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His fingers rub small circles on your back. You did tell him it was sort of sore from all the swimming, so he sat you down and now here you were. You guys were just friends, nothing more. But Eywa, you would be lying if you said his scent, his being, didn't cause the butterflies in your stomach to rise.
He awoke something in you. He made you feel so much in a short amount of time.
But it felt so wrong.
It felt so wrong to be sitting next to Neteyam like this, knowing Aonung liked you. Had you been leading him on? You didn't mean to.
At first, Aonung was, what Lo'ak would call him, an asshole. He'd been nothing but mean to you, dragging his friends behind him to mock and ridicule you.
But then he changed. You both got to know each other.
You hadn't meant to find out. You had overheard Ronal, Roxto, Tsireya, and Aonung talking. Ronal had asked you to fetch some herbs deep into the palm trees, so you did just that. You were standing outside the whole time, heart dropping to your knees.
He had been denying it when Roxto asked, Ronal pushing him for an answer.
"And if I do, mother? Will you not accept her because she is an outsider?"
You took trembling steps back, surprised that you hadn't stepped on a stick. Your feet carried you all the way back to the shore, giving you a short amount of time to freak out before heading back, making sure this time, your presence was known. So, you chatter loudly with a random person who too, had to gather something for Ronal. You both laughed, though yours was more forced, not wanting to walk into a conversation you didn't want to hear.
When you entered, presenting the mushed plant in the bowl weaved from plants, Ronal accepted it graciously and sent you on your way out.
You know it would cause suspicions to rise if you did not do your usual 'look over and smile'. So you did just that, pretending like your eyes didn't linger longer on Aonung than anyone else. You couldn't help it.
You breathed in suddenly as you remember the very embarrassing memory with the Metkayina clan members, shoving yourself off the sand.
Neteyam blinked. "Is everything-"
"Yes!"
His brows knit in confusion. He looked behind you to see Aonung walking over with Lo'ak.
You forced Neteyam to stand up with you, grabbing his hand and pulling him off the sand. The space in between you nonexistent. "Is everything alright?" You asked, eyes glazing over Aonung's bruised and burnt chest. You recognized the markings. Instead of embarrassment, worry drenched your entire being, like you had been thrown off an ilu. "We were in the reefs, he touched some weird funky coral thing and.." Lo'ak sighs and points to him. His gaze shifts to Neteyam. "Just don't tell dad, please." Neteyam nods, looking down at you. They all knew they couldn't alert the Tshaik, Ronal, so you were their only hope.
You sigh, stepping closer to the palm trees. "Follow me. I just hope you guys have what I need in your woods."
Aonung limped behind you, the two brothers trailing after him.
"What are you looking for?"
You shushed him. "It's late. I do not want to get caught. Do you?"
They all shake their heads. Except for Neteyam. "Wouldn't be in this situation if you guys weren't being stupid,"
"Watch it." Lo'ak muttered.
You closely observed the ground the further you walked into the palm trees, crouching down when you recognized the plant you had been looking for. You rip the whole thing out, the root dangling off your hand, the roots belonging to a blue flower that glowed like a bioluminescent pool.
"Sit." You tell him.
"Uh, do you need any-"
"Sh!" You harshly whisper, Lo'ak seeming to not know how to keep his mouth shut. You bite down on the root and rip it from the petals, munching down on it to crush and grind it. It tasted bitter, your scrunched nose a clear giveaway of the gross flavor. After minutes of chewing the same, disgusting root, you spat it out on your hand, listening to all of the boys groan in disgust.
"Isn't that unhygienic?" Lo'ak asked.
"What do you know about being hygienic?" Neteyam asked, nudging his younger brother.
Aonung smiles. "I've seen him stick his fingers into his own ass just to pull out his wed-"
"Alright! That's enough we get it!"
You smiled lightly before smearing the mushed roots all over Aonung’s burns. He winced as you moved to his face, his eyes concentrating on you. The same pattern of smudging on his face faltered as you allowed yourself a second to stare at him before getting back to it. You heard the stomach gargles coming from Aonung and gave him the petals.
"Eat."
He fingers hover over it. You roll your eyes and connect your bum fully to the ground. "Trust me, the petals are sweeter than the roots." He trusts you and pops them into his mouth. You can still taste the juices of the roots on your tongue.
"How do you know about this?" Lo'ak asked. You knew what he was referring to.
You take out another flower from the ground. They look just like the ones from back home. "I didn't think they grew anywhere but back home." You rip the blue petals off and hand them to the Sully brothers. They sit down and enjoy as Aonung slowly sighs, visibly relaxing from the relief the roots juices’ provided.
"Though it may not seem like it, we have these coral reefs back home. Uh, Kiki always touched them." You look around the three boys. "She thought that she'd be able to make a new friend or find something new to eat. I really don't know what she was trying to do. Probably connect to something new. She was an… adventurous, little girl." You smile sadly. "I remember mom being mad that she kept getting these burns. I soon had to find a remedy so she could get right back to it."
You shift in place, leaning against the base of a tree.
The cool, gentle breeze flies through, rustling the leaves like they were heads of hair. It was peaceful, refreshing to be back in a place surrounded by tree that towered over you. You relaxed further into the tree, letting your posture fall so it isn't as prim and proper your mother forced it to be before she died.
Eventually, after the small moment of peace, Neteyam and Lo’ak choose to leave because of curfew, not wanting to get in trouble This outcome left you alone with Aonung. Not that you mind, but you have been... sort of avoiding him. When you look over to see if he had fallen asleep, his eyes were already on you, staring at you with an indecipherable twinkle in his eye.
He breathes in deeply before smiling, slowly blinking at you. "Thank you."
You give him a tight lipped smile in return.
He's nervous, tapping his fingers rhythmically on his thigh. "Can I… tell you something?" He asks.
A small part of you knew where it was going. "Shoot."
He gives you a confused look. Inwardly groaning, you realize how much time you spend with Lo'ak and his vocabulary.
"Sorry, it means go for it. Like… ask away."
He nods and relaxes back into his normal position, shoulders still a little tense. He seems so small at this moment. Under your worried gaze, the stars and Eywa herself. The wind seems like it was listening, pausing its usual breeze to leave a moment between the both of you.
"I really like you."
A whisper, a nasty thought in your mind develops. It shouldn't have in the first place, but it did. You knew your heart belonged to Neteyam, so why did your own head betray you and show an image of you kissing Aonung?
"What?" You ask.
He says a lot quieter this time, like the little confidence he had mustered up for this exact moment had withered away. "I like you." He sounded so small. He looked small, his back no longer resting on the tree behind him, as he curled in on himself. Like he was trying to protect his heart from you. He was unsure of himself; shy. He twiddled with his thumbs.
You sigh sadly and stand up, sitting next to him on the log. You place a hand in his and squeeze. You breathe in, forming the words to politely reject him. He takes it the wrong way though, looking deep into your eyes. He thinks you reciprocate, leaning in for a kiss.
And oh, how wrong of you to taste him. To let him briefly engulf all of your senses.
He tasted of the salty waters, the waters he had been in many minutes ago and sweet. Oh, so very sweet. The juice from the petal still lingered on his lip. You wanted to pull away, but you were just… stuck. You were being stupid. Pull away .
You pushed him away from you gently, hands splayed across his chest. "Aonung," you replied breathlessly. He smiles.
"Did you like it?" He whispers. Leaning his head forward to lean his forehead against yours. Your heart melts, pity and sadness building inside you.
You shook your head. Moving away from him. " I don't…like you."
His ears dropped, his eyes glossing with tears. You wanted to slap yourself.
"I like someone else."
He swallowed, nodding multiple times. "Right. Sorry."
You grip his shoulder. "Aonung, look at me. You're very sweet and kind and thoughtful and generous but I'm in love with-" He cut you off, hissing the name like it’d been forbidden.
"Neteyam." It fell out of his mouth like a known fact.
He sighed and rubbed at his face. He stood up, wiping at his nose and looking at you with his teary eyes. His chest blows up with air that he breathes in.
"I will be waiting. If it doesn't work out between you and Neteyam, I'll be right here."
His words momentarily shocked you. Just like when you both became friends, riding on the ilu's, he said he'd wait for you. Was he…Did he mean it then? Did he like you then, when he said he’d wait for you? As in, he'd wait for your feelings to reciprocate?
"I don't care how long," He kneels in front of you, almost desperate for you to hear him. "Even if it takes me all my lifetime, I will always, always be waiting for you. Until my last breath." Your face is frozen in shock. He leans in, kissing you on the cheek. He hesitates to move away, almost lik ehe was waiting for you to kiss him back. When you didn't, he backs away painfully slow, a flicker of hope still burning within him. By the time he stands, he gives you a sad smile and leaves.
You stare at the ground and listen to his footsteps getting farther and farther away from you. Your heart burns, head spinning. You shouldn't be feeling like this. You shouldn't be touching your cheek, your lips, wishing he'd come back and kiss you passionately like when he first thought you liked him.
It was just a thought you didn't mean to have. But when you were standing in front of Neteyam, listening to Neteyam talk, you forgot about it all.
You forgot all about the thoughts and feelings. You were just a teenager whose hormones were all over the place. You didn't know. So when you and Neteyam had mated, you fell harder for him. Bathing in his constant attention.
But anytime you looked at Aonung, you felt something pinch your soul. Guilt. He had girls chasing after him, but he still chose to look for you. Wait for you.
You want him to live and move on. But it was evident what he said about waiting was true.
You were only 19. Things change. It's different from when you were 14.
Right?
A secret you couldn't even tell Eywa herself, was how your lips tingle in memory when you look at him. Even while Neteyam had his hand placed on the small of your back, or had his arm resting on your shoulders. How you would sometimes brush your cheek and remember the sticky residue the Aonung left from the blue flowers' juices’ after kissing you before he left. How you had to wash it off before you went to see Neteyam because Aonung’s lip print was left behind. You still remember how it felt on your fingers.
You didn't like him. You loved Neteyam, with all of your big heart. But a small part of you, late at night when the world falls asleep, thinks of what might've happened had you called Aonung back, embraced him and kissed him like he was your very last breath.