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Chapter Text

Lily’s POV

Lily ran. Harry fussed in her arms as she dashed down the hall and into the nursery, leaving the door open a crack. She didn’t have the time or patience to close it silently. She clutched her wand in her hand and snatched up the emergency Portkey by Harry’s crib. Her one attempt at Apparition had failed–she should have known Voldemort would put up wards before even attacking. The portkey hummed in her hand.

Downstairs, James shouted, and something crashed. Lily uttered a prayer in mind and the activating word on her lips: asphodel.

Nothing happened.

Lily let out a desperate sob and wordlessly cast a Disillusionment charm over her and Harry. She moved to stand to the side of the door so it would partially hide them when it opened. If it opened.

Footsteps sounded on the stairs, light, measured. Not James’ usual pounding, the same whether he was worried or exuberant. Lily tilted her head back to open her airway, too afraid to attempt a silencing charm now. Besides, Oleson’s Guide to Magical Child-rearing said you should never cast a silencing charm on your child…they need to be able to communicate their needs. Besides, Harry was quiet in her arms, half-asleep.

The door opened.

“Ah.” The voice was smooth, almost lilting.

An arm clothed in silver-lined black robes appeared brandishing a wand. It waved lazily, cast something Lily didn’t recognize. Even after a year of training to be an Unspeakable, there were so many things she didn’t know. Electric blue light danced across the floor. It hit her feet and they shimmered into existence, followed by the rest of her, and Harry.

Lily held her breath.

Lord Voldemort stepped fully into the nursery, looking around curiously. He pointed his wand at the crib and muttered a revealing spell. Nothing happened. He hummed. He turned…

“Mrs. Potter, I believe? I’ve heard so much about you. You’re not afraid of causing my followers trouble, are you, mudblood?” His voice was calm, conversational. As if he were making polite conversation at the dinner table. Was that a hint of red in his eyes? Lily shuddered.

The man waved an elegant hand and stepped to the side, gesturing that she should move out into the nursery. His wavy brown hair, carefully styled in pureblood fashion, glinted in the faint lights from the hall and the window. “Please, Mrs. Potter, if you would place the boy in his bed and stand aside. You must understand, I have no desire to see you live and continue to pollute this world, but I do try to keep my promises. And Severus was so insistent…”

Lily didn’t move. She should not have been surprised to hear that Severus had intervened. She knew he was loyal to a fault, even after they split up in their fifth year. She just didn’t think that his loyalty to her would override his loyalty to his new Lord. Or maybe he thought he could have both…even at the expense of her husband and son.

White-hot rage flashed through her. How dare he? How dare he try to protect her and not her family? Did he think she would be grateful, that she would forgive him, if she had to live while her two most precious people were murdered?

Lily did not allow herself to think about James downstairs.

Lord Voldemort chuckled, lightly, kindly. “Oh dear,” he said sympathetically. Lily had heard almost the exact same tone from her father when she was upset. “Did you think your friend had forgotten you? Or just that he didn’t know? I have been so proud of my dear Severus these past months. Brewing my potions, bringing me news of Dumbledore and his quaint “Order”, even telling me of the very prophecy that brought me here tonight.” He raised a smooth eyebrow at Lily. “Oh, you didn’t know? My, my, how much people change, when you once thought you could trust them…nevertheless, pretty mudblood, I must insist you stand aside while I dispatch of your infant here. It’s nothing personal, of course, and you can always have another…I’m sure Severus would be willing…” Lord Voldemort raised his wand.

This jolted Lily into action. “No!” she spat. She shifted Harry to the side and turned, holding her wand out in front. She dared not attack first, but she readied a shield on her lips.

Lord Voldemort laughed again, a low chuckle that turned into a slightly high-pitched cackle. “You are as brave as my followers report! Raising your wand to the great Lord Voldemort himself? I almost want to take you home with me and eat you up!” He cackled again, then sobered immediately. “But I do not have much time for games, mudblood. I am a busy man with many things to do. Your infant is the least of them. Expelliarmus!”

Lily’s wand slapped into his other hand, clacking against the rings. He slipped it into a pocket and said, “now, I promised not to harm you, therefore I cannot allow you to use your child as a human shield. Come,” and with that word Harry was yanked out of her arms and rocketed towards the wizard. He turned and hovered Harry over to the crib, unceremoniously dropping him in. Harry wailed.

Lily dashed over to place herself in between the crib and the wizard, but he threw out an arm and blocked her. He pushed her, not with his hands but with sheer magic, against the wall next to the open closet. He was tall, taller than James, a good head taller than Lily herself. He frowned down at her. “Quite insistent, aren’t you? Pity. You would have made a fine pureblood.” He lazily raised his wand and with a flick, a jet of red shot toward her.

Lily screamed as it struck her. All feeling left her body, and she toppled to the floor. Lord Voldemort’s image danced before her eyes. Her head struck the floor, sending stars across her vision. The last thing she saw before darkness overtook her was a flash of green light, green as the Floo, washing over her precious baby. Her heart screamed, Harry!

Severus’ POV

Severus Apparated to Godric's Hollow, heart pounding and stomach pooling with dread. Dumbledore had promised. So had the Dark Lord, but Severus wasn't inclined to believe him. They were supposed to be safe. It seemed unbearably cruel that the safest protection that magic could offer was entirely dependent on the loyalty of one who could turn them over with no hesitation. In the back of his mind ran a continual list of the most painful poisons he planned to administer to the mutt. Untraceable, of course, but Severus found the thought of Azkaban was not so detestable now that he had ended the life of his only friend. He would deserve that more than the mutt deserved the poison.

Godric’s Hollow was disgustingly calm and peaceful. Severus noted with surprise the absence of the Dark Mark in the sky above. He would have thought the Dark Lord would now more than ever want to proclaim his authority after he vanquished his supposed enemy.

A baby, blast it. Not that Severus cared, but couldn't he have waited until he was old enough to hold a wand? Then again, Severus no longer held any illusion that the Dark Lord was brave. He preferred uncontested power and unquestioning, simpering loyalty. Severus had never known he could act so well – once he had gone to Dumbledore and signed his soul away the second time, it felt like all he did was act. He had pretended to admire the Dark Lord's great plan to target Lily and her family, all the while screaming internally. He did not care if it was just Potter and the baby. He did not. But Lily was supposed to be off-limits, untouchable. A precious defender of the Light. Dumbledore had promised–

Under a Disillusionment, Severus tried the front door and was unsurprised to find it unlocked. No doubt they had erected only a few wards, depending on the Fidelius Charm to protect them. The door squeaked as it opened.

The only light was an electric lamp, a garish pink and orange affair covered in seashells. It bathed the small living room with orangish light. Severus remembered when Lily bought it. They had been in Muggle London the summer after their fourth year, and Lily had found it in a cluttered thrift shop and insisted it was perfect. He had teased her about it and then carried it for her while they shopped and ate fish and chips in the park.

Severus lit a lumos and looked around. The couch and chair, mismatched, filled the room and made it awkward to maneuver around to the kitchen doorway. Lily had complained about being cramped in the small house, had hated that Harry had only seen four walls and a roof his whole life.

Severus smirked. Potter must have hated it after growing up in that garish Potter Manor. He had complained more than Lily, that arrogant–

Potter's body lay crumpled on the floor half behind the couch. Severus' foot had caught on his leg. From the angle of his body, it looked like he had fallen onto the couch and then to the floor. His glasses, uncracked, were still hooked on one ear.

Severus stared at the body. He had dreamed of this before. Casting one more curse after they dueled. Finishing off his tormentor, his thorn in his side, the arrogant git who had stolen his best friend and–

And died for her.

Severus swore. Then he closed Potter's eyes, hovered the body to the living room, and covered it with a blanket. He Occluded his mind and slipped upstairs, the stairwell calmly dark.

The first door on the right was the master bedroom, empty and undisturbed. The bathroom was the same. A closet, a storage room, and finally, at the end of the hall, a nursery.

Moonlight streamed in the open window, a gentle night breeze blowing the curtains in carefree waves. The room appeared empty save a few toys cluttering the floor– a toy broom (of course), some stuffed animals, a toy potions set. He wondered who had given that to them.

Harry was in the crib. He was awake, but simply sat up watching him through the bars. His hands clutched two bars, so small they didn't go all the way around. His green eyes gleamed, barely, in the moonlight. A jagged red wound trickled blood near his eye. Severus wondered that he was not hysterical.

Severus did not expect to find the Dark Lord's body. He knew the wizard had several contingency plans, and although it seemed very clear that the Potter boy had vanquished him, his master was not gone forever. His faded Mark attested to that. No, Severus did not spare more than a thought for his (former? He could hope…) master. He had to find Lily's body and give it due respect. He could not allow himself to hope that the Dark Lord had kept his promise. (“Why, certainly, Severus, I'll spare your little mudblood love. You don't think I just kill anyone who stands in my way, do you? Crucio!”)

Lily lay in the stiff pose of a stupefy in front of the open closet. Her face was frozen in a horrified scream. He hovered her body around and halfway out the door. He stopped. The brat– the boy sat still in the crib, watching him. "Mama go?" He asked curiously. The words shattered the silence.

Severus did not know what to say to the orphaned child. He looked at his mother, frozen, dead. He looked at the child. Alive. Inexplicably, miraculously alive. He turned away.

He settled Lily's body next to Potter's in the living room. He wanted to close her eyes. He wanted to hug her close like he had when they were first years and hear her laugh and call him Sev. He knelt next to the bodies.

Upstairs, the boy cried.

Why had the Dark Lord stupefied her as well as killing her? Had he done it before or after? Severus didn't even know if a stupefy would work on a…on a corpse.

Either way, he could not leave her here with the terror of death frozen on her face. He raised his wand. "Finite incantatem!"

Lily's scream pierced the air and died on her lips.

"Sev?"

Severus stared from where he had jerked backwards and fallen against the couch. His heart beat and his blood rushed in his ears.

"Severus? What are you doing here? Voldemort– he– Harry!" Lily gasped as she sat up. "He killed him! And James!" She scrambled frantically on the floor, turning away from Severus. She saw James' body, covered by the blanket. She went still.

"James…" the blanket, pulled carefully away from the face, already white, lips turning blue. Lily shook. "James…"

Severus breathed. He did not know what else to do. Breathing seemed to be working for now. He did not know what would happen when Lily turned back to him.

He found out. Her red-rimmed eyes met his over her shoulder. He stopped breathing. "Severus…did…why…did you know?"

He nodded slowly.

She turned half to him and sat so she could see them both. "You knew. You told him" Her voice croaked, but underneath lay a hard coldness, a hatred Severus knew he deserved. "You asked him to save me. Not him. Not Harry." She shook her head. "I would have died for Harry. I planned to die for him, Severus. I don't–" Lily pressed her knuckles against her lips. She did not look at Severus. "I don't want to live without them. I can't."

Severus knew he had to speak, he had to say the one thing that Lily needed to know, and then he would accept her recrimination. He parted his lips. His throat was dry. "He lives." It was a bare whisper. He cleared his throat. "Harry lives."

The next instant, a fist was at his throat and ferocious green eyes filled his vision. Lily clenched his robes and had him pressed against the couch. "Say that again. Say it again!"

"Harry is alive." This proximity was unbearable. He expected he would die any second now. "He's upstairs."

Lily searched his face. He was pretty sure she still did not know Occlumency or Legilimency, which was good because his barriers were in shambles. After a breath, two, three, he was released, and Lily dashed up the stairs.

Severus stared at James' face and listened to Lily and the boy babble to each other. After what might have been a few minutes, he stood, moving to the door. He would leave as soon as he had offered any help he could give. The house would soon be run over as Dumbledore and Potter's friends came– no, not Black, that traitorous leech, that bas–

"Why did you come?" Lily stood in the doorway with the boy in her arms.

"Dumbledore promised he would– he would protect you. When I came to him. I did not trust the Dark…he is not…one to…keep his promises. I truly have been spying for Dumbledore these past months. You–" he wanted to say, you must believe me, but he was in no position to make demands, he had no business here. "I will leave, now, if there is nothing I can do to serve you."

Lily stared at him. She chewed her lip, the same way she always had when she was thinking hard about something. She didn’t respond.

Severus gave a short bow and turned to go, keeping his expression as calm as he could manage without Occlumency. The doorknob was cold under his hand.

“Wait.”

Lily walked up to him, holding out his wand. He hesitated, then reached out and took it. As his fingers brushed her hand, a static shock made him jerk back. She studied his face, her green eyes unreadable. They had been, usually, the few times he saw her these past few years. She held out the wand again, and this time he took it, ignoring the energy that buzzed between them.

Severus tucked his wand into its holster and turned back to the door. He could hear the buzz of Black’s infernal flying motorbike approaching. If he left now, he could intercept the mutt the instant he touched the ground. That was all he could do, help from the edges, the shadows, and not show his face more than necessary. It was clear he was not welcome here.

He opened the door, letting in the sound of the night breeze and rasping crickets. The motorbike was getting closer. He should slip out silently, goodbyes were arbitrary, but he wanted to say it, goodbye, Lily, or maybe goodbye, Mrs. Potter, although that was perhaps cruel. His mouth opened against his will. He closed it. It opened again. He stepped out the door. Words came out of his mouth. “Bye, Lils.”

Curse his traitorous mouth.

The door stopped in his hand.

He was frozen, again, one foot poised to step onto the porch.

“Wait,” Lily repeated.

Her hand pulled his off the doorknob, pulled him inside. She shut the door. Faced him. “Please. I need–” she swallowed. Her fingers fluttered against Harry's black hair. He waited. She looked up. “Will you stay? I can’t–there are things–” she took a deep breath. Severus could practically see her gathering her Gryffindor courage. “I will need to take care of Ja–James, and Dumbledore will be here soon, and the others once the word spreads. And I don't have my wand. Can you–” she stopped again.

If Severus didn’t know his best friend so well, he would have been frustrated at her disjointed attempts at communication. As it was–as they were–he knew without using Legilimency what she wanted. Needed. And since she was here, he had only one purpose in life.

He nodded and reached out his arms. A sleepy baby boy was transferred into them. Lily's closeness stopped his heart again, but it was fine after a missed beat or two. Harry blinked up at him. The cut on his forehead had been cleaned, and it was now a jagged red lightning bolt just above the right eyebrow. Severus thought to offer a healing salve but remembered that he was in her house and would only be offering her own supplies.

“There, Harry, Severus will hold you while Mummy talks to people, okay, love? Maybe you can go back to sleep?” she did not sound very hopeful. Severus held him carefully, shifting him so he reclined in Severus’ arms yet could still sit up and see people. Outside, the motorbike landed with a loud thump, and two cracks of Apparition were heard in quick succession. Lily gave Severus a look he did not understand and opened the door.

The next few hours of the night were filled with talking and people, as Dumbledore expressed condolences and arranged for Aurors to take Potter’s body away. Black and Lupin were glued to Lily’s side from the moment they arrived–Black being innocent, apparently, while that incompetent rat had lived up to his Animagus form. Severus wondered how he had not known of the man’s true loyalties. He had thought he was privy to such details as a member of the Dark Lord’s inner circle. This demonstrated that the Dark Lord had truly trusted no one. It did not matter now.

Severus kept to the background but stayed in the living room, knowing Lily wanted to keep Harry in sight. The room seemed packed with Order members and wretched reporters. By dawn, the news of the Dark Lord’s demise would be spread to every corner of Magical Great Britain. Aurors popped in and out, many giving him the side eye but not approaching seeing the baby in his arms.

Harry was remarkably well-behaved in a house full of strangers. He spent the first half hour or so just watching and people congregated around his mother like moths to a lamp. Severus’ arms began to grow tired, but he would die before setting the child down now. After nearly an hour, Harry’s head had slumped against his arm and he hadn’t moved in five minutes, so Severus made an educated guess that he was asleep. Severus transfigured a pillow into a small stool and lowered himself carefully down in a corner, making sure not to jostle Harry’s head. A modified Muffliato ensured the room’s conversation would not exceed a low buzz.

In the corner, Severus felt almost safe, tucked half behind a bookshelf and that monstrous lamp. Luckily it did not draw many eyes, as all the lights had been spelled on throughout the house. Order members had taken over the kitchen and Aurors continued to tramp through the living room, but from where Severus sat he could watch the comings and goings and keep an eye on Lily as she was consoled and made funeral arrangements. From time to time, her eyes would find his, and each time he gave a tiny nod, unsure if anything else was expected or welcome. She did not smile, not at him or anyone else.

The clock struck four in the morning. It was a whimsical affair, a cuckoo bird popping out of doors of walnut wood carved with wild designs of leaves and flowers. The cuckoo bird twinged and popped as it retreated into its perch, dormant until the next startling appearance.

Most of the Aurors trickled out, leaving two young guards, Scrimgeour and Shacklebolt. Severus would have questioned their competence if he had had any position left to do so. He knew Lily was the only reason he was not in Azkaban with the rest of his esteemed fellows. He could only hope, but not expect and certainly not ask, that Dumbledore would come to his defense at his inevitable trial. He had served his purpose, and now he was useless, unless the Dark Lord returned in some impossible circumstance. He knew he was not dead, but he could not imagine how he could still have any meaningful power left, given that nearly half of the Death Eaters had been rounded up by now.

Dumbledore spoke earnestly with Lily, holding her hands in his. His posture conveyed sympathy but he couldn't hide his exuberance at the joyful news. His eyes had been twinkling like mad since he had arrived. "I understand if you wish to stay here, my dear, but you and little Harry are most welcome to stay at Hogwarts for the time being if you wish. We can prepare private quarters and, perhaps, better protection than you have here, Aurors notwithstanding," Here he twinkled at Shacklebolt standing by the door, who looked like he was trying to decide whether or not to be offended.

"I wouldn't want to be a bother, sir," Lily said softly.

"Not at all, my dear, not at all. The other professors and I would be delighted to have you back, especially Flitwick. You will have plenty of people to keep you and Harry company."

Lily glanced around the flat, catching Severus' eye. She looked away the second after, but Dumbledore followed her gaze and said, "Ah! And Severus too, of course. Harry seems to be alright, doesn’t he?" Severus couldn't tell if the coolness of his tone was his imagination or not.

Lily looked back at Dumbledore and Severus couldn't see her face. "Yes. Yes, thank you, Headmaster, I would be most grateful to visit Hogwarts, at least until the funeral. Harry enjoys visiting, it will be…good for him."

Dumbledore patted her hand tenderly. "Wonderful, my dear, I will return and have rooms prepared for you. Perhaps off the Charms corridor?"

Lily nodded, and soon he was gone in a flash of green fire. Lily gazed into the fireplace, unmoving. Shacklebolt shifted by the door. In the kitchen, Scrumgeour sent off the last owl and closed the window with a bang. Black and Lupin, sitting on the couch, alternated between glaring at Severus and looking with concern at Lily.

Black broke the silence. "Lily? Alright there?"

Lily jerked and turned around, wearing a forced smile. It was not in the least convincing, but when she said, "yes, fine, I'm fine," Black nodded like he believed her.

"Do you want us to help you pack up some things? We can get Harry's stuff if you want."

"Yes…thank you, Sirius, if you two would get his crib and clothes, I'll gather my things and some of his toys. Oh…I suppose I should pack up James' things as well…"

"You don't need to bring everything tonight, Lily. You can come back whenever you need to. And we'll help, okay? You don't have to do this alone." Lupin sounded disgustingly sympathetic, as usual, but it appeared to assure Lily, because she took a deep breath and managed another fake smile.

"Alright. Thank you, Remus. And Sirius, thank you. I don't know what I would do without you thr– two." They stood in silence, hearing the unsaid number.

Lily took a deep breath. "Right. There are bags in the closet to the left of the bathroom upstairs. Let me know if you need more."

The mutts went upstairs and Lily disappeared into the master bedroom down the hall from the kitchen.

Severus checked on Harry– still sound asleep. His thumb was in his mouth. Severus had seen Lily take his thumb out and replace it with a small rubber toy of some sort, but he didn't see one close at hand and he didn't want to wake Harry by taking his thumb out.

A yowl was heard upstairs, and the mutts dashed down after a streak of orange fur. It disappeared down the hall. Lily met them in the kitchen, cat in arms. "Mrs. Peaches will have to come, too, since I can't ask the neighbors to feed her without knowing how long we'll be gone. I hope she doesn't fight with Mrs. Norris…could you transfigure a carrier, Remus? She hates the Floo but it's the best way."

"Of course. And we got most of Harry's things, which should be enough for a few weeks, at least. I think Sirius is overestimating how many nappies he got through in a day."

"He needs a change every twenty minutes, I swear! It's like he knows I hate changing him so he waits until I'm holding him on purpose."

In the living room, Severus looked at Harry suspiciously.

Lily forced cheer into her voice. He hated when she did that. "Well, the more the better. Why don't you two Floo this stuff and Mrs. Peaches now and I'll follow once I gather everything else. Dumbledore can show you my rooms."

"We can come back to get the rest, if you–"

"No, no, it's alright, I can shrink everything and bring Harry. You should go home and get some rest, alright? Come back later tomorrow…or rather, today. Heaven knows we'll have enough to do, fending off questions from the staff and reporters."

"They won't have a chance to ask anything if you stay in your quarters. Don't you worry about a thing, alright, Lily? We'll take care of it, you just stay in your quarters with Harry, alright?"

Severus considered how annoying Black was as Lily agreed and saw them off in the Floo. Staying in her quarters was the last thing she needed. When she had been sick at Hogwarts, she would only stay in bed if Severus brought all her books and schoolwork, and stayed through visiting hours to study and talk and play chess. She would hate to exchange her Godric's Hollow prison for a Hogwarts one.

Severus was considering how to avoid running into her every day in the castle when she came back into the living room with a duffel bag in hand. She came closer to check on Harry, then looked at Severus. He looked back, wondering if she would speak to him yet, and gave a tiny nod when she didn't.

She turned away and began selecting books from the overstuffed shelves to pack into the bag. That done, a quick trip to the kitchen finished the packing, and she returned to the living room trailed by Scrimgeour. "Rufus, Kingsley, thank you for staying so late. You can go, I'll set a few wards and Floo right to the Headmaster's office, and he'll close the circuit from there."

"One of us should go with you, ma'am, you shouldn't be alone, even just through the Floo. You-Know-Who might still have some followers watching the network."

"Oh, I won't be alone. Severus is here."

The Aurors turned as one, as if they had forgotten he was there, although he knew they had not. He met their gaze steadily. He had a sudden, irrational urge to hand Harry over, as if he had kidnapped him and was holding him for ransom. He forced himself to remain still.

"Right. And Snape here will be returning to Hogwarts?" Scrimgeour asked Lily, his eyes trained on Severus.

"Yes. Professor Dumbledore specifically stated that he is to return to his position as Potions professor."

"Hm. Old Slughorn finally quit, did he? Probably didn't give Dumbledore much time to find a replacement." Shacklebolt turned back to Lily. "We'll send a message to Dumbledore to confirm you get there, then. Expect someone by tonight at the latest with more questions. Come on, Scrimgeour," and the Aurors took their goodbyes and Floo'd back to the Ministry of Magic.

Lily again stared into the flames a full minute after they turned back to orange. Severus knew she was exhausted. Her lip was probably red from biting it incessantly. Her hair glinted even more red in the firelight.

After five minutes and thirty seconds (counted by the tick of that ridiculous clock), Severus broke the silence. "Lily?"

She turned slowly. Her eyes were not unreadable, but Severus almost did not want to read the grief and heaviness there. He pondered that this Samhein night, forever designated a holiday for the wizarding public, would be an anniversary of grief for her and her son. One life traded for another. Definitely worth it, even he would agree. But looking at her red-rimmed eyes, Severus thought for the first time ever that perhaps he did not wish Potter to be dead. Not at such a cost, not even for so great a benefit.

"I am sorry." He was not just offering condolences. She knew he knew how much she hated that.

She nodded slowly. Finally--finally!--she spoke. "Thank you for staying, and for holding Harry. I'm surprised he slept so long. He usually hates any disturbance, even Mrs. Peaches." She checked her pockets. "Oh, yes. My wand. Can you set a few wards before we leave?"

"Of course." He let her take Harry from his arms, rocking and hushing him gently when he whimpered. "Base wards?"

She told him which specific ones to do, which he knew already, but he simply followed her instructions. 

Lily put on her cloak, leaving the other hanging by the door. 

Severus stood, returning the stool to its original state, and awkwardly straightened his robes. "Would you like me to Floo through first?"

"Yes. Thank you." She gave him the fake smile, and he frowned automatically. The smile disappeared. "What?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing, what is it? Is it something to do with Dumbledore?"

"What? No." Severus wished he had not frowned.

"Then what? Tell me. Tell me, Sev."

He did not want her to be worried. "I just, I was only thinking you do not need to pretend to smile around me. I can read you just as well as–"

He stopped. She looked down at Harry. "I'm fine."

"Obviously not," he clipped. "You do not need to pretend to be."

She took a deep breath, then suddenly bent and kissed Harry's head. She seemed about to say something, but turned away to the Floo. She held out a canister of powder. "I will see you at Hogwarts."

Severus knew his cues. He took a pinch of powder and called, "Headmaster's office!" He stepped forward until he was deposited smoothly in the circular office. The last thing he heard was Lily's hitched breath as the flames whooshed around him, green as her eyes on a sunny day.

Chapter Text

Severus' POV

Severus stumbled a little coming out of the Floo. He checked out the room while brushing off his clothes. He hated that a flush spread over his cheeks when he saw Dumbledore’s office filled with professors. His colleagues. 

“Severus,” Dumbledore said, sounding a little surprised. Severus hadn’t told him he would be returning tonight–or this morning, rather. “I assume you visited the Potters, then?”

Severus gave a short nod, ignoring the stares ranging from curious to hostile. McGonagall and Flitwick, in particular, crowded him in front of the Floo. 

“Mr. Black told us that Mrs. Potter would be Flooing right in with Harry. Where is she?”

Severus didn’t have time to respond before the fire whooshed and Lily stepped out quickly, nearly bowling over Professor Flitwick.

The professors immediately began fawning over them. Severus bit down his disgust and sidled towards the door. He barely got two steps when Lily said his name. He whirled around. 

Lily placed Harry, now awake and whimpering, in his arms so she could gather the bags that Black and Lupin had left. McGonagall gave him a rather nasty look but took a bag and led Lily out of the office. The rest of them followed like an over-stuffed train. Severus held Harry carefully and bounced him a little, which calmed him down.

Down the staircase, past the gargoyle, down two corridors and a flight of stairs, and halfway down the hall from the Charms classroom, a password opened a simple door that hadn’t been visible before. The professors ushered Lily inside, and Dumbledore gave her a quick tour. 

Severus stood frozen in the doorway, somehow afraid to step inside. Harry had fallen asleep again in his arms–-perhaps the child was sick? Don’t children get cranky when they’re sick?

Dumbledore said in the same joyful-yet-mournful voice, “Now, my dear, we will leave you to get some rest. Call Bitty if you need anything. One of us Heads will always be in the castle.”

“Thank you,” Lily said dully. “Yes, thank you, very kind of you, professor,” she said to McGonagall and Flitwick as they assured her of their absolute devotion.

They moved toward the door, and Severus automatically moved out of the way, into the hallway. McGonagall stared at Harry in his arms suspiciously but said nothing. Flitwick said, “Shouldn’t Mr. Potter be returned to his mother?”

“Of course,” Severus said stiffly. He stepped back into the doorway, and Lily met him at the threshold. She didn’t take Harry yet, though.

“Well,” said the Headmaster. “If there is anything else you need, Miss E–Mrs. Potter?”

“No. Thank you,” Lily assured them. She stood there silently until they wandered slowly off, casting glances behind them the whole way.

When the corridor was empty save for them, Lily reached out and took Harry quickly. She looked wearily at Severus and said in a deadened tone, “Don’t think this changes anything. I am furious at you. I do not want to see you. Do you understand?”

“I…” Nothing had really changed, so Severus knew he could not expect anything. He would not, could not even ask for the chance to atone. “I understand. I will let you go sleep.”

Lily snorted. “As if. I doubt I’ll be able to sleep for days.”

Severus reached into his robe and held out a vial of purple Dreamless Sleep.

Lily stared at it. “You know I can’t take that. I haven’t taken it since I got pregnant.”

Severus didn’t move his arm. “It’s a modified version connected to a charm. You can cast it over any living object to wake you at any disturbance.”

Lily still didn’t move. She had Harry on one shoulder and her other hand hanging by her side. “Modified how? You can’t use Valerian root with lilac.”

“I didn’t use lilac, I used winshed root. Ground. It cancels out the acidity.”

Lily still didn’t move. 

“You can’t just not sleep, you know how you get when–-. And Harry needs you.” Severus felt proud of his quick recovery.

Finally, Lily took the vial and set it on the table by the door. “Thank you.” 

“You shouldn’t thank me. You shouldn’t–-” Severus stopped, seeing Lily’s face darken. 

“Believe me, Severus. I have very little I’m thankful for right now.” She put a hand on Harry’s head. “You should go.” 

Severus stepped back, and the door swung shut. The clock rang six a.m. Classes would start in 3 hours and Severus thought, Pepper-Up. Definitely Pepper-Up. And lots of coffee. It would be a long day.

Chapter Text

Severus kept teaching. They were truly all dunderheads. He had firmly established his reputation as a greasy git by now, so he enforced classroom safety with unbending rules and kept a steady line of Gryffindors in detention to clean his cauldrons. 

He didn’t see Lily for a week. The students were all unaware she was even there, too busy celebrating. The mood in the castle was annoyingly bright, but Severus managed to keep it under control in his classroom. The staff whispered and murmured about her at mealtimes, but they also preferred to celebrate. Usually, McGonagall reported that she had checked up on them, saying they were fine but not much else. Severus found himself wondering if Harry was sick after all, but he soon got an answer to that, at least.

More than a week after Halloween, McGonagall arrived at dinner carrying Harry. Little Potter Junior seemed happy to be out and meeting new faces. He ran around the staff table, saying garbled hellos and stealing bites of food. He seemed to find McGonagall’s attempts to corral him in a high chair amusing.

The students made an uproar to see the great Harry Potter, but McGonagall kept Harry behind the staff table and shooed the students back to their respective tables. “He is not a roadshow,” she scolded severely. “Mr. Potter will remain at the castle for the time being; you will have plenty of opportunities to see him. Do not scare him on his first day.” They subsided after that, but the stares continued all throughout dinner. 

When Harry found Severus, he stopped and stared up at him with wide green eyes. Severus looked back awkwardly, not sure what to do. Enquire after his mother’s health?

“Up,” Harry demanded, reaching up chubby hands. 

Next to Severus, Professor Vector chuckled idiotically at Harry. “Brave lad,” he said. “Not a shy bone in his body, just like—” The man saw Severus’ glare and wisely shut up. 

“Shebba, up,” Harry repeated. “Nummy.”

What? Severus recoiled. Did he think Severus was his mummy? Where was Lily?

“You’d better pick him up, if he’s so insistent. Here, give him a bit of mash,” Hagrid offered from Severus’ other side. He spooned a heap of mash onto Severus’ mostly empty plate. “He likes that.” 

With a long-suffering sigh, Severus picked Harry up, familiar with the feel of him in his arms. “Fine. Eat, Potter. Enough of this running around, you are not a dog.” 

“Padfoot?” Harry asked, looking up at Severus. 

Severus scowled. Black and Lupin had been around annoyingly often, but they were absent today.

Harry looked around, “Where Padfoot?”

“Not here,” Severus said quickly. “Eat your mash.” 

Harry obeyed. They had a relatively calm meal, and then Severus went to return Harry to McGonagall. But she insisted she needed to return to her office quickly. 

“Actually, Severus, Harry seems quite taken with you. Why don’t you take him back to Lily? She’s probably missing him.”

“She doesn’t wish to see me,” Severus said flatly. 

McGonagall paused, her hands patting the back of her chair awkwardly. “She is grieving—”

“She’s hiding.”

“We must give her time.”

Time alone was the last thing Lily needed, but Severus was the last person who could do anything about it. “I will ask Professor Flitwick to take Harry, since you are too busy.” 

McGonagall huffed and seemed about to say something, but Severus turned away and set Harry abruptly on his feet next to Flitwick, who was chatting with Sinistra. “He needs to be returned to his mother. Do let her know that he ate his weight in mash and who knows what else.”

“Oh—are you—” Flitwick squeaked, but Severus whirled away.

Severus went to trial, like many other accused Death Eaters. Dumbledore was his primary witness, detailing their agreement and Severus’ actions for the cause of the light. Severus mostly zoned out for this; Dumbledore painted him better than he deserved. The courtroom was cold, it was late in the day, and most of them just wanted to go home and keep celebrating the victory. 

Then the judge announced the testimony of Lily Potter, given through memory. 

Severus sat up. 

Lily’s testimony, a simple recorded memory, mostly consisted of explaining the Fidelius situation with Pettigrew and how they went into hiding due to the prophecy. She told them how she figured that Severus had been the one to tell Voldemort the prophecy, and how he had saved her life as well as Harry’s. He had come and made sure she was alive, she said, and cared for Harry for several hours, and she trusted him completely, blah blah blah. By the end, Severus was furious. 

They returned to Hogwarts, Dumbledore bringing Severus in a side-along apparition. The man said something about being wary about leaving the castle and something else about congratulations. 

Severus separated himself and stalked to Lily’s quarters, knocking firmly without hesitation. 

The door didn’t open right away, so he knocked again, louder. 

Lily yanked the door open, glaring, with her hair frizzy, wearing a red robe over pink pyjamas. She liked wearing pink, Severus knew, because everyone said that red-headed people can’t wear pink. “What do you want? Do you know what time it is?” She didn’t look surprised to see him, just straight up annoyed. 

“No,” Severus admitted. Then he remembered his anger. “But I have several questions for you! Give testimony to the Wizengamot for me, did you? Thought you would play the savior for the poor, reformed Death Eater?” 

“That was today?” Lily blinked. “And you were acquitted, I suppose…obviously.”

“Obviously,” Severus repeated, and he saw the moment that Lily almost smiled. Almost. 

Then she regained her anger, too. “Get in here,” she snapped quietly. “And don’t even think about yelling again, or I’ll langlock your mouth shut, hear? Harry’s sleeping.” 

“I’ve learned the nonverbal counter to that,” Severus informed her quickly, just in case she did decide to hex him. 

“Listen,” Lily ground out, poking a finger to his chest. He stood with his back to the door, not willing to push his way further inside. “I don’t care if you’re mad that I told them about the prophecy. It was the worst thing you’ve ever done and maybe you deserve to go to Azkaban.” 

“Yeah,” Severus agreed. “But that’s not what I’m mad about, you dunderhead. Going on about how I saved you and Harry, how you trust me? What are you playing at?” 

“Keeping you from going to Azkaban, even if you deserve it, you dunderheaded idiot!” Lily snapped her mouth shut and glanced away at a door, which Severus assumed led to Harry’s bedroom. “You turned spy, but I was worried that Dumbledore wouldn’t be able to save you if they were determined to convict you anyway. He doesn’t know you like I do.”

They both looked away. Severus studied the pattern on the rug. “He would have pushed it through anyway,” he said quietly. “He told me he wants me to stay at Hogwarts and be ready if he ever comes back.”

“Comes back…” Lily repeated, staring at the floor. “He's not really gone, is he.” It wasn't a question.

“No.”

“I trust Dumbledore, but…he promised he would protect us. And I know it wasn't his fault, but…”

But for a man who seemed to know everything, this seemed like an egregious mistake. How hard was it to ensure someone's loyalty?

Severus sighed. “Look, I…you shouldn't put yourself out because of me. People talk. Let it die down until they get used to…everything.”

Lily snorted. “Yeah, right. Everything. How long do you think I should stay inside, hiding? I haven't left these rooms during the day all week.”

“Breaking curfew?” Severus asked, cooking an eyebrow in a slight imitation of his Professor persona.

She scowled at him. “I miss window shopping.”

“And I'm sure the reporters miss seeing you,” he retorted.

“Do you have anything important to say? Or can I go to bed?”

Something in Severus wanted to stay and argue some more, but he made himself open the door. Then he turned back to face her when Lily called, “Sev.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you have more of that potion?”

He pulled a vial of the purple potion out of his pocket and handed it to her. Their fingers brushed, sending a static shock across the connection.

Their eyes met for a moment. Her green eyes were dull, with dark bags underneath. 

“Good night,” she said finally.

Severus stepped out into the hallway. “Good night.”

Chapter Text

Severus had to go to Hogsmeade on a Saturday afternoon during a Hogsmeade weekend. Severus had to go to Hogsmeade to buy one measly ingredient. Severus needed one measly ingredient because he forgot to check his inventory when he started making a potion.

Severus was not in a good mood.

Autumn had settled into winter, and the wizarding world had begun adjusting to the new normal. Harry was a favourite around the castle, but Lily remained elusive, only coming out of her rooms during classes or at night. Severus passed her in the hallways sometimes. Her moods varied, and he couldn’t quite predict whether she would acknowledge him, ignore him, or hex him. He tried to identify a pattern for where she might wander each week, but Lily didn’t seem to follow a schedule. She simply took care of Harry, spoke occasionally to a few professors, and grieved.

Luckily, Severus’ reputation allowed him to part the crowds of dunderheaded students in the streets. There was still a celebratory air all around, and people were inclined to be friendly to everyone, but he kept them away with a scowl. He spotted a few reporters lingering around the Three Broomsticks, probably heckling students about any sightings of the Potters.

The apothecary was on the far side of town, and there was a long line, mostly of students who had ruined their supplies. He enjoyed seeing their faces when they saw him. It was beginning to snow, but he doubted that would keep any students inside.

When he finally got back out of the store, to his horror, the crowds had grown bigger and louder, despite the heavier snow coming down. He edged around them, noticing the presence of several more reporters and camera people. They seemed to be hounding some minor celebrity.

Then he heard the name Potter.

“Mrs. Potter! Can you tell us how you did it?”

“Mrs. Potter! Will young Harry be making an appearance?”

“Lily dear, how do you feel about your husband's heroic death?”

Severus pushed into the crowd until he reached Lily's side. She had one hand on her wand, the other one clutching several bags. 

“No comment,” she repeated wearily. “No comment.”

The reporters were undeterred by this, and the snow didn’t hamper them either. Some of them had been there long enough for snow to begin piling on their heads and shoulders.

Severus shoved away the magical microphones and grasping hands closest to them. “She said no comment,” he growled. “Are you looking for charges of harassment? Let us through.”

“Is that Severus Snape, recently acquitted Death Eater?”

“Mr. Snape! Why were you offered the post at Hogwarts?”

“Mr. Snape!”

Severus put one arm behind Lily, barely touching her shoulders, and used the other to push his way through the crowd, uncaring if he knocked quills and cameras to the ground. They hurried across the street and into the warm Leaky Cauldron, where they quickly Flooed to Hogwarts. 

Lily stumbled coming out, fumbling her bags. Severus caught her arm until she was steady, and he drew his wand and cleared away the soot and snow. He let her go before she could pull away.

Thankfully, no one followed them through, although they could because it was generally a public access Floo. Dumbledore had spelled it after Lily had arrived, though, so that no Death Eaters could enter with express permission (which he had grudgingly given to Severus). 

“Thanks. I should get home,” Lily said wearily. “They know I'm staying here. I just thought — I don't know, I thought it wouldn't be that bad.”

Severus would have scoffed at that, but he didn't want to make her feel worse. “Reporters are ruthless,” he said instead. “What were you thinking? You should have at least gone later, after the students returned, at any rate.”

Lily shrugged, shrinking her bags and stuffing them into her pockets. “I thought I could blend into the crowds. What were you doing there? You weren’t on chaperone duty.” She started towards the staircase leading to the Charms corridor. Severus hesitated, then followed. 

“I was getting potions supplies. You could have gone with one of the professors.”

“Half of them were there on duty, and I didn’t want to bother them. Anyway, I satisfied my itch for shopping and got Harry some new clothes. The only thing I didn't get was treacle tart.”

“Can't the elves make it?”

Lily made a face. “It's good, but not as good as my mum used to make. The ones in the bakery on Muller Lane are almost as good, they make the crusts nice and thick.”

“Your mum always burned her treacle tart,” Severus protested. 

“She toasted them. That’s how I like it. I always put the bakery ones back in the oven to get that nice crispy texture,” Lily confessed.

“You ruin perfectly good treacle tart,” Severus muttered, shaking his head.

They passed the Charms corridor and instead headed towards the Transfiguration and Defense classrooms. Severus deduced that she must be picking up Harry from one of the professors. They liked to take turns babysitting. 

“You don’t even like treacle tart.”

“But I still realise what a crime it is to purposefully burn pastries.”

“I don’t burn them, they’re just—”

“Toasted,” they finished in unison.

“Harry likes it too, he has good taste.”

“Harry eats anything.”

“He does now. When he was younger, there was a time when he wouldn’t eat anything except carrots and mash. James always said—” she stopped, pursing her lips. 

Silence settled back in, suffocating the almost friendly banter they had fallen into. 

They reached McGonagall’s office, and Lily knocked quickly. They entered when the professor called, “Come in!”, and Lily immediately swept Harry into her arms as he ran up to her. 

“Were you a good boy for your Auntie Minnie?” Lily cooed, covering his face with kisses. 

“Mama, look!” Harry shoved a parchment in Lily’s face. “Picture!” 

“How clever, my love!” Lily gushed over Harry’s drawing. She asked him about what he drew and listened patiently as he described it with incomprehensible babbling, interspersed with real words.

Severus stood in the doorway awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with McGonagall. The older professor likewise seemed willing to avoid conversation, as she busied herself with gathering Harry’s toys and things. Empty plates and crumbs covered a small table, indicating an adventurous snacktime. 

“Here are his things, Lily dear. I checked his nappy a while ago and he was fine, but he may need a change soon. He had some crackers and juice, and quite a lot of pears for his snack, so you may want to keep an eye on that.”

“Thank you, professor,” Lily said politely, juggling Harry and the nappy bag and his toys all at once.

“Please, call me Minerva, dear,” McGonagall said, helping her pack the toys in the bag. Harry got distracted with a toy train, so Lily replaced his drawing and put it in the bag. McGonagall glanced at Severus, and her smile dimmed. 

She had never asked Severus to call her Minerva.

“And how are your classes going, Professor Snape?” she asked politely. 

“Fine,” he answered firmly, raising a challenging eyebrow. “No one is failing yet this year.” They had had several discussions — fights, rather — about his treatment of Gryffindors, but at least she couldn’t say he was undermining their academic success, pithy as it was. 

“If anyone can help some of the Gryffindors pass potions, it’s Severus,” Lily said, finally slinging the nappy bag over her shoulder.

Severus narrowed his eyes at Lily, but didn’t want to say anything in front of McGonagall. An awkward silence fell as they watched Harry roll his toy train over Lily’s shoulder and down her arm. 

“Mummy, down,” Harry commanded, wiggling. “Twain down.”

“No, love, it’s time to go,” Lily answered, keeping him in her arms. “Thank you, um, Minerva. I’ll see you — soon.”

“Anytime, my dear. I’d love to see you and Harry out and about more. The students aren’t giving you a hard time, are they? Surely by now you could join us for dinner in the Great Hall.”

“Perhaps,” Lily said politely, in a way that Severus knew clearly meant ‘perhaps never’.

That wasn’t at all like Lily, but then, who would act normal in this type of situation?

They bid their goodbyes, and Lily didn’t send Severus away, so he followed her down the corridor towards the Charms classrooms. There were a few students about, but Lily ignored their gaping and whispering. Severus glared at a few of them and sent them scurrying.

Harry peeked over Lily’s shoulder and held out his toy train. “Shebba!” he called. “Twain! Fank you!” 

“I didn’t give it to you,” Severus responded, confused. 

Lily sort of laughed. “He means he wants you to take it. We are — trying to teach him to be polite.”

“Ah.” Severus took the train from Harry. “Thank you?”

“Fank you!” Harry crowed. Then he held out his hand expectantly.

Severus gave the train back and watched Harry chew on the whistle. They reached the doors of Lily’s quarters, and she turned to him before opening the door. Harry held out the train again, now covered in slobber.

“I guess…I should say thanks. For helping me out back there, with the reporters.”

Severus shrugged with one shoulder. “You don’t need to thank me.” 

They both looked away, remembering his similar words a week before. 

“Still,” Lily frowned, taking Harry’s train and hiding it behind her back. She gave it back a second later, prompting another “Fank you!” from Harry. “You didn’t have to. I would’ve been fine. They just, just caught me by surprise.” 

“Just like you don’t have to keep defending me in some sort of misplaced Gryffindor heroism?”

That was a bit harsh, and they both knew it. Lily met his eyes, now looking angry — a look Severus was very familiar with. “If your sorry hide is too proud to be grateful, you can just go to —” she glanced at Harry. “Go back to the dungeons. I don’t need your help,” she spat. She slapped her hand on the door to recognise her magical signature, and it swung open. Harry gaped at Severus over her shoulder, as if to say, “Gee, mate, you really stuck your foot in it there.” 

Severus had “I’m sorry” ready on his lips — he was quite accustomed to apologising to Lily’s back — but he didn’t even have time before the door slammed shut in his face.

Chapter Text

*Winter, several months later*

Harry had been asleep for ages, and Lily wished she was, too, but instead she was staring at the ceiling wondering what in the world she was doing, living at Hogwarts again four years after graduating, as a widowed mother with a baby. 

Surely there was a support group for people in her situation. 

Of course, she wasn’t alone. Lily was insanely grateful to have all the professors, Sirius and Remus, and even Mary, Marlene, and Alice within contact. Although, Alice and Frank were taking a long vacation after their run-in with some Death Eaters. Lily had asked Dumbledore to send Aurors to check on them that night, just in time to save them from being tortured for too long. Harry missed playing with Neville, but they would be back in a few weeks. 

No, Lily’s problem wasn’t that she didn’t have friends. It was that she didn’t have her husband. There was a cool, empty space in the bed next to her. The extra pillow sat there, abrasively fluffy. There was no one snoring next to her except for Harry, sleeping in the crib across the room. (James always denied that he snored, but Lily had had to develop the habit of casting gentle silencing charms just so she could sleep.) She had brought it in from the other room months ago when the silence got to be too much. 

James hadn’t been a perfect husband by a long shot, but he was where it counted. He had changed since graduation, especially with going through the Auror training program. Seeing him be serious and responsible while working together in the Order had made Lily fall in love with him a little bit more.

They hadn’t talked about Severus, by mutual agreement. By their seventh year, Lily had tucked Severus in the back of her mind as her past best friend and tried not to think about him, and she had made it one of the conditions for James to court her. When Severus had joined the Order, they still hadn’t talked about it. 

What would James say now, if he knew she was in the castle with him and running into him in Hogsmeade? They passed each other in the halls occasionally, now that Lily had decided to get out of her quarters more.

Too restless to stay in bed, Lily got up and made tea. She sat at the small table in the kitchenette and picked at the burnt treacle tart the house elves had brought her the other day. She knew it was from Severus, but she couldn’t make herself go talk to him. It was preposterous to think of thanking him for that after everything he had done…and after she had ignored him for six years. With the benefits of hindsight and experience, Lily could see that she had been naive and stubborn, and she hadn’t understood what he was trying to deal with. Would Severus have even joined the Death Eaters if she had forgiven him after their fifth year?

The clock struck one, and Lily gulped her tea, despite it being too weak. It reminded her of a time when James had brought her tea. She had been pregnant and tired, and he had doted on her even though he had just come home from a long day of training. He had brought her tea and biscuits (from the store), and rubbed her feet, and brought her extra pillows…yes, James had tried to give her everything she wanted, but he couldn’t give her what she wanted most, which was to walk around in public without fear and know that Harry would be safe in the future. Instead, she was stuck inside with only Floo calls for company, doing occasional paperwork jobs for the Order, researching protective magic, and planning her and James’ wills. 

That had come in handy, after the funeral was over, when she was left “Lady Potter, of the Ancient and Noble House of Potter, blah blah blah,” and the sole manager of the entire Potter fortune.

Suddenly, Lily needed to get out. The four walls of the family suite pressed in around her, just like they did in Godric’s Hollow. If she had to stay inside for one more minute, she would go crazy. “Bitty,” she called.

The pink-attired house elf that had been assigned to her popped in. “Yes, Mrs. Potter?”

Lily winced. “I need to go out, for — I’m just going to take a walk. Can you watch Harry and come get me if he needs anything?” 

“Of course, Mrs. Potter. Bitty will be watching little Master Harry Potter, the great boy-who-lived!”

Oh yes, and then there was the whole boy-who-lived thing and the fact that she and her son were now famous for destroying the darkest wizard of the century.

Who might not actually be dead.

“Call me Lily,” she reminded Bitty breathlessly, and dashed out the door, snagging her cloak on the way. 

In the hallway, it was a little easier to breathe. The air was quiet and cool, like the shadows had gone to sleep snuggled up with the stones. Lily headed left, where another corridor was lit by the moonlight coming in the windows. It was just after a full moon, so Sirius was with Remus, helping him recover. And grieving, most likely. They were having a hard time, now that their foursome was reduced to two. 

Lily refused to allow herself to grieve for Peter.

She wandered the halls, staying close to windows and watching the banks of the frozen Black Lake for glimpses of any wildlife. The windows were foggy and cold. 

Sometime later, Lily found herself in the library. As a student, she had often snuck down to study, especially when the Gryffindor Common Room (read: the Marauders) were too rambunctious. She would slip in after curfew when it was dark and empty, just like this, and find a corner to study by the light of a lumos — "Stupefy!” She automatically reacted to movement in the aisle.

“Expelliarmus!” A tall figure shot off a spell as he turned to face her.

Both spells missed, going flying into the shelves. Lily had fumbled her wand, which was still rather new and unfamiliar in her hand. She readjusted her grip. “Fernun —”

“Lily, wait!” The figure dodged and knocked her wand aside. “It’s me!”

“Severus,” she gasped, and immediately felt foolish and dramatic. She wasn’t in school anymore; she shouldn’t have tried to hex someone just for surprising her. Besides, this was Hogwarts, she was safe. “Sorry. I was on edge, I guess.” 

“As one would assume, sneaking around the library like that. You do know you’re allowed to be in here any time, right?” Severus lit a lumos, making Lily immediately relax. 

“Of course,” she said, tucking her new wand away. “I just didn’t expect anyone to be here. It’s late enough that even the kids who sneak in have already left.” 

“That’s why I come this late,” Severus said, stepping away to inspect the shelves behind him. There were a few little marks from her stupefy on a shelf and several books. He inspected each book carefully, waving his wand to wordlessly repair each one with care. 

Lily turned to do the same on her side, repairing a mark on the edge of a bookshelf from his expelliarmus. She was glad when her wand responded to her wordless command. How many hours had they spent here, studying together, practicing spells with (and on) each other, hiding from the Marauders and the Slytherins, researching things way beyond their skill levels, telling each other practically everything?

“Are you intending to brew your own healing potions?”

“What?” Lily turned back to face Severus, whose face was lit from the side by his uplifted wand. He was standing just close enough for her to see the tiny details of his face. He had a few wrinkles in his furrowed brow, like stress had already settled in and made itself at home. His features had changed a little since…well, since fifth year, which would have been the last time she had looked at him this closely. He wasn’t handsome by any means, but he had an interesting face. One she used to know as well as her own.

“These are all books on healing plants and potions,” Severus clarified, gesturing around them. 

Lily’s face flushed, and she turned slightly away from the lumos, glad it was still mostly dark. What was she thinking? They weren’t best friends anymore; they could never go back in time and change the past. “I…no, I was just meandering. I was going to look for something on protective magic, maybe. I’ve been doing a lot of research on that lately.” 

“Hmm,” Severus hummed, his eyes on hers. In the half-light, they seemed darker than ever. To anyone else, he might have made a frightening image. But to Lily, he was simply Sev. “Have you read Plarnoit’s book on defense? He deals almost exclusively with protection as a subset of defense, and I think his theory is quite sound.” 

“I haven't been able to get my hands on a copy yet,” Lily said. “I don’t think there’s one here, either, since I’m sure Dumbledore would have included it with some other books he sent.” 

“I have a copy. You can borrow it if you’d like.” 

“Really?” Lily grinned. Just the thought of getting a book she had been hoping for was enough to lift her spirits. 

“Yeah, sure,” Severus answered. His voice sounded a little strange. He cleared his throat. “I can, um, bring it to you? Tomorrow, maybe?” 

“Yeah,” Lily echoed. “Thanks.” 

His lips twisted.

Lily found her gaze drawn to them, noticing how expressive they always were. Severus was a master of impressions, and he always used to convey an entire joke with just a twitch of those lips…

“Are you staying here all night?” 

Lily again took a second to reply. “Oh, no, I was just…taking a walk. I left Harry asleep with a house elf watching him. I should get back.”

“Oh.” Severus paused for a few seconds, shifting his feet. “Right, me too. I just need to grab some books.” 

“Doing your late-night research as always?”

Severus huffed and scratched his head with his wand, making the lumos bob wildly. “Not as much as I wish I could,” he said ruefully. “It’s more like I’m living in hope of a few minutes of free time after I finish the grading and everything else.”

“Do you like being a professor?” Lily asked curiously. She wouldn’t have imagined it for Severus, but she could see him being a brilliant instructor, if rather impatient. 

“No,” he scoffed. Lily snorted a laugh. “They’re all dunderheads, and it doesn’t help that half of them remember me as a student. I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time.”

“It sounds like you’re teaching, at any rate. McGonagall didn’t deny it, when you said all the Gryffindors are passing.” 

“Yeah, well,” Severus looked away and scowled. He scuffed a foot on the floor. “McGonagall would rather her students didn’t learn potions at all instead of having a Death Eater teach them.”

Lily automatically opened her mouth to protest, to reject that label on him, and closed it again. He wouldn’t accept her saying anything to the contrary. After all, he was a Death Eater, wasn’t he? It was simply a fact. 

An unchangeable fact, and yet, Lily found herself wondering if she was putting too much weight on that label.

An awkward silence descended, and Lily felt exhaustion descending with it. She was no longer interested in finding more books, or studying at all. She just wanted to curl up in bed and forget everything that had happened since Hallowe’en. 

“Do you need more potion?”

Lily had been taking the (non addictive) Dreamless Sleep variation regularly ever since she came to Hogwarts, and she knew Severus knew she was still halfway through the current bottle. “No. Thank you. I still have some.”

Severus nodded. “Are you — do you want help finding your books? Or — I suppose you know where they are.” 

Suddenly, Lily couldn’t stand to stay there one more second. In the dark aisle surrounded by books and magic, he was so close yet felt so far away. It seemed like forever ago since they had just talked about things, in the easy way that best friends had. “I’m gonna go,” she blurted. She took a few steps, putting distance between them. 

Severus lowered his wand, the light sending his face into grotesque shadows. “Oh,” he said.

“I left Harry, I should — good night.” Lily didn’t wait for an answer, heading straight for the door. 

Just before she left, she heard him answer, “Good night.”

Chapter Text

Time went on, and Severus did his best to give Lily time. Although their irregular interactions became more friendly, he knew she still didn’t forgive him, and he didn’t expect her to. He just wished she would give him an opening, an opportunity to plead for a chance at redemption. 

When winter melted into spring and Hagrid began regaling the staff with tales of his newborn creatures, Lily came to dinner. 

The professors all made a fuss, of course, as well as the students. Flitwick and McGonagall fawned over her and Harry, and Dumbledore offered her the seat at his right. Of course everyone was happy to move over and make room. This put McGonagall next to Severus. 

He made a small effort to hide his smirk when she frowned. “Looking forward to the game this weekend, Professor?” he inquired politely. Slytherin was playing against Gryffindor. In the last match, Slytherin had absolutely decimated Ravenclaw, and Gryffindor morale was low. 

“Very much so,” she answered crisply. “Our team is putting forth a strong effort to be prepared, and I have no doubt they will start off the season with a win.” 

“I’m sure their motivation to win the Cup is very strong,” he demurred. Said Quidditch Cup sat proudly on a mantle in the Slytherin Common Room, where it had been for two years. Severus had no intention of handing it over to McGonagall. 

The older professor sniffed and did not deign to answer, instead turning her attention to Lily and Harry. Lily was failing miserably at getting Harry to eat anything. Finally, she let him down to run around for a while and made conversation with Dumbledore. 

After a mostly quiet, peaceful meal, Severus was not surprised to see Harry appear beside him, demanding to be picked up. 

“Shebba, mass peas?” At least he asked politely.

Severus picked Harry up and served himself some mash, transfiguring a smaller spoon (he noticed McGonagall’s unsaid surprise) for Harry to use. Severus picked at his pudding and wished he could go to bed already. It seemed like he was always sleep deprived, these days.

Harry eagerly ate a few bites, then he turned and almost stuck the spoon in Severus’ face. “Shebba, you now.”

“No, Harry,” he responded wearily. He was used to Harry trying to share. “That’s just for you.” 

Harry began to get ready for a tantrum, so Severus quickly grabbed some crackers. “Here, Harry. You can share these with me.” 

“Share wiff me,” Harry exclaimed happily. He stuffed one cracker in his mouth (Severus watched to make sure he didn’t choke) and offered one to Severus, who ate it slowly. 

This kept Harry occupied for a while, since he loved eating crackers and feeding them to Severus. He watched Severus so he could give him a new cracker as soon as he finished the previous one. 

Severus made sure Harry got some vegetables and had plenty to eat, and he just barely kept from dozing off as he waited for dinner to be over. The staff’s conversations and the low roar of the crowd of students washed over him, and he felt even sleepier once Harry was full and leaned against him to go to sleep…

“Severus. Sev.” That was Lily’s voice, and for Lily he would resist sleep — even if he jinxed her just a little bit for waking him up. 

“I could have jinxed you three times with those reflexes. Too many late night trips to the library?” Lily stood over him, looking amused. 

Severus blinked a few times and scowled, looking to see if McGonagall had overheard her. Not that it was against the rules for him to go to the library at night. But still. 

“You try patrolling twice a week and getting up at six every morning,” he grumbled. It was actually nightmares that kept waking him up, but he wasn’t about to say that in the middle of the Great Hall.

“Did Harry get enough to eat? He looks like he had a feast.”

Severus looked down at Harry in his arms, not surprised to find him fast asleep. His face was covered with remnants of mash, cracker crumbs, and something red. “I’m pretty sure he ate more than I did. He had some peas and carrots.” 

“Good. He’s been liking those lately, and I even got him to eat some broccoli the other day.” She carefully lifted Harry and put him on her shoulder. He sighed and grumbled, but didn’t wake.

“A truly grand accomplishment,” Severus said dryly, cleaning off his robes. 

Lily narrowed his eyes at him, so he added, “Seriously. I tried to give him lettuce the other day and he almost started a food fight.” 

Lily smirked. “He hates lettuce. I think it’s too crispy.”

“Good point.” Severus fidgeted, looking at Harry’s face to avoid her eyes. “Do you want me to clean his face?”

Lily looked down. “Oh. Sure. Thanks.” 

Severus cast a gentle tergeo and tucked his wand away. He tried to think of something to say to keep her there. “Are you going to start helping McGonagall teach?”

Severus had overheard McGonagall talking to Dumbledore the other day in the staff room. She had asked Lily to consider being an assistant professor for Transfiguration. 

“I don’t know,” Lily bit her lip uncertainly. “I mean, I know she could use the help, since she’s Deputy Headmistress, but with Harry…”

As if recognising his name in his sleep, Harry grumbled and turned his face towards his mother, smacking his lips.

Lily readjusted him to lay on her shoulder. “I feel bad asking other professors to watch him every day. It’s not part of normal teaching duties.”

“I’m quite sure none of them would accept a single knut for it,” Severus countered dryly. “They would all love to watch Harry, I would guarantee it.” 

Lily wrinkled her nose. “I’m not sure Trelawney even knows Harry exists.” 

Severus snorted a laugh. “Probably not. I’m not sure Hooch does either, since he’s too little to ride a broom…or at least, to play Quidditch.”

“He won’t be doing that until second year, at least,” she said firmly. 

Severus knew they were both thinking of the same incident. In their first year, Potter had, of course, brought his brand new broomstick. During the first Quidditch game of the year, he had snuck into the changing rooms to put on a uniform and steal an extra bat, flown out to the pitch, and proceeded to knock bludgers all over the place until one of them knocked him off his broom. He had been in the hospital wing for a whole week. Not only was it a peaceful week for Severus, but better yet, Dumbledore had issued a rule that first years couldn’t bring brooms or be on Quidditch teams. As someone who preferred to keep his feet on solid ground, Severus hadn’t cared. He was just glad that his new enemy had taken a hit, to the body and the ego.

“I think you should do it,” Severus said. 

She frowned at him uncertainly, so he pressed further. “McGonagall always overworks herself, but she won’t accept help because she says she’s been doing this for longer than we’ve been alive, and it hasn’t gotten any harder. But I think the fact that she asked you means that she actually needs some help.”

“Or that she pities me and thinks I need to be busier to distract myself more,” Lily muttered.

Severus raised an eyebrow at her. 

“Shut up.” 

He smirked. “Far be it from me to argue with the Lady Head of Gryffindor.” 

Lily huffed and turned to go, since the Hall was mostly empty by now. “Would you do it?”

“What? Help McGonagall? She would hex me to next Tuesday if I touched her papers.” 

“No, I mean, watch Harry while I teach. For, like, an hour a week. Or two.”

“Uh,” said Severus eloquently, following her out the staff doors. “Yeah, of course, I’m always happy to watch Harry. Anytime.” Whatever reasons Lily had had for handing Harry to him back when she first came to Hogwarts, Severus was now sure that she trusted him completely with Harry. And honestly? Severus had no problem with Harry. Sure, he was a snotty-nosed little brat, but he was smart and didn’t scream in Severus’ ear, unlike one spoiled little blond boy. “So, are you going to tell her yes, then?”

“I don’t know,” Lily snapped. Then she said, more gently, “I have to think about it some more. But it might be the best option. And if you’re willing to help, too…”

“I’ll do whatever you need me to,” Severus said seriously. “And I’ll still protect Harry, no matter what happens.” 

He had made a vow to Dumbledore, almost an Unbreakable Vow, soon after his trial, and he knew Dumbledore had mentioned such to Lily because she had abruptly questioned him about it a few days after. It hadn’t come up again, but Severus wouldn’t forget it. Even if Lily eventually pushed him away, he would protect them the best he could, as long as he lived.

It was a drop in the ocean of atonement.

“I might need to go out a few times soon. I need to meet with some goblins at Gringotts and visit the Potter properties…I don’t want to take Harry along. Would you be able to watch him sometimes in the evenings?” 

This was a true olive branch. For a second, Severus felt his heart leap. But he forced his face to stay calm. “Of course,” he said nonchalantly. “Just let me know when.” 

They had reached the end of the corridor where they parted ways. Lily met his eyes, her hand cradling Harry’s head on her shoulder. There was no anger in her eyes. Severus didn’t know the name of the emotion he saw there. She said, “Thank you.”

Severus almost opened his mouth to apologise, to bring up the subject of redemption, but he knew it wasn’t the right time, so he simply nodded and let her go.

“I know I’m the last person you think would say so, but I think perhaps you ought to give him another chance.” Minerva quirked a brow at Lily over her cup of tea. They were having their semi-regular cuppa one weekend, and Lily had asked Minerva what she thought of Severus.

“I am, in a way. I mean, I have. The testimony I gave helped keep him out of Azkaban, and we’ve talked a few times.” 

“But you haven’t really talked, not about the important things.” 

That was true, and Lily knew it. Whenever she talked to Severus, which was rarely, it was always about surface-level, easy topics, like Harry. Her son saw Severus a lot more often than Lily did.

“I just…he seems so far out of reach. We stopped being friends after fifth year, and then he was always with his Slytherin friends, and then the fighting started, and I didn’t even hear about him until Dumbledore told me he was a spy. How could he do that and then just turn around and act like nothing happened?”

“We’re all trying to act like nothing’s happened, dear,” Minerva reminded her, a bit sternly. 

“I know,” Lily admitted.

“What actually happened in your fifth year? All the professors knew was that you two quarrelled and that the Marauders were involved.” 

Lily sighed, deeply, and then again because it felt good. The incident in fifth year felt like the turning point between her and Sev, although if she thought about it, it was more like the last point in a long line of points. They all made up a line, pointing to…the end of their friendship. Or the present. Perhaps that wasn’t the best metaphor. 

“James and Sirius were being stupid, as always,” she began. This was how many stories began. “You know they started most of the fights. Well, they were already at wandpoint with each other by the time I got there, and then they disarmed Sev, and hit him with levicorpus.” 

“I hate that blasted spell,” Minerva grumbled. “Kids are still using it these days, and it’s never just a fun prank, either.” 

“Sev regretted using it before he learned to do it silently. It just made it worse that it was his own spell. Anyway, they had him up in the air, and his robes fell down, and, well, you can imagine what a group of teenage boys did in that situation,” Lily shook her head in disgust. 

“Oh, heavens. Tell me they didn’t —” 

“Whatever you’re thinking, they probably did. Sev would be furious if he knew I was telling you any of this, though. Basically, they were all humiliating him and taunting him — there were a bunch of older boys of different houses, too — and I yelled at James and Sirius to stop and get him down, but they didn’t listen. I tried to cancel the spell myself, but you know that doesn’t usually work.”

Minerva nodded, listening closely.

“That’s when Sev — he was really furious by then — told me he didn’t need any help from…from a mudblood.” 

Minerva sucked in her breath sharply. “He didn’t!”

“He was really upset. I knew he didn’t mean it, he tried to take it back right away,” said Lily.

“That doesn’t excuse his behaviour!” Minerva replied sharply. “Perhaps you were right to be so angry at him. And if I remember correctly he was punished as a participant of the whole event, since no one would say exactly what happened.” 

“No,” Lily disagreed. “Do you really think it’s such a terrible offence, to call someone a name in a fit of anger? Sev does that all the time, I’ve lost count of how many times he’s called me a dunderhead! It was said in the heat of the moment, but I took it as evidence that he was completely lost to the dark side.” 

Minerva started to reply, then took a sip of tea, then another. Calmer, she studied Lily, and said, “Perhaps you’re right, dear. I didn’t think of it that way. Severus does get quite angry sometimes, doesn’t he?” 

Lily smirked. “You have no idea.”

“That does put his later actions in a better light,” Minerva mused.

“What do you mean? Which later actions?”

“When he tried to apologise all those times in the corridor,” explained the professor. “You didn’t see him, Lily, except when you came in and out and he talked to you, but he practically camped out in the Gryffindor corridor for the last couple of weeks at the end of your fifth year. He would duck into an empty classroom to avoid the other students, but a few times…you didn’t see him, Lily, waiting and crying and even sleeping in the corridor. I think he would have done anything he could to make up for his angry words, if you let him.” 

Lily didn’t know what to say to that. She finished her tea and refilled it, thinking. Severus had certainly seemed eager to make up. But Lily had made up her mind that it was too late, and nothing he said had swayed her to forgive as she had so many times before…

“Lily, dear,” said Minerva, drawing Lily out of her thoughts. “I know that this is a difficult time of life for both of you, and you shouldn’t feel rushed ahead of your feelings. But you’re here, and he’s here, and you both have a second chance at life. Are you really going to let your best friend go again?”

“James was my best friend,” Lily protested automatically. Minerva had a point, though. Lily didn’t think it was a coincidence that she and Severus were both living in the castle. 

“Well, just think about it, dear,” Minerva said. “You know him best of anyone, after all. But I do know that Albus trusts him enough to keep him in the Order and here as a professor. And while Albus certainly isn’t perfect, I don’t think he would make the mistake of hiring him if he wasn’t trustworthy.” 

Lily shot her a dry look over her teacup. “Have you seen some of the Defense teachers?” 

That made Minerva laugh. “Good point. Maybe we’ll be able to keep someone now for more than a year.”

They began discussing teachers and classes, and Minerva told Lily about what she would like for her to do as her assistant. After thinking it over a few more days, Lily had decided to accept the position.

“The most helpful thing will be the grading, dear, but I also may have you help me with paperwork for the office. I’ve finished the beginning-of-year forms, but there are always more, and I feel like I’m always playing catch up.” 

“I’m happy to help with anything,” Lily said honestly. “And the more I can do at home with Harry, the better. I don’t think he would be happy with me leaving him for too long.” 

“Well, I have plenty of that kind of thing. I won’t have you teach yet; we’ll just see how it goes for a week or two. I would have to consult the master schedule to see who could watch Harry during some of the younger years’ classes.” 

“Severus has a free period for at least one of them,” Lily offered. “And Harry likes him. I’m not sure about the others, though, like Hagrid.”

Minerva eyed her sideways as she took another biscuit. “You do realise how strange it sounds that you trust Severus more than Hagrid.” 

Lily rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.” 

“Yes.” Then Minerva added, “Perhaps Severus will surprise us all.” 

Lily didn’t respond to that, but later that night as she laid in bed, she thought about Severus and how he had already been surprising her.

Chapter Text

Lily quietly shut the door behind her and leaned against it wearily. The meeting with the goblins and James’ solicitor had gone long, and she hadn’t even understood all the legalese until the solicitor had explained it. Then, when she had returned to the castle, Minerva had stopped her to talk about some classes. By the time Lily got home, it was almost an hour after she had told Severus she would be back. Harry should be long asleep by now. She hoped Severus wasn’t upset about having to wait for her. 

After taking off her robes and shoes, Lily went into the sitting room and was greeted with a lovely, domestic scene:

Severus lay spread out on the couch, one arm holding Harry, who slept on top of his chest. The other arm hung off the edge, fingers brushing the floor. One long, black-clad leg anchored him to the floor, while the other hung over the arm of the couch. 

It didn’t look that comfortable, but he seemed to be sleeping deeply. 

Lily crept forward and knelt to peer at Harry’s face. He, too, was sleeping deeply, and his eyes twitched with dreams. Lily’s gaze drifted to Severus’ face. It was calm and relaxed, but there was still a wrinkle in his brow and a tightness to his jaw that indicated his subconscious defensiveness. She thought he didn’t look quite as thin as he used to, which meant he was finally eating enough. Perhaps that was Harry’s influence. 

Lily remembered seeing Severus asleep only a few times when they were children. When he was truly exhausted, he would conk out on his book within ten minutes of sitting down in the library. He was always embarrassed to wake up, so she would make sure to make noise and look busy when she packed up her things. 

She had also seen him sleep when he had stayed at her house a few times over the holidays. Then, she would go to the guest room to wake him up in the mornings, and he would be curled up tight as a woodlouse, with his blankets piled around him, especially at his back. She wondered if he slept that way now. With his new defensiveness and defense skills, she wouldn’t be surprised if he slept fully clothed, wand in hand. She knew enough about Death Eaters to know that they expected to be called at any time, but especially late at night. 

Speaking of which…Lily looked down at his left arm hanging off the couch. His white shirt extended to his wrist, but the buttons were undone, and the cuffs were slightly wet. Ever so carefully, she lifted his sleeve. 

Severus stirred, and she dropped the sleeve, holding her breath. He sighed and turned his head a little towards Harry, tightening his arm a little around him. When he stayed still, she kept breathing. But now her curiosity was aroused. She had caught a glimpse of something on his wrist, and she wanted to know what it was.

She cast a gentle sleeping charm on him, telling herself he needed the sleep anyway. Then she lifted the sleeve again, pulling it up almost to his elbow. There, as she knew it would be, sat the Dark Mark. 

It wasn’t as scary as she thought it would be. It looked like a tattoo, if it had been done in grey ink or had faded partly away. Sure, the snake and skull image wasn’t pleasant, but it didn’t evoke the kind of horror that Lily expected after years of fighting Death Eaters.

No, what horrified Lily were the little white scar lines on Severus’ wrist, and more lines crisscrossing the Mark. 

“Oh, Sev,” Lily breathed. Regret slammed into her gut and brought tears to her eyes. What did it take to drive Severus to such measures? She had underestimated his suffering. In light of this, his humble penitence told a clearer and stronger story. Her heart ached for her friend. 

She ran her fingers lightly over his arm, and it shivered slightly, the nerves reacting automatically. Lily took one last look at the scars, noting how many looked newer, how some looked deeper. Then she pulled down the sleeve to where it was before, and cancelled the sleeping charm. She stood and went over to her usual armchair to compose herself before waking him up. 

“Severus,” she called softly. 

His eyes sprang open and he sat up, clutching Harry while drawing his wand with the other. When his eyes met hers, he relaxed, shoulders slumping. He sheathed his wand and checked that Harry was still sleeping. “I apologise. I did not mean to fall asleep.”

“It’s alright,” she said, coming over to get Harry. “I just got back, the meeting went long and Minerva wanted to talk. I sent a note.” she indicated the parchment laying on the floor in front of the Floo. 

“Oh,” said Severus, flushing slightly. “I should have seen that. I just, Harry fell asleep on me, and I expected you would be home any minute, so I closed my eyes for a second, and, well,” he jerked his shoulders in a shrug, “sorry.” He stood up and looked around, as if checking for his things. He hadn’t brought anything with him, though.

“Really, it’s fine,” said Lily, taking Harry carefully. It was late enough that she didn’t want to disturb his sleep. Luckily, he didn’t even stir. “I don’t mind. Would you like to Floo back? It’ll save you a few minutes to sleep.” 

Severus didn’t answer, and Lily looked up to find him looking at her steadily. 

Her heart skipped a beat. Had he felt her looking at his arm? 

“Lils, I —” His throat bobbed up and down. He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging impatiently at a few tangles. “I wanted to ask…”

“What?” Suddenly the quiet of her quarters became charged with tension, as the things unsaid between them came forward, ready to be brought on stage.

“I will not ask for your forgiveness,” he said, his black gaze unwavering. “You can’t forgive me for what I’ve done. I only wish — I hope —” 

Lily had not expected him to bring that up so directly. Her face tightened, waiting.

“I hope you will let me continue watching Harry after this,” he finished in a rush. 

That was not what he was planning to say, Lily knew, but she wasn’t going to call him out on it. “Of course,” she answered as calmly as she could manage with anger still curling in the back of her mind. “I have another meeting in a week, I expect I’ll ask you to watch him again then.” 

“Right,” he nodded, heading for the door. He quickly put on his robes.

“And I’ll not be late next time,” she added. 

“Okay,” he said, and looked at her. 

Lily forced a smile, trying to forget the elephant in the room. When he frowned back, she almost burst into tears because she knew exactly what he was thinking and she wished so hard that things were different and they could go back, or maybe fast-forward, and be friends again. 

She could see that he wanted to say something else, but he just said, “Good night,” and let himself out. 

Lily went through the motions of putting Harry to bed and performing her evening routine, and then she collapsed into bed and tried to go to sleep…and instead she stayed up late thinking about Severus, and how he hid so much from everyone, including her, and how he was obviously doing everything to make nice with her, and how he didn’t expect her forgiveness, and how she didn’t know if she would ever be able to forgive him anyway, and how she wanted, deep down, to forgive him completely. 

Severus couldn’t sleep.

This was, unfortunately, not a new phenomenon. He was used to getting little sleep due to late study nights and nightmares, even as a child. As a Death Eater, he had trained himself to sleep lightly so he would always be ready to go. The Dark Lord liked — used to like — calling people around 11 or midnight. And, of course, more often than not, Severus had a potion brewing that needed tending at regular intervals.

So the lack of sleep wasn’t necessarily the problem. The problem was the cause of his lack of sleep. And this cause? Guilt. Severus felt terribly, achingly guilty about the things he had done, and Lily kept avoiding the subject, and it didn’t matter how many light conversations they had — Severus knew he wouldn’t feel any different until he convinced Lily to let him atone. 

Too bad he was never very good at persuading his best friend to do something she didn’t want to do. 

His first attempt with this new resolve failed immediately. Lily refused to go somewhere private to talk, even for a few minutes, claiming that she needed to get Harry to bed. It was a terrible excuse; it wasn’t even his bedtime yet. He let it go and decided to try again the next evening.

Similar results came the next two days. Then, at dinner on Friday night, McGonagall overheard them talking (she was a shameless eavesdropper) and offered to take Harry for a while to give Lily a break. That was a lucky move for Severus — Harry loved spending time with McGonagall, and Lily was exhausted after a long week of teaching and taking care of him. 

“Really, dear, I don’t mind a bit! You look like you could use a break and some toddler-free conversation. You two go on, I’ll bring Harry by at eight o’clock. Say goodbye, Harry,” McGonagall said, already turning away.

Huh. Maybe McGonagall didn’t hate him after all.

Lily huffed, glaring after the professor, but she wasn’t actually mad. “She didn’t even ask. I don’t look that tired.” 

Severus hummed, knowing better than to voice his disagreement.

Apparently, she knew him better than that, and turned her glare on him. “I don’t! Do I?” 

“No,” Severus lied quickly. “You look beautiful, as always.” He flushed. Good move, Severus. “I mean, um.” Shut up, now.

Lily stared at him in surprise, or maybe … Severus didn’t know what her face was saying. Then she got closer, which didn’t help. It just let him smell her shampoo and the tomato soup that Harry had spilled on her at dinner. “Look,” she hissed, inches from his face. “Why can’t we just go on like we have been, and not talk about this yet? Why did you suddenly decide we have to talk now?”

Severus looked around the empty hall, avoiding her eyes. “I’m not — I don’t want to push you, I just — I want to say something to you.” 

“Oh?” She had perfected the eyebrow arch. It was almost as good as McGonagall’s. “Well, say it then.”

“Or rather, ask something,” Severus amended, thrown off by her sudden acceptance. “I, erm…”

Lily growled impatiently. “Look, if you’re asking for forgiveness about the — all the war stuff, and the prophecy, then you’re more of a dunderhead than I thought! You’re the reason he’s —” her voice broke, her eyes darted away. “You’re the reason he’s dead.”

Severus fell to his knees. The pain from the stone floor was nothing compared to the pain in her voice. “I know, I know, Lily. I cannot be acquitted for my crimes. I can only ask for a chance to atone, to repay you and Harry.”

“Oh.” Her anger flickered down, and her green eyes met his more calmly. “You can’t bring him back.”

“I know,” Severus repeated. He had a terrible sense of deja vu, kneeling on a stone floor in repentance. “I only want to do everything I can to atone, nothing more.”

Lily frowned. “You aren’t asking for my forgiveness?”

“It is unforgivable.” Just like last time, but infinitely worse.

This was different, though. Last time, he had begged and pleaded for forgiveness — forgiveness that never came. Forgiveness he had given up hope for but still wished for. 

Severus shifted on aching knees, preparing to stand if Lily didn’t give him a clear answer for once. He made one last plea. “Anything you want, Lily. I will do anything for you and Harry, for the rest of my life.” If she didn’t accept, Severus had just enough money for a one-way ticket to Australia. He raised onto one knee, glancing at Lily nervously as she gazed into the distance, her arms hugging herself tightly. If she rejected him again, that would be it. Severus began strengthening his Occlumency barriers.

“Severus…” Lily was stalling and she knew it. She was having major deja vu right now, and the urge to act the same way as her 16-year-old self was strong. 

But also strong were the words of Minerva in her mind: “You didn’t see him, Lily, waiting and crying and even sleeping in the corridor. He would have done anything he could to make up for his angry words if you let him. Now you both have a second chance at life. Are you really going to let your best friend go again?” 

“James was my best friend,” Lily had protested, but the words stuck. Lily knew she had been stubborn and prideful, but Severus had started hanging out with his Slytherin friends more and more and every day it was harder to look at him, much less talk to him. The distance between them was as much about his actions as it was about her inability to understand or help him. For the past four years, her subconscious had asked the question, ‘What would have happened if I forgave him?’

Now Lily looked down at her best friend’s bowed head. He was hiding his emotions, his eyes from her. He had changed so much, become harder…darker. But he still smirked at her jokes and protected her from nosy reporters and — and Harry trusted him. Harry called him Shebba and offered him bites of food at the table and fell asleep in his arms.

Severus shifted again, still on one knee. He had been kneeling for at least five minutes now, pleading not for forgiveness, but a chance at redemption — and Lily felt like the worst person in the world. How could she let her best friend do this? The best friend she ever had, who could read her like a book and brought her burnt treacle tart and made her laugh when she was mad?

“Oh, get up,” Lily snapped shakily. “You look ridiculous. Honestly, you would think you’re begging for your life. I’m not going to ask you to make up for this.” 

Severus’ face fell as he stood and moved a few feet away. 

“You can’t possibly atone for someone else’s life. But,” Lily took a step closer, then another, so she was right in his face. Severus tensed. “I’m going to try to forgive you, like I should have back in sixth year. That was petty and mean of me.”

Severus’ black eyes were comically wide, and his breaths shallow. 

Lily smirked and laid a hand on his arm. “I’m not saying it’ll be quick or easy. Heck, it might take a few more years.” She took a deep breath. “But I’m going to try. And you are going to let me, not distance yourself to be some sort of shadow protector thing. Got it?” 

Severus made a delightful imitation of a goldfish.

Lily slapped his arm. “Sev. Do you understand?” 

“Yes! Yes, I — yes. Thank you.”

“Good. Thank me later. Right now, I have a free evening and loads of papers to grade.” She started towards the door.

“Oh. Right,” Severus said, still frozen.

Lily rolled her eyes. “And what are you doing this evening?” 

“Also grading, I suppose.” 

Severus was being remarkably dense this evening. It was a good thing Lily liked him. “Is there a reason to be doing it alone?”

“Umm…no?”

“Two points to Slytherin.” She smirked at him, beckoning for him to follow her. “We’ll go to your quarters first, then mine so we can wait for Harry.” 

He finally got the hint and followed her out the door, watching her strangely as if he expected her to sprout warts or something. But Lily didn’t want to dwell on it, so she changed the subject to a more publicly appropriate topic as they walked through the halls.

She realised later that they could have asked a house elf to bring his papers, but neither of them minded the extra time to talk. When they got to her quarters, they made a competition of grading quickly…and one of finding the worst paper…and then one of finding the best…and switched topics for the easier classes…and went through two pots of tea.

By the time Minerva returned with Harry, Lily was feeling better than she had in — well, since James had died. She didn’t quite realise that, though, and as she transitioned to taking care of Harry and saying goodnight to Minerva and Severus, she only thought about how much grading she had got done, and how nice Severus was to help, and that Harry needed a bit of extra fluids because he might be coming down with something.

It was a nice and pleasant night for Lily, and she went to sleep with a smile on her face. Only later would she learn that Severus had also gone to sleep smiling, but only after crying with relief that she had given him another chance. 

Chapter Text

It was a rainy November afternoon, and Harry was sick.

It was just the same cold that half the students got every autumn, but his three-year-old body was having a hard time fighting it off, so Severus was helping Lily by trading off shifts watching him until his fever broke. 

For the most part they ignored the castle around them, only leaving the Floo open for calls from any prefects or professors. As Lily caught up on sleep, Severus graded his never-ending stack of papers. On the couch next to him, Harry slept fitfully, snoring lightly. 

Lily came out of the bedroom just when Severus was beginning to think about tea. Her auburn hair was a fright and her Gryffindor-red dressing gown was only half on, but his heart still skipped a beat at the sight of her, as usual.

And as usual, he squished that down and tried not to think about it. 

“How is he?” Lily stumbled over to check on Harry, pulling her gown over her shoulder. She lightly felt Harry’s forehead. He grumbled in his sleep.

“Mostly the same. It’s still going down but not gone yet.” 

Lily sighed, long and weary. “What time is it? Can we give him another dose?”

Severus had made several modified potions, including Fever Reducer, and they had had to dose Harry twice already. “Almost. Less than an hour left. Tea?” 

“Lovely, I’ll get it.” She went into the kitchenette and put the kettle on, then called the kitchens for the biscuits and some fruit. They chatted about inconsequential things over Jammie Dodgers and tea heavily spiked with Pepper-Up. They had to take defensive measures against half the school, after all. 

The short nap Lily took apparently wasn’t long enough, because she fell quiet as they washed up together. Severus was about to go get the next dose of Fever Reducer for Harry when she quietly called, “Severus.” 

He turned, a response on his lips, to see her walking over to him. She looked at him, steadily, intensely. Her hair was still a mess. She was gorgeous.

“Yeah?” His voice came out weird, sort of gravelly.

She kissed him. 

It could have been five seconds or five years later when they parted and Severus returned to awareness. Her lips tasted like oranges and Jammie Dodgers, and something else that Severus remembered from when they made Amortentia in Slughorn’s class. Her green eyes filled his vision, watching him, smiling at him. 

The few inches between them were way too much. But Severus wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t dreaming. “Did you just —”

“Yeah.” She was amused.

“Are we —”

“Yeah.” She was definitely smiling at him now. If this was a dream, Severus wanted to continue it. But at the same time, he knew he had to say something.

“Lils.” Severus made himself step back, put a little distance between them. “You, we should think about this. What about James?”

She raised an eyebrow, possibly because he said ‘James’ and not ‘Potter’. “He’s not here.” 

Severus looked at her, trying to figure out what she was feeling. Her face was calm, even content, but there was a little crease between her brows. “It’s only been, what, a year and half?”

“Two years. I’ve thought about this, Sev. I’ll always miss James, but I need to move on from grieving. I’m ready to. For Harry, and myself, I guess.” 

“And do you think he would be okay with this?” Severus certainly didn’t think he would, but the thought of making Potter angry didn’t bother him at all.

Lily’s eyes narrowed. “What does it matter? He’s dead.” 

“Yeah,” Severus said slowly. “And you’re trying to force yourself to move on before you’re ready.” 

“And you know this how, exactly? It’s been two years! That’s plenty long enough to grieve your husband.”

“Some people would say there’s never enough time to finish grieving.” 

Lily didn’t respond, just glared off to the side. Severus regretted bringing up Potter; Lily had kissed him and he had to go and botch it all up. 

“I don’t know if I ever really knew him,” Lily said quietly. She rubbed her arms, the red sleeves of her gown riding up and down. “I thought — I knew he changed, after school, after…the earlier years, but I look at Sirius and Remus and I remember how they acted when they were together at home, and —” She took a deep, watery breath. “I sometimes wonder if I just gave into his charms and let myself fall in love, and then wore rose-coloured glasses from then on…”

Severus didn’t know how to respond, so he said nothing. After all, that was exactly what he thought had happened. 

“I did love him, I really did!” Lily’s eyes were bright with unshed tears. “And he loved me and Harry, he died to protect us, even if he knew it was futile…”

“I know,” Severus murmured, because he did know that Potter had loved Lily. Everyone had known that. And if there was one thing Severus couldn’t fault him for, it was trying to protect his family. Even if he was an absolute dolt and didn’t even have his wand because even though it was wartime, he was still used to a secure, wealthy home where one didn’t carry a wand at all times.

Lily sniffed and blinked, putting her determined face on. “But I’m not going to sit around and cry for the man I thought I knew. I’m working on coming to terms with…all of it, and I feel like it’s time to move on.” She gestured to Severus. “Ergo, you.” 

“So I’m your rebound,” Severus said before he could stop himself. He wished he could take it back a moment later.

Lily looked horrified. “What, no! Never, Sev, I didn’t want to make you feel that way! Is that all you think this is?” She waved her hands to encompass her quarters around them. “Do you think I’ve been inviting you in and spending time with you and forgiving you because I’m looking for a replacement? Sheesh, Sev!”

“It’s a logical conclusion,” he defended himself. “I thought we were just friends.” Saying that out loud made him take a second look at their relationship recently. She had forgiven him. They interacted almost the same way as when they were kids…almost. There was something different. 

Lily stepped forward, closing the gap between them. “We are,” she said firmly. “We’re best friends. You’re my best friend, and I think I love you, and I want more, and that’s why I kissed you.” 

“Oh,” Severus said eloquently.

She smirked. “Yeah.”

“Can I —”

She leaned in. “Yeah.” 

He kissed her, and it was like summer afternoons by the river and a full stomach at bedtime and the rush of magic the first time a spell comes out just right. She kissed him, and it was best friends and forgiveness on a stone floor and late nights grading on the couch while they talked about everything and nothing. It was relief, and it was home.

Harry recovered. He went to nursery and ran around the castle. He charmed the students and had every professor wrapped around his little finger. He loved exploring, but he loved coming home more, because Mummy was there, and most of the time ‘Sheberush’ was there, too. ‘Sheberush’ played with him and talked to him like he was a big kid and let him help with potions, so he was Harry’s favourite. 

The professors slowly warmed to Severus, especially McGonagall. At first, Severus took offense when she offered to help him grade or make lesson plans, but Lily acted as a go-between and managed to convince him that her help could be beneficial. Severus had quite a lot of fun bickering about Quidditch — the older professor always took his bait, and Lily was never any help. She just egged them on. 

The professors — especially McGonagall — also slowly came to realise, if not accept, the closer relationship between the two youngest professors. Severus made sure to never display affection in public (aside from sitting next to each other in meetings and such), but apparently the Hogwarts staff never needed much to fodder their gossip. At some point, he gave up on correcting them and just pretended they were friends. Lily was also reserved in public, never doing more than holding his hand under the table, which was fine. If Lily wanted more behind closed doors, Severus would take it, but he wasn’t dunderheaded enough to believe she wanted more. She certainly deserved more, but he was not able to give her what she deserved. So he would stick with kisses and cuddling and basically raising Harry together.

Severus thought they had a stable, long-term understanding, until a conversation late one night, about a year after their first kiss, as they were trying to finish grading before the break. They sat on the couch as usual, surrounded by a somewhat organised system of parchments. 

He was losing the battle with sleep when Lily murmured, “We should get married.”

Severus sat up. “What? No.” 

“What, yes,” she countered, opening her eyes. “Seriously. You admitted that you love me. I love you, too. Harry loves us both. He asked me why you aren’t his real daddy yet.”

“You can’t.” Severus was not prepared for this conversation. He thought they had settled into a nice, domestic, friends-practically-living-together-raising-a-kid situation. Where Lily still loved James. 

“Do you mean we can’t? Why is this a me thing?” 

“You don’t want to marry me,” he spluttered, rubbing his eyes.

“I do believe I asked for that very reason.” Was she smirking at him? Yes, she was.

“You’re joking.”

“Often, but not now. Seriously, Sev, I’ve been thinking about this. You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it, too.” 

“Yes, I can,” he argued. “I haven’t even a single time.” That was a lie. “I should go home. You’ll think more clearly in the morning.”

“I should hex you for insulting my intelligence,” she said, way too cheerfully for this situation. “But I’m serious.” She snorted, the normal reaction for any friend of Sirius Black. “I want to get married. We’re practically living together already, and like you said, we’re raising a kid. He needs stability.” 

“He lives in a bloody castle full of people who adore him, that’s plenty stable. We have too much history, Lils, and we don’t need to change anything. We’re fine just the way we are.”

“Are you afraid of change because you think you’ll lose what we’ve made these past few years? Because I feel like you’re just afraid of change.” 

“I’m afraid you’re becoming delirious from staring at misspelled essays too long,” Severus countered, packing up his grading.

“Do you really not believe me? After all this time, and you can’t tell when I’m bloody joking or not,” Lily grumbled, but her tone was light and she dropped the subject. 

They gave up the grading as a bad job and called it a night, and she kissed him goodbye as usual, but Severus should have been suspicious. Lily never gave up that easily.

They revisited the topic a few days later, with similar results, and Severus thought he had put the idea to rest.

Apparently, Severus had underestimated Lily’s desire to get married, because in the following weeks she got very, excessively, Gryffindorishly creative. 

The next day, a banner appeared in the Great Hall: Sev, MARRY ME?? Severus banished it, but not before enough people saw and it spread around the school.

A few days after that, fireworks at sunset with the same question. Lily had called him outside and watched him expectantly, but he just rolled his eyes and went to hide in the dungeon.

A regular weekend dinner became a candlelight-and-wine affair, complete with classical music and dancing. A trail of red rose petals led from his classroom to his quarters, where she had broken in to ransack the place with strings of lights and excessive flowers. Severus pretended it was a normal dinner and continued to logically explain why marriage was not a good idea.

In response to his logic, she remembered every one of his arguments. Letters arrived at breakfast every day for a week, listing reasons for their nuptials ranging from pragmatic to ridiculous. He almost wanted to burn them to make a point, but instead he kept them in his pocket. 

Even a few brave students (Slytherins, no less!) came up to him after class with a question: “Mrs. Potter was wondering if you would marry her?” He didn’t take points from his own house, but he scolded them soundly for listening to a Gryffindor. It soon became apparent that every student was happy to listen to that particular Gryffindor and carry a message for her.

Because of course the students knew all about it. Oh yes, Lily was not afraid to use her charm to her advantage. She flirted in the Great Hall at dinner in front of everyone and sent flowers to his classroom at inconvenient times (any and all times). She accosted him in the hallway and walked him to meals, fully aware of all the students watching. She even used Harry, an act of truly shameless manipulation! 

“Sheberush,” Harry had said one afternoon, full of four-year-old earnestness. “Do you love Mummy?” 

“Here, Harry, try this blue crayon,” Severus had tried. 

“Sheberush,” Harry had repeated with adorable exasperation. “Do you love Mummy? ‘Cause she loves you, and she said you can be my new daddy.” 

Severus had choked on air. He tried to explain to Harry that of course he loved his mum, but it wasn’t all so simple, but it was never easy to explain things to a four-year-old. Harry just got upset and threw a Lily-worthy tantrum and melted his crayons into a big blob. 

When Severus delivered a worn-out Harry to his mother twenty minutes later, she said, “I guess that didn’t work out so well.” 

“Lils,” Severus said wearily, leaning against the doorway. “Can we just finish this? I swear if another student comes up to me with a non-potions-related question, I’m going to lose my mind.” 

She smirked at him as she led him to Harry’s bed and turned down the coverlet. “Maybe that’s my intention.”

“I thought your intention was to marry me,” he shot back, and she didn’t answer right away so the silence underlined his words. Marry me, marry me. He avoided her eyes and laid Harry down, tucking him in with practiced ease. 

“It is,” she said softly, and he looked at her. All traces of joking were gone, and her face was serious, almost stern. “You think this is a whim, that I’m silly or misunderstanding my feelings. I want this, Sev.”

“I know you think you do,” he answered. They left Harry to sleep and sat in her sitting room. Severus almost sat on a chair, but habit and Lily pulled him to sit in his usual spot on the couch. They faced each other, each as familiar as the back of their hands. “I can’t give you what you want, Lily. You deserve more than what I can offer.” 

Lily snorted at that, and Severus tensed. “Because of things that happened in the past? I told you, Sev, I’m over that. I already forgave you, remember? Clean slate.” 

“Yeah,” he agreed, because she had, and that had been one of the best days of his life. “But that’s not everything. You still,” he huffed. “Can you let me try to explain, and not get mad or anything? Until I’m done.” Hopefully he could convince her to drop this marriage idea without obliterating their friendship. Their friendship that came with kisses and cuddles and long conversations. Their…relationship.

She made an obvious effort to calm down and restrain herself, which made Severus smile a little bit because that was adorable. She nodded. “Go ahead, I’m listening. No getting mad.”

“Right. Okay.” Severus rubbed his forehead, putting his thoughts into order. “So, you already know everything from my past. And I know you’ve forgiven me. But I still think you’re overlooking the fact that I’m the same person who did those things, and that means I’m not a good person. I’m going to be atoning for my past for the rest of my life, and you don’t deserve to be, I don’t know, tied to that. The press alone…” he shook his head. The press loved Lily but didn’t care for Severus, and he could only imagine what they would print. Merlin, they might already be printing about her ridiculous proposal attempts. 

“I know it’s pretty friendly territory here at Hogwarts, but outside, people will raise a riot at the idea of a Dea — a former Death Eater marrying the Lady-Who-Triumphed.” 

Lily made a face at the moniker. “You know I don’t care about what the press says.”

“Yes, but you should,” Severus snapped, but that was an old argument and he had other things to say. “And Harry might, too. Sure, he thinks he wants me to be his new —” Severus’ throat almost closed over the word “father, but what about when he’s older? When his friends tell him about my past, or he reads about it in the history books? He doesn’t need a father who will be a weight, I know that from experience. He has a father, James gave his life for him, and that’s the kind of history Harry should be carrying.” 

It was easier to talk about James now, and Lily didn’t change the subject. “I think Harry will be mature enough to understand, but that’s for a future discussion. What else?”

Why was she treating this like a regular argument, where she could refute every one of his ideas? “You deserve better,” he insisted. He loosened his clenched fists and tried to stay reasonable. “I can’t give you a nice little house in a hollow or take you to social events. I live here nine months of the year. I can’t be the father that Harry deserves. I yell at students every day. I can’t — I can’t match your goodness, my soul is literally stained with dark magic, and I’m messed up —” 

Lily was watching him, leaning in close like she always did, her green eyes filling his vision. Severus felt laid bare, nothing more to hide.

“You can’t marry me, Lily. I’m sorry.” 

“Do you love me?” 

“With all my soul,” he whispered hoarsely.

“Then you listen to me, Severus Snape.” She put a hand on his cheek, smoothed it down to cup his jaw. Her touch was tender and painful. “You are an absolute dunderhead, and what’s more, you’re wrong. And I’m going to tell you why.” 

He couldn’t look at her. He closed his eyes. “Okay.” 

“I don’t want a nice house or social events. I live in this castle, too, and I have a job that I like very much. You will be a fantastic father to Harry, and do you know how I know? Because you treat him and every single student with care. You yell at them because they’re dunderheads, I do too. You will give Harry the discipline he needs because he’s a reckless Gryffindor, and I’m a pushover when it comes to discipline. What else? You know what I think about the press, and I’ll take them on if they print nasty things about my husband. And as for your soul…” 

Lily scooted closer, and he opened his eyes, the word ‘husband’ bouncing like a shock wave around his head. “If your soul is permanently damaged with dark magic, then I’m Merlin’s uncle. You are not a Death Eater. You never cast the killing curse or performed black magic. You literally save lives every day with the potions you brew. You have done so much good in the past five years to make up for the year before that. And what’s more,” her other hand covered his other cheek, “I am so in love with you that you could be Grindelwald himself and I would still want to marry you. And if you think you can deny me that, then I’ll just have to tell you again and again until you believe it.” 

“Lils,” he whispered. Her words had power, and Severus felt his arguments surrendering under the force of her will — her love. “I don’t deserve you.” 

A quick kiss to his lips sent tingles down his spine. “I don’t feel like I deserve you, either. I’ve been a real jerk when I refused to forgive you. You would be right to never talk to me again.” 

He opened his eyes, surprised to find tears in hers. “No,” he protested, because that seemed backwards. “I never should have said, well, any of those things.” He didn’t need to say which things he was talking about. “You were right to be angry.”

“I was naive,” she corrected. “I didn’t understand what was going on with the Slytherins and the war, and I thought things were black and white. I shouldn’t have been too stubborn to listen to you, you were — you are — my best friend.” 

Tears pricked Severus’ eyes. He had known she regretted not understanding it, but hearing it now, and that he was still her best friend… “I’m not romantic,” he said. “I’m not the type to give you candlelight dinners and fireworks at sunset.” 

She snorted. “Well, good job I’ve already done that, then, isn’t it?”

“I don’t have an inheritance, my salary is barely enough to provide for you.” 

“I’m sorry, who is the one with a job and an inheritance from her late husband? For heaven's sake, Sev.” Lily pressed her forehead to his, intoxicatingly close.

“You still love James.” 

“Yes, and he’s dead, and I can love two people at once. We’ve talked about that.”

“The press will go wild —” 

“I’ll fight them any day of the week. Marry me, Sev.” 

Severus took a breath, trying to think. “You’re manipulating me. Trying — trying to distract me from my logical arguments.” 

She pressed another quick, teasing kiss to his lips. “I’m a Gryffindor, I don’t know what that means. Marry me.” 

“Black and Lupin won’t be happy.”

“I’ve hexed them a million times before and I’ll do it again. They know better than to argue with me. Marry me.”

His heart was beating loud enough to drown out his thoughts. “Dumbledore might have something to say about his two newest professors getting married.” 

Her thumb traced his bottom lip. “Yeah, he’ll say ‘You’d better let me officiate’. Say it, Sev. Say yes.” 

“Shouldn’t we, ah —” He had no more excuses, and she knew it.

“No more shoulds. Say you’ll marry me or I’ll hex you.” 

“This is extortion,” he mumbled, trying for another kiss, but she jabbed a finger into his side and he thought it was her wand, so he quickly said, “Yes, yes, fine, don’t hex me.” 

“Finally,” said Lily, and she pushed him back to lay on the couch and kissed him until he forgot his own name.

They were married a week after school let out, and Dumbledore officiated the wedding with exuberant glee. The students were disappointed to miss out, so most of them came up with an excuse of forgotten items and came to watch anyway. The press had a field day, but Lily convinced them to write about them favourably. The professors all attended, and McGonagall cried. Harry carried the rings and made the flowers float with barely controlled accidental magic. 

They went on a honeymoon to a ridiculously lavish magical resort, and they laughed at each other when they couldn’t figure out the magically controlled food dispensers. They spent plenty of time in bed, talked about everything and nothing, and sometimes just sat and read, only looking up occasionally to smile at each other.

They called Harry every night at the Longbottoms', where he was having loads of fun with Neville, but after a week he was begging them to come home.

Lily looked at Severus. “He’s probably fine. We can stay.” She tried to hide her worry, since she ought to be able to stay away from her four-year-old for more than a week. 

“Remember how I can tell when you’re fake smiling?” he responded. “Don’t smile for me. Let’s smile for Harry. I’ll call for a portkey.” 

“Thank you,” she said, because she loved him and he knew exactly what she wanted.

He rolled his eyes, because he hated being thanked, but after they packed he pulled her close for one last, long kiss in front of the sunset, and it was almost enough to make her change her mind. But they went home, and picked up Harry, and settled into their newly (and magically) renovated house, and it was all okay because it felt like their honeymoon never ended.

Everyone at Hogwarts teased them, but after all, they had been waiting for their happy ending for a long time.