Archive of Our Own ^beta

You lean back in your gaming chair, kicking your feet up on the TV console as you hit accept. “Hello, stranger.” Your tone is tense.

“What?!” A voice cries out – it’s too far from wherever the microphone is but it doesn’t sound like Rei. There’s a lot of racket – like someone’s scrambling around, looking for something, then it stops.

“Hello?” You try again.

“Who’s this?” Definitely not Rei. Had his account been hacked?

“Er, you called me.”

“I did?” They sound puzzled. “I was just trying to switch the damn thing off and then your voice started coming out the headset. Rei’s shown me but I can never remember the right buttons…”, the mysterious voice rambles on before stopping. There’s a twinge in your stomach at the mention of Rei’s name. “Oh… Are you that girl he was speaking to, from the video games shop?”

You try your best to sound casual. “Well, that depends on how many girls from video games shops he talks to.”

“You’ve met Rei, right? I don’t think you’ll be surprised to hear the amount is incredibly low, single digit low. One and under.”

“Ah, you must be Kazuki.”

“Huh, he mentioned me?” You hear him sit down on something with a loud exhale – must be getting comfortable.

“Yeah, loads of times.” He had – funny stories, usually.

“Well, I’m honoured.” He chuckles.

“Hey, just whilst I’ve got you on the line and all,” you pause and wonder if you’re going to regret this, but press on regardless, “Is Rei okay?”

“Yeah.” There’s a beat. “Why? Has he said something?”

“See, that’s the thing – he hasn’t said anything. I haven’t spoken to him since, like, mid-December. I was really surprised to see him calling, to be honest…” You trail off.

“Oh!” Kazuki sounds genuinely surprised, or is an incredible actor on his roommate’s behalf. “I mean, he’s been on here with Miri recently, but when I properly think about, I haven’t seen him play anything solo in a while.”

“Sorry, this is probably the worst conversation to have got yourself into. I think I misread things – I shouldn’t drag you into my woes.”

“No, he…” He sighs. “How do I say this? There was… There was an accident about two months ago. Rei really injured his right arm. He’s a lost a lot of the mobility in it, including his hand. He’s doing physio, but…”

“Oh, jeez.” You exhale.

“He’s okay now. Well, okay-ish. They don’t think he’s really going to get a lot of movement back in it. Shit.” He mutters, as if he’s had a realization. “I kinda forgot that means video games are off the table. I thought he wasn’t playing with Miri because he says she’s a bad loser, but I guess he can’t use the controller thing as well as he used to?”

“Mm, a lot of them do just work off the premise that everyone’s got two functioning hands. You can do some tactical button mapping on some, I think. Gotta admit I haven’t looked into it much.” You bite your lip in thought. “Poor Rei. That must be a big adjustment.”

“Yeah. I mean, he’s taking it really well. Never complains.” Another pause. “I mean, you haven’t even seen him by the shop? He took Miri a couple of weekends ago to get some new figure to unlock something.”

“Oh. No, I don’t work weekends. He… He knows that.” Your stomach is twisting in knots. There were a few times him and Miri would pop in when he picked her up from daycare to say hello and on a rare occasion, he would show up online on the weekend saying Kazuki was out somewhere with Miri, so he knew your rota.

“I’m sorry.” He sounds genuine, at least.

“No, I’m sorry – I just feel a bit of an idiot.” You don’t know what it is, but Kazuki is surprisingly easy to talk to and you need to get it off your chest. “Like, I was trying to build up the courage to ask if we could go for a real date instead of all these virtual ones we seemed to be having. Probably for the best he ghosted me, huh?”

“No, I think he would’ve liked that. Honestly, this…” he pauses, as if he’s choosing his words carefully, “accident has been a lot. Rei’s surprisingly sensitive, he’s probably worried that he wouldn’t be able to keep up with you. Did you guys do quests or some shit?”

“You do know video games!”

“I may have overheard some key terms, that’s it. And, er, don’t ignore the question.”

“Yeah, we did. He’s a much better player than me, though. He was dragging my stats up.” You sigh. It’s not what you wanted at all, but maybe it’s a sense of closure. “Well, I’m glad he’s okay-ish. I don’t know if you want to tell him you accidentally called the video games store girl, but if you do, tell him… Tell him I’m thinking of him, yeah?”

“Sure will. Erm, whilst I’ve got an expert on the line – A, how do I hang up and B, how do I turn this machine off?”

You laugh. “I’ll hang up so that’ll take care of that. Do you see the really big rectangular button in the middle of the controller?”

“Mm.”

“If you hold that down it’ll bring up a start up menu, kinda like a laptop? Then you can select power off and that’s you.”

“Thank you. And, hey, I will speak to Rei, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks. Bye, Kazuki.”

You press the end call button, as promised, and a few seconds later you see Rei’s icon change to offline so it looks like Kazuki at least managed to turn off the machine. You fling off your headset, spin your chair around to face your bed and collapse down onto it face-first, letting out an exhale. Poor Rei…

--

You’re so tired. You tossed and turned all night with an idea swirling around your head. You got up, wrote it down, and got back under the sheets but your brain still wouldn’t shut up about it. You’d spent until the really early hours conducting research and now, you’re on your third cup of coffee due to an early delivery you need to sign for at the shop, annoyed at yourself but you wouldn’t say you were full of regret what you’d discovered.

You’d been thinking about Rei and that, if he did want to play video games, there must be something out there to help. Whilst you found there were some consoles with “official” adaptive controllers in a way – and, ouch, eye-wateringly expensive, much? - your research also led you to a bunch of online videos where people shared their modded designs - even the schematics or a print bundle for you to 3D print your own to adapt the controller yourself for numerous different machines. The reviews are sometimes so-so, things are a work in progress, but you wonder if you could take parts of one and parts of another and try and make something workable.

As you watch the boxes get unloaded and put into the store room, you wonder if whether you’re getting way ahead of yourself. Sure, you could make the adaptor for the controller but if you did, how do you know he even wants such a thing, plus how would you even get it to him? You didn’t have his number – it was the shop policy to shred anything with customer’s details on right after the repair had been complete and you’d rang off the store’s phone those few months ago.

You sigh, before taking another deep sip of coffee. The problem is, you know you, and once you set your mind to a project you’re going to see it to the bitter end.

“Sign here, please.” The delivery driver pulls you out of your thoughts as he taps on the clipboard, after stacking up the last of the boxes.

Right – work first.

--

A week later, you’re sat at your desk fiddling with various parts. You’d found a place that offered 3D printing facilities, so you’d printed out a bunch of stuff on your day off that you’d bookmarked for possibilities and you’ve spent your evenings since placing bits and pieces together to try and make something workable. Luckily from your shared game play and access to his gaming history via his profile, you know what games Rei likes so you can begin to test your configurations a little, noting down what is and isn’t working to try and tweak things further.

Your console chimes – you’d turned it on when you got home to download an update. Looking at the screen, you see a notification. ReiSuwa1 is inviting you to voice chat.

You grab your headset and slip it on before picking up your own controller and hesitating. The conversation with Kazuki had popped up in your mind since you’d spoken and as you reflected, you’d begun to wonder if you’d just sounded so utterly sad and desperate.

You press accept and brace yourself. “Hello?”

“Hey!” It’s Kazuki again. “I deliberately called this time – I promise.”

“You’re learning.” You smile, rolling your seat back over to your desk. “What can I help you with?”

“I spoke to Rei.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t say it like that – I was covert.”

“Yeah?”

“I just said I noticed that I hadn’t seen him playing on here recently alone, or speaking to you… He admitted it’s difficult with the controller. He didn’t want to bother you.”

“Bother me?”

“Yeah. I didn’t quite get it either. I pressed him on it a bit – said something about holding you back in gameplay, that maybe you wouldn’t want to speak to him anymore.”

“What? No, that’s not right – we spoke loads of times when neither of us were even playing.”

“I know! I suggested he called you, I said you were probably worried about him since from what he and Miri had told me about you, you seemed a nice girl, but he shrugged it off in his usual Rei way.”

“It’s okay, you can’t force him.”

“Oh, I can. As his roommate and friend, it’s important that I aid him in his recovery, and that is reconnecting with his friends, if not more.” Is it possible to hear someone wink through a call? Cos you feel he definitely just did. “So, I was wondering, whatcha doing Saturday?”

“Huh?”

“Miri’s desperate for a new kart thing? We’ve got a chore chart, she gets a gold star every time she does her tasks and I said when she’s earned enough, Rei will get it for her. So, I thought, maybe, if you happened to be in a certain video games store on your day off and I sent a certain man to go in…”

“Ah, I don’t know.”

“Come on, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“He could think I’m stalking him.”

“Uh-uh, you’ll be in the store first.”

You look at the controller in your hand. “I’ve been working on something dumb.”

“Are you changing the subject?”

“No, it’s related. You know I repair controllers, right? Well, after our conversation, I’ve been fiddling around with some adaptors - you kinda clip them on the controller and then you can use it with one hand. I thought it might be something Rei would want to try, I mean, he might want to try…”

There’s silence from Kazuki’s end of the line.

“I’m sorry, is that creepy I’ve done that? It’s probably creepy.”

There’s a loud sniff.

“Are you…? Are you crying?”

“No! It’s just allergies.” There’s another loud sniff. “That settles it - we’re doing this. Give me your number.”

--

When Saturday rolls around, you’ve got the controller adapters into decent shape and they’ve passed all your self-created one hand tests. Kazuki and you have been texting off and on the last few days and he’s bringing both Rei and Miri to the mall – there’s some live performance of those dancing vegetables from the TV that kids seem to like so much. Whilst Kazuki takes Miri to that, he’s going to get Rei to head to the Joypad and pick up Miri’s figure as a surprise. You’d taken your spare controller with the adaptors in place to work yesterday and left your bag in the back office – more so as an excuse to your colleagues as to why you’re there on your day off. You don’t know how to explain that your crush’s roommate has set an elaborate meet-cute for you both, so with Kazuki’s detailed updates and ETAs, you time it perfectly to pop in the store, greeting Mr Kyoto himself before slipping into the back office to pick up your backpack. You got in the back office as Kazuki texted to say that he could see Rei entering the store now – oh, jeez, is this the creepiest thing you’ve ever done? – and you wait about a minute before exiting. The timing is almost too perfect - you’re walking down the aisle towards the exit as Rei’s walking up, looking for the figurine.

His right arm is strapped up in some sort of black immobilization aid, keeping it close to his chest, but he looks as good as ever and you suddenly feel queasy. This was a terrible idea, you’re considering spinning on your heels and diving back into the office until he leaves but it’s too late as the two of you make eye contact.

Rei looks almost embarrassed to see you, and there’s an awkward staring competition before you realise you’re the one that needs to break the ice.

“Hi, stranger,” you smile, casually.

“Hi.” His cheeks are tinged red and he looks down at the floor for a moment. “Er… I’m sorry that I haven’t been online, or in here for a while…”

“That’s okay, it seems a lot has happened since we last spoke.” A not so veiled reference to his arm. “Are you doing all right?”

“It is what it is.” He shrugs. “I’m… adjusting. How are you?”

“I’m okay.” A pause. “I… I’ve missed talking to you, though.”

“Me too.”

You swallow, “What brings you here today, then?”

“Oh, Miri wants another one of these.” He casts his eyes to the display and grabs the character she’s after. You’re not sure which one, you’re too busy staring at his face.

“Oh, er, cool.” There’s another awkward pause and you lose all confidence. “Erm, well, I should let you get on. It was nice to see you, though…”

“Yeah,” he nods. This was such a stupid idea, you berate yourself, as you go to walk past him. He suddenly steps in front of you. “Wait.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you busy right now?”

“Erm, no…”

“Can I buy you a milkshake?”

You smile. “A milkshake?”

“I seem to remember you like them,” there’s a smirk on his face. There was one evening when you enthusiastically described an incredible milkshake that one of the kiosks in the mall made for probably a solid five minutes.

“That is true. Okay, then.” You nod. “You can buy me a milkshake.”

“Cool. I’ll just go buy this…” He nods to the figurine in his head and heads up to the counter, where Mr Kyoto is beaming at you, giving you two thumbs up and you avoid eye contact, pretending you don’t see your boss’ celebration. Rei retrieves his phone from his pocket as Mr Kyoto is scanning the figurine through the register and about 45 seconds later, your own phone buzzes.

Kazuki has sent you a text message comprising entirely of emojis – a winking face and love hearts.

--

You’re sat at one of the tables in the food court, sipping on milkshakes and chatting away like no time has passed. Rei’s slowly been opening up about his online absence.

“I just… I wasn’t sure if you’d still want to hang out if I can’t play.”

“Rei, I wasn’t just talking to you because I wanted to game with you, I was talking to you because I like talking to you.” You take another slurp of milkshake for a shot of sugar rush courage. “And, just to make this absolutely clear because I don’t think I was in all of our previous conversations, I quite like you, actually.”

“You do?” He smirks.

“Mm. I was going to ask you on a date.”

“You were going to?”

“Yeah, but then you went offline. You’re a hard guy to track down.”

“Ah.” He nods, taking a sip of his own drink.

“And I need to be completely honest because I feel creepy - Kazuki accidentally called me from your profile a week or so ago.”

“Is that why he and Miri are hiding behind that plant?” He gestures lazily to the corner and you see a flash of blonde duck behind the greenery and hear the little girl giggle.

“Most likely, yes.” You sigh. “He’s a sweet guy.”

“He is.”

“Sorry, I think he just felt bad for me and my sob story. And, well, he kinda told me about your arm too…” You pick up your backpack and place it on the table. “And it got me thinking – you know how I like messing around with controllers anyway?”

He nods.

“Well, it turns out there’s some really clever people out there making devices to ensure people with limited hand movement can enjoy video games, so, I kinda got a little too into researching it and mixed and matched and came up with this,” you dig into your bag and remove the controller - it's got the plastic adaptors clipped over it - placing it onto the table.

“So, you can use all the joysticks and triggers across the whole thing with your left hand.” You demonstrate, taking him through what controls what. “You’ll need to do some button configuration still on start menus, but I tried it out on my console on a few things I know you’ve played and it’s super easy.” You look up and he’s just staring at you, almost in disbelief and you panic.

“I mean, I’m not expecting you to use it or even take it home with you because I know this whole thing has been super creepy and I’ve overstepped so many boundaries and, like, talking behind your back with Kazuki, but I…” Without any indication, he leans forward and kisses you on the lips, gently, cutting off your ramble. He tastes like his strawberry milkshake.

He has a dreamy smile on his face as he pulls back and you’re sure you look like a total idiot, your mouth open in disbelief at the turn of events.

“Huh.” You find your voice. “I take that means you like it?”

“Mm, and I like you.” He gets to his feet and holds out his left hand to you. “Kazuki and Miri are going to get kicked out if they continue to hide in the shrubbery any longer. Come back to ours, you can show me how this thing works again.”

You nod, stuffing the controller back into your backpack and taking his outstretched hand. He doesn’t let go as he leads you over to Miri and Kazuki. The little girl greets you eagerly, crashing into your legs.

You don’t even need to hear Kazuki to put a face to a voice – his loud sniff as he wipes away his tears is enough to give it away.