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there were times, like now, when youd sneak to the astronomy tower to have a smoke at the veranda, for just a smidge of relief from the constant stress at hogwarts. you had a long list of worries, with your studies, the oncoming N.E.W.T.s and of course, the most taxing thing of all; hiding your blatant feelings for one, singular remus john lupin.
he drove you mad, with his large hands that were always on you, whether it be your arms, thighs or shoulders or his brown eyes that always followed you and your frenetic hands as you made punny jokes that had everyone groaning. you adored him and the way he teased you, the way his hair flopped into his eyes, those soft and large sweaters of his that you always stole and he let you get away with, his freckles. just him, him, him.
and hiding that very adoration was an act so draining it lay on your back like the world, heavy and burdensome in its attempted discretion. but you were as opaque as glass when it came to him and all your friends were well aware of this and ribbed at you endlessly to just get it over with and confess.
obviously you weren't going to, so you hid away and smoked to cope. usually in secret, yet not today.
today, you were leaning over the edge of the railing, clad in one of remus's many oversized brown sweaters (there was no escaping him) and a pair of gray pajamas for warmth during the chilly night with your final cigarette tucked in your frostbitten fingers when you saw a shadowy and familiar figure make its way towards you.
remus.
he was still dressed in his robes, a 'prefect' sash draped over his shoulders that rippled because of a particular harsh gust of wind and he came into light. he walked closer to you and you heard him speak.
"didnt know you smoked." he remarked, voice gruff and low, as if he was trying to preserve the quietude of the night despite it already being gone when he arrived.
"here and there, eases the stress." you said, smiling glumly as he made his way to the icy railing next to you. "how'd you find me?"
"was doing rounds and saw you sneak up here." he answered, a curious glitter in his eyes as he watched you, his eyes soft and bright, juxtaposing the dark night.
a breeze fluttered past you, jostling the tip of your cigarette as it dangled loosely between your fingers. you lifted the cigarette to your mouth, flexing your fingers and taking a deep breath in.
remus reached a hand out to your bare elbow, climbing up it with lithe fingers and a soft, gentle touch until he reached your wrists, and then your fingers, and then finally the cigarette in itself. he trailed his fingers back down your hand to your wrist and directed your docile hand, pulling the cigarette out of your mouth and towards his, placing the cigarette in between his parted lips.
you watched as he inhaled, shutting his eyes and tilting his head back for effect, as his chest rose and dropped and how the smoke escaped from the sides of his chapped lips.
he smiled as he opened his eyes to see you watching him, his hand trailed down your wrist to your elbow once again, and tugged you closer dropping your elbow in favor of your waist. he took one last inhale and then dropped the cigarette, only to promptly step on it with a cheeky grin.
"that was my last one" you muttered as you stared back at him, disappointment and annoyance clouding up your hazy expression.
"yeah? oh well, thats too bad, i guess you're going to have to stop smoking all together now." he replied, smirking smugly and leaning closer to you, using the lack of space between the two off you to push away a strand of loose hair that had fallen down your face and cup your cheek.
"its pretty hypocritical for you to want me to stop smoking when you and your merry gang are doing it every minute you can." you said back indignantly. he chuckled, knowing that hed lost and pulled you impossibly closer, making you lose your chain of thought and getting caught up in his defeated smile and his freckles and his messy brown hair and him.
he looked down at your lips, just for a second and back up at you, flushing when he saw hed been caught.
"may i, pretty?" he asked, voice shaky as the wind as it fluttered past your ear. you nodded, fearing that if you spoke your voice would come out in an unpleasant croak and make him not want to kiss you. he smiled as if he knew and leaned in, his pillowy lips pressing against yours.
you heard the wind, felt his exhale on your cheek, tasted the smoke on his tongue, saw the descension of the blue sky as your eyes shut and smelt him, his woody scent mixed with the harsh burn of the cigarette that hed smoked just a few seconds prior. him, him, him, until the world felt silent. and all you could feel was the press and the push and the pull and the drop of his lips against yours.
it was different in its own way, without the blast of the fireworks or sparks, but rather the gentle sizzle of a fire forming inside you, to show the beginning of something ardent and new and fresh. you felt the vines of passion curl out of your chest and wrap around you, around your body and around his, tying the two of you together.
and then it slowed, and the world steadily came into being once again.
you heard him hum, felt his fingers graze your cheek, tasted the aftermath of him, the ascension of the world and him in the centre of it as your eyes opened once again and finally you smelt him.
you were completely and utterly immersed in him, and he saw that. he chuckled as he watched your cloudy eyes focus on him, he fingers rubbing soft patterns on your cheek as you came back down. he smiled, smug as ever at the heat blooming in your cheeks and leaned down to give you one last peck, and then another and another.
"oh, my poor girl" he whispered and you pushed him away with a small huff. he laughed and pulled you closer, encasing you in him once again and kissing your forehead before wrapping his arm around you. you both swayed in the breeze of the night, 3am stars twinkling at the two of you, making the night feel like something to cherish.