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This was hell, Kaz was certain of it. He expected hell would claim him one day, he was a monster after all. He did not expect to find hell in Wylan Van Eck’s garish living room surrounded by five of the most heinous people he knew. He did not expect to find hell with Inej’s hand in his and Nina Zenik unceremoniously shoving toffees into her mouth.
He did not expect his hell to begin with the words; “Kaz, do you have a middle name?”
Kaz leveled Nina with a look but she blinked back at him innocently. He hated that his glares had no effect on her.
“No, I don’t have a middle name.”
Nina pouted. “Booooo that’s boring.”
“You don’t have a middle name, either.” Matthias pointed out, stealing one of Nina’s toffees only so he could feed it to her.
Kaz wanted to stab both of them.
“Yes, but I was named after one of the matrons at my orphanage. You can hardly blame me.”
“I don’t have a middle name.” Kaz repeated. He could tell them that Brekker was not his real surname, but why? That wasn’t the question, and if he told them that, there would only be more questions to answer.
Jesper shrugged, “Lucky. Most Kerch can’t even say my middle name.”
“Llewellyn.” Wylan tried.
“Good job, love.”
“I’ve been practicing in the mirror for days on end so that I can impress you with my Kaelish pronunciation.” Wylan deadpanned, but he smiled afterwards.
“My hero.” Jesper kissed him right on the nose.
Kaz added both of them to his ‘To Stab’ list.
“What’s your middle name then?” Inej spoke up, nodding to Matthias.
“Benedik,” He answered. “A good Fjierdan name.”
Kaz rolled his eyes.
“Wait. Is Kaz short for something?!?” Nina gasped.
“No.”
“It totally is, he said that way too quickly.” Jesper said and then ducked as Kaz threw a particularly obnoxiously patterned throw pillow at his head.
“It is not. ”
“He’s getting way too defensive, that's how you know he’s lying.” Specht said as he walked into the room with the tray of food and deposited it on the coffee table between all of them.
“You’re fired.” Kaz told Specht, pointing an accusatory finger at him.
Specht just grinned, “Sure, but if you fire me, Rotty’s gonna quit too.”
“Good riddance.” Kaz said, slumping back into the couch and letting go of Inej’s hand to cross his arms.
Inej laughed, and maybe that made the hell worth it.
He didn’t take her hand again, too overwhelmed now to manage anymore touch, but she didn’t seem to mind. She reached forward with her new found mobility to grab them both a little handheld pastry snack and passed him one.
He took it, shooting her a tiny secret smile of thanks.
The smile she returned made his insides bubble and his ribs hurt.
“So Kaz is definitely short for something.” Nina confirmed with a nod.
Kaz sighed and took a bite of his pastry. “Nina, dear. Please.”
“I’m going to get to the bottom of this, Kaz.” She declared. “This is my new mission.”
“I despise you with all my heart.”
“What heart?”
“Kaztopher.” Said Wylan, breaking the argument in two.
“What?” Kaz blinked at him.
“That’s my guess, for what Kaz is short for.”
“Oh this is very fun!” Nina agreed. “Kaz… Kazolas”
“You’re both being ridiculous.” Kaz objected.
“Kazabella?” Inej offered.
He turned to look at her, aghast. She gave him a sweet smile and continued to eat her pastry.
“If anyone else had said that—“
The twinkle in her eye told him that she knew that already. She looked far too smug. He wanted to— he wanted to do a lot of things.
In time. He reminded himself. Healing doesn’t happen in a day.
“What about Kazathaniel.” Jesper offered.
“Complex, I like it.” Nina nodded.
“None of you are even a little bit close.” Kaz muttered.
“So he admits it, Kaz is short for something.” Matthias pointed out.
Kaz mentally underlined his name on the ‘To Stab’ list.
“I hate you, Helvar.”
“I’m never going to call you anything but Demjin. Don’t worry.” Matthias answered.
Kaz had no objections to that, it was a worthy nickname. He shrugged and sat back.
“Well what’s your guess then, Matthias?” Nina asked him. “You’re the only one that hasn’t given any.”
“I don’t know… Kazzle… dazzle.”
“You’re dead meat, Helvar.” Kaz answered as Jesper barked out a laugh.
“Kazzle Dazzle!” He giggled. “I love it.”
“You’re not going to guess it. So let’s just move on.” Kaz picked up a grape and threw it at Jesper.
Regrettably, Jesper caught it and popped it in his mouth. “I think we have a chance.”
“Even if you did guess it, he wouldn’t tell you.” Inej grinned, grabbing a grape for herself.
“She’s right.” Kaz nodded. “You’ll never know. So you might as well just give up. Jes. ”
“Nina started it.”
“Very mature.”
The conversation did move on after that, and after they’d eaten and the energy had moved from chaotic arguing to more casual conversation, Kaz had been able to take Inej’s hand again. She’d squeezed gently, he hoped no one noticed his smile.
At the end of the night, he made the walk back to The Slat alone. He could have stayed at the Van Eck mansion. There were plenty of rooms. But he’d had enough excitement for one night.
When he returned to his room, he knew Inej was there. She’d been trailing him the whole walk back.
“You know you could have just walked with me.” He said softly to the room.
“You would’ve protested.”
“Maybe.” He admitted. “You didn’t need to follow me. Now you have to walk all the way back.”
“Can’t have you getting jumped again.” She said simply.
“That was one time.”
“If you want me to go back, just say that.”
“I don’t.” He said and sat down on his bed, propping his cane up against it and leaning down to remove his shoes.
She came out of the shadows by the window but perched herself on a chair. “What is Kaz short for, then?”
He gave her a look.
“You don’t have to tell me. But I’ll take it to my grave if you do. Promise.”
He continued removing the outer layers of his suit, setting them aside, not saying anything right away.
She stayed quiet too.
“Cassius.” He said finally, once he was just in his undershirt and pants.
“Hm?” She looked up, having been fixing the laces on her slippers.
“Cassius. That’s what Kaz is short for.”
Her lips curled up and she stood. “Cassius. I like it. It suits you.”
“It means hollow.” Kaz said. “Fitting, I think.” He didn’t want to think about how his full name sounded in her voice. It did things to his heart he was grateful Nina wasn’t around to observe.
She hummed. “Maybe.” She walked over to him and he looked up at her from where he sat. “I like Kaz better, I think. I won’t call you anything else if you don’t want me to.”
Kaz gazed into her deep brown eyes. He could reach out to her, if he wanted.
He didn’t. Not ready for what his heart would have him try, have him ask for. He knew she wasn’t ready for that either.
Instead, he murmured, “You can call me Cassius, if you’d like to. When we’re alone.”
“Cassius.” She tried, soft, just above a whisper, The name sounded like honey from her lips.
“Yeah.” He consented. “You can call me anything you’d like, actually.” Voicing his feelings made his stomach hurt, but the look on her face, the soft laugh, her warm smile in the candlelight. All of it made it worth it.
“How about… the man who will be waiting for me while I sail the true sea?”
The sour reminder that she was leaving soon was squashed by the way her voice sounded. Hesitant, but hopeful.
Hope is dangerous. He would’ve once tried to crush that hope. He could not bring himself to crush it now.
“That’s more of a statement than a name. But sure.”
“Is it a true statement?”
“It’s a true statement.”
She smiled.
He smiled too.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Kaz.” She whispered, lifting her hand in a ghostlike gesture. It hovered in the air for a moment, in question.
He took a deep breath and took it in both his hands, squeezing. It was a promise.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Inej.”