Archive of Our Own

There was something about you

that now I can’t remember

It’s the same damn thing

that made my heart surrender

Day 1, Monday
At the ripe age of 18, Haruka Nanase had left the comfort of his home town, Iwatobi, to go to Tokyo in order to study at the Tokyo University of the Arts. He was now 22, in his fourth and final year of university, having received lots and lots of praise along his way there. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do afterwards. He had been scouted many times, and knew he could easily do freelance with little to no worries, but he wasn’t sure yet if that was truly what he wanted. He could always try to get a job at an arts museum or a gallery, but he knew that wasn’t easy, and it would also include pretending to be interested in other people’s works, ones he would likely not have much interest in at all. Right now, though, he just focused on getting through his last semester, postponing any worries and bothersome troubles about the future for some other time.

His biggest strength and his greatest weakness with his arts was that he didn’t have that many friends. He only had a few from his elementary school that he kept in touch with every now and then, and then one or two people he could talk to at the university, one of them being a former teacher of his. On the good side, it meant he had a lot of time to explore his art, to dig deep into it and to develop it with barely any distractions. It did, however, also mean that he didn’t have a strong enough network, or a broad enough perspective on the world and enough experience or knowledge to fully utilize his potential. His art began to become repetitive, and while he had survived this long on the assumption that it was just his style, rather than lack of inspiration and proper motivation, he knew it would only be a matter of time before his teachers would get tired of trying to push him to explore other styles and motives.

One day, in early April, during his last semester, he went to Ueno Park to paint the cherry blossoms for an arts project about live nature, where he had picked the theme of water. He had always enjoyed drawing and painting water. There was just something about it that fascinated him. The movements, the colors, the reflections. It was only a plus that he got to include some cherry blossoms in bloom into it, hoping it might score him some easy aesthetical points with it.

He scouted the area, walked around for some time before he finally found an empty spot on a bench underneath a cherry tree, where he could get a perfect view of the lake. The only downside was that it was quite crowded with people constantly passing by behind him, as well as the constant buzz of people talking around him and cars driving in the distance, as well. It was also a bit difficult to sit right, so that he didn’t drop his tools nor get cramps in his body or wrinkle the paper. However, as soon as his pencil touched the page in his large sketchbook, his brain filtered out all the commotion and all the noise around him, and all of his focus went directly towards getting the pressure and stroke of his pencil just right.

He had made out the sketch of the drawing, and was starting to color it, when a voice suddenly breached through his focus.

“What are you drawing?” A curious and friendly person asked. Haru looked in the direction of the sound, only to see a guy sitting right beside him on the bench, so closely that their thighs nearly touched. The first two things Haru was quick to notice about the guy, was that he had long, maroon colored hair and red eyes. Then, Haru noticed that his jawline was quite refined and that his teeth looked unusually sharp; almost interestingly so - fascinatingly. He was without doubt attractive, Haru noted in his head, and there was something quite inviting about him, not just his friendly smile, but also his whole aura. It was strange. Haru then realized he had been staring for a moment or so without any response or reaction.

“Sorry?” Haru asked, unsure of what was happening. He hadn’t even sensed the guy sitting down to begin with. As he kept staring at him, he noticed just how attractive he really was. Haru became more and more certain that there must have been some sort of hidden motive behind him sitting down right beside him, even with the whole rest of the bench empty and free to use.

“What are you drawing?” The guy repeated, completely unfazed with Haru’s clearly confused expression.

How bothersome, Haru concluded. He didn’t have time for some curious stranger, especially not if he was just being nice to ask him to leave so he could have the bench to himself, or something like that.

“Ohh,” the guy let out, positively surprised. “That’s beautiful!”

The guy was looking at Haru’s sketchbook, then up over the view, and then down again, nearly beaming and very clearly impressed.

“Thank you,” Haru managed, still uncertain about the whole situation.

“I’m really sorry to bother you like this and interrupting your process, but can I borrow your phone? My own died and I think I might be a little bit lost,” the guy kept smiling, though he started to look a bit nervous, hand rubbing at the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have my phone with me,” Haru apologized. He started to feel a little bad for the stranger, but at least he now knew why he had sat down by him.

“Really?” The guy asked, surprised, but somehow also looking quite intrigued. Haru knew it was rare for someone to not constantly have their phone with them, but he had no use for it, considering he knew he would just be going to the park, so he just left it at home.

“Yeah, sorry.”

“That’s okay. Do you know if there’s like… a phone booth or something nearby?”

Something didn’t seem right to Haru. Why him? He could easily just point out that the guy could ask literally anyone else around them if he could borrow their phone instead of technology-rejecting Haru, but that’s not what Haru said. Instead, for some inexplicable reason and sudden uncharacteristic willingness to be bothered by a stranger, he said: “I can help you find the right way, if you want?”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to disturb your work,” the guy quickly said.

“It’s fine. It’s a bit difficult to focus with all the people around anyway,” Haru lied.

“Ah okay, that’s too bad. It’s a really nice drawing,” the guy complimented. “By the way, I’m Rin. Rin Matsuoka.”

“Haru,” Haru said, while leading Rin out of the park. Rin kept asking curious questions all the way out, and as they continued to wander aimlessly around the area. Haru answered all of those questions, more freely than he had ever done before, somehow being entirely unguarded. It was to Haru as if he had known this Rin person his entire life, and by Rin’s comfortable approach and genuine interest, it appeared Rin might have been feeling the same way.

”I’m a bit hungry, would you mind joining me and get something to eat together?” Rin asked after a while. He still hadn’t said where he was going, and Haru hadn’t asked. They had just kept walking and walking.

“Where?”

“I don’t know. Do you have any place in mind?”

“Well…” Haru trailed off. He didn’t eat out much, and he was usually not in any other part of the city than his home, the grocery store, his University and then a handful of places where he knew there would be water he could draw and paint. He wasn’t even a hundred percent sure where exactly they had ended up at.

“You don’t know either?” Rin asked. Haru nodded silently. “Okay, what about this: the first restaurant we see, we have to go in and we have to eat something.”

It was a ridiculous idea. Absolutely crazy. Haru had never been into dares, and he had certainly never been much for spontaneous ideas either, especially not when it came to dining out with a complete stranger. Haru had no clue why he started to nod in response, and no idea why he followed along as Rin continued to walk.

To Haru’s sheer luck, the first place they passed had mackerel on the menu, and so that’s what he ordered. Rin seemed quite pleased as well, being able to order a beef stew. He confessed he liked dishes with beef in them, and so Haru admitted that mackerel was his favorite, as well. A strange coincidence that the first place they went to had stuff that fit both of their preferences. Could have gone a whole lot worse, Haru figured.

While waiting for their food, and while eating it, and also even after they had finished eating it, Rin freely told Haru about himself. He was born and raised in Japan, right there in Tokyo, but his parents died in a car accident when he was 12, and then he was adopted by a couple named Lori and Russell, who eventually took him and his sister with them back to Australia where they were from. He currently lived near Sydney, where he was training to become a professional elite swimmer. His dad used to be an elite swimmer too, so Rin’s dream was to follow in his dad’s footsteps and go to the olympics as well. He also felt close to his dad whenever he swam, which was such a nice feeling to him.

Rin was visiting Tokyo during his off-season away from competitive swimming. He had taken some vacation to himself, to seek out some of his roots in Japan and to try to gain a more clear sense of self. He had felt a little lost for some time, and he wanted to recreate and re-establish his connection to his deceased parents. He arrived a few days ago and would be staying a whole month, something that made Haru’s heart briefly skip a beat of hope.

“So what do you usually do?” Rin asked, pulling Haru right back to reality before his mind could wander off with all the strange possibilities of seeing the man in front of him again.

“What do you mean?”

“Like what do you do… like, during your day?”

“Oh, I um… draw, and paint?”

“Anything else?” Rin curiously asked.

“Not much,” Haru shrugged. “When I don’t draw and paint, I usually read or play video games,” he continued, honestly and shamelessly, despite feeling a little hesitant about telling the truth at first. Rin might see it as a negative thing, but then again, if he did, it shouldn’t matter to Haru. They were just strangers, after all.

Rin kept asking curious questions, and Haru kept answering them, with no hint of hesitation after a while. The place was getting more and more empty, and their talking only stopped when the waiter came over to inform them that they were about to close. Rin was about to reach into his pocket, but paused and instead checked the time on a clock hanging on the wall, and Haru did the same on his own watch that decorated his wrist. Shocked by how late it had suddenly gotten, they were both quick to pay, gather their things and get out, entering into the cold, late-night air. They both looked around, clearly having forgotten that neither had any clue where they were.

With lots of chuckles and some mild panic, they eventually found the way back to the park. They stood for a little while right outside the park, looking away from one another, but still keeping the other in the corner of their eyes, as if making sure they wouldn’t just leave.

“Hey, do you have any plans tomorrow?” Rin asked, breaking the silence. Haru couldn’t help but smile.

“Classes until 2.”

“Do you want to meet again?” Rin then asked, getting right to the point, as if he was the most confident person in the world.

“Yes.”

“How about under that same cherry tree? After your classes?”

“I’d like that,” Haru shyly admitted. He couldn’t believe himself for considering skipping his classes for a moment, just so he could spend more time with Rin. He didn’t want the day to end, he didn’t want to go home now so that he could get at least a little bit of sleep, and he didn’t want to wait through his classes in the morning before he could finally see this stranger again.



Day 2, Tuesday
As promised, Rin sat by the bench underneath the cherry tree, waiting patiently for Haru to show up. There had been a slight doubt in Haru’s mind that Rin was going to be there, so it felt like a huge relief once he spotted him.

They didn’t have any plans, but in the same fashion as the day prior, they wound up doing another little dare. The first thing they saw an ad for, would be the place they would go. To Haru’s sheer luck, he saw an ad by a bus stop for an aquarium, and so on the train they went, and to the aquarium they headed.

Afterwards, Rin invited him to watch a movie, and while Haru knew he had homework he needed to finish, he willingly, carelessly accepted the invitation, and leaned as close against Rin’s seat in the cinema as he could without it coming off as weird. Meanwhile, Rin shared the bucket of popcorn he had bought, which became conveniently closer to Haru’s hand, the closer Haru leaned towards Rin.

Haru also learned that Rin’s favorite fish was a great white shark, which he had been quite amazed by at the aquarium, and that Rin didn’t like sweet things, as he admitted he wasn’t fond of chocolate or candy, but preferred salty snacks, especially the crunchy kind, just like popcorn.

They promised to meet each other again the next day, by that same cherry blossom tree.


Day 3, Wednesday
Rin was quick to make his plans for the day known. Haru barely had time to greet him, before Rin quickly reached a bag towards Haru to show him.

“What do you think about going to the beach?” Rin asked, wearing that daring smile he had worn during all his previous suggestions. Haru’s eyes widened, and Rin quickly showed Haru that while he had been in school, Rin had been busy collecting food and drinks and brought along two swimsuits for the perfect beach date. He even had two towels in that bag of his.

Rin didn’t need to argue his case much, before Haru ever-so-unusually-willingly went with him on the nearly-two hour long train ride to Yuigahama beach in Kamakura. Haru didn’t even point out that it was still cold and not exactly warm enough to go swimming in the ocean. Instead, he accepted the risks of lung infection quite willingly. Luckily for him, Rin deemed it too cold to swim in the ocean, and therefore instead dragged Haru off to a nearby aquatic center, after they had eaten the food Rin had brought and walked along the coast.


Day 4, Thursday
They met up at the park after Haru’s classes were over. It was becoming routine by then. They had no clue what to spend the day on or what to do together. Rin didn’t have any ideas, but with the weather unusually warm, they stayed in the park. It should’ve been that day that they went to the beach, Haru thought to himself, even if it was still too cold to be swimming. The breeze in Rin’s hair had been stunning to watch, and the beach was nice to visit either way, but he was still shivering from the cold by the time they got to the aquatic center. The fact that he had been so willing to get sick for Rin still rang like a bell inside of his head.

After some discussion about what to do for the day, Rin eventually went and got them something to eat, and while Haru waited for Rin to get back again, he rummaged through his backpack from school and pulled out his sketchbook to draw.

When Rin came back, they ate and then continued to talk, until their talk turned to peaceful and comfortable silence. Rin looked over at the lake, and Haru reached for his sketchbook once more and started to draw something new. First the shape of his face, the soft expression of his eyes, his relatively long hair and his soft-looking lips. The crinkle in his eyes as he smiled so naturally; so peacefully. Haru knew that Rin had noticed the sound of a pencil scraping against paper, but he hadn’t asked yet. He had settled on continuing that comfortable silence, just looking over the lake, watching the ducks swim around and the people on the paths admiring the cherry trees all around the lake.

They must have sat like that for a good twenty minutes or so, before Rin finally spoke up.

“What are you drawing?” Rin curiously asked. Haru knew he must have held onto that question ever since Haru began, and only now did his impatient curiosity get the better of him. He had held out for long, Haru noted.

“You,” Haru absentmindedly replied, switching out his pencil for another to do some finer shading.

“Me?” Rin asked, dumbfounded, and Haru would have loved to see the expression on his face. If his tone was any indication, he must have looked absolutely confused. Alas, Haru was too busy getting the shading of Rin’s lips just right.

“Yes,” Haru confirmed. Rin tried to scoot closer to get a glimpse, but he wasn’t pushing it, and just sat still, waiting in surprise and suspense.

Haru only glanced up occasionally at Rin to look at some specific part of him. Mainly his face, but also the rest of his body. The way he had sat at the bench. Now that he had moved, it was a bit more difficult to try to add shading onto his body and clothes, but he tried his best. He sketched out the background, as well, though he decided not to dwell on it too much and left that as a simple sketch. If he tried to finish it, he worried that Rin might just end up getting impatient and leave. Haru carefully ripped the page out of his sketchbook.

“Here,” Haru said, and handed the drawing to Rin. No matter what reaction Rin would have had, Haru would have been happy just to have been able to make it in the first place, but to see Rin so absolutely overwhelmed and in complete awe as he was, made it feel so much more worth it. He had seen appreciation for his art before, and amazement, too. He had seen disbelief and received many compliments. But none of them could ever compare to seeing and hearing just how much Rin loved and appreciated the drawing. He even asked if he could keep it, and Haru could do little but just nod along in a yes.

He really wanted to draw Rin again. He wanted to see that same sincere reaction, over and over, as many times as he possibly could.


Day 5, Friday
Rin once again had plans for the day. He wanted to bring Haru to The National Art Center, thinking it was something Haru might enjoy, being completely unaware that Haru usually found art museums boring. He would much rather go back to the aquarium again, if he was honest. Or the aquatic center. But if Rin wanted to go, he couldn’t get himself to come up with any objections.

It first went exactly how Haru had expected. Completely boring. Being in a room full of people who looked and sounded too pretentious for their own good, looking at art pieces that made Haru feel nothing but disinterested and dissatisfied. Then, standing in front of a modern, abstract piece in a thick glass frame, Rin leaned closer, pointed at the sign which described the piece and stated that the value of it was 2 million yen, and jokingly whispered: “I thought it was illegal to exploit children for money?”

Haru couldn’t help but chuckle. The joke was completely unexpected to him. Rin had behaved perfectly well up until then, to the point of which Haru had assumed that Rin might have liked the whole exhibition. But apparently not.

“It’s more about the feeling it gives,” Haru tried to explain. Modern art had never been his niche, but he could appreciate it sometimes. He couldn’t deny Rin in being right though, it really did look exactly like a children’s finger paint project, an unambitious one at that.

“And what do you feel?” Rin asked, trying not to smile, looking ready to apologize.

“The same as you,” Haru smiled, sideways, reassuring him that Rin hadn’t been offensive, at least not towards him.

The rest of the tour around the museum was a lot less tense than the beginning of it. They giggled, they laughed, they joked around. They also found pieces that spoke to them, individually and together. It was nice. Really nice. They had a similar taste in art, meaning they could freely appreciate certain ones together, and make lighthearted fun of other ones. Rin didn’t quite understand Haru’s focus on details, but he also didn’t ridicule him for it, if anything he looked and sounded as if he wanted to understand, even Haru’s unusual obsession with how well water was executed in the works that included any, which was, to Haru’s dismay, very few.

After the art museum, they ended up at another restaurant, eating ramen together. After that, they ended up in a bar, drinking together until far into the evening. And then, in slightly drunk conditions, they ended up at Haru’s place, lying on his bed.

At first, they were in a fit of tipsy giggles, anything they said sounded funny, and the room was spinning, and Haru should have been dizzy, but he turned his head and looked into Rin’s eyes looking right back at him, and dizzy was the furthest thing from what he felt. Haru was tempted to reach out and grab Rin’s hand, but he resisted the urge and instead kept his hands above his own stomach, breathing in and out, focusing on the motion of his heaving chest with every breath.

They laid like that for quite a while, until they couldn’t retain their yawns anymore, and eventually had to admit sleep was pulling at them and neither wanted to wake up with the horrible aftertaste of alcohol. Haru was quick to say that Rin could stay the night if he wanted. It was far into the night, after all. It would be ridiculous for him to go back to his hotel like that, and it would be mean of Haru to expect him to. Rin happily accepted the offer, and so Haru pulled out his guest futon, which had barely, if ever, been used, hoping Rin wouldn’t notice the likely dust on it.

“When did you start to draw?” Rin asked, after they had gotten ready for bed and was lying in the darkness, so close to drifting off and yet both still feeling so restless. Likely from the alcohol, Haru figured, though he knew that wasn’t it.

“I’ve been drawing since I was a kid,” Haru answered, voice sleepy.

“Then it’s no wonder you’re so good. Do you want to pursue it as a career?” Rin continued, as if he didn’t want Haru to fall asleep just yet. As if he wanted just a little bit more of his company, even if they couldn’t make anything but each other’s silhouettes out in the dark, and even if both of their bodies were so tired they had to fight their eyelids from closing in on themselves.

“Yes.”

“You definitely have the talent for it,” Rin sincerely complimented him. “Your work belongs more in the museum than most of the works we saw today. If not all of them.”

“Thank you. I go to the university of arts right now, to try to get better.”

“Oh, I thought it was just a regular university you went to,” Rin thought out loud. Haru didn’t know what to say, so he stayed quiet. Rin didn’t give him a moment of silence, interrupting it just in time before Haru’s mind gave in to his tiredness. “When did your interest for art begin? Did you always know you wanted to become an artist?”

“I think it’s always been like that, I guess… When I was a kid I used to draw characters from the games I played or the anime shows I watched. I also drew a lot of animals, mainly sea creatures, since they were the most fun to draw,” Haru told him, freely and sleepily, almost mumbling off in a tired ramble. “I started to make my own characters after that, and then small hand-drawn comics, before I started to paint. I explored photorealism at one point, along with abstract coloring, too. I’m trying to perfect both of those. So, yeah… I guess there hasn’t really been any question about it being the thing I wanted to do?”

“That’s nice,” Rin said.

“What about you and swimming? Was it always like that?” Haru curiously asked.

“Hmmm… I think so? I did have a brief dream of becoming a veterinarian when I was a kid, though,” Rin admitted.

“That sounds oddly fitting,” Haru smiled.

“Heh, thank you,” Rin said, and Haru could tell by his voice that he was smiling. “Hey, Haru?”

“Mhm?” Haru hummed, his eyes closing in on themselves.

“You know at the park, when we first met?” Rin asked, as if it had been a lifetime ago.

“Mhm,” Haru repeated.

“My phone hadn’t actually died,” Rin admitted shyly. “I just wanted an excuse to keep talking to you.”

Haru’s eyes shot open, and he tried to adjust his eyes to the dark, tried to see Rin; to look at him.

“I’m glad I did,” Rin continued, and Haru felt the world being swept from underneath him.

They laid in silence for a long time, Haru’s loud and quick heartbeat sounding like drums against his ears, the only sound he could register. His body heated up at the speed of his heart, and his duvet suddenly felt suffocatingly hot.

“I’m glad you did, too,” Haru then managed to quietly say after a while, unsure of whether Rin had fallen asleep in the meantime or not.


Day 6, Saturday
It was strange for Haru to wake up to someone in his apartment who was kind of, practically still a stranger, even though he felt like a long-term friend. He quickly realized he hadn’t considered the fact that he had no clue what Rin’s morning routines were like, but he would quickly find out. Rin admitted to having a much healthier and balanced diet than Haru, but Rin didn’t complain at all either. He was an athlete, so of course he had to mind what he was eating. Still, the only problem Rin had was the fact that Haru ate mackerel for breakfast. He found it strange. Still, with nothing else to eat and no desire to go out on a hungry stomach, he just ate whatever Haru did.

After eating and properly waking up, showering and getting ready for the day, Rin convinced Haru to go out shopping with him. Rin took him around the inner city with help from the map on his phone, and even had him try out several outfits himself. It was interesting for Haru to learn more about Rin, but he did also find the whole activity quite bothersome. He didn’t care much about how he dressed, and he never really thought about it either. Rin seemed to care about his own appearance a lot, but that much was clear from the second Haru’s eyes had landed on him for the first time earlier that week. He dressed very well, and watching him search around clothing stores for specific things, scanning every item with his eyes - it almost looked like a predator out hunting. Maybe even like a shark, perhaps.


Day 7, Sunday
Rin had gone back to the hotel after he had deemed their shopping to be done with, and Haru had gone home and packed away the futon, feeling a sense of strange sadness. He had struggled to fall asleep, as if something wasn’t quite right. It was fine to get some time to himself, no doubt, but it also filled him with such odd, yearning emotions.

He was quick to get ready after waking up, and hurried off to the park. He was like a madman, speed-walking along the sidewalk. Like a magnet being pulled along. He was there way before 10 where they had agreed to meet up, and waited for quite a bit before Rin eventually showed up, interrupting the whirlwind of thoughts he was having while looking at the lake, appreciating the water and watching the movements of it, as well as the trees and the animals surrounding it. Rin held out a basket for Haru to see, even though he was already looking at it. There was a blanket covering it, though, so he didn’t know the content, but he had a pretty fair guess.

“Want to have a picnic?” Rin asked, confirming Haru’s guess, and it was clear that he was trying to sound confident, but his nerves easily shined through.

“Picnic?” Haru looked at him with wonder.

“Yeah, I thought it might be nice. It’s nice weather, at least,” Rin brushed off. “I brought a blanket to sit on, too.”

Haru got up and helped Rin with unfolding the blanket and putting it down on the grass underneath the cherry tree beside the bench. Rin placed the basket on top of the blanket, and then started to take out one item at a time after they had sat down. He had brought champagne, tea, fruits, and sandwiches, and it was all so thorough and kind, and Haru was so happy that Rin wanted to share this whole thing with him. It must have required a lot of effort and time, Haru figured.

They ate the sandwiches and drank the tea, and Haru made sure to give Rin lots of compliments throughout it. Rin had even put mackerel in Haru’s sandwich. A considerate gesture, Haru noted, which was very well-received. They started talking while occasionally eating some of the fruit and taking sips of champagne. Then, a comfortable silence spread between them, and Haru settled for simply watching Rin silently, hoping he wasn’t being too obvious. Rin looked at the scenery, appearing too busy to notice Haru staring. The sun shining through the branches and the petals of the tree created small shadow illusions on Rin’s face, and Haru started to study them in his head, while also noticing how golden the sun made Rin’s eyes appear. Looking at Rin made Haru’s heart beat faster, but it also somehow made him feel calm. Nervous and calm at the same time. After a while, Rin glanced over at Haru, their eyes met, and then he began to blush.

“What?” Rin nervously asked, self-consciously. “Do I have something on my face?”

“No. You’re just… pretty,” Haru awkwardly yet shamelessly confessed. He wasn’t sure pretty was really the word, but he also couldn’t come up with anything more fitting at that moment.

Rin’s eyes widened at that. The two looked at each other for a moment or two, and then the world came to a standstill and Haru’s heart felt like it got caught in his throat, and Rin moved closer and closer, pausing shortly with his face right in front of him, before closing any last gap between them as their lips met. Once, shortly, then twice, and then Haru’s brain finally caught up with him and he leaned in as well, meeting Rin halfway, kissing him right back.

It was brief, but it was sweet. Rin’s lips tasted like strawberries, cinnamon green tea and a hint of meat from his sandwich. The way Rin’s hand fit just right against his face as he gently caressed Haru’s cheek with his thumb, and the way Rin paused for a moment after their kiss stopped, waiting a little to pull back, as if he was ready to lean back in, all made Haru’s heart surrender entirely and completely for him.

Haru may not have known everything about Rin. He may not even have known enough. A logical part of him tried to rest its case on how everything about the two was radical and illogical, but Haru couldn’t deny his feelings. His heart had never beat like that before, so loudly and numbing and exhilarating. The only times where it had gotten close to that would be during his first time he finished his absolute favorite game, but not even that could come anywhere close in comparison.

Haru completely forgot they were in public. If it wasn’t for a breeze blowing a couple of cherry blossom petals into Rin’s beautiful face and hair, Haru was too lost in him to even remember where they were.


Day 8, Monday
Rin had stayed the night at Haru’s apartment, again, where they had talked until the sunset had turned into a sunrise. Haru had only gotten a couple of hours of sleep, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. They ate breakfast together again, and this time Haru had prepared some eggs and bread for Rin to eat instead, much to his pleasant surprise.

Rin followed Haru to his university, where he sent him off with an almost awkward goodbye and a silly wave of a hand. Haru gave him a smile and turned around, took one step, only to turn around, walk right back up to him and plant a kiss on his cheek, before practically running off, leaving Rin confused and surprised, and himself a nervous mess.

Haru spent the rest of the day thinking about Rin, which was coincidentally the only thing getting him through the day - that, and a long nap as soon as he stepped back inside his apartment after his classes.


Day 9, Tuesday
After Haru’s classes the next day, they met up once more at the park. They ended up back at Haru’s apartment, where they watched a movie together. Haru paid zero attention to it, though, and something told him Rin didn’t either. Somehow they ended up in Haru’s small bed, making out with each other. Haru’s head was spinning around almost as fast as his heart was beating. One thing led to another, and before Haru knew it, shirts were being tugged off of one another, and then pants, and his brain practically stopped functioning after that. In a good way, though. A perfect way, if he was honest.

It had been their first time. They had known each other for barely 9 days. In hindsight, it was slightly rushed, but nothing about the moment itself was rushed. Everything was taken one step at a time, guiding one another into comfort and into a mutually established trust between one another, as well as a somewhat clear understanding of each other’s boundaries. It had been a little awkward, but it was also tender and affectionately slow.

How Haru had wound up that lucky, he had no clue. It felt surreal, lying in bed beside each other afterwards, with heaving chests and an ocean of sweet words spoken between them.

Haru realized just how quickly their whole bond had been shaped, and it was almost scary for him to think about too much. He had never been that close to anyone before, and the speed of which everything was happening was a bit overwhelming. Yet he knew he didn’t want it any other way. He was just going to sit back and enjoy the ride, no matter how quick-paced it seemed to be.


Day 10, Wednesday
On the next day, Haru skipped his classes. Rin had been quite objecting about it, arguing that he couldn’t lose sight of his education, especially not for him, but when Haru had cuddled up against him, he shut up nearly instantly.

They spent that whole day at the park, with Haru painting Rin as well as the cherry trees. In the back of his mind, he was nervous that he might get caught, considering his university was right beside the park, but he couldn’t bring himself to worry too much about it; not with Rin sitting in front of him, being such an eager and willing subject to his art.


Day 11, Thursday
There was a photographer taking wedding pictures of a couple by the edge of the lake, with the lake and cherry blossoms in the background. Somehow, Haru’s mind ended up imagining the couple being Rin and himself. Not now, of course, but into the future. It was a nice picture, no denying that, but it shot swarms of butterflies throughout his stomach that almost made his stomach hurt.

“Would you ever want to get married?” Rin asked, as if he had perfect insight into Haru’s thoughts.

“Depends,” Haru simply answered.

“On what?”

“The person.”

“What if I was that person?” Rin curiously and almost daringly asked, a sideways smile across his lips. It was clear that the words held a deeper meaning to him, but that he nonetheless tried to make it sound like they didn’t; like the question was nothing more than casual curiosity.

“Is that a proposal?” Haru smiled. Bit early for that, wasn’t it? The bad part was that Haru wasn’t sure he would’ve said no if Rin had said that it was. He truly was too far gone.

“No, just a theoretical question,” Rin blushed.

“Would you marry me?” Haru asked right back.

“Hey, I asked first,” Rin objected, appearing more and more flustered.

“Hmmm… maybe. In the future,” Haru answered honestly. “When I’ve known you for longer. And only when I’m sure you’re not too annoying.”

Rin let out a short chuckle, and Haru’s smile widened.

“Same here,” Rin agreed, mimicking Haru’s soft, vulnerable smile. They looked at the couple again, and got a bit lost in their thoughts.

Marrying Rin on a whim at that moment was out of the question. Marrying Rin in the future, though? Haru couldn’t believe himself for continuing to picture it. For seeing the possibility of it already. The way that the couple on the edge of the lake underneath the cherry trees could one day be them. It was far too early to be discussing it, and yet… Haru had to admit it was a nice thing to consider.


Day 12, Friday
Rin had stayed the night once more, and Haru awoke to Rin cooking up breakfast for the two of them, wearing nothing but his underwear, which was, on the one hand quite hot, and on the other hand very daring, in a dumb way, considering he was frying bacon. Haru smiled affectionately to himself at the sight. He wondered how they had managed to become so comfortable with each other so quickly, though he had no complaints. He got out of bed to get ready for his classes, before sitting down for breakfast with Rin.

When Haru came back home after his classes, Rin was, surprisingly enough, still there. Rin welcomed him with a smile and a wave and then looked back down at a laptop screen - evidently he had gone back to his hotel and then gone back before Haru. Haru had a pair of spare keys by the entrance, and he figured Rin might’ve just taken and used those. It should be a little creepy, perhaps, but Haru just felt as if it was a completely natural thing for him to do.

“That’s him. Do you want to meet him?” Rin asked in English, looking at his laptop still. Haru looked at him curiously, wondering if he was talking to Haru or to himself, but then being confused as to why he did so in English.

A rather robotic voice replied back in English; it sounded like more than one voice speaking, both deep and high tunes mixing together in incoherent English. English had never been Haru’s strongest skill, so maybe it wasn’t incoherent, but he just didn’t understand it. Rin looked up from the screen and at Haru instead.

“Haru, do you mind meeting my family? On a video call?” Rin asked, and it took Haru a moment to realize Rin had switched back to Japanese and that he therefore could fully understand him. Still, he blinked once, then twice, completely dumbfounded. “Haru?”

Haru nodded and moved closer into the room.

“What do I say?” Haru asked, almost a bit worried. He wasn’t sure what to do or where to place himself, and he didn’t want to say anything wrong. As he stepped beside Rin on the other side of the table, he saw three people on the screen - two adults who didn’t look anything like Rin, and a young woman who looked unmistakably a lot like him. Likely his sister and adoptive parents, Haru figured.

Haru must have moved into frame because the people on the screen all looked in the same direction on their screen and they all started to sound and look very excited.

“Is that him?” The one who looked like Rin asked, still speaking English.

“Yes,” Rin beamed, and reached out to grab Haru, though instead of his arm he grabbed him by the waist, and then pulled him closer towards himself and further into the view of the camera, grabbing him by the arm and pulling gently down on it, to make him crouch down. “Told you he was real.”

“His eyes look just as you described,” the blonde woman said, though Haru couldn’t quite understand what she was saying. She was moving closer towards the screen, and looked as if she was trying to get a better view of something.

“What did she say?” Haru asked.

“She said your eyes are beautiful,” Rin translated into Japanese with a smile, and a blush was spreading across his cheeks.

“Thank you,” Haru mumbled in English.

“Haru, this is Lori and Russell, my adoptive parents, and my sister Gou,” Rin introduced while pointing to each person on the screen as Haru nodded along, then he switched to English: “And this is Haru.”

“Hello,” Haru nervously greeted them in English, and they all greeted him back.

They spoke for a short while, Rin’s family asking Haru questions and Rin occasionally having to translate them for him, and then the call ended and Rin closed his laptop down.

“Thank you, Haru,” Rin softly said. “Sorry for the suddenness. I hope it was okay.”

“It’s okay. Your family is nice."

“I’m leaving in 14 days,” Rin suddenly said, voice sorrowful. “I hadn’t realized until they pointed it out before you arrived. When I first came here over two weeks ago it felt like such a long time, but now it feels like it’s far too little.”

Haru didn’t know what to say. He felt a rush of several overwhelming emotions at once. Before his brain had had time to catch up on the meaning behind those words - Rin leaving - his mouth moved on its own, words coming out sounding far too natural for what he was feeling: “You said you came to Tokyo to find yourself, right?”

“Yes, I did,” Rin nodded, expression turning slightly confused.

“Have you found it yet? Yourself?” Haru asked, and Rin started smiling.

“I think I might have found something even better,” Rin admitted, looking quite vulnerable.


Day 13, Saturday
Rin had become such a natural part of Haru’s day. It was overwhelmingly bizarre when Haru thought about it. Getting so comfortably close to someone in such a short time period felt almost dangerous, thrillingly so.

Rin had stayed the night once again after Haru had virtually met his family, and when they woke up again, bodies completely entangled with each other’s, they didn’t go to the park during the whole day, but instead stayed at Haru’s apartment, where Haru showed Rin how to play some of his favorite video games. Afterwards, he introduced Rin to his favorite mangas and books. Rin had to admit it wasn’t his usual genre, which wasn’t surprising to Haru, considering how unpopular his general interests were to other people, but Haru was pleasantly surprised by how much Rin tried. Rin kept appearing curious, kept listening and kept engaging with him. It was quite new for Haru to have someone seem so genuinely interested in what he had to say and what he cared about, but it was nice.


Day 14, Sunday
Rin had gone back to his hotel room briefly to get some clean clothes, bringing a curious Haru along. That was where Haru discovered something he didn’t know about Rin: he apparently owned a guitar, the evidence staring right at him in the form of a guitar case standing against one of the walls. Now the big question was whether Rin could play it, too.

“Do you know how to play?” Haru asked, a bit suddenly, catching Rin’s attention and making him look a bit confused at first, before his eyes trailed Haru’s in the direction of his guitar.

“Oh, yeah. Or, I try,” Rin shyly admitted with a smile. “I tried to pick up what I thought would have been an easy hobby a few years ago, but I’m still not really good at it.”

“I’m sure you’re fine,” Haru brushed off, then, a simple request that he made sure didn’t sound demanding or pressuring: “Can you play me something?”

Rin looked like he was considering it for a little bit, then he nodded, put down the clothes he held in his hand, and went over to take the guitar out of its case.

“Only if you promise not to laugh,” Rin quickly and self consciously said.

“Of course not,” Haru promised.

They both sat down on the hotel bed, and then Rin tuned the guitar for a few minutes, not wanting to mess up too much, before he started to play something. Haru didn’t recognize it, but it sounded nice. Soothing, somehow. Haru’s gaze was focused on Rin’s concentrated expression; the crease between his eyebrows and the way he appeared to be biting his tongue.

After Rin was done, it was clear to Haru how nervous he was about it, but he reassured him he really was very good. He asked for another song, and Rin relented with a flattered, shy smile.

“Can you bring it back to my place?” Haru asked after another song. “I really want to draw you like this.”

There was a spark of something in Rin’s eyes, a glint of something that Haru couldn’t quite figure out what meant. Curiosity, perhaps. Wonder, or maybe a spark of interest, not unlike the expression he had had before their second time having sex together. Did he enjoy getting drawn that much? Objectively that was a bit weird, so Haru figured it could possibly just be Rin enjoying attention in general, whether sexual or nonsexual.

They returned to Haru’s apartment, where Haru drew Rin playing guitar just as he had wanted to. Later that day, they ended up in bed again, naked and exploring one another once again. And afterwards, Haru found himself lying against Rin with his head on Rin’s chest, listening to his heartbeat while watching the moonlight making its way in through the blinds.

He had to admit that he had never felt so understood by anyone before. He had never felt so happy, or so at peace with himself, and with his surroundings. It was nice to just have Rin around, to exist in the same space with someone so comfortably and content. He hadn’t thought it was possible, and if he was completely honest, a part of him couldn’t help but wonder if it even was real.


Day 15, Monday
It became monday yet again, which meant Haru had classes from nine in the morning until three in the afternoon. The entire time, though, he just looked forward to meeting Rin at the park afterwards like usual.

Once his last class was finally over with, he went to the park, but to his surprise, Rin was nowhere to be seen. He wasn’t at their usual spot by the bench underneath their specific cherry tree, and after waiting for an hour, he went looking for him, but he wasn’t anywhere else in the park. He ended up back at the bench, and waited for a couple more hours, getting more and more worried.

He eventually went home, his body too cold to keep sitting around outside. He couldn’t help but stay worried for Rin, but he also tried to remind himself that they hadn’t actually made any plans to meet up. Maybe Rin had other plans that he had just forgotten to mention, or which were none of Haru’s business. Or maybe he had thought Haru got off school earlier than he did and waited around just the same as Haru had, but left before Haru arrived? There were so many possibilities. When Haru returned back to his place, Rin’s guitar was still there, which felt a little comforting somehow. Everything was probably fine.


Day 16, Tuesday
Haru went back to the park again, and again for hours without any sign of Rin. He started to worry that something might have happened, but he didn’t want to start panicking about it. He did go to the nearby hospitals and asked around, only because he wasn’t sure what else to do, and he couldn’t just keep on waiting around and do nothing. He hung up a piece of paper on his door with his number scribbled down, just in case Rin had lost it somehow and stopped by at a time when he wasn’t home.


Day 17, Wednesday
Haru went back to their place in the park for a third time. This time he sat down on the bench and watched for a long time as the lake slowly got covered in more and more fallen cherry blossom petals. He left only when it started to get dark outside and his body nearly went stiff from sitting in the chill spring air for so long.


Day 18, Thursday
Haru went to Rin’s hotel, but the staff couldn’t give out any information about their customers, so he went back to the park again. It was windy, causing petals to fly all around him. If Rin had been by his side, he might have taken a moment to appreciate the beauty of it. Instead, it just left him with an oddly, hollow feeling. The cherry blossom trees were all nearly rid of their pink petals by the time he went home.


Day 19, Friday
Haru went back to their spot one last time, and with no sign of Rin still, even as the day turned to night, he returned home, feeling heartbroken.

There was no trace of Rin anywhere. Nothing but Haru’s drawings and Rin’s guitar - which served as a reassurance that the last two weeks were real, but also as a painful reminder of what he had apparently, undeniably and suddenly lost.

The petals were all gone on the trees at the park. They looked so empty without them, and Haru couldn’t help but draw a bitter correlation between himself and them. He felt just as empty as they looked. He felt just as naked and vulnerable, and he must have been just as sad a sight, too. The trees would soon gain green leaves, though, he knew that - but that was a privilege Haru didn’t have. He wouldn’t be able to replace what he had just lost, he was certain of it. And the absolute worst part was that he didn’t know what had gone wrong, if he had done anything or if anything terrible had happened.

Haru waited around for weeks at their spot. Some days he would skip school entirely just to go sit and wait. The whole rest of the year he would take walks through the park, sometimes just passing through, and other times he would sit around on the bench, telling himself he wasn’t waiting for anything or anyone, but ultimately knowing that’s exactly what he did. He went to the park, to that same spot, even when he was busy or sick, and even when he moved out in the early summer after he finished his final exam and his last semester at the university was over, meaning he could no longer stay in his apartment at the student building complex.

He eventually moved far enough away that going to the park every day was impossible. A part of him felt scared about that, but another part figured it was probably for the better. He moved into a larger space, closer to inner Tokyo, where he got an uninteresting job at an arts gallery. It wasn’t the most perfect job for him, considering he wasn’t very outgoing, but it was an opening into the world in which he felt he belonged, even though he also felt like such an outsider within it as well. But art was his passion, and so he had to take every snobby critic and greedy investor with a grain of salt.

Some of his art would eventually decorate the walls of the same gallery that he worked in. He gained a manager who was responsible for every social aspect of his career, allowing him to focus on his art, and also inevitably allowing him to become more and more of the hermit that he felt destined to be. He only went out for certain exhibitions, and it was only to show his face before leaving. He only ever did one interview, and he left that one early as soon as the interviewer asked about the muse in his paintings. He became well-known for being mysterious. People seemed to like that, as it meant they could paint their own picture of who he really was. A brilliant loner, an anti-social genius, a cold art machine with a dark past, or something else entirely. He wasn’t sure whether they were right or wrong anymore.

Over the years, Haru’s art had changed from when he first entered the arts world back when he started at the University. All of his paintings began to continuously feature the same man, or abstract fractions of that man. If he wasn’t put into the painting, not even in the background, his hair color would somehow be in there, or his eye color, or something else that was a simple excuse to include him. People speculated that it was Haru’s lover, but Haru had refused to comment on him. People called the unnamed man Haru’s muse, and Haru never objected to it, but he also never indulged people with the idea. He just kept on painting him, and people kept on speculating and they kept on appreciating the unknown man, with no one having any ideas as to who it might have been. Not even Haru’s manager had been so privileged to be let in on the secret. It was the last remaining autonomy Haru felt he had; the last bit of control over his feelings of abandonment. If he simply refused to acknowledge to other people that he had been abandoned, maybe he could convince himself of it, too.

As for Rin, Haru didn’t dare look him up online or follow his career in any way. He didn’t look for him at all, outside of that spot in the park. He felt a desire to do it, but each time he simply reminded himself of how clearly Rin had made it that he had apparently not been interested in him after all. Haru didn’t need to have it clarified. He didn’t need to see Rin having moved on while he still couldn’t. So instead, he opted to keep and hold onto the Rin in his mind, in his dreams and in his art. The version that became more and more abstract as time went on and features were beginning to slowly fade from his memory already.

He held onto the guitar that Rin had left behind. He wasn’t sure why he kept it. Maybe it was because it was the only physical thing he had to remind himself of those days they spent together, outside of his own works. For some reason, even if it was painful, it was also still comforting. He should have probably just trashed it, or maybe taken some rightful anger out on it by smashing it against a wall or thrown it out of the window in a drunken downfalling spiral. But instead, he kept it in its case and made sure that it stayed safe during moving and during everything else. It followed him in life, just like the memories of Rin did. It was dumb to be so obsessed with someone the way that he was, but he just couldn’t seem to stop himself.

It wasn’t more than a couple of years after their last encounter that Haru saw his face; that same face that was haunting all of his sleepless nights and all of his waking dreams, plastered across the news after he had apparently won an olympic gold medal in swimming, because finally someone of Japanese descent won gold. It was the clarification that he hadn’t needed to see. It was the punch to his gut that he had feared; had known would likely and eventually come around.

Haru’s art took a dark twist after that. The light colors and the warm feelings went away, overpowered by a sense of darkness and sadness. People were quick to speculate that Haru and his muse had broken up. Haru thought they were all idiots for not understanding that they had never been together at all in the first place, at least not officially so.

He had quickly stopped going to his own exhibitions and shows entirely. He hadn’t gone that much before, but now he was convinced he had no reason to be there. His manager would take care of everything, and so he had no reason to try to socialize with anyone, especially not with people who were only ever interested in his art and not himself - possibly not so unlike Rin had been.

He saw a minimal amount of people and mostly kept to himself. He carried himself as if there was a constant dark cloud above him. He didn’t have much inspiration anymore, but he did have time. He had an abundance of time, and he spent that hovering over canvases and papers, producing one meaningless piece after another that his so-called fans all ate up. They, including his manager, seemed pleased with his demise. It meant more art for them. He was nothing more than that, and he quickly accepted it after realizing it. If creating art was all he could do, then so be it.

He had a lot of people trying to get in touch with him, trying to befriend him, trying to get him to paint them. His manager regularly talked about people who wanted platonic, romantic and even sexual advances from him; of people wanting his number, and wanting to talk to him in person. He declined each and every one, and so his manager stopped mentioning them all together. He had never had any interest in those types of things before, but even as his loneliness grew, he never even considered to reconsider any of those invitations, proposals and offers. Afterall, he was resigned to a fate of loneliness. It was far easier to continue to isolate himself from the world than risk opening up and getting hurt all over again.

Other than his loneliness and art, there was another constant in his life. Each year, when the cherry blossoms started to bloom, he returned to that same spot, underneath those same cherry trees, each and every year hoping to see that same face he had seen more in his own drawings and paintings than in reality. The face of someone whom he had spent much more time longing for, than having around and holding. Their encounter was brief, far too short, but the sadness and abandonment that Rin had left him with was far too long-lasting. The uncertainty of what had happened, of why Rin had suddenly left him, meant he could never fully gain any closure from it. And so each year, he returned to where they had met, reminiscing on the time that had passed, and trying to drown out his sorrows in the only way he knew how to: by being consumed whole by it all.

 
Day 2171, Sunday
Six years later, Haru returns to the cherry blossom trees in the park. He doesn’t know why he keeps going anymore. It’s become nothing but a tradition, more or less. He goes there to dwell on the brief time in which his heart felt whole. With each time he went to that park, though, the memories slowly seem to fall victim to time. They slowly start to fade, despite how hard he tries to hold onto them. But maybe that's okay, he figures. Maybe in a few years the memories might fade so much that he will be able to move on. He doesn’t have any hopes of seeing him ever again, after all, and it’s even been a while since he last saw him on the news, too. He still doesn’t want to seek out any information about him, or know anything more than what's been forced on him: Rin’s alive and he’s thriving. He doesn’t want to feel more pathetic about himself than he already does. He wish he could just forget it all.

For all he knows, since the last time he had heard anything about Rin, Rin could’ve been in an accident, he could’ve died, he could’ve gotten married or he could’ve won another Olympic gold medal that would once again be plastered across Japanese news, or ten million other things and outcomes that had continued to keep Rin from reaching out or returning to the park even after all those years. So many years with no answers to all of Haru’s questions about his sudden disappearance. Just nothing. As if he had meant nothing; been nothing. As if he’s still nothing.

But. As Haru looks up from the ground, he freezes entirely.

On that bench, underneath that one cherry tree, the seat isn’t empty like it usually is, even on this cold spring day. Haru’s eyes widen as he takes in the sight before him.

The maroon hair, the very same color that has been haunting his paintings and his dreams all this time - sitting right there on that bench, back turned towards Haru. Haru holds his breath, and his heart starts to beat fast and loudly in his chest. Hope. There is a sense of hope there, one that Haru had repressed for so long. He hadn’t dared to ever hope the day would come and- no, it’s not him. It can’t be. There’s no way.

Haru stands frozen in place, overcome with shock, unable to do or say anything. The person on the bench must have noticed, must have felt Haru’s piercing gaze, because they turn around, carefully and slowly; hesitantly, in the direction of the path where Haru is currently standing completely still.

It’s him.

Six years of going to that park.

Six years of wondering.

Six years of waiting.

Six years of continuous disappointment, over and over again, each and every time.

And there he is, hairstyle almost still the same, although looking a little longer. Features a bit more defined, body no doubt looking even more like an athlete’s body than ever before. Eyes currently staring back at him with the same shock and disbelief as Haru himself is feeling.

“It’s you,” the man whispers in disbelief, so quietly that Haru barely hears it. He quickly gets up from the bench, almost desperately, as if he either thinks he’s hallucinating or as if he’s preparing to run after Haru at any moment. As if Haru could run. He can’t even move. Rin moves slowly and carefully around the bench and towards Haru, as if each step might frighten him, as if Haru is a hurt stray that Rin wants to help. It almost feels that way, too.

Haru doesn’t say anything, he just stands completely still, watching Rin’s every move. He doesn’t respond in any way, just keeps on staring.

“I thought I would never see you again,” Rin says, and his emotions are on his sleeves, just like they were all those years ago. He looks overwhelmed. Sad, even. But his smile. His smile is so bright and it should fill Haru with joy, it really should, but he can’t help but feel something else entirely. Anger.

Anger starts to boil in the bottom of Haru’s stomach, and he can’t control it. It takes over every sense of relief upon seeing Rin. Every last shred of hope is covered in the darkness of the despair that he’s been through. Rage takes over his body and he clenches his fists together, lowering his gaze away from Rin’s face.

“Haru?” Rin asks, sudden concern making his joyful smile falter. The sound of his name in that voice, Rin’s voice, makes Haru’s head spin. Rin still remembers his name, he notes. But he’s so angry he can’t allow himself even a fraction of a second worth of dwelling on Rin still being very much capable of making his knees feel weak just with his voice, his face and his presence. “Haru, are you okay?”

“Why?” Haru asks, and it’s spiteful - it’s dark, just like his expression. It’s angry, covering up from all the sadness that threatens to take over his whole being.

“What?” Rin asks back, confused, and Haru refuses to look at him. Rin takes a step forward, and Haru instinctively takes a step back.

“Why are you here?” Haru continues, and it sounds accusing. But then he regrets asking as soon as the words come out. He can’t allow himself to let Rin in again, he can’t allow Rin to explain, and he can’t allow himself to be rejected by him. Not like this. Not again.

“What do you mean why am I here?” Rin’s eyebrows knit together in confusion, but he stays still, clearly wanting to take a step forward but holding himself back.

“You…” Haru starts, but his voice gets caught in his throat. Does Rin even know? Does he even realize? All those years spent longing for him, and now he dares to act like nothing has ever happened? “Why…” Haru repeats, and he looks directly at Rin, then raises his voice as he finally stops holding back his anger: “You left!”

“Yes, but Haru, I-”

“You left! For six years! And now you’re here!" Haru yells out. "Why?!” 

“Russell- my dad, he had a stroke, and I-” Rin’s voice is loud, as if to match the volume of Haru’s outburst, as if to try to meet him where he is. But he quickly collects himself, then continues a bit more quietly: “I had to leave early. I didn’t have time for anything. I left messages, but you were in class, and I had to catch a plane and I just didn’t have enough time to-”

“You didn’t have time for me,” Haru clarifies bitterly.

“You were in class! I wasn’t thinking straight!” Rin tries to defend himself. “I was supposed to just go home and come back after a few days, but then he died, and I just… my family needed me, and I wanted to go back so badly, I did, for you, but there was a funeral and there were so many things. I kept texting and calling you, but you never picked up the phone, and when I was finally able to go back a few months later, you had moved away?”

“You never called,” Haru argues. He would have known for sure if Rin had tried to contact him. He had typed in his own number on Rin’s phone himself, during their first time out drinking. He would have picked up the phone if any unknown number had called him after Rin had left. He had waited around as well, but no call ever came.

“I did. So many times, and I wrote so often, too, but you never responded,” Rin argues back.

“No you didn’t?” Haru begins to feel really annoyed. Is this a game to Rin? Is he making an even bigger fool out of him? As if he hadn’t tormented him enough already.

“I did- just,” Rin lets out a sharp breath, clearly annoyed as well with the lack of trust. He quickly shoves a hand into a pocket in his jacket, then pulls out his phone, types a couple of times on the screen before turning the phone towards Haru and taking a few steps towards him. “Look.”

Haru steps closer as well, and accepts the phone into his own hand and- oh. There it is. The evidence. The explanation. Staring right at him. Multiple texts, countless even, likely going back years. But above all, what really stands out: the last digit of the number is wrong. It should have been a 3, but it’s a 2 instead. It’s almost too surreal, almost too tragically ironic to even comprehend. And, admittedly, it leaves Haru with a sour taste in his mouth.

“The last digit…” Haru begins, and he can’t seem to finish the sentence. He can’t seem to acknowledge and admit it, even to himself. He feels embarrassed, and that embarrassment is enough to take over his anger. He wants to crawl in on himself, he wants to run away. There’s simply no way that this is real. Rin must have figured out what he was going to say either way though, as he stares back at Haru with another round of disbelief, mouth slowly hanging slightly open. He must be thinking the exact same thing. There’s no way.

Then again, the years worth of sadness and bitterness still leaves him with a last bit of fight left.

“You didn’t…” Haru starts, and he can’t believe how absolutely pathetic he sounds, how petty. “You didn’t come here. To the park.”

“I did,” Rin quickly protests. His voice is unbelievably calm, but it doesn’t take a genius to know that a storm must be raging through his mind, just the same as Haru’s, and Haru knows the second he dares to look into his eyes how much hurt is going on underneath the surface.

Rin starts from the very beginning. And Haru allows him to do so. He explains everything from his point of view. All of these past six years summed up as quickly as he can.

Rin had gone to the park. Several times, in fact. During the very early summer, a few months after they had first met, he had returned, but Haru was nowhere to be found. He had walked around the area, gone to Haru’s apartment, but there was no trace of him anywhere. He had even gone to his school, but they had refused to give any information out about him or help Rin get in touch with him. Haru had moved out of his apartment and into a small apartment when his semester had ended, which was on the complete opposite side of the park, and there was no way for Rin to have known or figure that out on his own.

All these years they had missed each other, sometimes by what seemed like mere seconds. All these years, Rin had gone back to Tokyo from Australia whenever he had a holiday and enough sponsorship money. He had taken every single opportunity he had to go look for him. He had sometimes even combined it with his family time on several occasions, as an excuse to go there.

Haru had never stopped looking for Rin, but Rin had never stopped looking for Haru either. Rin had left abruptly back then because of Russel’s death, but he hadn’t abandoned Haru. He had fully intended to go back to him, and had tried everything he could to reunite with him.

And, more shockingly, Rin had literally gone to many of Haru’s art shows, too. He had heard of the first one, had followed the only trail Haru left behind, in the shape of Rin himself in his art pieces. He had missed that very first one, due to a last minute cancellation of his flight, and that was, of course, one of the only ones Haru had attended. The others that Rin had gone to, Haru hadn’t even showed up due to not wanting to be bothered by the idea of socializing with the people there. Rin had tried to get in touch with Haru’s manager, but with no luck. At first his mails and letters were kindly rejected, a simple standardized reply, but eventually they were completely ignored. He had talked to a guy at one of the art shows who claimed to be friends with Haru, but the guy had just thought Rin was some weird fan of Haru’s works.

The universe had aligned perfectly for them to have met, but it had simply not aligned for them again, not until six whole years later, at this very moment.

Haru felt sick to his stomach. Anger and bitterness had turned into guilt and regret. Unlike Rin, he had had chances to contact Rin; Rin was a popular athlete, with a large digital footprint. He would have had an email of sorts, perhaps even other forms of contact information out there easy for anyone to find, even someone who hates technology as much as Haru always had. But Haru never did. He never even tried to look for it. And why? Out of pride? Fear? Self doubt? No matter the reason, it just feels entirely ridiculous to Haru now.

They sit down on the bench and continue to talk. Haru tells Rin his own point of view, not that it will make any difference. But he tells him anyway, and Rin listens. Just like back then, he patiently listens to every word Haru has to say.

Haru admits he still has Rin’s guitar, and in return, Rin admits he’s held onto the very first drawing of him that Haru had made, and he also admits to having purchased some of his works from exhibitions he went to. It becomes clear to Haru how meaningful his art must have been to Rin, and how it must still be. The way he talks about it, the way he’s been keeping it with him. Just like Haru himself has.

“It was one of the only things that really kept my hope alive, so to speak,” Rin admits, and he looks so vulnerable. “Seeing how you kept incorporating me so clearly into your works… It wasn’t just extremely special and flattering, it was also really the only thing that like… made me believe that I might still have a chance to make things right. But I can feel the pain in most of your works, too, so I know it won’t be easy, but I still hope you’ll give me that chance.”

Haru is at a loss for words. He doesn’t know what to say or how to react. He’s so overwhelmed with emotions and revelations, everything feels like an out-of-body experience, and he can barely handle anything more. And yet, he finds himself nodding his head slowly.

Rin lets out a sigh of relief, and Haru can tell by Rin’s body language that he wants to hug him, but is keeping himself from doing so. And so Haru is the one to quickly, desperately and almost forcefully reach out and pull Rin close to himself. He clings to him so tightly, as if he’s his life force. A tear starts to slide down Haru’s cheek, and he feels like he has completely lost control over himself, until Rin quickly puts his arms around him and pulls him even closer, making him feel a sudden ease, a sense of calm; making him feel grounded, as if he’s finally home again. And maybe, he wonders, just maybe, that’s exactly it. Exactly what he had found all those years ago, then lost to mere circumstances and coincidences, and now has right here again, in his arms, exactly where he belongs. Home.