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You left me. You left me alone in this world, and the pain is tearing me apart. Every moment of the day, I ache for your presence, for the sound of your voice, for the touch of your hand. It’s as if a part of me has been ripped away, leaving a gaping hole that nothing can fill.
But I want to believe that you’re in a better place now, a place where the sun always shines, and the pain and suffering of this world can’t touch you. I hope that you’re surrounded by all the beauty and wonder that you were denied in life, that you’re finally able to see and do all the things you always dreamed of.
I can say with certainty that this time with you has been the best. You made me believe that society could change, that there were still good people out there. You, yes you. Just with your presence and strength, I thought that life had finally given me the opportunity I deserved, but once again, I was disappointed. You were my light in this dark world, the one who made me think everything was possible. With you by my side, I felt like I could conquer anything, that we could change the world together.
We didn't meet at the best time, or in the ideal situation, but I don't think I would change it for anything, because if I did, I wouldn't be who I am now, I wouldn't be opening my heart just for you to see. You made me feel like I was the only person in the world that mattered.
The memories I have with you are precious, our time in the Alps when we were free I really thought nothing could touch us. Seeing you explore and experience life, seeing that you weren't worried about the future, it has been a pleasure to see you grow as a person. You made me forget why we had to leave, and we built our own home, which I will always consider our house, a safe place.
The war by your side seemed to have more meaning, you gave me another reason to fight to want to keep living. Difficult times didn't matter, we always found a way to move forward.
Now you're not here, but your teachings, your bravery, and courage will live in me forever. I will be stronger for you, I won't give up, and I will continue to fight for what you once believed was right. You taught me to see life from a different perspective, to appreciate all those little details that I overlooked but that made everything worth more for you.
I hope and wish that you are now at peace, that you no longer have to suffer, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss you or that I don't feel your absence burning on my skin. Don't doubt that you will always be present in my heart and thoughts. I promise that I will keep going, that I will honor your memory with every step I take, and that I will be waiting for you. Waiting in case you ever return, because the last thing to lose is hope, and I want to keep believing that our story is not over.
I will live as you wanted me to, and although sometimes I feel like I can't take it anymore, I will think of you and everything you taught me, and that will give me the strength I need to keep going. I know I will never forget your smile, your laughter, your way of being. Sometimes I wonder what everything would be like if you were still here with me. If I could hug you, feel your smell once again, if I could tell you how much I love you, and if I could ask for forgiveness for not realizing it earlier. If you’re watching me from somewhere, I hope you’re proud of me.
I will wait for you in this life, will you do the same in the next?
– – – – –
Yelling at the sky
Screaming at the world
Baby, why'd you go away?
I'm still your girl
Holding on too tight
Head up in the clouds
Heaven only knows
Where you are now
How do I love
How do I love again?
How do I trust
How do I trust again?
I stay up all night
Tell myself I'm alright
Baby, you're just harder to see than most
I put the record on
Wait 'til I hear our song
Every night I'm dancing with your ghost
Every night I'm dancing with your ghost
Never got the chance
To say a last goodbye
I gotta move on
But it hurts to try
How do I love
How do I love again?
How do I trust
How do I trust again?
I stay up all night
Tell myself I'm alright
Baby, you're just harder to see than most
I put the record on
Wait 'til I hear our song
Every night I'm dancing with your ghost
Every night I'm dancing with your ghost
How do I love
How do I love again?
How do I trust
How do I trust again?
I stay up all night
Tell myself I'm alright
Baby, you're just harder to see than most
I put the record on
Wait 'til I hear our song
Every night I'm dancing with your ghost
Every night I'm dancing with your ghost
Every night I'm dancing with your ghost
(Sasha Alex Sloan)