about it?
Why couldn't I stop thinking about... her???
My parents and little sister greeted me as normal, though I remember them asking why my face was so red. I just assumed it was the temperature outside. It was pretty hot, anyway. Yeah, that was probably it!
All these thoughts were still going through my head as I went to the kitchen to get myself something for dinner. I hadn't eaten much during the trip, after all. I just...
I still couldn't stop thinking about Kita-san.
The way she talked to me, how nice she was, her adorable smile, her beautiful eyes, her... Wait, WHY AM I THINKING THESE THINGS???
Aren't these the things boys are meant to think about their crushes!?!? Why am I thinking things like this about one of my bandmates!?
We're just friends!
Just...
Just friends.
As I thought those words, I felt myself go into a bit of a slump, and ended up opening the fridge really pathetically, like I'd never done it before. Was I sad?
But why?
It couldn't possibly be...
No, we're both girls! There's no way I could ever have a crush on her! Things like two girls dating only happen in manga!
Right??
But... I guess it isn't entirely impossible...
I eventually just closed the fridge and went up to my room without making any food. All this thinking was making me exhausted.
As soon as I got into my room I collapsed into my futon and melted on the spot. In my liquidous state, I closed my eyes and attempted to just go to sleep. Today had been a long day.
But, when I closed my eyes, instead of seeing darkness as usual, all I could see was her.
Kita-san.
Because of this, I was unable to fall asleep, despite how tired I was. I wanted to be annoyed at my inability to sleep, but for some reason, I felt myself smiling.
Why are you smiling like that? You look creepy!
...An hour passed. I was so tired, and yet still hadn't fallen asleep. Should I take some melatonin? No, I'd have to stand up and actually get some, and I couldn't be bothered doing that.
I thought back to why I was struggling in the first place.
Kita Ikuyo... The girl appearing whenever I closed my eyes. The girl I couldn't get off my mind. The girl I...
No.
No way, right?
I'm just gonna wake up tomorrow and these feelings are gonna go away! That's it! Yet, when I thought about the possibility of just forgetting those feelings, I got sad again. Was I enjoying feeling like this?
But why?
It's not like... It's not like I was...
But...
Dammit.
I had fallen in love with her.
I had fallen in love with Kita Ikuyo.